Messages By: systole

It seems strange to me that women get such a bad name if they go out with younger men.

 

Power is a great attraction for both sexes as is youth for powerful humans.

 

Women today, are much  more like men now than they used to be, in that they have powerful positions at work or are wealthy because of their own business.  This makes them attractive to younger men.  These men see them as just as attractive as younger women see older and successful men.

 

What is not attractive about an older person who lives well and does interesting things and is well educated.  They have confidence and experience and are calmer and very interested in the younger person.  This younger person represents a fresh face with a warm personality, who is not filled with anger at the failure of their life, and trying to juggle children and an ex-spouse.

 

For an older successful person, the younger person is very beautiful not only physically but in a certain innocence that the older person has lost.

 

For them there is joy in giving to the younger person, who really appreciates the gifts.  Who does not like to give and do things for someone who looks so happy.

 

People think of only the sexual aspect of this spring /autumn relationship, but that is just one part of it.

 

It is the promise of future seeing this young person and for the young person it is all the things they can learn from and older more established person.

 

This has always happened, but it is far more frequent now as women have changed so much over the last 20 yrs.

 

My present husband is five years younger, than I, and I find that just right.  Not only is he younger, but he looks younger than his age.  I still look at him with awe, and think how handsome he is and how beautiful his skin is..  He is obviously very smart and I certainly am not his older wife, telling him what to do.

 

If I were not with him, then I think, I would look for his age or younger, as that is the age I find attractive, even though I am a grand mother of three, I do not feel like a grand mother, although I love being one.

 

I worried at first he would tire of me and look for a younger women, but I do not worry about that anymore.

 

So I would say to all of you who think that an older woman with a younger man is disgusting and foolish, the young man is not thinking that.  He is happy to have a powerful women at his side who is crazy about him in bed.  What man would not want that? He would not give this older woman up easily for an insecure younger women who did not enjoy him so much in bed, and was very needy, and judgemental!

As I was molested as a child, I am sensitive to other children being molested.  I think that it is better to be over cautious than to be blind to family members, male or female molesting their children or close family members.

 

I think that the grand mother on your show, was right to be cautious and to notice new behaviour  in her grand son.

 

The possible new step father was not a molester, but I think all women who spend time with new male partners should always be aware that these men could mistreat their children.

 

Human males like other male animals actually do not want to raise another man's child, in their subconscious.  I think they can tend to be more violent with a son who is another man's child.

 

There is always a danger of any new man in the house, and all women should be very careful who they decide to live with if it is not the father of their small children.

 

AS a mother and a grand mother, even I have met a few children, I just did not like.  A previous boyfriend of mine had the sort of boy I could not stand.  I knew that we could never have been happily married, if I had married him and had to put up with his spoilt son.  I could never have grown to love his son.

 

Just because one has chemistry with the father or mother does not mean one will learn to love their children, and it is wrong to enter into a marriage or partnership with a person who has a child that one knows one can never love, but worse than that, actively dislike. The man or woman who is the parent, loves their child and to deceive them just to marry them is really unfair on that child.

 

What had happened to the biological father in this show?

 

It is not just men who mistreat or molest children.  It is less common for women to molest children and their own children, but it happens.  Just like women murder their own children.

 

So vigilance is the best safety for one's child.  The woman today who did not believe her daughter was molested, may be right, as there is a very real danger of a step child accusing their step parent of molestation as that is something they know will ruin the life of that step parent.  Many mother's deny their children when they accuse their actual biological father as it would mean the break up of their marriage.

 

There is far more in play that meets the eyes of people who have not lived in a home where molestation has taken place.

I believe Wade lives in a fantasy world and is seeking attention through these confessions.

 

Although he may look tough and behave tough, I think that he is very ill.  He has sexual dysfunction with women, unless he can fantasise beating them up and raping them.

 

I believe he tried to be unfaithful, but I am sure he is very inadequate in bed, and told his wife these stories because it made him excited sexually.  Porn for him is a way to sexual gratification, which he can not accomplish without porn.  He is as much addicted to porn as he is addicted to what porn allows him to do, and that is to reach sexual function.

