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Messages By: txmommy2boys
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September 5, 2008, 4:47 pm PDT
 I do have experience with WOW as far as a spouse playing it. I know that yes while they play that game and ignore stuff that you do have to find other ways to entertain yourself. His gaming started while I went to school. But it got out of hand and rather quickly. I do not completly blame his gaming on him, because yes some of it came from while I was doing homework and stuff I wasn't able to be to him what he needed (but also homework and school is far more constructive than gaming, so I will not take all the blame). But once school was done the WOW addiction was horrible, he was in too deep. I would make it a point not to be on the computer when he got home, make sure the house was clean and have dinner ready. None of that mattered he would still go straight to that game. So we would talk/fight about it, things would be great for a couple of days then he is back to gaming so of course I am back to playing and chatting on my laptop. Why am I going to sit there and continuosly be available to somebody who ignorned me. Our son asked me "why doesn't my daddy like me". It's hard to not let that break your heart. I may have been out of the house more than my husband but our son never once doubted my liking or loving him. I would wonder what was so horrible about his life that he couldn't stand to be apart of reality. And would you believe he would actually pass up sex, one time I put on something that he liked and told him to come on and he said that it'll be at least 20 minutes cause they were right in the middle of something. Complain that he never gets any. Well I am not going to sit around and have him ignore me and household stuff and then turn around and give myself to him. Not happening. Only really paid attention to me in sexual ways. Well like i said it was just over a year before I said enough was enough and I told him I wanted a divorce. He moved out we were split for almost a year. He still plays the game at home but do believe that when I ask for him to do something he does it now (well it may take 5-10 minutes but I never have to wait 3 weeks for something to get done), he does try to make it a point not to get too involved with anything on the game just so he can be there for me if I need something. I understand that everybody needs to have an escape from reality, an outlet...BUT REALITY CANNOT BE IGNORED FOR ETERNITY...SOMEDAY YOU WILL HAVE TO FACE IT. Now I do understand that not all gamers have the "addiction" (or what have you) that my husband had, some people can actually do things in moderation so I am not saying this to every gamer out there that does take care of what needs to be taken care of. And the whole golf, bars and whatever else that can be considered addiction and time spent away from home THOSE ARE THINGS AND PLACES THAT EVENTUALLY CLOSE DOWN FOR A PERIOD OF TIME EACH DAY. ONLINE GAMES NEVER CLOSE AND CAN BE ACCESSED 24/7. Actors and such that get to role play don't do it at home and ignore the stuff in the home and they also get paid to do this stuff, they don't pay to act in a move...never heard of an actor saying well I paid x amount to be in this movie (yes Ido know that some do put money into movies but it is a movie that they wrote/produced/something but they in turn make money). So even though they may be out of the house I think I would rather have somebody ignore my kids and me and not be in the house then do it in front of the child in the home. For those people who play the game because the are sick and going to die I am sure they spend more time with their family because they realize that they won't be able to much longer but the ones that aren't sick and ignore their family you never know what tomorrow holds. A car accident could take somebody away and you didn't spend time with them and now you feel bad, or if the gamer is the one that died do you honestly want to be remembered as "always playing the game" and not leaving good memories for the ones you love. Ok well this wasn't really all that short. But I am very passionate about this cause I have been through the nights of him staying up all night on the computer and ignoring everything, being bitchy and yelling cause he is being inturrpted while playing and not being available to his family to him playing in moderation and being available. I do not bitch at him about the game (well maybe occasionally but only when I think he needs to take a step back cause he seems to be engaging himself in it more than normal cause it can swallow somebody very easily and take over all over again). We even joke and poke fun at some of the people on there.
