Messages By: dejablues

Quote From: juliebgg

Yes, Tracy should have told him how she felt right away, however I suspect she has been so beaten down emotionaly by this creep, and her actions (or lack of) were driven by a fear of losing him, or a fear of more psychological abuse by him. I get the idea that good ole Charlie can make things mighty unpleasant when he doesn't get his way.

Quote From: xavierann

GROCERY STORE SEPARATORS:  I think the real problem behind the woman who is frustrated with the grocery store separators is not the separator, but the need to controll others.  This woman does not realize that most people are not uptight about whether a separator is used at the check-out and would never even think it offends somone else if it is not used.  They can not read her mind, but she expects them to do so.  Then if they can not, she punnishes them for their "bad behavior" when they don't realize she is miffed at them.  She is the rude one, not them.  Here is the solution:  This lady needs to always put the separator behind her own order, and she needs to announce to all in line behind her that she will be extreemly unhappy if someone else's stuff ends up on her tab.  She needs to announce to the grocery store clerk that if anything from another person's order is on her bill, she will get the management, and expect a discount for bad service.  Now she sounds like a nut, but everyone will be in the clear about what she expects when she goes shopping.  If she feels that paranoid, she can ask the checker to shut down the check-stand while she checks out, and ask other shoppers to go to another stand.  I have done this for other reasons berfore.  I have told the checker to shut their light off, and I have told other shoppers politely, "I will be a long while, you should really go to another stand or you could be here for a while."  Usually people look at me, roll their eyes, or say, "thanks for the tip", and then go to another check-out.  I only do this when I have a long-winded price check and don't want people in line to be delayed or get mad at me.  But I would be very upset if someone secretly added something to my order that I did not know about in order to punnish me for something I did not know offended them.  I would much rather be told by her to back off and divide my order than be unknowingly punnished.  How does she know if I can afford that extra pack of $7.00 batteries?  I can tell you now that I can't, I'm usually on a budget, and when I get home, and my husband looks at the receipt he will expect me to take them back if our budget is tight and that could lead to an argument at home and a huge inconvenience for me.  Where is her guts?  She should have the guts to say that she wants to controll my shopping habits, tell me to get lost, straighten out, etc, but not impair my shopping when I don't even know I have offended her.  ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE HERSELF HAS POWER TO TAKE THAT LITTLE PLASTIC THING AND PUT IT BEHIND HER ORDER - SHE  CAN EVEN PUT 2 OF THEM, SEVERAL INCHES APART FOR GOODNESS SAKE, BUT STOP TRYING TO SECRETLY CONTROLL OTHER PEOPLE.  I hope that someone does this to you several times and you end up haveing to return to the store for all the times you have caused someone to purchase something they did not know they were purchasing.  Shame on you for expecting others to read your mind, and then being passive agressive about punnishing them.  I personally think that your problem is bigger than the check-out.  I think you want to controll people on a large level and you think that being sly and sneaky is the only way you can gain controll over others.  You need to examine your underlying issue of controlling others and learn how to controll yourself first, and how to approach people in an upfront way about what you want and expect.  I think you are a jerk, and I bet your jerkiness does not stop at the check stand, I bet a million bucks that you do other little secret things to "teach people a lesson" and they do not even know they did any thing wrong to beging with.  Why don't you try asking someone to use the little black thing (or change other behaviors)?  I have had people hand me those little dividers and politely say to me, "I don't want our things to get mixed up..." or "I just wanted you to be able to reach it so you could start putting your stuff out..." and so forth.  A bit of kindness would go far, lady, so instead of sneaking in behind you and punnishing you for something you don't know your doing wrong that bugs me, I am asking you nicely as I can, "please tell me when I am about to do something that bugs you and I will glady try to accommodate you, If I am able."   

  

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TO THE WOMAN WHO DRESSES IN CLOTHES HER KIDS HATE:  Honey if you can FIT in such clothing, wear them AND GO HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN IN THEM!  We all need to feel as young and look as good as we can.  If your kids are embarrassed, let them pick you out an outfit to wear to school, pta meetings and plays, and wear "their" outfit when you are out with them, otherwise, be who you are. 

Quote From: fretnutt

Well, Dr. Phil I don't know how to say this but I'm really underestimating how you're handling these 2 married people.  This guy admits his wrongs.  He admits he needs help.  The woman doesn't seem to be accountable to anything, although she has admited to cheating, she also seems to be  teasing other men online and  talking about sex with other men.  this guy is starved for attention by this woman making him feel like he's not needed to satisfy her because she is attratctive, she's using that as HER abuse to him.  Why isn't that being exposed?  This is why it seems that this man is doing these terrible things to this woman. We have to get inside the head of the ememy to understand his motives here.  Maybe they're are 2 enemies. Why do you keep belittling this guy?  Why don't you move on with her? I'm assuming that you're christian because you mentioned a phrase from scripture today.  "Lean not on your own understanding".  So I'm thinking that you agree with the fact that the man is the spiritual leader in a realtionship so are you trying to break this man in public so that his wife can see that it's ok to be exposed?  So that she can face her faults just as he can?  It almost seems like this woman gets some perverted enjoyment out of seeing the reactions of the public about how "crazy" this man is victimizing her.  Is this her way of being accepted by others?  If so, why does she need to get it that way?  I am a divorced man.  I treated my wife wrong as she treated me wrong but I can't blame her but only take responsibility for myself to move on.  I know how it feels to be exposed and have my wife take those failures for granted by making me out to be a monster by lying and working my weaknesses for her advantages.  I have never been happier once I learned that her psychological control on me was not needed to live a joyful life.  It took awhile but it appears that this man is not the only victim here and it doesn't appear that this woman wants to deal with her issues of flirting with other men.  Making fun of her husband IN public.  Flirting is a great thing in a marriage I think, as long as the other half is receiving the payoff of love and joyful sex after but she looks like she's using his "crazyness" to fend him off while she goes off and plays in cyberspace.  The internet can be a very dangerous weapon for relationships and I think that needs to be addressed as well as the 7 failures of this man who's done terrible things to his wife.  Why doesn't she leave him?  I feel that if she does leave him and finds another man, that he'll end up "crazy" too.  Why do I feel that way towards her?  She is very suspicious with her scoffing and laughing and making fun of him.  This man has not smiled once.  He's admitted all or most of the wrongs he's committed.  She admitted cheating on him but that was done and over in a second.  I just feel that something else needs to be dug up and it's not him this time around.

