Quote From: kathleen27If you are an adult and you seriously screw up at work, you will not be "spanked"...you may, however, get fired. If you break the law, you will get a time out. It's called prison time...and you are OUT of the mainstream of society. Curse in your wife or husband's face, well, you may be better off with a "spanking" because you will more than likely get a divorce, or live in a loveless marriage.
Any form of disclipines used on a child to instill respect and to prepare that child for the future, are not things that can realistically carry over into the adult world as consequense for poor behavior. . I cannot take away my husband's remote control, he cannot remove my computer because we've had an argument. Tell me, today, as a grown woman.."go to your room", or "you are grounded", I'll tell you to go to hell! Just try to take away my car, my cell phone...it isn't happening. The same goes for spanking, none of this is appropriate in the adult world.
I condemn any abuse of a child, yet I am not totally opposed to spanking...notice, I did not say beating, bashing, using weapons, I said spanking. A last resort for a serious offense, if your other methods fail. Parents have a duty to teach their children what is, and what is not acceptable...I have to laugh when the parent/child relationship is compared to the work place. Parents, the good ones, are literally fighting for their childrens' future. No loving parent wants to see their adult child fail, lose jobs, have unhappy relationships...hence, we try to guide them. I have read posts saying how out of control some kids are today, and I cannot argue the point. It is 100 times worse than my growing up in the 1970's. In fact, it's like the planet has changed, and not for the better. I am lucky. Not a better mother, just very lucky that I did not have to spank. My kids were always respectful and polite. Crossing streets was NOT a problem..I held them like my hand was a vice grip. There was no running in the streets...I never let them outside alone, so they were not able to run...I was always there. The kind of car that I drive is not relevant...neither is the style of my home. We are not discussing socio-economics on the forum, we are talking about the pros and cons of spanking being used as punishment.
Some of the postings of the beatings are horrific. It was child abuse. Others who were spanked, as I define it...well, it doesn't sound any different from my own life...and I was NOT abused!
I did preach...not the religious kind...I just talked about everything...why things were not right, why people get into trouble. I used T.V.,videos ,read books...any child oriented tool I could find, to get a conversation going about what was nice, and not nice. My kids threw a few tantrums, but not many. Somehow, they didn't get to me. Other mothers really cannot deal with them, but as long as it wasn't in public, I let them burn themselves out. Usually, it was over something stupid, like I bought the wrong colored ice pop...but somehow, after the "fit" was ignored, the ice pops got eaten and nobody died. After the age of 4, all the tantrums stopped...I think the common ages are from 2 to 4, but it also depends on the child...and the parents. I threw one tantrum.at 5, saw my friend do it, must have thought it looked like a great idea...three smacks on my bottom put an end to that..my mother did not allow tantrums. It did not make her an abuser.
I am not a violent person. If you spit in my face, no matter who you are...I'm hitting you...that goes for husbands, neighbors, children, anyone. I'm not afraid to "pick" on anyone my size or bigger if I'm being disresected in a vile manner...same for someone who is smaller...only them, I'll spank..and not hard...an adult, well, I'd use the force God gave me. I do NOT feel heroic being a puke, either.
Children DO have rights. Those rights are to be safe from abuse and to be cared for. They do not, and should not, have the rights of adults, as with these rights come responsibilities that go way beyond the range of expectations of a child.
Adults, parents...we also have rights...and they include the right to be treated with respect, to be appreciated for what we do, and to be seen as human beings, not battering rams for out of control children. I know too many liberal parents who grew to dislike their children. Sounds horrible, but adults don't have to accept abuse either...and some of these children ARE parent abusers. Imagine being threatened, for no valid reason, by a child..."I'll call CPS on you"....to avoid being punished! That is ABUSE. We cannot allow it, yet so many defend it..oh, it's the age, they are lashing out, feeling their oats...
Unlss there is a developmental or emotional issue, the kids are taking advantage of a permissive society where any parental action is now...ABUSE!
I'd take my child to a therapist if any of them exhibited some of the behavior I've seen. I'd want to know...is there really something bio-chemically wrong? Are some other factors at play that really need professional help? If so, I'd move mountains to get all that was needed. If not, well, maybe it would be time to put the little darling over my knee and give three or four good smacks on the backside. Is it embarassing? No more than what some kids are doing to parents. Maybe it is necessary, in some cases to show how being embarassed feels...perhaps there may be some empathy on the part of the child if they realize how it feels. Does it hurt? Leaving aside the "weapons", an opened hand, as I recall, stings for less than 5 minutes. With me, it sort of brought me back into the reality that I was not the boss and not able to disrupt the household. Not a terible lesson, as I turned out just fine. Bear in mind, there were no weapons, no excessive force, and it was done 5 times in my life.
I'm happy not to have had to use it. If the case had been different, I most definately would have. Spanking is just one of many tools...and like all others, taken to the extreme, it can be abuse. I watched one episode of Super Nanny where a child was forced to sit at a dinner table for 2 hours untiil she ate...the child was cryng so hard, for so long, it made me sick. THAT was abuse, in my opinion, and it would NOT have happened in my house. I'd cave on dinner..fix something else...or wait till later...because Jo Frost says it's O.K. doesn't convince me. ..it was bullying a little girl to an extreme. Wonder if that will evolve into a serious eating disorder?
I'm so glad my children are over 18, in college, and really nice people. Luck is also a factor, don't kid yourselves! I have been blessed.
