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Messages By: beccawls

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July 25, 2005, 11:27 pm CDT

What is a good consequence?

Quote From: tray00

I am having trouble with consequences???? My son is 15, he works full time during the day (for his summer holidays, back to school in the fall) He seems to think he can do what he wants, come and go when he pleases. He will leave the house when he gets home from work, and we tell him to be back shortly as supper is being prepared. He doesn't call or come home until bed time. Last weekend he didn't even come home.

What can you do do get him to take us seriously? Take his skateboard away? But what if he used his own money to buy it? Can I take it away when it is his? (he bought it with his money he made by working)

I need some suggestions on consequences.....Please help! Thanks!

First let me stress you are the parent! To work full time at 15 is a big deal and your son is feeling much older than he is. My suggestion is to sit him down and cover the following topics

 

1.) If he continues to disrespect the family rules he will no longer have a job. Plan and simple. His not coming home is not acceptable behavior and as soon as you let him get away with it once he now has premission to get away with it next time. Get your "concrete boots" ( a phrase I use with the parenst I work with) on and stand your ground.

 

2.) Get a plan in place as to what he is going to do with the money. At 15 he does not need the whole paycheck. What we have done is with teens in the past is when they get their checks they are not allowed to cash it until we have a budgeting meeting with them. AT this meeting they must bring their savings book. The 1st thing out o fthe check is savings, than any bills the child may owe. This is followed with some pocket money to hold him over until his next check. Special purchases are than discussed if there is something the child is looking to get. This money is also put inot the savings account but ear marked for the purchase EX> A 400.oo sterio may take the child 4-5 paychecks to save for.

 

3.) Your new expectations of him now that he is working. WHat are his expectations?

 

Grant it he is developing into a young man, but teens with a lot of money in their pockets with no guidance or rules will get into trouble without meaning to.

 

As for consequences, yes take away the board! And anything else that he may hold close to his heart. If that doesn't get through to him take the job. You can not let him walk on you in this manner now, if you let it continue at 15 you will have bigger issues at 16 & 17.

 

 

 

 

 
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July 25, 2005, 11:43 pm CDT

Lying children

Quote From: tayali

We have a 7 year old girl, who lies about the simplest things and my husband and I are not sure how to discipline her and make her understand why lying is not right. We've already tried talking to her, grounding her, taking toys away, etc.. It is important to the both of us to solve this problem now before it gets worse. If anyone has any ideas or helpful advise we would really appreciate it!!

I guess my 1st question is what she lies about? Is she lying about what you view as little silly stuff, or is it bigger stuff? FOllowed by are you setting her up to lie. I know that is a harsh question, but if you know the answer to the question you are asking and she knows she has done wrong you are setting her up to lie in hopes of not be punished.

 

Let her explain why she did or said what she did. LISTEN do not talk. You can learn so much by listening to a childs reasoning behind behavior.  We call these free zone meets. The child is allowed to say whatever they want about the topic that is on the table as long as they are respectful in doing so and honest. With NO threat of consequenses. Now there is a disclaimer here, if a child admits there part in the breaking of the law or major house rules there is consquences.

 

Is the consequence you are giving for this behavior tied to the lie..EX> she dumped sand into the pool. consequence 1st she cleans it 2nd she does not play in it for the  1 day. The next time she does it is 2 days. If she lies about it not only does she clean it and is grounded from it she can spend the rest of the day in her bedroom for lying. Making it very clear to her that youlove her but this lying willnot be tolerate in our home and it will always get you in more trouble.

 

 

 

 

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