Messages By: lexilevy

Quote From: margiel46

 As the mother of an only son I sympathize with Jane. I get along fine with my daughter-in-law of 17 years but at a price. I keep my mouth shut, keep my opinions to myself and go along with whatever she wants. Not everyone can be that much of a brown noser but I will do whatever it takes to keep a relationship with my son and 2 grandsons. Unfortunately Jane let Michelle draw her into and email battleground where it is easier to say things you should not say. It is my opinion that Michelle is very manipulative of Jay and he deserves everything he is going to get. Jane is badly hurt not only for herself, but for what she fears her son is going to go thru. She knows she cannot protect him but she can be there to pick up the pieces when he needs it. I wish Dr. Phil had questioned Jay more about the situation and how he felt about it. I am really curious how this one turns out.  Michelle came off to me as a very selfish, controlling and manipulative person. Contrary to what most people think., not all only sons are Mama's boys much less in abnormal relationships with their mothers. What exactly was Michelle trying to imply there besides that Jane was jealous of her?

Quote From: imdbestmom

 After reading the other postings, I have these additional comments.
1.Why is Jane the only one accountable for what she says? Michelle is an adult, too.
2. Dr. Phil missed it. Poor little wide eyed Michelle even got past him.
3. Jane SHOULD be angry. Her only child (yes, child) is marrying a vicious, disturbed, manipulative brat who has talked her wimpy husband into keeping his mother from the wedding.
4. Michelle acts like a child - maybe she needs a time-out. LOL  Jay should stay away from her for the same length of time she has kept him from his mother. See how she likes it.
5. When you marry a person - you inhjerit a family.  Deal with it.
6. Michelle never did shed a tear, huh! That's cause she has no soul. She is the Devil...full of hate.
 
I guess that's all for now. I really despise people like Michelle. And I have no respect for Jay.
Hang in there, Jane. Even Jesus showed righteous indignation !!!  Having a temper is not a sin. Causing the pain Michelle has to make your temper flare --- that's a sin.

Quote From: lauras_place

I certainly got the feeling that Dr. Phil was more sympathetic to the would-be bride.  Maybe it was because he expected more of Jane as she is older and more experienced, but I don't feel he gave Blondie the dressing down she deserved.  Regardless of how justified her young brain may feel, the treatment of her fiance's mother is not only horrendously disrespectful to his mother, but to him as well... although he may be too loved up to see it just now.  It speaks volumes about her as a young woman and about how she was raised. I did agree with Jane... that type of venom doesn't just dissipate.  When Mom is no longer around, it will still find an outlet, probably on hubby or any children around.  To slightly distract...I respected the ex-best man above all... now HIS mother should be proud.

Quote From: image_maker

I have never seen anyone so taken with being the bride in my life!  What is really amazing is that this isn't her first time around, Michelle has a child which was only mentioned once in the show.

 

The Mother-in-Law to be isn't blameless, but I'm not sure how you deal with someone who puts up a web page talking about how much she hates you.  That should be a deal breaker for Joe.  Any "man" (and I use the term loosely here for Joe ) who would allow his fiance to do that to his mother deserves the life he will have to endure.  Joe apparently didn't have a positive male role model as he was growing up. 

 

Cancel the wedding and go into family counseling.  This is a nightmare!

Quote From: mrsmdkeen

I just have to commend you! You will have a wonderful relationship with both your Son and DIL. I will remember this post, and hope that I have the oportunity to be the MIL that you so assuredly will be.

Quote From: jbaker4

MESSAGE TO JANE

MY SON MARRIED ONE JUST LIKE THAT

BE THE HERO EVEN WHEN SHE HURTS YOU

IN TIME HE'LL SNEAK AROUND TO SEE HIS MOM AND WHEN SHE TURNS ON HIM AS YOU SAID. HE'LL DIVORCE HER AND WILL NEED YOUR HELP

Quote From: destinycma1

I kind of know how the bride to be feels.. My mother in law didn't come to our wedding because I refused to invite her boyfriends daughter ( who was trying to sleep with my husband before the wedding). Sometimes it is better to leave bitter people out of a wonderful day.. and if her soon to be husband agrees then there shouldn't be a problem.