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October 30, 2008, 2:00 pm PDT
2 words FREE WILL! Let us not forget that GOD created us with free will. He did not want us to be like robots and worship Him He wanted us to do it on our own. This means that satan will test us and as humans we will react and do as we chose. Some of us with testing will put more distance between ourselves and God and others will draw closer to Him. We as parents have to teach our children the ways of the Bible. Yes, we will be tested through our children and it is our responsibility to react approriatly. God indeed does NOT make mistakes, and when kids feel that way it is just satan getting into their heads and trying to test our faith. It is our mistake for saying that "God doesn't make mistakes, so if God created this child it must be ok that he/she is like this". When children are like this it is not how God created them. They are created with a blank slate so to speak, it is our job as parents to guide them in such a way that they can keep that slate as blemish free as possible. He didn't put in their heads that they are going to want to be the opposite sex. And by saying that God doesn't make mistakes so it must be ok they are like this where does that leave serial killers, rapist and child molesters? Are you also saying that since God doesn't make mistakes and that a serial killer, rapist and child molester is the way he is it must be ok? Of course you don't think it's ok for any of those people to be that way. Yes I do realize that transgender isn't the same as any of those I listed but it does have the same concept on how we are and whether or not it is how we are created. And as for statistics of children whose parents let them live out their fantasies of being the opposite sex I haven't researched any of that. That is something that could really go both ways as far as the childs depression goes. But I do not agree with parents letting their children do this. Transgender is something that is not completly accepted with open arms in society, they will be made fun of, beat up, hold them back from future dreams and aspirations etc. Although there are communities of people like this that can provide support but it is harder for children to find such a thing. By parents letting their children do this they are only subjecting them to some major problems that will be attached to such a thing and even then they still have to deal with all the pain that comes along with it. Now how is that going to help a child and keep them going? They will feel just as lonely and unaccepted as they would by parents not letting them do what they think they want to do. That's where we as parents have to step up and guide them carefully in the right direction (note carefully and not forcefully cause that will only cause more rebellion). |
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October 30, 2008, 11:11 pm PDT
Quote From: havasumoma Your 'morals' get people put out of their homes and jobs and worse, sometimes they even get people killed. You can have your morals, but please keep them to yourself and let the rest of us use our 'free will' as we see fit. I am secure in my relationship with God and I don't need someone to tell me what that should look like. You see God gave me a brain of my very own and I use it on a regular basis. I have a heart too and I know how to use that as well. Hate and judgment are never in alignment with God's will. Morals don't kill people. It is hate that drives people to do such things as far as putting people out of their homes, jobs, and worse and yes even kill people. Some people who do such things may claim it's their morals that drove them to do such a thing, trying to justify what they did, but it is actually out of hate that they do such things. There is a difference between morals and judgment/hate. And I am not sure what religion you are but God does want us to share His word, along with His word comes morals. I know that he does not want us to share His word by doing horrible things to people because that does not show the love He has for everybody no matter how they choose to live their lives. |
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October 31, 2008, 8:02 am PDT
Quote From: havasumoma Seriously, everyone has 'stuff' that they have to deal with in their life. Life can be challenging, so what is your point? Yes, these children will have a challenge, but their parents know that. Their parents love them, support them and can give them the tools they need to confront those challenges successfully. Just because you don't see yourself doing it doesn't mean it can't be done.
If my child was disfigured in a fire would I tell him to hide from the world? NO I would not. I would help him develop the coping skills he would need to face this challenge.