Quote From: that_one_girl

There is no doubt that this man has gone way, way , WAY nutso in his controlling behavior, and I absolutely feel that they should not be married to one another, but all of that goes without saying. I am just really disappointed that thus far Dr. Phil has not pointed out the faults in Jennifer as well.

She was the one who was stupid enough to get pregnant with someone she had only been dating for two months and then marry him. She already knew he was controlling before the kids came along. She cheated on him twice and she continues to be extremely flirtatious and lie to him about hanging out with other men. Why SHOULD he trust her????  She has given him no reason whatsoever to trust her! What I don't understand is why HE didn't leave HER a long time ago when he first found out that she was untrustworthy and cheating on him.

I am NOT justifying his actions because they are completely out of control and I do believe that he is capable of killing her and/or himself. But she needs to quit fueling the fire. I believe that you can have friends of the opposite sex when you're married, but to get phone numbers of men she meets in bars and to ask for pictures of mens butts is completely unacceptable. I think that to some degree she is getting off on the attention she gets from her husbands obsession.

I also think that there is something seriously wrong with Jeff mentally. He obviously wants help or he wouldn't have written to the show. If he truly wanted to further hurt and isolate his wife, why would he expose his actions to millions of people? He doesn't come off to me as a mean-spirited person, he just seems very...I don't know....almost infantile and dependent and insecure.

One more thing: what is so bad about him taking pictures of her in the shower, or watching her while she sleeps? My husband does the same thing  and it makes me happy because I am glad that he likes my body and thinks I'm beautiful. It seems bizarre to me for a woman to be complaining that her husband enjoys seeing her naked.  Maybe I missed something...I don't know.

Quote From: rozsie

can speak louder than words.  Regarding the second couple with the age difference issue.  The woman looked like she was eating a lemon: kept her lips tightly pursed, no smile, and her eyes had a look of defiance.  She is going to have her way no matter what.  The young man looked lost.  He was barely able to express himself in sentences.  It won't matter what counseling they go through or what their families say and think, in my opinion, this "older" woman will have her way. 

Quote From: saltman4

i was totally upset the other day when dr.phil told that young couple to wait before getting married because of the difference in their age. She was 30 and he was 19.  Well, Dr. Phil I say SO  WHAT!!!!!  I was 35 years old and my wife was 18 when we met. We have been together ever since. We will be married 17 years as of this August and we have a wonderful marriage. She is my best friend and I am hers. We get along just great and have so since the beginning. So, don't be telling people that age differences matter. If the two people love each other, what's the problem. If it doesn't work out between them, OH WELL!!!!!!. Isn't it ok to learn from experience. I was always taught that experience is the best teacher. I'll keep watching your show, because I like to dissagree with you and some of your tactics and advice. LIVE AND LET LIVE  DR. PHIL.

Thanks.

Quote From: solifo

If she does leave him -he will go crazy.  Why wouldn't he.  His wife cheats, flirts and does all kinds of inappropriate things for a wife and mother.  She keeps calling herself a good mother.  What kind of mother does that?  Then, he admits he has a problem and agrees to go for treatment to save his marriage only to be fooled by everyone talking behind his back that she is already making plans for the divorce.  Dr. Phil has not mentioned her bad behavior at all.  This is a "changing day in my life"  when I realized Dr. Phil has totally manipluated this situation.  Maybe he should go for treatment for his "control issues".

Quote From: gwarrior6

How does that make Jen manipulative?  She's trying to get rid of a dangerous, psychotic husband.  When she went to the attorney, she didn't even know her rights or if she owned anything because she was getting legal advice from HIM. 

 

Jeff had been obsessive since right after they got married.  Wayyy before she cheated.  She cheated to get rid of him because he was a manipulative jerk and remember, HE wanted her to sleep with one of his friends.  If i were her, I would've thought about leaving this psycho a LONG-a** time ago too! 

 

She has kids to think of and their safety is a primary concern.  Jeff may decide to hurt one of them to get to Jen, sick puppy!

 

Also, I wouldn't have had an affair, because of the legal ramifications and putting any custody, alimony, or child support on the line.  I don't think that she honestly thought there was any other way to get out of it, though.  When you know better, you do better, and I don't think Jen was manipulative at all.