Messages By: ffffffffffff

I have nothing but rage and disgust with my looks!  People say there's nothing wrong with me but I see it as there' NOTHING right with how I look!  There IS no inbetween--when you're HOT YOU'RE HOT!  When you're NOT YOU'RE NOT!!!

Beginning on January 15, 1994, when I would see myself in a mirror or any other reflective object--someone qwearing shades, a spoon, a window, even a doorknob--I would excuse myself, find a restroom with a mirror, look in the mirror and start hitting both sidesof my jaw FULL FORCE until my face suddenly appeared "acceptable", more thin and angular instead of loathsomely broad broad...

 

I ESPECIALLY HATE my queer gay-looking profile with its goofy, overexaggerated smile when viewed from my profile.

 

My best friend has all the girls--EVEN THE MOST HARD-TO-GET, pressuring him for sex.  These same girls, at best, ignore me or, worse, turn from me in fear and loathing. 

His brother's wife once even pressured him for oral sex once.  The same woman who always scolded me with advice like, "You should want to do what God wants and not what you want!"

 

(Once a girl was asked to let me ride with her to the Pizza Hut where all of us were going to meet, as I had no car.  She almost broke down and cried.  I was later told by one of my friends she thought they were trying to "hook us up".)

 

I have every intention of researching the subject thoroughly and someday getting the surgery I so desperately need to become the hottie I have always tended to see myself as.  Back in 1990 and before girls used to gravitate towards me, but then I started losing my hair in the front and getting the sickening looks of maturity.  Today, I get hit on my all the gays BUT NEVER THE FEMALES AND FOR THIS I WANT TO CURSE GOD AND SELL MY SOUL (TO BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER, IF NECESSARY) to change this so that THE GIRLS notice me!

 

No, I do not walk around with a chip on my shoulder.

In fact, I get LOTS of attention at the clubs from even the girls WHEN I RAP OLD SCHOOL SONGS...  I get COUNTLESS HUGS from the girls (It is always THEY who reach out first, NEVER me...)

It's just the attention I get from the females is SO FLEETING AND USUALLY VERY SUPERFICIAL because I am NOT attractive.

I am very smart and think outside the box.  I have had more than one tell me, "When I first saw you get up to sing I was unimpressed...  until you opened your mouth."

Girls have told me, "No, you're not that good looking, but you got the personality all those others guys don't."

Man, if I was only attractive I COULD OWN THE WORLD!!!

As far as my hariloss is concerned, I take the drug propecia, which grows hair all around the head but only stoops it in the front, which is where mine afflicts me.  One day I plan to get hair flap surgery @ Dr. Richard Fleming's office in Beverly Hills.  I'd rather push a chevy from one end of hell and back than go to Heaven with hair loss.  (I really don't mean THAT, maybe, but you get how strongly I feel about it.  Hair loss is man's biggest curse.  How would YOU feel if one of your breasts fell off?  THAT'S how I feel!)

I have tried to call the Oprah show.  I've even spoken with her father, BEGGED him to speak to Oprah on my behalf. 

I save things from receipts I find on the ground to, especially, magazines with pictures of attractive women or girls on them.  It makes me so sad to see a newspaper about to be thrown away, with a woman's face just a-smiling and happy.  I feel the compuntion to tear the woman's face out and store it in my filing cabinet.  It just makes me sooooo sad to think of "throwing her away" in the trash.  The feeling is poignat.

I save things from my past AND WILL NOT THROW THEM OUT!

My dad often gets on my case that I have a filing cabinet, but it is of no practical use to any of us because it is cluttered with magazines and songs I've written and mindless crap, or so they say.

I save bulletins from my church.  It just breaks my heart to throw ANYTHING out that might have potential in the future to remind me of something pleasant from my past...

No, I would NOT do any of those things.  I have been on the "bad side" so I could and would have compassion on those rejected by society as "ugly". 

Looks is VERY IMPORTANT!!!

If I had them, combined with all that I DO got, I COULD RULE THE WORLD!!!

Would you like me to email you a photgraph of myself I'm curious as to what you might think or say?

I am obsessed with my hair...  Or lack thereof...  I began losing it in December, 1990.  In 1992 I started taking Rogaine treatments but, WHAT A WASTE!  For months after I stoped I had a mysteriously greasy scalp.
Myt hair in the front is thinner, sickingly so...  It'd be MUCH WORSE IF...
Since 1999 I now take propecia once daily.
I often cut my own hair because all the hair around where it is thinning gets too thick and, if I let it grow unchecked, I look like one of those filthly old freak-adeak tired old man. 
Dad has constantly implored me with, "Chris, why do you keep cutting your hair?  You take that @#@@ to GROW AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND AND CUT IT!  It makes no sense to me, Chris!"
I'd rather go to hell with a fll head of hair than to go to Heaven even half-bald...  Well, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point...  If I must I sell my soul to have my hair back.
I will not step out into the rain because if my hair gets wet when it dries the thinning is obviously.  I wash my hair only once a week.

If I was over 17 but under 21 I'D DRINK IF I WANTED TO and there wouldn't be a d--- thing BIG BROTHER could do to stop me BUT...  Remember Prohibition, all those holier-than-thou fanatics thougth they could legislate drunkenness out of existence, HA!  Stupid fools!  It BACKFIRED, hallelujah!  I say that with all the CONTEMPT I can muster from the overflowig fountains in my soul for such hypocritical holier-than-thou losers!

We have Prohibition to thank for the Mafia then, and it's six-decades-after-affect plaguing of cities such as New York and Chicago and God only knows where else!  When you have stupid laws it creates more criminals than it eliminates, example, look at all the now-illegal underage drinkers and buyers-for-under-21ers that clog up our courts.

