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May 9, 2008, 6:31 am PDT
05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?
Quote From: passwordy Dear Shani's Husband, I am a divorced mother of 3 boys. After 23 years of marriage, my ex left us for my best friend and sister - that's right my childrens aunt. She left her then husband too. Two very close families torn apart. We spent vacations together, new years eve together, our families were closer than any of my other siblings familes. Now, 4 years after, well they are over, and guess what - surprise - he found another woman (mind you he didn't send my now ex sister packing until this new gig was set). In his wake, he's destroyed my entire extended family, nothing will ever be the same. My boys had their closest cousins ripped out of their life, and they'll most likely never see those cousins or her ex (their uncle) again. It's just awful. My boys were 10, 14 & 16 at the time, and he saw them mabe once every 6 weeks for dinner, tried to force them to go to grandpas with them with his new girlfriend / their mothers sister. Then he just stopped seeing them. He'd call them and then complain to me because they didn' take his calls. For the past 2 months (sionce he sent her packing), he sees them once a week for dinner. In any case, that's the nightmare I live everyday. They say time heals, but guess what, it still hurts. I begged him to try to seek some help, I desparately wanted to save my marriage and my family. But it takes 2, one can't go without the other to participate. I too realize it took 2 to have get to where it was, but after 23 years one would think it worth a try. I will never know if it could have been saved, he was in lust - wanted no parts of it. My sister - well, she's dead to me. He tells me I have to forgive her, I say maybe so, but I never have to let her know that, and I certainly will not share my life with her. I miss my family life, I loved my husband, I loved being married. I loved having a partner. I miss my children not having their father around to share what they are now experiencing. I miss it for them. Although i have grown leaps and bounds these past 4 years, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, funny she is living it now too. Try to fix it, it may not work, but you will be able to move forward with some peace that you tried, you'll have the answer. I will live the rest of my life never haven been presented or privileged enough to know for sure - one way or the other. Get your peace, you will be able to live with yourself much more clearly, and that my friend is worth alot. Best to you both, and i hope you find it within yourselves to give to each other what you each deserve - an attempt. Hi, I am sorry this has happened to you. This stuff has been going on even way before our times. Jacob in the bible was married to one sister, then married the other. I can't imagine that! One point I wanted to make to you was, I realize blood is thicker than water, but I find it very interesting that you begged your ex-husband to make it work with you and then you say your sister is dead to you. C'mon. You husband was the one who said vows to you. Your husband was the one you lived with everyday. Your husband is the one with whom you shared children with. When people cheat they choose to do so. They CAN say no! It's amazing to me that people talk so badly about the one their spouse cheated on them with, but then want to stay with their spouse. They forgive their spouse, but not the one with whom they were with. The "other person" didn't say vows to that person. Like I said, when someone cheats they choose it. Like you said, it takes 2. Remember, he was the one who said vows to you, he broke the vows. I hope you get a heIf you were able to forgive and move on with the one who said VOWS to you and broke them, then you should forgive your sister. I pray that you get a healing in your life. The only that can heal you is God and it is possible. You will never get a healing if you hold on to it. You have to pray, confess it and ask for a healing. God hears your prayers and can help you. Believe it or not, but in order to get a healing you have to forgive. If we expect mercy and forgiveness from God, then we have to show it people. When Jesus got nailed on the cross he said. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". These were people that were KILLING Him and He still asked our Heavenly Father to forgive them all. Bitterness will only make you have a hard heart. Take care. Smile. Life is too short not to.
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