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Messages By: show_mercy

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May 8, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

Please read

Hi, this is the first time I have posted on this site.  Please take time to read this.  For the people to say what she should've done or should do is easy for any of us to say.  We are not in her shoes.  Another thing I really hope everyone will think about is, Mary Magdalene (who was a prostitute in the bible) was going to get stoned by other people for adultery, Jesus wrote everyones sins in the sand and they ran!  Let's face it, we all sin in one way or another.  What makes us think our sins are better than hers.  No, this is not right, however we as people have no right to judge her!  When you become close to God you will begin to look at others with mercy.  We are God's children, we fall, BUT we have to get up and repent!  I pray that she will "get up", repent and move on.  It had to take a lot of nerve for her to go on national TV and talk about her sins.  Not many people would do that!  As far as her being with her friends husband, Jacob married one sister, then married the other in the bible.  This has been around way before any of us were on this earth.  Is it right what she is doing????  NO, but I also know the bible says judge not lest ye be judged.  It's easy for us to throw stones at others without looking in the mirror at our own problems.  It's hard to see yourself, but super easy to see others.  Please show mercy to people.  God didn't make us the judge.  You don't have to agree with the sin, but you also don't need to talk about her like she is dirt.  She is human.  Has flesh, just like the rest of us.  This world is full of sin.  It's sad, but we all are sinners.  That is why we die.  For the wager of sin is death!    
 
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May 9, 2008, 6:31 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: passwordy

 Dear Shani's Husband,   I am a divorced mother of 3 boys.  After 23 years of marriage, my ex left us for my best friend and sister - that's right my childrens aunt.  She left her then husband too.  Two very close families torn apart.  We spent vacations together, new years eve together, our families were closer than any of my other siblings familes.  Now, 4 years after, well they are over, and guess what - surprise - he found another woman (mind you he didn't send my now ex sister packing until this new gig was set).  In his wake, he's destroyed my entire extended family, nothing will ever be the same.  My boys had their closest cousins ripped out of their life, and they'll most likely never see those cousins or her ex (their uncle) again.  It's just awful.  My boys were 10, 14 & 16 at the time, and he saw them mabe once every 6 weeks for dinner, tried to force them to go to grandpas with them with his new girlfriend / their mothers sister.  Then he just stopped seeing them.  He'd call them and then complain to me because they didn' take his calls.  For the past 2 months (sionce he sent her packing), he sees them once a week for dinner.
In any case, that's the nightmare I live everyday.  They say time heals, but guess what, it still hurts.  I begged him to try to seek some help, I desparately wanted to save my marriage and my family.  But it takes 2, one can't go without the other to participate.  I too realize it took 2 to have get to where it was, but after 23 years one would think it worth a try.  I will never know if it could have been saved, he was in lust - wanted no parts of it.  My sister - well, she's dead to me.  He tells me I have to forgive her, I say maybe so, but I never have to let her know that, and I certainly will not share my life with her.
I miss my family life, I loved my husband, I loved being married.  I loved having a partner.  I miss my children not having their father around to share what they are now experiencing.  I miss it for them.
Although i have grown leaps and bounds these past 4 years, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, funny she is living it now too.  Try to fix it, it may not work, but you will be able to move forward with some peace that you tried, you'll have the answer.  I will live the rest of my life never haven been presented or privileged enough to know for sure - one way or the other.  Get your peace, you will be able to live with yourself much more clearly, and that my friend is worth alot.  Best to you both, and i hope you find it within yourselves to give to each other what you each deserve - an attempt.
Hi, I am sorry this has happened to you.  This stuff has been going on even way before our times.   Jacob in the bible was married to one sister, then married the other.  I can't imagine that!  One point I wanted to make to you was, I realize blood is thicker than water, but I find it very interesting that you begged your ex-husband to make it work with you and then you say your sister is dead to you.  C'mon.  You husband was the one who said vows to you.  Your husband was the one you lived with everyday.  Your husband is the one with whom you shared children with.  When people cheat they choose to do so.  They CAN say no!  It's amazing to me that people talk so badly about the one their spouse cheated on them with, but then want to stay with their spouse.  They forgive their spouse, but not the one with whom they were with.  The "other person" didn't say vows to that person.  Like I said, when someone cheats they choose it.  Like you said, it takes 2.  Remember, he was the one who said vows to you, he broke the vows.  I hope you get a heIf you were able to forgive and move on with the one who said VOWS to you and broke them, then you should forgive your sister.  I pray that you get a healing in your life.  The only that can heal you is God and it is possible.  You will never get a healing if you hold on to it.  You have to pray, confess it and ask for a healing.  God hears your prayers and can help you.  Believe it or not, but in order to get  a healing you have to forgive.  If we expect mercy and forgiveness from God, then we have to show it people.  When Jesus got nailed on the cross he said. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do".  These were people that were KILLING Him and He still asked our Heavenly Father  to forgive them all.  Bitterness will only make you have a hard heart.  Take care.  Smile.  Life is too short not to. 
 
