Messages By: popsicle67

This is advise coming from a former abuser. Take the first opportunity you get to leave. Your husband does not value or respect you as a person. If you don't leave under your own power you will be leaving by ambulance at best(don't need to mention the worst). My ex-wife didn't have a job or security when she left me, in fact she went to my family for help after she left. Now she is three terms away from her RN license and we have managed to forge a relationship based on friendship, respect, and trust. While we do not have a future together as a married couple we do have a long relationship ahead of us. That is the exception to the rule I think,for the most part I think abusers and their victims are better off not seeing each other after they part ways I just added my story to say that it is possible as long as you feel safe and he respects you. All that aside the first thing you need to do is leave. Whether you believe it or not you can do it , there are places to go,you can find safety  and after that medical attention. It is scary but it will feel so much better to take your life into your own hands and not depend on your ability to keep that idiot from hitting you. I had a hard time after My ex left me and I almost ended it all a few times, but I now know that the best feeling in the world is seeing what happens tommorow. You will find out I'm right as soon as you control your own destiny again. It won't miraculously happen overnight but a day will come when you suddenly realize that you haven't been afraid for longer than you can remember. Just remember that now as you do all the scary stuff, The fear will go away and you will be whole again

Don't sit around waiting for him to be there for you, if he doesn't want to be with you then say "Asta Baby" you don't owe him anything. Secondly stop the drugs however you have to. You do not need to waste your new life on being out of it to stop hurting. Why is it important to you to stay and try to get his attention? Try finding out what life is like by yourself. It sounds trite but finding out who you are can be fun when you don't have to worry about a partners feelings or approval. You need to discover how to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else.

I used to right about everything just ask me I'll tell ya. Now after being jailed for domestic assault and taking anger management classes and paying fines and losing my marriage I figured out that  

even if I am right it isn't worth the trouble to hammer on someone till they see it my way. The things I lost in my haste to make everything perfect for me I will never recover even though I would do anything to be able to remarry my ex and go on with my life. To base your life on being the one who is always right is very tiring. First you have to figure out your opinion on a subject, this is the easiest part because you actually need no knowledge on that subject to form an opinion. After that you have make your opinion known, this is also fairly easy but you do have to scrounge up an audience. Lastly you have to enforce your rightness, this is the hard part as it usually takes a lot of yelling and cajoling and maybe hitting to get everyone to acknowledge the length and breadth of your wisdom. 

I enjoy being wrong now, it saves a lot of energy. 

I am on anti-depressants and was hoping in the course of dealing with my anxiety I could deal with my emotional eating, but it seems like my body is developing new responses to hunger and I just can't seem to defeat them. Instead of becoming more comfortable over time eating less I get more and more uncomfortable from headaches and heartburn to absolute jitters verging on a panic attack if I try to ignore the pangs. I have been overweight all my life and am getting so sick of being this way. I don't feel comfortable about anything anymore.  I wish I could lose weight without pain because telling myself that I already am in pain just isn't working to keep me on the ball.

I know she's your mom but she is abusing you and your kids with her behavior. Go ahead and have a relationship with whomever you wish and let her decide if she will deal with it or do without your company. You do not need the the constant  beating you are receiving from her, it will likely end with everyone not talking to eachother anyway so start with her and don't listen until she can be polite and respectful of your feelings.

None of these parents have a chance in hell of ever having better kids than I do. My kids are funnier, more talented, better behaved, better looking, smarter,etc. etc. etc. I really do have the worlds greatest kids and I feel pitty for all of those parents that need their kids to do something to be proud of them. They are missing the true miracle of being a parent, finding out what love really means. Now I could go on and on about one daughter's artistic talents or the others singing ability but they did everything they needed to do to get my undying affection when they popped out and said " Honey I'm Home" well you get the idea.