The part I need help with is preparing my child to deal with ignorance and bigotry dressed up as religion and God's love. Apparently your God is not they same as mine; your GOD has no compassion and it appears that you don't either. I'm really confused about who this Satan character is too! They will be subjected to challenges that they wouldn't otherwise have to go through. Allowing your child to do this stuff especially at such an early age is not right. They are not adults, therefore should not be making adult decisions. Being transgender should be left to when they can legally on their own make decisions. If you allowed your child to do such a thing and then when they grow up and they take a step back and say wait minute, I don't want to be the opposite sex. Then what, they lost out on a childhood of things that they could've done as their sex and were subjected to things they shouldn't have been. Your child being disfigured in a fire and developing his coping skills he would need to face his challenge is not the same as your child deciding they want to be the opposite sex and developing the coping skills in dealing with that. You think your child decided/chose to be disfigured by a fire? Of course not. I know people say that they don't choose to be transgender but they do. If they have these feelings it is their choice on how they are going to act upon those feelings. You could point out to me where I specifically said that my God and myself have no compassion. Because I have read and reread and I say nothing of the sort. Apparently we must not have the same God if you say "I'm really confused about who this Satan character is too!". Maybe I didn't use a term you know for satan so here's a list of some other common names for him:Devil, Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, Diablos, Beelzebub, Hades, The Evil One, The Tempter, Ancient Serpent, and yes many many more names refer to satan. I will have you know that since you think that my God and myself have no compassion that I have family and friends who are not in line with my beliefs. I still love these people dearly. I do not treat them any differently than any other family member or friend. But they do know that I do not agree with what they have decided to do but that doesn't mean that I can't love them and help show them the love of my God. Just like I don't agree with people abusing drugs who have kids (and yes I have a couple of friends who have done that as well, but they grew up and out of it and yes even some found God) or friends who run around and sleep with quite a few people, still don't agree with it. It's all the same. I have come across transgender people in my lifetime and I personally never went up to them "spewing my religion" so to speak. So before you judge me and my God maybe you better get the facts straight about who I am and what I do and how I treat people. The reason I treat people with love and respect is because of how I was raised and from what I have learned about how God wants me to be towards everybody no matter what they choose to do with their lives. Sorry I left that out in my original posts but I didn't see that it was necessary as I was just stating my beliefs and what i agree and disagree with. I know that I am not perfect and I do not expect others to be perfect as well, everybody has to find their own way to God. |
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October 31, 2008, 9:30 am PDT
Quote From: tina_socal You say that "When children are like this it is not how God created them....He didn't put in their heads that they are going to want to be the opposite sex." Really? You cannot point to any factual evidence to prove this either way, yet you state it as unqualified fact. Do you love your kids? I'm sure you would say yes, but what we call "love" is nothing but feelings. Who are you to dismiss the sincere feelings of others as being the work of Satan, while expecting your feelings you describe as "love" to be respected as good and decent and real? What ever happened to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? Unqualified fact in whose eyes? By Bible beliefs it is a fact, it is the work of satan for thoughts or feelings like this. You may not believe they way I do and that is fine. Everybody is entitled to their beliefs and what they consider to be facts according to those beliefs. Obviously you do not know me to ask me "what ever happened to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"?". I have a very bestfriend that I have had for 20 years and guess what, we are 2 different religions. She knows what I believe and I know what she believes. We know that we do not agree with the other as far as religion goes but that doesn't make us any less best friends. We respectfully disagree with eachother on issues that are very important to us. Obviously we do not participate in eachother religions due to beliefs and will not push eachother to do so but we are still very much best friends. I know that I hope and pray that one day she will see my God and what He has to offer in love and everything else that comes with following Him. She may even hope that I will drop my religion and give hers a try. I have a couple of gay friends and family members. They still get treated with love and respect by me. If I didn't I wouldn't be doing what God wants me to do in helping show them the way to Him and all that He has to offer them. They know I disagree with the choices they have made to live there life, but in turn they probably disagree with me with me disagreeing with them, still doesn't mean that we can't treat eachother with love and respect. I do not hate anybody but I dislike people, and it's not even gay people or transgender people that I dislike. The people I dislike are from a personality clash but not from how they choose to live their lives or their beliefs. Heck my own husband and I don't even agree with eachother on politics because of certain things but we still love eachother dearly and respect eachother. Oh and you ask who am I to dismiss the sincere feelings of others as being works of satan and in the same token you are dismissing my beliefs. |
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October 31, 2008, 1:36 pm PDT
Quote From: havasumoma It is NOT A DECISION...you never decided your gender, you just KNEW who you were...SO DO THEY!!!!!