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May 9, 2008, 6:45 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: mywils

I find it very funny and sad that Jason played the victim on the show today.  He agreed wth Shani in her claim that she was unhappy and she tried to do things to keep her marriage thriving.  Jason didn't want any part of that.  Now that she has emotionally as well as physically moved on he wants to try and make it work.... to bad.  Im not saying that cheating is the answer but lonliness can cause people to do things they know they shouldn't.   I have respect for Shani she is being honest as best she can. Im sure she emotionally left the marriage before she even met Greg.  Jason needs to stop acting like a victim and just deal with the fact that he should have listened to his wife.  Hopefully Shani will get help to sort this through and not worry about Jason or Greg .  She needs to concentrate on herself and her children. I wish her the best.

I agree!!!!  Everyone wants to post comments how awful she is when I don't see these people going on national TV confessing their sins.   I know that adultery is a sin, BUT there's more sins than adultery and ALL of us are guilty of something.  Heck, we all were born with sin in our hearts.  I am not the type to cast stones.  Even when Mary Magdalene in the bible committed adultery and was about to get stoned Jesus wrote their sins in the sand and they ran.  Moral of the story - we have no right to cast stones.  We all sin.  Yes, sin is wrong, but guess what?!?  That's why we die.  For the wager of sin is death and guess what, we all are going to die.  Judge not lest ye be judged!
 
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May 9, 2008, 1:16 pm CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: 1232456

You obviously don't have children because even if they are grown---They are still your children and are still very much so  affected by an affair.  You may not have had to deal with any children because they were grown but I promise the affair is hurtful for his son.  My husband's  dad had an affair (when he was an adult) and married the mistress.  It has been extremely painful for him.  He has always wondered why his dad did not get a divorce and then meet someone and move forward with his life. He wonders how in the world his dad expects all of us to like her and want to spend time with them.  He says he could have excepted his dad remarrying if there was not an affair involved and even said he would have been happy for him if he had not betrayed his family.  She is part of the reason for his family falling apart and his dad expects us to act like we are all one big happy family.  Neither one of them have ever appoligized for the pain they put him (his siblings, and his mom) through.   Holidays are hard and we dread having to see "the mistress".  We have children as well and it drives me crazy when she refers to them as HER grandchildren!  We refer to her as their grandfather's wife and they call her by her name.  We are respectful towards her and we put on a smile and do what we need to do because he loves his dad.  When he looks at her all he can see is pain and her part in his family crumbling.  Adult children are effected although at least they don't  have to grow up in the same house and live wih the mistress.  He is extremely thankful for that.  Obviously by your statement, you have not thought about the pain you must have caused for his son.  I can say that it would have meant alot to him if his dad and his new wife acknowledged the pain they caused him and it might have made it a litte easier to accept her.   

What a sad story - remember one thing - your father-in-law was the one who said vows to his 1st wife - not his mistress.  Your step mother-in-law didn't put a gun to your dads head.  People can say NO to an affair.  It's sad that this happened to your family.  And this is coming from a daughter whose mother left and married a family friend.  They have been married for 20 years and he has been a blessing to our family.  If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have had a childhood.  He was the one who made sure us kids were provided for - not my dad, so I do know a little bit about being around a new spouse in the picture.  One more thing,  obviously his marriage was over or he wouldn't have looked into someone new.  Don't dislike her so much, please.  She wasn't the one who broke the vow.  Really you shouldn't dislike the dad either.  You can't change what has been done (it's in the past).  Just forgive and let go. . that's all you can do.  God can heal your husband and the pain he has endured from this.  Good luck and take care.   

