Messages By: efffy_

Addiction is addiction, no matter what form.  Some people are addicted to drugs, alcohol, the usual suspects.  Others are addicted in less known forms such as shoes (my specialty), or prehaps butting into other peoples business.  We all seek avenues of blame, whether it's the drugs, alcohol, internet, our parents, our husbands/wives, etc., rather than deal with the real issues that are present in the relationships. (Husband/wife, parent/child, etc.).  I don't buy the couple on the show that claimed that when the husband wasn't on the game he was the perfect hudband/dad.  It may be what they want to believe, but I don't think that's the case.  More than likely, if it wasn't the game it would be something else.  What about the husbands that spend every weekend at the golf course, or spend all their money on NASCAR stuff, or stop by the bar every evening for a few before heading home?

My husband began online gaming (Everquest 2) and would spend hours on the game.  You know what?  I joined him.  Granted, we don't have little children.  Our son at the time had graduated high school and was attending our local community college.  To begin with we had to share one gaming computer.   We bought a second relatively quickly so that we could play together.  We both enjoy it and if we spend lots of time on the weekends playing the game, so what.  We have never been a couple that went out alot, often refering to ourselves as modern day hermits.  Introverts to the core, we prefer a quite home life.

I do see the problems in those families profiled on the show, but the games are not the cause.  They are only a manifestation of a deeper problem.  If you don't want to spend time with your wife, an online game is a great way to avoid her.  So is the local pool room, the local pub, the bowling alley, a friend's house, etc.  The fact that the one wife allows it to go on to such an extent (husband stays home with kids while she's at work) shows that she is an enabler, or prehaps she has too many issues herself to deal with that confronting the problem headon is too much to handle.  Personally I would crack the computer open and rearrange some of the internal pieces! 

Gist of this reply, quite trying to lay blame on inannimate objects.  To blame a game, you must include the computer/game station it's played on.  To blame the computer/game station, you must include the electricity powering the system.  So, ultimately, it's the fault of Benjamin Franklin, who, because he discovered electricity, caused these people to become addicted.  Quit making excuses for the poor state of your life.  Get over "if"- get on with "life".

The young girls of college age today seem so young to you because now you are old.  When you were in college, you were the same age and you didn't think of the girls as being young but I bet your parents or grandparents looked at them as too young to be out on the own.  Back in the '50's and '60's it wasn't unusual for women to get married at 16, 17 or 18 and not even finish high school.  Women stayed home and raised the kids, husbands went out to work.  Women were raped in the '50 and '60's also, ones that were raised by mothers who were house wives, those who were house wives themselves.  Rape happened in the Biblical times even!  I doubt that your mother's mother or your first and second wife's mothers worked outside the home.  Just because you and your friends didn't hear of it happening doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Chances are the women didn't report it because of the shame, they blamed themselves because that is what women who have it happen does.  Even if they did report it, it may not have been taken seriously since there was no DNA testing back then, it was his word against hers and like you and a lot of people, think that she deserves it because she is independent, she dresses a bit to sexy, she put herself in a position to have it happen to her. 

Back in the 60's no white man would be convicted of raping a black woman, that is a shame of our country, not an excuse on why it happens.  The crimes against the blacks back then were horrible and the fact that prejudice is a taught trait makes it even worse.  I was young in the 60's but I remember the one little black girl who came to our white school.  She was treated harshly and even as young as I was I knew it was wrong.  I remember how adopted children were treated as something strange too, anything that made you different.  I, for one, am glad that things changed from back then.  Kids now days are much more diversified then back then and much more tolerant.  One thing that hasn't changed is men trying to think they own women or are owed sex and that has to stop. 

Someone said rape isn't about sex, it is about power.  That is true in a lot of cases but not all.  Some think it is a game, how many women can you have sex with?  Some think of it as a way to show they are macho with "talking" women into having sex however they can.  We as parents need to teach our children, boys and girls, that sex isn't something to do as a pass time, it isn't a game.  We as parents need to teach our kids to respect each other, not to bully, to respect women.  I remember my dad always saying "only a sissy would hit a girl" and that is true but it should be only a desperate person would use violence to make themselves feel important.  I taught all my children if you resort to hitting, you lose because you aren't winning it by the facts.  Respect is the answer to most of our problems but to teach it, you have to show it and most rapists weren't raised with respect to their parents, respect from their parents and most of all respect for others.

This problem will get worse as time goes by because sex isn't something that you do with someone you plan on spending your life with, it is something that you do for fun and the challenge of getting something you shouldn't.

Back in the 80's my husband's parents thought D&D was a cult because they saw something to that effect on TV. He (at 12 years old) sarcastically asked his parents "You think Dave Brown and I are a cult?" The two of them played D&D in the basement together.

So far as I know, they never worshipped the devil, they just played pretend battles. They did the same thing with action figures and army men, only there were no books and no dice and no one thought THAT was a cult. Your post made me laugh, remembering his parent's reaction to D&D. :)