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Messages By: bcoceans

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July 23, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

I'm Pregnant!

I love being pregnet but some of the down falls are the hot flashes, and i am in a threatened miscarriage. I am enjoying the wonderful experiece of my first child being on the way though.

Congrats on being pregnant!! I must confess that although my pregnancy hasn't been the easiest either, I am enjoying the experience.  When are you due?

 
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July 23, 2005, 12:25 pm CDT

Need Help!

Hi Everyone!

I am almost 7 months pregnant, and recently told my Doctor that I am very depressed. This is my first child, however it wasn't a planned prenancy. I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much. However that just isn't enough for some reason. So my Doctor has hooked me up to go talk to someone at the hospital in two weeks time.

Since I found out I was pregnant I have had good days and many bad ones. There have been many times where I'd rather be dead than on this planet! I am crying over everything and this isn't just hormones I'm feeling. This is severe, "I don't want to do anything, I hate me, hate everything mode"

I am also currently suffering from Pubic Symphysis Syndrome, and am on one months bedrest. I know that not being able to walk around and do things for myself is only adding to the factor. I am normally a very happy and outgoing woman. So this has caught me rather offgaurd but I do know that it has gone on long enough. I want to get out of this rut before our baby is born. I am driving myself crazy and I'm sure my husband too. Anyone else out there that has gone through this!? Any advice??

 

 
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July 23, 2005, 12:48 pm CDT

Thought you might be interested...

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and the topic of divorce has come up several times especially since our son has arrived. Since he has been here my husband and I have been at each others throats. I am with our children all day every day. I dont even go to the store without one of the kids. I understand my husband has a hard job being in the Army and all but I didnt have the kids by myself so I feel he should help out with them rather than letting me do everything for them and with them. When it comes to taking the kids to the doctor I have to do, when it comes to baths I have to do it, when it comes to feedings, changings, clothing, and all that kind of stuff I have to do it. My husband asked mewhy i sound like I am stressed and I told him its because I am stressed. I dont know what a day without kids is like, not even a day but not even a few hours.My husband tells me if I want sometime away from the kids I need to get a job. He says that taking care of the kids is not a job and is easy to do no matter how many kids you have. Anyone have any tips, advice or suggestions to get my husband to help me out with the kids and the household chores?

Dear Brandyfra,

I read what you wrote and recently I read here in Canada in the papers what a stay at home mom is worth. I had to look online but I found something similar that you may be interested in reading and sharing with your husband. He may have a hard job, however he also has the job for life of being a father. There is no excuse to make you work 24 hours a day because he has had a long day. He should be giving you a break and helping out, and there is no excuse for not helping you in any way with the home and kids.

Here's what I thought you'd be interested in reading:

 

"WHAT MOTHERS ARE REALLY WORTH. Stay-at-home mothers wear many hats. They're the family CEO, the daycare provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist, and educator. Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000."

If you want to read more the website is:

http://www.salary.com/careers/layouthtmls/crel_display_Cat10_Ser253_Par358.html

 

Good luck and take care!

 
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July 25, 2005, 3:07 pm CDT

Depression

Quote From: psychwife2

Bless you...you are going through a very big change in your life! Not only are you getting ready to bring a child into your life, you are suffering from additional physical problems as well.

Don't dismiss hormonal changes, however. Pregnancy is a very difficult time and hormones really do play a very big part. During my first pregnancy, I used to cry at the drop of a hat...but lucky for me, my husband was going through his residency in Psychiatry and his advisor was a woman. She told him at the very beginning to be aware of my emotional roller coaster and encouraged him to ride that coaster along with me...and I'm sure that if you are open and honest with your husband about your feelings, he will be more than happy to do the same.

But most importantly, you have sought help and I encourage you to keep your appointment and use this time to help yourself find a way to cope with all the changes going on with you right now.

This board is a great way to vent and to find support....Welcome!! I look forward to hearing from you and I want to encourage you to stay in touch. It is always nice to know that you're not alone!

Thank you so much for replying to me! I didn't think that someone would actually take the time to read what I wrote! It feels so good to have someone tell me they felt the same way! My husband is very supportive, however he gets tired of it all I'm sure! I think it is hard for him to understand what is wrong, when half the time I don't even know what's wrong! It's so frustrating! He asked me last night, "are we gonna be happy again?" I know that if I can get through this I will be happy again, and in turn he'll be happy again. It just seems soooooooo far away.

I am looking forward to my appointment! I have studied psychology for years myself, and know that this isn't healthy. I am hoping that in some time, this will all be in the past!

 

 

 
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July 25, 2005, 3:12 pm CDT

Depression

Quote From: janine00

I don't know what it is like to be pregnant at least not yet, I have been trying for five years, got pregnant once but my baby is in Heaven. Anyways, I am a depressive, I have been since I was twelve. I know how bad you can feel when your not pregnant. I talked to a few doctors and psycholigists, many of themt old me that depression can present itself at any time in ones life and a lot of the time it can pop up when a woman is pregnant. I found out that you may need to take anti depressive medicane. I know it is unearving especially with what effects it will have on your baby. There are certain ones you can take that will not harm your baby at all. I am on Paxil now and I was told that it is very safe to take during pregnancy. Also it is recomended that you have a good support system and someone professional to talk with. Talk to your doctor or a psychologist and see what they say. I hope everything will be okay. I will be praying for all of you.
I once too was put on anti depressants! I had a severe anxiety problem for quite a while and it really blew up when I started college. I was put on paxil as well and I actually hated the feeling of it. I hated how it made me sleep constantly, and I felt "high" so to speak. I have discussed this with my Doctor and he has referred me to a great psychologist at the Womens Hospital I am delivering at. He is going to closely monitor me, and realizes I don't want medication. However, I know and addressed that if I need it, I will take it. Thank you for reaching out and your prayers! I pray that you too will feel better one day!
 