You are so literal. I know what you mean when you talk about satan, I just see satan living in different people than you do. I see satan in bigotry, hate, and judgment. I see satan in closed minds and hearts.
Really, walk a mile in my shoes. Here is the real decision... to have a dead (biologic female) child or a happy, healthy, alive male (transgender) child, what would you choose? What would God want? What could you live with?
As a little girl I went through stuff that no child should ever have to go through. It wasn't immediate family that did this stuff to me but it still happend to me. Alot of people decide that they after having experiences such as mine or even worse would then not want to be a the sex they are or choose not to be with the opposite sex because of the memories that do come flooding back. And as a child I did have the natural curiosity that many children have about being the opposite sex. I did go through that stage. And back to the real decision, the child shouldn't be allowed to make such life altering decisions at such a young age, I won't disagree that children have these feelings (whether or not we agree that satan is the one putting them there), these children do have to be handled very delicatly. You probably wouldn't believe the amount of times I have said that I wish I was a boy, just due to the fact that I don't like all the things I have to go through as a woman. But it does not mean that I really want to be a boy. And if I remember correctly I did at one point tell my mom that I didn't like being a girl and that I wish I were a boy, she did of course talk to me about those feelings. I didn't say anything about if they still choose to do it as an adult stand in their way. Everybody has their own beliefs and teach/guide their children accordingly and pray and hope they make their decision according to your beliefs. It is your child and you will always love him/her no matter the decisions they make, even if it were my child who came to me and said that he wanted to be a girl. I would tell him that God still loves him as do I. I too see satan manifest himself in ways as you have mentioned but I also see him manifest himself in other ways in people.
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October 31, 2008, 2:19 pm PDT
Quote From: tina_socal The difference you are ignoring is that I never said that you believe what you believe or feel what you feel because an evil demon got inside your head. There are those in this world who would say exactly that, for instance some radical Muslim fundamentalists...their blanket assertion that your beliefs and feelings are Satanic in origin would by any stretch of the imagination be seen by reasonable people as being the very definition of "religious intolerance". Yet you and other fundamentalist Christians make the same blanket assertions about the beliefs and feelings of others and refuse to see that same intolerance, and instead cry "intolerance" when your own intolerance is pointed out. And while I may believe that what I present is fact, that belief is based in objective observation, not blind acceptance of religious dogma that can only offer up unproveable accusations of Satanic influence to explain its inconsistencies. Big difference. But you do still believe that I am wrong in what I believe. I know that people out there think that my beliefs come from somebody putting evil thoughts in my head. And honestly I can see how and why they may think that. I am more understanding then some people give me credit for. If I had "religious intolerance" then how is it that I keep people in my live even though I do not agree with them and how they choose to live their lives? Why wouldn't I just shut them out of my life, yell at them, call them nasty names, and so on and so forth? And that includes people who have wronged me in ways that nobody should ever be wronged. There is a big difference between "religious intolerance" and "religious beliefs". And as far as your objective observation goes that is considered a bias. Just as I am sure you consider me biased based on what I believe. Everybody has their beliefs. Nobody is going to agree on this across the board, if we did we would not have our free will. |
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October 31, 2008, 3:53 pm PDT
Quote From: havasumoma If they don't live to be adults then how would this work?
You are assuming that because you had these feelings and they stemmed from some childhood experience you had it is the same for others...it isn't.
My child has had a wonderful life. He wasn't sexually abused, or verbally abused. He has two loving parents and two loving siblings.
People always want to insist that there is something 'else' wrong. That there is a problem with the parents or the environment. Many, many, many people are sexually abused and have rotten childhoods and horrible or absent parents and they don't end up being transgender.