I am the person who should have nosy in-laws if there ever was one. Well to be accurate they are ex-inlaws now due to a divorce after I assaulted my ex-wife. I didn't know it at the time but my ex's mom didn't ever like me even when we were just friends, in fact the only member of her whole family who did like me was her dad I think. To this day I wish they had all stepped in the way to stop us because although we are friends again, me and the ex now have all of the bad history between us that sometimes gets in the way. When we were just friends before there were undercurrents of  

desire on both sides and as we explored those we found we were incompatible but we also were hooked on eachother and I thought I could change her and she thought I would change so we tripped off too wedded hell. To add to the problem we had kids too. Now they are the best kids in the world and I can't think of a life without them do not mistake me, I love them more than life but 

I messed up their lives along with my ex's and none of them deserved to be the butt of my problems. So take a good honest look at what your partner is like and what your parents say about them,or even more importantly what they don't say. You just might save yourself a truckload of grief 

A friend of mine recently spent what she thought was an ample amount of time getting to know a local guy over the net. He had a more than respectable job and a search of the net actually showed him to be a responsible member of society with a respectable past. She went to meet him in a crowded store and three people at least had knowledge of his number and employer for safety. 

If only she had waited for her lawyer to do a backround check. As soon as he had her comfortable enough he suggested a short trip to another store a short distance away in his car so they could continue their conversation. They completed that side trip and returned to her car so she felt things 

were safe enough just long enough for him to dive down her shirt and expose himself while making her kiss him while attempting to make her fondle his genitals. It all happened in the space of a minute. Luckily he stopped and didn't have a chance tostop her from exitting the car. He did have the audacity to ask if she wanted to meet for lunch at a later date however. We have come to  

find out that he has a record that includes menacing, stalking, assault,and violation of restraining orders.  Lesson here is get a lawyer and have whoever you find looked up quietly, and if getting shut of them is prudent do so with no communication whatsoever. You do not owe this person anything. My friend now has to be reassigned to a different unit where she works because she told him all about her job and may have to change the school her kids go to because she also mentioned that. Get a lawyer and use it. 

My parents were both perfectionists with major passive-aggressive tendencies. It took anger management class(court ordered after a domestis assault conviction) to teach me that staring and tapping your foot was not the way to ask a person to do something. When I learned that it is proper to ask for what you want I started to conduct experiments on my parents to see how they would respond to various cues. The upshot of all this research was that most of their behaviour could be traced back to a fear of being rejected as evidenced by their pathologic hatred of making even the simplest requests for help doing even the most mundane of chores. When they did resort to actually verbalizing a request it would be worded more as an accusation that you had not been paying sufficient attention to notice their need for help. I grew up thinking this pathological behaviour was normal and turned my beautiful,vivacious,intelligent wife into a cowering lump of fear in just a matter of a few years, all without ever hitting her until the night I got arrested. Now we look at my parents and laugh at how miserable they are because they refuse to be any other way. 

In the end all you can do is just walk away and not let miserable people decide how happy you should be. I am trying now to raise my kids with love and understanding but I need somebody always to watch me in case I start falling into my old patterns because 30 years won't just go away 

as much as I want it to. 

The couple that calls eachother names is doing ,by far,more harm to their children than the nudist father ever could. The real kicker is that harsh words are more acceptable. We have been held prisoner for too long by the tender sensiblities of a sick society that is for the most part controlled by religious zealots who see nothing but evil in anyone that does not believe as they do. I am constantly amazed by the parallels between our supposedly open society and purportedly closed 

and stifling societies. We have in our country a core of prudish, parochial, stiffnecked,religious warriors who are hell-bent on eliminating anything they deem "icky" or "sinful". The truth is that their standards were written by people far in the past who were trying to make money without working very hard and the easiest way to do that is to make enough people so scared of something that they will pay you  handsomely to protect them from it. Just throw in a handy deity to focus their attention and Bam, you've got a steady income. The only difference between the established religions of today and the fly-by-night hucksters of tomorrow is the time they have been around. It really embarasses me that a race that made it for 20,000 years without religion or rules to limit nudity would suddenly, in the last 2000 or so, disappear from the face of the earth in a blaze of hellfire if either religion wasn't fervently  observed or standards of modesty were allowed to collapse. As a race there is little room in our collective hearts for anyone who wants to be an island unto themselves.