 

Human nature wouldn't let that happen then and HUMAN NATURE WILL ALWAYS PROVIDE A WAY for those who really want to to drink today

I personally don't drink because I DON'T LIKE TO DRINK AND I DON'T NEED TO DRINK!  Persoanlly, I think the stuff tastes like crap and, UGH!  It makes your breath STINK!!!  Yuk! ...  BUT...

 

if I can be made to take a bullet for Uncle SAM via the draft, in wartime, YOU DAMN RIGHT I HAVE A RIGHT TO DRINK IF I SO CHOOSE!!! 

You complain and gripe that, if the drinking age is lowered, ALOT MORE immature young uns would die on our highways and binge drink...  HERE'S how to curb that AND THIS PROPOSAL WILL ONLY WORK IF DONE CONSISTENTLY.  Anyone under the age of 25 caught drinking and driving (if he gets a .02 or higher on the BAC test, or if he refuses to take it) AUTOMATICALLY lose his licence until he / she IS 25 years old--in addition to the other fines and penalties incurred----no plea bargains, no pussyfooting around in the loopholes! Make the young 'uns think twice about gettin' behind the wheel after even one drink.

Rights are rights but THEY MUST BE COUPLED WITH RESPONSIBILITY, and penalties incurred if used irresponsibly.

I have the right to drink, BUT, inexercising that right I have NO RIGHT to endanger the life of my fellow-citizen by stupid behavior...

Yes, citizens should have ALL their rights, but equally AS MUCH RESPONSIBLITIES AS THEY HAVE RIGHTS!  You see, that's America's problem today, because we, the people cannot rule over our OWN selves and set our own boundaries THAT IS WHY Big Government steps in...  Nature abhors a vacuum, and when we surrender our self-rule, Big Brother rushes in like the thunder to fill the void.

 

Other than that GUN CONTROL BE DAMNED!!!

Like I said earlier, we have the stupid-idiots who use guns irresponsibly and criminally to thank for all the gun control legislation. 

Example, the Brady Bill--a STUPID law!  Brady, I know you were shot doing your duty BUT DON'T FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!  Touch luck!  You got shot doing your duty don't take it out on the rest of us RESPONSIBLE citizens who want a handgum FOR SELF-PROTECTION purposes!

SHould teachers carry guns to school?  I think that should be a State's decision and the Federal Government, unless it is a NATION EMERGENCY, should stay the hell out of the fray!

Personaly, I think a citizen should be allowed to own a machine-gun IN HIS CASTLE, but NOT BE ALLOWED to transport it in public.  Our founding fathers realized that allowing citizens to own firearms would hold the Government in check should it want to get corrupt.  It's that checks-and-balances thing.

Human nature is corrupt-to-the core and all people are really sinners.  SInful nature MUST BE HELD IN CHECK!  Penalties are what keeps men from letting their evil desires proliferate until we are all destroyed.

Like another poster just posted, and I paraphrase: take the cookie jar away and the cookies suddenly become that more delicious!

AS for 18 years old providing it for EVEN YOUNGER potential drinkers, those OVER 21 can do that now? 

You wrote: The laws can be more severe, but that will not bring back the person he  or she may kill while drinking and driving.

I said the laws have to be ENFORCED CONSISTENTLY!!  In Malaysia, where the death penalty is used consistently against all drug crimes, no matter how small, they do not have a drug scourge like America, not even CLOSE!

Sure, there'd be a few kids who might try to push the limits at the new tougher laws that come with the lowering of the drinking age, but once it was consistently demonstrated that punishment was not only severe, but guaranteed, they'd get the picture.

As for underage college student drinking, you would not beleive how rampant it is!!!

I sing karaoke in a college town.  I have seen 13 year olds getting into night clubs and lounges.  Many of my friends have fake ID's so they can drink.  Thise who don't have fake ID's have plenty of friends who don't mind buying it for them at the convenience stores and bringing it back for after-hours raves at private housde parties.

You have a very good point when you say: Plus the idea of invincibility is still strong in a person that age. Sometimes this group can only learn from tragedy. We do not need more deaths or jail sentences to haunt immature actions later in someones lifetime of career.

It all boils down to: what freedoms are we, the people, willing to sacrifice in the name of public safety...

Dr. Phil:

     Yes, this economy SUCKS!!!

     Yes, I am SICK AND TIRED of being "house poor", just able to stay afloat!  I WILL NOT TOLERATER this type of living!!!

     When my money isn't enough I gotta make it count for two, three, sometimes four times the value of what it's worth!!!

     I've stolen bicycles (from the Big name stores, of course, NEVER individual persons!)

     I've stolen my prescription medications when my electric bill was too high and I had no choic e...

     I panhandle like a creep, netting five hundred dollars every month average.

     Yes, I'm "living wealthy in the ghetto!"  'Cause the Ghetto is still in my blood!

     There's nopthing to do in this town so I LOVE to spray paint and break windows.

     I'm maing the best of my life.  There's nothing else to do in this godforsaken city IT SUCKS!!!  And so does this living...

 

What the gay community doesn't tell you is the sexuall debauichery of homosexuals.  Bath houses and random sex.  It's the desecration of the family which will lead to the ultimate downfall of our Nation.  The basic unit of society is the family.

When the family disintegrates it is only a matter of time before the country begins to lose its coherency.

I fear for us and IT MAKES ME ANGRY! 

Our sexualy saturated society is a sick one and IT'S MAKING ME SICK!