Messages By: needing2heal

I would like to suggest to you and anyone else dealing with this, that finding a good therapist and telling your story can be very helpful. I was dealing with increased flashbacks that were intruding on my everyday life until recently when I began, 30 years after the last time I was abused/raped, to tell my story in a safe place. The beauty of the therapy is that I can now leave that abuse there. The flashbacks do not come up like they did because I have left the abuse at the therapist's office. That is not to say I do not remember, or they never happen, but rather they happen very rarely now. I know I was abused, and remember all six years of it, but I have more control over those memories now. No longer to they just pop up at me, as often as they did.
I know it will take time and I will never forget, but the work I am doing with my therapist has helped so much over this past year. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. There are so many of us. We are not alone, and people will and do believe us, not like the evil people who did this to us always said. I too as one poster said, am grateful for the increased awareness that is out there today. Thirty plus years ago I thought I was the only one this had ever happened to. Now I know better and have raised my kids to be more empowered. Thanks Dr Phil for being one to help us break the silence.

As the wife of a truck driver, I totally understand. Although my kids are older now, and my dh home more, there was a time when the kids were small that he did work like that. It was because he did that I was able to be an at home mom, as I wanted to be. I know what it is like to have stretch whatever you can to pay the bills. I love all the suggestions the other person posted. What I also did was once my oldest was in school, I began volunteering at the school. I would work whatever I could where it was ok to bring my younger children since I did not really have a sitter available. Sometimes babysitting would be offered for the volunteers. I met some of the most wonderful moms there who are still my friends even though our kids are now college age and beyond. It was hard at first, but I just did it. Also, signing the kids up for after school activities is nice too because you will often meet other parents at the games or practices or lessons. I know it is hard with the littler ones, but sometimes you just have to drag them along. I know I did! Plus, getting the kids out and invovled will help to keep everyone from getting bored and maybe less fighting!

As to the mortgage problems, one thing I did do was learn to keep house money separate. By that I mean, if making the mortgage payment is an absolute priority to you make sure that the money for that is set aside in a separate account you do not use for anything but that. Take a bit from each check (or however you do it) and it goes to the house payment. My dh is an owner operator and we pay the "house" a percentage each week (like about 25 to 30%). I pay the bills from that money. He has the money separate for the fuel, repairs for the truck, expenses he may have during the week. This really helps. We learned this from other trucking families and it works for us.

By the way, I know what it is like to have a house too small. Until recently when we added on, the five of us lived in what was essentially a two bedroom house. It was tiny and required alot of organization. Hopefully, you will be able to move on soon a bigger place.

I do agree with you - it does seem that the family lives in New York and the child is familiar with the area and the subway. It was not some child unfamiliar with the terrain being dropped off. Would I do this - I don't believe I would with a 9 year old. Perhaps an older child with some friends, then maybe.

I would also like to mention that people need to remember that most kids are molested by someone they know - a family friend, relative, person with some sort of authority over the child. Most children abducted are taken by someone known to the family and most who lose their lives do so at the hands of someone who supposedly loves them. There are just not that many stranger danger types out there - you can hover all you want and leave your child with the wrong friend or relative and they are a victim. People must educate their children from a young age "good touch, bad touch".

Hovering over children only makes them unprepared for the real world. Educating them is what makes for strong people.

First off, he does not believe in universal health care - that is Hilary Clinton. McCain wants to give you $5000 towards your health care plan and then tax your employer for whatever they offer you. Trust me, $5000 to buy basic health care every year for your family will not do much. Ten years ago when my husband and I did not have employer based care we were paying $1000 every two months for a basic plan for a family of five, no dental,eye, etc. TEN years ago. Imagine what it is now. So McCain's plan stinks.

Yes, God forbid, we should ask people making over $250,000 a year and corporations to pay their fair share. If you call making over $250,000 middle class, come on over to my middle class family making around $60,000 a year. That is middle class. With all the tax breaks for corporations, the past 8 years have not seen alot of prosperity spread around. I am tired of the rich not paying their fair share. I'm not looking for a tax cut, I just want it fair.

I am also tired of my country being in so much debt to China. When G.W. took office we were in the black, we had a budget surplus. Now we are trillions of dollars in debt because we had to borrow money to cover the funds lost when all those  corporations received his tax breaks. If you do not believe this is true, check out the government's own website on the budget - the congressional budget office. www.cbo.gov/budget and check out the historical data.

Please, please,please before you vote look carefully - I couldn't agree more.

My suggestion would be to refinance into a 30 year fix, if you can afford the payment and if you plan on staying in the house. This way you will build equity, and if you have the extra money send it in and add it to the principle. If you do it this way, you are not locked into a payment (say for the 15 year mortgage or the bi-weekly) that you cannot afford nor are you only paying interest which gives you no equity. An interest only loan can work, if you are not going to stay in the house long and can expect value to rise (tough call at this time in the economy) or if you are guaranteed a bonus and will put it all towards the principle when you get it. Perhaps also not likely given the economy today. The 30 year gives you some breathing room, and you can add to the principle when it is ok for you to do so. When the housing market begins to recover (say in about 5 years or so) you can refinance again possibly into a 15 if you want. Remember as the economy recovers, you should be able to add to the principle payment and still pay it off in less than 30 years, but at  a pace that will work for you.

This is just my suggestion - I am no expert, but have recently gone through a home remodel and so have recently researched various options. Hope this helps!

The bill never passed the House of Representatives and so was never sent on to the Senate. Thus no senator voted for the bill the first time. They did not get the chance.

Perhaps you need to remember how Congress works?

Last night McCain said he wants to offer a bailout to all who are about to be foreclosed. Check the details out on this one - it will cost $300 billion (his figure) and the taxpayers will pay for this one too. Just read the article on the particulars on money.com.(article title - "On Housing, McCain takes sharp left turn") He is proposing that anyone who has not made their payments and are in danger of losing their home have their mortgage bought by the federal government, and it gets refinanced.

All of us who are making our payments are out of luck, we will keep paying our mortgages and our tax dollars will go to finance this scheme.

Talk about a candidate who wants to bailout people who don't deserve it!!