Messages By: scales74

This is my first time here,so i'm a little scared.First of all just know I do not judge people until I get to know you and then I still might not judge.I have been judged my entire life.I am 31 years young,married to a somewhat controlling man.I am overweight,I am a housewife,no children.We have been trying for 11 yrs.I have a very low self esteem.My husband has always said I am pretty,but for the last month he has said I need to lose weight and exercise.He's not exacly mr.universe.I do not look in full body mirrors because I hate myself and the way I look.I am 5ft7in,and weigh around 230lbs,blonde hair,grn eyes.Last year my husband and i separated for a couple months due to his anger problem.He was put on meds,recommended to go to anger mngment classes.He took the meds for about 3months went to only 1 class.I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder.Hey noones perfect,we all have our downfalls.I am unable to work because of this.I have always wanted to be a country singer,actress,voiceover,etc..I am the type of person who likes to help others.I have a mentally disabled sister,my mom has severe heart disease,my mother-in-law is bipolar and I usually help them whenever i can.I have been through quite a bit in my life.I just don't know what to do about my self image.There are days i do not want to face the world.I just sit and think of how disgusting i look and how fat i am..When my husband comes home from work he asks me if I exercised today.My reply of course "no,didn't have the energy" I do not have the energy,and sometimes my husband makes me feel like i'm a bad wife,cuz i might not have done the laundry,vacuumed etc...He has asked what do you do?I just feel horrible,useless,and alone.Can I actually feel exhausted about feeling like this?Is there anyone who feels like this,or am i actually crazy.I feel very angry at my husband sometimes for things he says to me,or his actions.I know I could never make it without him.I feel so alone.Please let me know if you feel like this.My husband will probably get angry if he finds this,so please only contact me here.Thank you.

Hello.I know exactly what you are going through.It is a daily struggle for me to even look at myself.I know what you mean when other people tell you that you are pretty,but you never believe it because to us the other person staring back at us in the mirror is some hideous creature,sure there are a few days I think I look"cute",for about 20mins and then it's over.I sometimes wonder how my husband can even look at me.I feel so frustrated at myself most of the time.I lost 30lbs last year only to re-gain it back.And family and friends and the occasional nice older lady will say you sure are pretty,or I love your hair.I sometimes think they say that because they have to or just feel sorry for me.I so know how you feel.I bet you are a beautiful person inside and out.My therapist told me today that I don't need a mirror to look into,to just look into my soul to see all the beauty that lies beneath.Ya know what even for awhile I totally understood that.I get so discouraged when I see a prettier,thinner female cuz I'm always thinking my husband probably wishes that was me.So yes I'm right there with ya.The only thing is what are we gonna do about it.I don't know if Dr.Phi can help us or not,but i sure am willing to try.Hey,if I didn't like food that much I would probably be anorexic.By the way,I'm Shannon from Peru,Indiana.I'm 31 and have felt this way since i was a little girl,and i totally believe that it does stem from a childhood,or maybe even a later thing that happened in our lives.We have to hold on because life has alot to offer us,the only thing is to try to get past this,but like you I don't know how.I always say "never judge a book by its cover,you will miss all the important chapters"See it's easier said than done,especially if you're the one feeling judged all the time.Keep me up-to-date on things.

Thank you sooooooo much for your response,and congradulations for getting help.I think it takes a REAL MAN to be so honest like that.You are my very first response,ever,from anything.That means alot to me to know that someone cares.And I do want to help my husband,I do realize that I have to take care of myself but I just get so lost in trying to be there for him that sometimes I can't find my way back.But,I will try harder.You must also be a wonderful person to have turned your life around like that,because it's not fun at all when someone you love so much is hurting your feelings and yelling at you all the time.So,kudos to you and again Thank you.