 
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May 12, 2008, 6:11 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: chica_of_sorts

A good person would not cheat on their husband, a good person would not steal a "friends" husband, and good person would care about all the children involved .  If I were in her shoes and my husband would not listen to me, I would have left a long time ago.  Rather than making things harder for other people as well. Its called being an adult and making mature choices. I mean I applaud her for coming to get help, but from how she looked, she looked like she didn't want to leave her "boyfriend." I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for homewreckers. If she decides she wants to be with this Gary guy,  then they deserve eachother. Hes going to end up cheating on her or vice versa.   And don't tell me she didn't mean to hurt anyone.  People don't mean to knock over a plate of food, people don't mean  not look where they are going and bump into someone.  She is an adult and she made the choice to sleep with her supposed friends husband and ruin two families.

You should have sympathy for homewreckers.  It's our jobs as Christians to pray for the lost.  NOT TO SLAM THEM AND THROUGH THEM UNDER THE BUS!  If you want mercy and forgiveness from GOD, then you need to show people mercy. Do I agree with adultery, NO!!!!!!!!, but I know that I am a sinner and have my own sins just like everyone else in this world. We all need to look in the mirror at our own faults. Guess what?  God loves her just as much as He loves you.  May be hard to believe, but it's the truth.  The bible says there in nothing good in the flesh.  GUESS WHAT?!  You have flesh too, so I guess your not a good person either.  C'mon please show mercy to her. You don't like the sin, but you love the sinner.  Do I think this world is getting crazy with adultery?  Absolutely!!!  BUT.  I have to pray for the lost. I also know that we all are sinners, so my job as a Christian is to show mercy just as Christ has to me from my sins.  A sin is a sin.  whether it be fornication, adultery, putting things before God (which we all do- what about TV- we put that before God- we turn on the TV when we could be praying or going to church), etc.  Put your stones down.  Just because you haven't done this kind of particular sin doesn't mean that you haven't sinned and that you are any better than her.  Pray for the lost. She can't change what she has done, but she can change what she does NOW, so I pray that she finds repentance and moves on.  It might not be in her current marriage, I don't care if she is with Jason or Greg.  I just pray that either way she truly repents and doesn't commit the same sin again.  PLEASE show mercy.  Doesn't mean you agree with it.  Just show mercy and pray for her. The bible also speaks of our bodies belonging to Christ.  Have you ever drank?  Smoked?  Fornicated?  Been a glutton?  Ever wear skimpy tight clothing (that's being a temptress)?  PLEASE look at yourself.  I know it is hard to do and we all are guilty of looking at other peoples faults.  Just because you haven't committed adultery doesn't mean that you haven't sinned.  I pray the world will realize their own bodies doesn't even belong to them.  It belongs to God.  If we all could get the quickened to us, how the world would be so different.  This is coming from one sinner to another.  God Bless!      

 
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May 12, 2008, 7:13 am CDT

Get off your proud seat

Wow. . you all are way too proud.  If you "think" you are pretty, then why not humble yourself and keep it to yourself.  Don't you know that you will not live forever.  Your beauty and life will fade.  Your body belongs to Christ.  It's not even yours.  Why don't you act and dress like Christ who lives in you.?  You want men and women to worship you and your looks.  Sorry, won't get it from me.  The only one I worship is Christ.  You might not get it quickened to you in your brain in this lifetime, but when eternity gets here you'd wish you would've put your time and energy in Christ, instead of bodies that die and won't live forever.  It's OK to feel good about yourself, but when you "think" you are better than people you are WRONG!  Stop being so proud and trying to tempt men and tempt woman to be jealous.  Men and women might be looking at you thinking how ridiculous you look for walking around like your something, not because of your looks.  Your body and looks will fade.  Your soul last forever, so I pray you find the true meaning in life - not your looks - Christ!   

 
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May 12, 2008, 7:29 am CDT

05/14 "I'm Hot, You're Not"

Quote From: pzuccarello

Before judging others,  look at your ways

Look at your past...then judge your own days.

 

Before critisizing others, think of what this can do.

It can put them on the defensive, to come right back on you.

 

Before holding a grudge, you should try and let it go.

We all make mistakes...including yourself, you know.

 

Remember: no one is perfect...not you, nor me.

And things aren't always what they appear to be.

 

Now, take a long and hard look at the writing on the wall:

If you can't think of something nice to say...