It is very sad that any child would not make it to be an adult. Whether they ended their lives themselves or somebody decided to end that childs life out of hate is a very horrible. I never said that my wishing I was a boy at times stemmed from what had happedned to me as a child, I said it came from a natural child curiosity. You assumed I was saying something I did not say this is what I said "Alot of people decide that they after having experiences such as mine or even worse would then not want to be a the sex they are or choose not to be with the opposite sex because of the memories that do come flooding back. And as a child I did have the natural curiosity that many children have about being the opposite sex. I did go through that stage". My husband and I are 2 examples of people who went through things that no child should ever have to go through that did not end up/choosing to being gay or transgender. Our insisting that there is something else wrong comes from our beliefs. Just as you believe it is quite the opposite of that. |
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October 31, 2008, 4:46 pm PDT
Quote From: tina_socal You (and others) keep on this point about gender expression being an "adult choice" that children are too young to make, and how it is wrong for parents to support children who make those choices on their own...you all imply or state directly that the children's statements about what they feel inside are not to be trusted as genuine and in reality the parents are "pushing" these kids into "choosing" a gender identity... But it seems to me that deciding on one's religious beliefs and how that are expressed- things that according to most Christian teachings will determine how one spends ETERNITY- is a HUGE decision involving concepts and implications that are about as adult as you can get. Yet these same parents regularly PUSH their children into accepting an identity as "Christian", or at the very least EXPOSE them to concepts of salvation, eternal damnation, etc. that are difficult for even adults to fully comprehend, let alone little kids. Seems like you haven't thought this through at all- They will be subjected to challenges that they wouldn't otherwise haveto go through. Same thing happens when a child is taught to identify as a Christian- scripture even warns about it repeatedly, saying that *anyone* who accepts the way of Christ *will* be "persecuted"... Allowing your child to do this stuff especially at suchan early age is not right. They are not adults, therefore should notbe making adult decisions. Again, if deciding on a path that will either lead you to eternal life or eternal damnation isn't an "adult decision", I don't know what is...but children of Christian parents are exposed to these concepts all the time, are forced to make these very adult decisions as a matter of course, and are punished for not making the "right" choice... Being transgender should be left to whenthey can legally on their own make decisions. If you allowed yourchild to do such a thing and then when they grow up and they take astep back and say wait minute, I don't want to be the opposite sex. Then what, they lost out on a childhood of things that they could'vedone as their sex and were subjected to things they shouldn't havebeen. I'm sure you raise your kids to be Christians and expose them to all of these adult concepts all the time- what if YOUR child grows up accepting what you PUSH them into accepting and takes a step back and says "wait a minute, I don't want to be a Christian, I'd rather be a Hindu or Buhddist or atheist"? What of the childhood lost where he could have been learning about and growing into his CHOSEN faith/beliefs (because it IS a choice)...? There are FAR more children who are raised as Christians, forced to perform rituals and worship deities and take oaths, etc. who reject all of it as adults and resent having had their choices stolen from them by overbearing fundamentalist parents, than there are gender variant kids who are supported in their gender expression and later resent their parents for having done so... but for all of their concern for the kids, I doubt that any of these fundamentalist religionists would apply the same standards to their own kids if they came to them and said that they wanted to wait until they were adults to make the very adult decision about what particular brand of religion they wanted to adopt and where they wanted to spend eternity...if their kids were to reject the religious teachings that they FORCE on them, they would just go into high gear and force it on them even harder. What is interesting is that one of the most pious Christian sects, the Amish, get it right and actually *do* wait until the kid is a young adult before they are required to fully accept an identity as part of that church- and that decision is made only after they are given an indefinite time period to freely and without fear of retribution expose themselves to worldly temptations like drinking, smoking, sex, drugs, gambling, pornography, etc. should they care to experience them. They don't try to micromanage the lives of their kids and hide them from temptations and worldly vices, they allow them to dive into them head first as a real test of their faith. Not surprisingly, the kids who reject all of that and decide to remain Amish rarely regret having made the decision, unlike the regret and resentment experienced by so many kids whose parents keep them ignorant and make their