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July 25, 2005, 3:21 pm CDT

congrats everyone

I am 30 weeks pregnant. It hasn't been easy for me either, I had morning sickness, but not throwing up, just really bad nausea. I had bladder, kidney and many yeast infections in my second trimester. Now I am suffering from Pubic Symphysis Disorder and am on one months bedrest until I can complete stretches with my physiotherapist.

This is our first baby, and it was somewhat of a surprise. It wasn't planned, but we kind of expected it when we finally found out. We didn't find out until I was about 3 months pregnant. The dr's didn't think I was pregnant, they thought I was having other health problems. So this baby has truly been a blessing in disguise.

We have been busily getting ready for the baby. We bought the crib, and bedding, and clothes, a beautiful gliding rocking chair (I highly suggest you all getting one) and other baby stuff. It's very exciting to think that we created this life. Anyone else feel as excited as I do???

Congrats to EVERYONE here! Bringing a new life into this world is the biggest gift from God! Bless all of you!

 
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July 26, 2005, 9:17 am CDT

Depression

Quote From: psychwife2

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. They redesigned this board and I am having trouble keeping up with the posts.

Having a baby is such a major change for the both of you. Your husband might be feeling a little overwhelmed himself, therefore he gets a bit frustrated when he feels you aren't happy. And he is probably feeling a little helpless because he doesn't know how to help you. Don't blame yourself for his frustration and don't put too much pressure on yourself to get better for him so he'll be happy again. You need to do it for yourself and the rest will follow. Just keep those lines of communication open and you will do just fine. And just to warn you, sometimes the husbands get a little jealous once the baby comes...they feel like they have gone down a few notches on the totem pole since new moms tend to pay so much attention to the baby (like they have any choice, LOL!) That's why it is so important to take care of yourself now, while you have the time.

You are about to enter a wonderful phase of your life. My hope for you is that you will be able to find a way to work through your depressioin so that you can enjoy you new baby.

Mine are now 20 and 17 and they have been such a joy...and a lot of work, LOL! You'll make it...and until then, please keep in touch.
You are totally right! I am sure it is all very overwhelming for my husband to see me in this state! Thank you for the warning about the possibility of jealousy! I will make sure to make him feel as loved as the baby (not like he isn't)! Again....thank you.
 
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July 26, 2005, 9:43 am CDT

Reconsider what you are getting yourself into!

I definately agree....

DO NOT MARRY HIM! If he is so addicted to porn, he isn't going to immediately reprogram his brain! It is WRONG to look at images and fantasize about such images. I believe that it is completely disrespectful, not only for you, himself and for those poor girls that have wound up on that screen and/or pages. If he is in love with you then he should be in love WITH YOU, not other girls on pages or on the web. If he has sexual fantasies he should express them towards you or at least discuss them with you. Cheating isn't just physical, cheating is cheating with porn, and when it hurts and disrespects the other person. The saying, "Men can look, but can't touch!" is a load of crap [sorry to say in such a manner]. But even looking at porn is CHEATING. There's no way around it.

I would never marry a man like this.

Don't be fearful of calling off a wedding because of it being so close to the date. What will be worse is in a years time or so, you telling all of your family that you're getting a divorce! Why cause all that uneeded stress, when you can prevent it. Don't marry someone because you now feel that you have to. That is not the reason for marriage!

Sorry for my long reply to this subject! But I went through this with a good friend of mine and I feel very strongly on this subject!

Good luck!

 

 
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July 27, 2005, 8:19 am CDT

Depression

Quote From: chipizubov

It is a very scary time in your life when you are having a baby and don't diminish that fear it is real you just have to keep things in perspective and pray for the best and take care of yourself the best way you know. I had a very traumatic pregnancy last year and we (baby and I) nearly died. It is hard for partners and family to know what to say and how to cope with things like that. I was in and out of hospital during the pregnacy and each time I was scared stiff I was going to loose the baby and my husband kept say don't worry you will be fine. That drove me crazy as I thought didn't he realise how serious this was but it was his way of coping. He really struggled with seeing me so scared and emotionally up and down that all he could do was say it will be ok. I am glad your husband is being supportive as it is really hard for another person to know how you feel and what to say. Good luck with it all.Chipizubov
Wow! Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me! It really helps to have someone share that they have or are going through similar situations as myself.  I am definately doing my best to take care of myself. I find myself sleeping a lot more during the day, probably more because I am depressed, but at least I am getting rest. I just feel like one big mess, and you are right, my husband says "you'll be fine" "you're alright babe!" and I'm sure that's his way of coping with the whole situation. I am glad to hear that you and your baby made it through ok! Thanks again!
 
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July 29, 2005, 3:07 pm CDT

With one week to our wedding-I signed one!

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

 

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