Messages By: fluffy04

Quote From: piglet101

 Hi my name is Mary. I am 225lbs, 5'4" tall. . I have been off work because of depression and PTSD  for 18 months. I worked hard for 26 years, 50-80 hours/week. .I am joining this challenge to become healthier, both physically and mentally. When I was a little girl I was very overweight. When I left home for university I lost a lot of weight and maintained the weight loss for over 20 years(I was a size 8 and am now a size 20). I gained back all of my weight when the doctors started treating me for depression with medication. I no longer want to use the pills as an excuse for eating, I really do want to get my life back, just having a difficult time even getting out of bed sometimes. I am an educated person and usually a very logical person, but for some reason I can not find the motivation or the energy to lose the weight. I watch Dr Phil everyday and I believe him to be a no nonsense man. I know I have internal dialogue that tells me I am worthless and not worth knowing. I am trying but not very successfully to overcome the years of physical and mental abuse. I was able to hide my pain for 46 years very successfully, but now I am paying the price for suppressing those feelings. Sometimes I just wish I was a little girl and someone would hold me and tell me I am worth knowing and they would love me the way I am. I have managed to lose contact with my 3 brothers and their families, as well as my mother and father. They have not been able to speak to me for a long time because I have succeeded in becoming the failure they always told me I was. I find the space I am comfortable in is getting smaller and smaller. I very rarely go outside and am anxious when having to deal with make decisions(even what to have for supper). I realize I am carrying a lot of baggage and maybe this isn't for me, but I would like to try it. I want to commit to walking for 20 minutes every day to start with. If I can do this I know I would be on my way. I am sorry if I made anyone feel sad, but it feels good to share the burden, I hope no one minds. I will try my very best not to mention anymore personal demons, and put my energy into losing the weight and feeling better about myself.  I wish all of you success in your weight loss goals. Hugs to all. I hope I can find a weight loss group on here that will encourage me to keep living.