 

Don't say anything at all.

 

Page 17 of  "When the Lights Are On But Nobody's Home"

Awesome!!!  That is very good!!!!!!!  
 
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May 12, 2008, 1:53 pm CDT

To Kelly. .

Hey Kelly- You have to do all that you can to maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws.  These people are your sons. . aunts, uncles and grandparents.  Whether you like them or not, or they like you - you all need to try your best to make it a nice happy family - if nothing else - think of your son.  These people will always be your husbands family.  That will never change!  I don't know who is right or wrong. . it doesn't matter.  You can't change yesterday, but you can change NOW. . TODAY!!!  Oh, and cover up at family functions.  Obviously from watching the show they don't want to see you half dressed (lol). 

 

Life is too short to be mean or start trouble.  Even if you haven't done the things you are accused of, then take the low place and put a smile on your face.  Life would be easier for everyone.  Including your husband who is stuck between this.

 

 
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May 13, 2008, 6:17 am CDT

05/12 Sister-in-Law from Hell?

Quote From: kbm2008

No one has made an effort even to contact my husband following all of this.  It is not a big priority for him, because he agrees with me.  We have to look out for our son.  We cannot have him around unpredictable, rageaholic alcholics!

 

There's so much more to this story than anyone will ever know!  You couldn't even cover it in a week!

 

BTW, no one has ever approached me about the way I dress and claimed that it was a problem - they saved it for NATIONAL TV!  Does that seem fair?  When my husband and I decided the Greg's behavior was no longer safe for our child to be around, I went to his door, approached him personally and addressed the issue.  I let him know face to face that he was no longer welcome around our child or home until some changes were made.  Don't you think I deserved the same respect?

 

And for the pics - I was asked to send some in too.  But, I didn't go searching for every nasty photo I could find to make them look bad.  I have plenty I could have shared but didn't.  They want to take photos of me in a bathing suit on vacation, or whatever, to make their point (I don't know because I didn't look during the taping and the show hasn't aired here yet).  That's just kind of pathetic.  I have plenty of pics of Greg with a beer in hand a glazed look on his face - I didn't feel the need to share THOSE with the world!

I wouldn't doubt if your in-laws would post comments on here acting like other people!  If that's the case, then they have NO RIGHT to bash you for so-called making fake appointments or whatever that was about.  I read in a prior post that you and your husband adopted your son.  Is that true?  If so, that is awesome!  You can't be a partying monster like they said and go through adopting a child.  Adoption is a beautiful act!  Hey- just because your BIL drinks doesn't mean you should keep your son away from him.  Now, if he gets drunk in front of your son, then that is totally different and you have every right as a mom to raise your son the way you feel.  Good for you for getting away from your wild friends.  When I gave my life to Christ that is exactly what I did, then I prayed for them.  You have to.  My moms in-laws (she is in her 20th year of her 2nd marriage) are the same way.  They dog her all of time.  Try to start trouble.  It's sad.  Good luck with everything.  Just let God lead you and stir you - you can't go wrong with Him!
 
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May 13, 2008, 7:26 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: a_n_other

The older ones were more affected.  My explanation is that they were quietly picking up the pieces and making life easier for your exes and their siblings while you were absent ie they saw a lot more of the pain and upset of those left behind than you did.  If that really didn't happen why should it be both the oldest that were more affected unless they have very similar personalities?

 

PS The reason you don't come across well is that you express no regret for hurting others.  No regret for the drama attendant on whatever family events have been marred by the combination of people brought together and no gratitude if your family events have been happy because your exes bit the bullet and made an effort for the sake of the children.  I realise for you life is now on an even keel and these sorts of emotions are not part of your daily life but those of us who have enough family drama without the obvious complications of marriages ended by affairs with close friend's husband's it comes across as a lack of empathy and warmth.

My word lady. . or man. .  This woman has been married for 35 years to her husband.  You do not know that pain she has endured in her life from her choices.  Worry about your own life. . your own faults. .your own sins.  I know pastors of churches who have been married for 30 plus years and has serious problems with their kids!!!  You also don't know what the exes were up to.  Maybe they had there on fling going on.  Ya never know.  It's not like she told us her life story.  She doesn't need to!  I think that she has made it work for 35 years is wonderful!  Is the sin wonderful. . NO, but she changed her ways and made it right.   

 

 

 

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