Hey. How ya doing?Glad ya got my message.So,only16.I started feeling that way around age 11 or so.Are you in any counseling?You don't have to answer that if that is too personal.I started getting counseling around age 13.I thought it was going to be an embarrasing experience it turned out not to be so bad afterall.I know self-image is a huge topic,especially these days.It's harder being a teenager nowadays,with all these actresses trying to be stick thin and gorgeous even if they're just going to the bathroom.You do know they really don't look like that all the time right?With being 16 I went through alot of hormonal changes,and body images.Heck,I still am.I don't want you or anybody else to have to go through this your whole life.If you do decide to get some counseling,stick with it.I know I should have stuck with mine.But,now I'm back into it.But,if this can't be resolved by talking to your mom,dad,friends or other friends and family,then maybe you should take it a step farther and get professional counseling.Remember I do know how it feels.I used to cut myself when I was a teenager,I just told that to my therapist last week and he asked why I didn't get help back then,my reply was"at that time i didn't think anybody could help me"Of course he said I was wrong,and help was available.If you'd like you can share this with your mom or friends and maybe then they'll know how serious this self-image thing really is,or can get.Please let me know if I can help you in any way.Just know you are not alone.God bless and take care,oh by the way about the boyfriend thing,you are both young and if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.Shannon

Hey Tiff.Glad to see the lines of communication going.And often communication can get tied up or lost.OK.I know it is hard to talk to your mom sometimes,especially in situations like this one.My mom and step-dad thought I was a hypochondriac also,turned out I really did need counseling.There are all kinds of counseling available.If your mom is having financial problems,or whatever the situation is,maybe she is in denial about having a child of her own having problems,maybe she is having a problem with herself also and it might be overwhelming her.I'm sure she is a wonderful mom.So mom if you are reading this I am in no way trying to disrespect you at all whatsoever.It can be tough being a parent.I'm not one yet.But I did see the struggles my mom and other moms went through and are still going through.Actually mental "issues" are a very common thing today.Realization of them,not so common.Alot of individuals aren't aware of them or in complete denial.What happens in counseling.The counselors I have had in the past and present are non-judgemental.And everybodys experience is different.At first I was very skeptical,I kept my guard up at first until I realized hey they might actually be able to help me.After the second and third session I was feeling so much better about myself I asked myself why didn't I do this sooner.I would have stuck with it back then but things happen I got married,divorced,and married again,working,but I always remembered what they told me and it help get me through some of the bad times,and being able to be open with your mom should be a good thing,not something you dread,just like you I wasn't able to be open to my mom either,and it does make it more difficult.But,believe it or not help is available.School is probably out now huh?Because one thing I never did was go to my guidance counselor.I should have.You,or your mom can call around to Mental Health.or counseling centers and sometimes they might be able to help you out free of charge.or with a payment plan that's ok with your mom or whoever is willing to pay the bill.Seriousaly though she REALLY needs to know how serious this Mental "issue" is.Family counseling can really benefit also.If you feel she probably has not accepted the fact that you have had "relations"and almost got pregnant then more than likely she hasn't.So,I guess you should look at it from her point of view also.There is the trust issue,she might be having problems accepting the fact that you did do that.I really do think family counseling would benefit both of you.If you feel that you would be more comfortable going to a few sessions yourself first before including your mom,or whoever is fine.First thing that needs to be done is Recognition.Your mom knows you cut yourself right?Are you still doing it?If so please stop.I know it's easier said than done right now.But you will feel better if you stop.If you're cutting yourself to hide the pain and maybe just to make yourself suffer it really does not help the problem.Take it from one use-to-be-cutter to another.I have scars that are just now starting to fade.I was 13 when I started doing that,now I'm 31 and they are just NOW starting to fade.I really do feel there is always hope for you.You are 16 and have a long life ahead of you, try to do something about it now so you won't have to struggle through life like this.I really do urge you to show your mom this and get help.In all honesty you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Still not sure whether or not to tell your mom?Tell somebody.Call up a counseling center and get help.Here let me help you.Go get your mom,show her this,let her think about it for a couple of minutes.Hi mom.Still not convinced.Are you a fan of DR.Phil?He would be very proud to know that Tiffany is getting help,and yourself as well .I do not know the Whole situation,are you a single parent?GOD BLESS YOU,even if you are not,still GOD BLESS YOU.Your daughter is really in need of some counseling.Believe me when I say I went through what she is going through right now at her age.Please do not ignore this and hope it will go away.It's not going to go away,and chances are of her outgrowing this are very slim.She is already 16.I know that is still very young,but with teenagers and kids these days they are just growing up too fast.In a couple of years she's gonna be 18.Kinda scary,huh?I know you do not want her to have to go through this her whole life,you are probably a very concerned parent.I know I would be.I know how awkward this must seem.A person you have never met before giving your daughter advice.I'm Shannon and when I came across Tiffanys readings my jaw dropped and I said to myself"oh my gosh that's me,only 15 years earlier".Sure I still have issues with my self-image,who doesn't anymore.So you see there are people out there willing to listen and understand what people goethrough,and sometimes in life we all need a boost and a reminder that we do care.So,mom please don't yell at her or anything.You can always talk to someone,even me.I will always listen,I do not judge people.I myself am a sensitive person.Like I said before I don't know what your financial situation is,but there is always help available and people who will work with you on financial concerns.It would be an awesome thing to do.Please keep me up-to-date.Wishing ya'll the best.Have a fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend.

