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Messages By: acurreylc2
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September 10, 2008, 3:52 pm PDT
 Hi, I'm new to the message boards.. I am 22 years old and I'm engaged . My fiance is 26 years old.I lived with him over college break this past summer and things were an "adjustment" as far as living styles go but all in all I think me and him are a perfect match...EXCEPT for the fact that I have an extreme jealousy issue. I have never been secure about myself. I was constantly picked on so bad in middle school that insurance actually covered my cosmetic surgery. That being said, I'm not really what i consider ugly at all. I was a senior class beauty at my high school and everything. But i constantly look at other women and find so many things about them that I wish I could have. So i guess that is the root of my jealousy. Me and my fiance have almost called off the wedding because of an argument over a bachelor party. I just cant fathom the thought of a stripper dancing on him the night before he gets married. Just because its a strip club doesnt make it any more right than if it were a regular girl that he knows. Also, we have had HUGE fights over porn magazines that i found. I just stared at every page wondering what it is that makes him want them instead of me. Its not like I dont give him sex. I usually want it more than he does. So thats not the issue. I didnt find them until after I moved out and went back to school. So obviously in my mind he is hiding them. I dont look at other guys and scope them out and wish I could be with them in a sexual manner. Just because he is a guy doesnt make it right. He should not want to look at those pictures. It makes me feel insignificant and want to get even more cosmetic surgery. He has never cheated on me that I know of but I cant help but think that lusting after someone else is just as bad. I was in a four year relationship prior to this that ended because of my jealousy issues. I really love my fiance and it would destroy me if we broke up because of my jealousy. So what is it that I can do to control my jealousy over him lusting after celebrities, looking at magazines, exc... |
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September 17, 2008, 6:16 pm PDT
Quote From: sandy0914 Your insecurities about yourself will ultimately ruin this relationship. There is no amount of cosmetic surgery that will make you feel good about you on the inside.. Sounds like a bit of therapy is what you need to get over the trauma that you sufferred as a child. This is your problem and you need to fix it.
There will always be women who are prettier than you, thinner than you, have better hair and the list goes on and on. Hell even Pamela Anderson admits to having numerous flaws which bother her! Your fiancee asked you to marry him because he loves you, flaws and all. He loves you not only for how you look on the outside but for who you are on the inside, problem is is that you don't love you. Don't make your problem his problem, seek therapy to work on your self esteem.
Regarding the porn - most guys look at porn whether it be in front of their partners or behind their backs. This has always been a hot topic on these boards and we all have our opinions about it. My husband reads the magazines and watches it occassionally and I couldn't care less as I am secure enough with myself and in my relationship with him. It is never done on family time and it is not excessive. I don't care for it at all but to each his own. This is something you must talk to him about and tell him why you do not like him reading however try to keep an open mind. You can't ask him to stop watching TV because the women on the show are prettier than you! You also seem to not trust him ie. bachelor party - another controversial issue. If he's never given you a reason to not trust him let his have his one day. Tell him to have a good time and you'll be waiting for him when he gets home. Have a girls night out - I know my views may seem a little laxed but I'm his wife and not his mother and I have no intention on telling him what he can and can not do. I expect him to use proper judgement and would not have married him had I not trusted him to begin with. Your thoughts? Thanks for replying.
So when you say (regarding the bachelor party) I should let him have his one day...do you mean I should expect him to go out and do wrong for one day because he has never cheated or given me a reason to suspect before. It's not that I don't trust him, I don't trust his friends. The best man to be has openly admitted to paying strippers for sex and when my man gets drunk I don't want him to be cohersed into something. I do believe that people make mistakes they can't necessarily control when they have alcohol in their systemes. HOWEVER, I belive that you shouldn't put yourself in a sticky situation to begin with (i.e. if you are going to drink all night long at your bachelor party you shouldnt be going to a strip club where u could potentially use bad judgement)
Having a girls night out seems like a good idea if he is going to have a bachelor party...but I have lived alone since my freshmen year in college and I literally have no girls that I hang out with. My only friends are guys and that wouldnt look good for a bachelorette party.
I admire you for being able to overlook when your husband looks at porn but if you are right there then it really amazes me how the thought of him wishing that you look like the women in those pictures doesnt cross your mind. A guy wouldnt look at ugly porn...right?? He only looks at porn that he lusts after and secretly wishes he could be, otherwise he wouldnt look at it at all. I can honestly say without a doubt that I do not look at other guys and lust after them or check them out in any way. For some reason I've never been one of the girls who say " wow, he's cute" exc...
Regarding the cosmetic surgery...I know that some ppl get addicted but I really do believe that if I could just get my nose and boobs fixed that I would idealistic in my mind and then ultimately look like the girls that he wishes he could be with. I know that sounds bizarre but thats my rationality with it. |
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January 25, 2009, 9:45 pm PST
This is my fifth year at a college that is 200 miles from home (about a 3 hour drive). I go home every summer but I still am having separation anxiety from my parents. A high school teammate of my softball team goes to the same college. When I was a sophomore her dad died suddenly. He was considerably older than my parents but every since then I have a huge fear of my parents dying. If I think about it I start tearing up and feel the urge to just leave school all together and go home. I have focused my career goals around something that I can use to take care of them when I graduate (i.e. Nursing or medical field). I want to move back home and will only accept a job if it is close to my hometown. My dad had a heart stint put in last fall and I have just been overwhelmed with the thought of him dying ever since. I just keep thinking back to my friend and how she could have been home with her dad and how she possibly regrets that she was at college instead of spending more time with her dad. My life kinda revolves around my dad. I know this is biased but he can do just about anything. He does my taxes, he fixes my car (its not his profession but he's so good he once put an entire new motor in my car), he takes care of things in my apartment at school, and he does numerous other small things like that. I'm on athletic scholarship for tuition and books but I take out loans for living expenses but my parents take care of my cell phone, car insurance, health insurance, exc. so if anything happened to them I wouldn't know what to do. My older sister is causing extreme stress on both of them because she is getting in with the wrong crowd and is about to lose custody of my niece (whom my dad absolutely loves). He would be heartbroken without her and I think this stress could cause my dad a heart attack so I've been extremely worried lately. I argue with my sister and tell her that if she causes my dad to die that I will never forgive her (and I wouldn't). At this point I will graduate in Dec 2009 but I just want to pack up and come home to a community college to do nursing. My degree at college will be in Chemistry but I want to do nursing now bc a job with a chem degree will not likely be open in my small town. Also, my granny used to be one of those 55 year olds who looked like early forties, now she is beginning to really show her age and I'm getting very scared about her too bc of her health problems. I call my parents twice a day and also call my granny several times and usually have an hour or two long conversation on a daily basis (however, my parents don't like to stay on the phone and talk as long as she does). How can I stop constantly obsessing about my parents and granny dying and more importantly how can I prepare so that when it enivitably does happen that it doesn't destroy my life? |
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