I was born and adopted in 1969.My birthmother was 15 when she had me,she wanted someone to give her unconditional love,and she thought having a baby would fill that void.She put me up when I was 8 months old.To make a long story short,I always knew I was adopted,and my adoptive parents helped me search for her until they both passed away.I found 1 year after my Adoptive father passed.She was in California and I was in Virginia.She moved to Virginia less than 6 months after I found her.She has post traumatic syndrome.so I really have to watch what I say.But that mother-daughter relationship doesn`t seem to be there for me.I am now 39 years old and she still has me as that 8 month old she gave up.Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by finding her.I feel very guilty for finding her and then not having the feelings I always thought I would have.
I have no idea where to go from here.My feelings are all mixed up.I don`t want to hurt her,but I can`t get her to understand that I need to start out as a friend and then hopefully we can be closer.She wants it instantly.I can`t do it.
If anyone has any suggestions,please respond.
Used to be me (Shannon Marie)