religious choice for them. I have thought this through just fine. I am not sure if you have kids, but if you do as a human and being a parent you too will impress upon your children your beliefs. Whether you believe there is a God or isn't. Either way it is a belief and a way of life. I was not always a follower of God myself. I was raised in a Christian home, I decided on my own that I didn't want to be a part of it for quite a few years. I never resented my parents for raising me to be a Christian. My parents although wanted me to learn their beliefs and follow them also realized that once I hit a certain age if I decided not to do it then I would not. But until then I was still to go to church and participate in activities that I wanted to participate in. Never once did my parents say that if I chose not to be a Christian that they would no longer love me and they proved that to me as I was out and about doing whatever it was I wanted to do they never stopped loving me. They never forced me to read my Bible. I did say they made me go to church but that didn't mean that I wasn't sitting in the back of the room piddlefarting around and not paying attention whatsoever to what was being taught and even after I hit a certain age they no longer made me go. As for my son, he wants to go to church. He wanted to go to church well before I decided that I did want to start going back. I do not make him read his Bible but he does have one and on occasion he will read it all on his own. I do not force my child to participate in "rituals" as you call them. If we are all together sitting in church I do not make him sing or do anything there that he doesn't want to do. If they were doing baptisms and he chose not to participate in that I will not force him to do so. You have me mistaken for many parents who are very forceful with their children and make their kids do everything, and I do agree that some are far too forceful in how they handle religion and their kids and some yes are punished by their parents for not participating at they expect them to. So are you saying that I should move away from everybody, impress upon my child Christian beliefs (not making him choose to be one yet of course) and let him out into the world where all the temptations are when he hits 16 or so? He is out in the world, not sheltered and has to face temptation everyday. Does he handle things as the way I see he should be, of course not, he is still a child. I don't see how I am trying to hide my son from all temptations and worldly vices. We don't live in that type of world that we can totally shelter our kids like that. We can shelter them as far as what they watch on tv and what they listen to on the radio but that is only in the home that we can do that, if they are at school or someone elses house they may not be sheltered from it. Amish parents wish that their children will choose the Amish way, but not all of them will do so just like kids of Christian parents don't always choose Christianity. And yes it does say in the Bible that Christians will persecuted. But there is a much larger communtiy for kids who choose to be Christians to get support from than there is for transgender children. I teach my child that certain things are wrong but that doesn't mean I teach him to hate people for being different. Which alot of parents teach their kids hate for others who are not like them. Teaching children to hate and treat people any other way than with respect because they do not believe the way you do is real ignorance. |
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November 3, 2008, 7:07 am PST
Quote From: havasumoma I just have a few short things to say.
I am a Christian and I live in a home with an agnostic, an atheist, an undecided, and a wicken. This is my family and I love them and they love me. I taught my children to think for themselves. To follow THEIR dreams. To find their own path (I could go on forever) . We don't agree, but we love and respect each other. That is what all children want.
Our children are gifts from God, not possessions. We have been given the responsibility to guide them not decide everything for them. They are precious human beings and they were not put here to live OUR DREAM.
WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS SOOOOO MAGICAL ABOUT THE AGE OF 18?
DOES A CHILD SUDDENLY GROW A BRAIN WHEN THEY TURN 18?
I never said that my children are possessions nor did I say that we are to decide everything for them. I know they are gifts from God. Being that they are gifts from God it is our responsibility to teach them and guide them according to the Bible. I have said in other messages that I have not decided for my child his religion, and I don't decide everything for him (I have 2 but the littlest one still cries for a bottle so that's why I only address things about the oldest). He has been taught to think for himself as the other one will be taught in the same way. Do not think that I do not value my children!! And no they weren't put here to live our dreams they were put here to serve God and spread Gods word. The magical thing about 18 is when they legally become an adult. They can vote, open credit cards, consent to medical treatments, so on and so forth. It's not that they all of a sudden grow a brain but it has had plenty of time to develop and on their own they can do research exactly what it is they are going to do and how they are going to do it. |
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