Quote From: gdphill1

There's a lot of hatred going on in the world already and it is sad to see a family to have this kind of anger between them. A love for a child should be unconditional and the love for a mother should not be hurtful.  I believe both sides (Mother and Son) did not really exercise their virtue. As for the Bride, I believe she has a lot of pride to create her own perfect family. And the only thing I can say about that is, nobody's perfect (as a person and as a famiily). I wish her good luck to have that perfect family and I hope her perfect kids will not meet anyone like her that will not allow her to their wedding.

Quote From: belc0011

I couldn't agree with this posting more.  My husband is an only child, and I know it was difficult for his mom when we got engaged.  We had only been dating for 6 months, and his mom had several failed marriages before finding the right person.  Experience had taught her that our marriage would fail.  When we announced we were engaged, my parents could not possibly been more thrilled - they adored my husband and they were so excited for both of us - they couldn't wait!  When his mom found out, she cried...and not because she was happy.  I'll admit, that hurt my feelings and I was upset at first.  But, I told myself a few things - due to the number of divorces she had in her life, I realized her son was her only constant in her life and that it was going to be difficult for her to accept her son moving on to a new stage of his life where she would be less involved.  Also, she didn't know the details of our relationship - the details of our fights, our quiet moments, the parts of a relationship that no one wants to make public.  My husband and I knew that we both had a heart for each other - that we were both willing to swallow our pride and admit to our part in the argument, and to always put the other person's needs ahead of our own.  There was no way for her to know that, and she had every right to be concerned. 

 

Once I looked at things from her perspective, I understood exactly where she was coming from and started asking myself what could I do to make myself more likeable and make her feel more comfortable with our relationship?  His mom made many comments that were competetive (at my wedding shower they played a game to see how much I knew about my future husband, and she had to make a point of announcing to me that she had gotten more answers correct than I had).  She makes comments like "well my son doesn't like food cooked like that" and things like that.  She's honestly made so many little comments like that, but writing this posting I can't even remember any of them because I decided not to let them bother me.  I understand that her position in my husband's life felt threatened, and that she was dealing with it the only way she knew how.  I ignored the little comments and made every effort to make sure I had a good relationship with my mother in law if nothing else than for the sake of my husband whom I love, because it's his mother that he loves and I would never put him in that awkward position!  Now his mother and I get along great, and I think she's wonderful.  Sometimes it can be rough and awkward transitioning, but as long as both sides have a desire to move toward a more positive position, it will work out fine.  When you have two immature people like this mother in law and bride to be who want to be childish, call each other names and force the man they love to choose between the two of them, then no one wins. 

Quote From: gooseylucy

There is a great deal of anger in the dynamics of the proposed wedding of Jay and Michelle - for now, the wedding should be cancelled and the couple should attempt a six month hiatus without contact or communication.  A lifetime is a long time and the six month trade a small price to pay for "forever after". 

 

It occurs to me that the people in this scenario are in states of arrested development - they do not have the skills to negogiate a settlement in this matter, and choose to look only at  vindictive options; a common trait for children under the age of twelve. 

 

Were I the prospective mother-in-law in this situation, I would be devastated to learn that my son would allow this treatment of me.  Further, I would be heartbroken to consider that he would spend the rest of his life with such a shallow and apparently vindictive person.  I would grieve for the happiness of knowing and loving grandchildren, because I would realize that the ripple effect of this mindset would contanimate everything, and there would be nothing I could do to alleviate it. 

 

Were I the prospective bride, I might be thrilled to think I would have that kind of power over my fiancee; however, given the blessing of insight, I might be terrified to learn that my husband would be such a spineless jellyfish - might he forsake me in the same manner in the future?  Or worse yet, might he forsake our children when the going gets tough?  

 

Were I the prospective groom, I might be thinking that I am doing the right thing for the time being, but at the same time I might be repelled at the selfishness of the woman I plan to marry.  I might wonder at her narcissism, and how it would effect our life together and the lives of our children.  I might be thinking for the present that I can "fix" the in-law problem at a later date (after all, hasn't Mom always backed my plate?), but I really need someone to tell me that I can never unring the bell; that even if it resolves in some manner in the future, I would have failed everyone concerned, even the unborn. 

 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going - the sissies flunk out!  Sadly, often they (the sissies) don't have the maturity to recognize their failures or even consider them.  There is no reality but their own, nothing important but themselves.  Ultimately, they wind up alone.