 

These fantasies, make him seem important and this helps with his sexual problems. I am sorry for all concerned.

I am surprised you aired this again if you have no follow up on the story? Or are you going to bring in a follow up soon as you now have the answers?

 

I am afraid it is all fantasies, in the mind of a man who feels like he is worth nothing.  After serving and being the big guy with a gun, he was just left as a nobody, who was never successful in life.

 

He is most certainly suffering from some sort of sexual dysfunction, and needs to imagine that he has total control to get an erection.  When he recounted these stories to his wife he became sexually aroused.

 

I would be interested to know what kind of pornography is his turn on.  I believe it would have to be some form of degradation of women in bondage or something like that.  His wife is a very nice decent woman, far too good for him.  But I think he behaves like this because he needs to feel bad to perform.  He needs to feel she is angry, to be able to perform with her.  He needs to have medical care, but it is too late for his marriage to survive this circus, and I do not believe he will ever be able to function  normally in  any relationship, even with medical care.

 

I say this as an animal behaviourist for 25 yrs where my clients can not talk and I have to go with what I see in body language.

When people decide to have children, it is their choice, not that of the future child. Children do not just need parents until they leave school they need  them for life.

 

Adult children have problems too and often these problems are far worse than the problems they had as little children.  It is a wonderful feeling to know that one's parents still love one and still are there in the worst moments of their lives.

 

This father managed to live as a man for forty years.  What was so pressing that he had to turn his children's lives up side down at this point in his life?         I see it as the ultimate selfish act.  Could he not have done this discretely? He obviously does not live with them, or they would have seen this long ago.

 

I find it to be outrageous that he feels he can turn his back on them and ask them to treat him as someone completely different.  For what?  What is he trying to do?  What is he hoping for that they will love him how ever he behaves and looks?

 

He is the only father they have or will ever have, so he is robbing them of their father and expecting them to just be happy with his choice?  It is like expecting a child to come to terms with the death of their father.

 

It has been 26 yrs since my own father died.  I still miss him terribly and at the important times of my life and that of my children, I so would have wanted him to be there.

 

I think this father has not thought at all what this must be like for his daughters.  As their only father he had no right to rob them of their father and expect them to be pleased.  Will they come to terms with this?  Maybe!

 

But they will be robbed as I was of my father.  Something you learn to live with, over many years of grief.  But why do this to people you love?

 

Why put them through so much grief, if you have managed 40 years.  So he says he could not wait any longer, well at some point he accepted it, and he chose a macho job.  He could have worked as a hair dresser, and the idea of him changing could have come more slowly.  But to be a cop and then become a woman is really too much to expect them to take in.

 

His act will have a dramatic effect on what they see as the truth in life.  It will destroy their trust in anything.  They see one thing but what they see is not real.  How will they cope with this and come to terms with their whole life being made up of a lie. This could actually destroy them.  Has he even thought of this.  has he sought counseling to help him help them deal with this? I do not think so.

 

Lets say he stays on this path, and they go into the future with this amount of change and are unable to cope with their lives and relationships and they destroy any hope of happiness because they can not trust anyone or anything.  Will this desire of his to become a woman been worth it?

My nephew was very confused growing up, and he loved to dress as a girl. He played with dolls and he had few friends because of his secret obsession with Barbie dolls. In his mind he knew this was not acceptable among other people so would pretend he was buying them for his sister.

He is very clever, but had a hard time adjusting to normal life and spent a great deal of time doing things with his mother, who he was very close to. After a few years of trying to go to normal school and a couple of suicide attempts, I now hear that at 18 he believes he is gay. I have not seen him in a few years, but I do not think he is gay. I think that he is confused about all his life and he thinks this is an easier route. I do not know if he has had sexual gay relationships, or this is what he believes he wants.

I do believe that his life of confusion has led him to be very unhappy, and his home life had a great deal to do with this confusion