Messages By: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by “supporting” their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not. 

 

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION!  It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE! 

 

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored.  Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are.  This message is not for you.  It’s for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!  "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents. 

 

Natesmom4ever

 

AMEN TO THAT!  I agree that people who don't believe PAS exists haven't experienced it first hand and I would even add to that, that many of those people turn out to be the ones who justify that it's "good parenting" to "save" their children from a parent who has defects THEY can't stand.  They just can't admit or won't admit that deep down, they are the ones who are hoping the children agree with them and see the same thing they see wrong with their ex-spouse and it's them who don't want to do the shared parenting thing because it does take a lot of work and compromise to make it work.  Especially when there's a new partner.  It's almost like they wish the ex would agree to let this new person take over their role.  It would be so much easier for the children to have a "normal" family with two parents in the home.  And I agree about the court system.  As soon as you try to help your children from this horrendous abuse by going where you're supposed to go to help them, you get the feeling you're living the Little Red Riding Hood story and you're at the part where the granny turns into the wolf!  We have a long way to go before the changes that need to come about are made and I know it probably won't happen in my life time or in time to help my son who I haven't seen in three years but I'll guarantee this:  I will NEVER stop wanting, loving and fighting for my child and for this plague to be exposed for what it is!

 

I have also been reduced to sending cards and I really doubt the ex and his new wife even let him see the cards.  I haven't had any type of contact with my now 14 year old son, in three long painful years.  I know exactly what all these parents mean when they talk about the pain being so intense.  The court system sucks big time, the police don't want to get involved unless it's to arrest me for emailing my son (because my ex calls them to say my son doesn't want me to so I'm not "respecting" his wishes), the doctors who did the assessment won't comit to saying it's PAS.  I could on and on about the torture I've had to endure in the last three years.  No one would believe it unless they've been through it themselves, so much has happened and been done to me by these people.  I'm even surprised I haven't jumped off a bridge somewhere!  Dr. Phil, one show was not enough to show the extremes an alienating parent will go to in order to eliminate the other parent and show people what's really happening out there to both men and women equally!  We need to continue stressing the importance of your 5 biggest mistakes divorcing parents make.  They are the foundation of what parental alienation is based on but it's much worse than that.  It's those 5 mistakes done intentionally and anything goes!  Please help us save our children from this horrendous form of child abuse!

Louise

And how do you know that the "neglect" was not carefully planned by the other parent.  That's also one of the alienators tactics.  To always make sure the child's preference is with that parent.  My ex was very clever.  He made sure to have my son call my home on days he knew I was at work or at a meeting (my son didn't).  He always made sure my son was having too much fun at his home to talk to me or come to my home for his parenting time with me.  He made sure he always had "fun, expensive" activities planned each and everyday so that my son wouldn't want to come for his parenting time with me.  He made sure he was the coach in all sports and invite friends over for my son to play with (he'd call the friends himself), so that my son would stay home.  He made sure to have my son call later than his bedtime so I couldn't go pick him up unless I was okay with putting a 10 year old to bed a midnight.  There's all sorts of manipulative tactics these alienating parents use to keep our children away from us targeted parents and make us look "abusive" and "neglecting" and unfit.  You've obviously never been through this!

I am not from the US but I am a member in a wonderful yahoo support group called stopPAS.info.  There are a lot of members in that group that know about many resources that might help you out.  Check it out.  If nothing else, you will find friendship and support there.  I wish I could help you out more!  God Bless You and hang in there!  As far as getting an answer from the Dr. Phil show, I did get one but because my ex didn't want to participate in the show, they didn't want me either.  Go figure!