Hey Abby.I'm Shannon.I know just how you feel.Last year I was officially diagnosed w/pcos I had been suffering with it for about 9yrs.My husband and I are going through all the heartaches all over again.We have been trying for 11yrs to have a baby,I had surgery back in February this year to drain a cyst on my right ovary,also a dnc,and flushing of my fallopian tubes.My hormones were and still are screaming out loud.I was given the "all clear"a month later to try having a baby again.Of course nothing happened.So my husband went and got checked-again,first couple times his sperm count was low,now it was ok,nothing to brag about,but this time even more disastorous,they are deformed,and the doctor said we would more than likely never concieve naturally,and that was yesterday.I've taken clomid in the past and nothing happened.Because of the pcos before I really knew anything about it my cycles were all messed up.I should have taken out stock in E.P.Ts.Every month I was late I got so excited ran out and bought a pregnancy test,every time-negative.I cried all day yesterday when we found out about my husband,I could still cry more.And yes I absolutely Hate it when people tell me"oh give it some time" "stop thinking about it or stop trying and it will happen".I get sooooo pissed off every time I hear those words.I usually don't say bad words but enough is enough.Not one single day goes by that I don't think about it,how great it would be to have something to call my own,to sing my baby to sleep,just to feel my babys breathe against my cheeks when I hold it up to give it a kiss,so yes I'm very familiar with what you and your husband are going through.Infertility treatments are so expensive,so I do pray alot for a miracle,but in all reality I know it's a long shot.My husband and I are both almost 32yrs old,and time is running out for me,the doctors say once a woman hits 35 and older the odds go down even farther.And don't be ashamed for being upset,we've definately earned that much.Do you have problems with hair growth in places that it shouldn't be,I do.I shave everyday under my chin and down my neck,another side effect from pcos.I'm not ashamed of saying that,I've dealt with it for so long.It's hard to feel feminine when your standing with a razor in your hand shaving in a place that your husbands only supposed to.So.if ever you would like to vent or air out other frustrations I'm here for you,at least we know there are thousands of other women suffering from infertility,but still some days I wonder if anybody else feels the way I do.I know it's very hard to do,but keep the faith,it's the only thing that keeps me from having a complete meltdown.Hope to hear from you soon.

                                                                                                                                         Shannon

Tracey: Thank you so very much for your ray of hope.I will continue to try having a baby,and will suggest to my doctor about the hormone injections and the lupron,although she did mention them around 2yrs ago,she didn't want to try that just yet.Well, I'm very ready.Thank you so much for your support,that means alot to me.I will keep you posted.Thanks,Shannon.

I know just how you feel.I'm a pcos sufferer,it's not a fun thing.I can definately relate to your sadness.It's been over a year since I started treatment for pcos,still nothing.I get so frustrated every month when "that time" comes around.I know your pain when the teacher came up to you and told you she's expecting.I went to a baby shower for a friend today and it was very difficult for me,cuz I'm always wondering "when will it be my turn?"It's difficult to feel happy for someone else when you wish you were the one having a baby.It's been 11years since my husband and I have been trying.I turn 32 this year and even though that might not seem too old to have a baby,having pcos brings the chances down alot more.I try to be happy for those who are expecting so I put the biggest smile on and say congratulations,go home and drown in my own tears for awhile.The friends baby shower today was lovely and I am happy for her and her husband,together they will have 5 children.I've been there for every single one of them and will continue even though it gets harder all the time.I will pray for you and when you do become "expectant"we shall share in the joy together.So,keep me posted.Anytime you need me I'll be there for ya.And as far as your friend since ya'll work together and are friends outside of work if she really knows how you feel,if you think she can sense it then she probably does know how you feel.If it gets to be too much for you at times just tell her "you know I'm happy for you,and I just wish it could be as easy for me as it is for you,but guess what,it's not"If she is any kind of friend she will understand.Good luck...Truly sincere,Shannon