Messages By: popsicle67

The truth is that if you don't feel secure enough in yourself and your marriage to actively encourage any relationship your spouse may want to engage in you are in more trouble than just a possible fling with an ex. You really have to examine your reasoning because abridging your partners rights as a human being is not acceptable no matter how much it hurts you personally. My wife and I had just returned from our honeymoon when she found out that her old boyfriend that was in the navy was home and wanted to see her. She wanted me to come to the meeting for forms sake I guess, 

but as the date wore on I found myself realizing that I was only inhibiting a meeting between two old friends and I opted to leave them alone and went home. The lesson here is that nothing that could happen between them mattered to my relationship with her. Even if they took off for a week and bred like bunnies it would not hurt my relationship with her more than trying to tell her who she could and could not see on her own terms. When she got home she apologised for not being home sooner and I told her that unless she told me a specific time she would be somewhere beforehand, she was never on a clock. I didn't always follow that rule and I did end up divorced because I did start treating her like property but we are friends again and that rule is strictly adhered to. Remember,Your partners friends and how she deals with them is her business unless she asks your opinion. Then she is free to listen or disregard. If you don't agree you need to be alone. 

I am divorced and I can't even fathom causing all the pain these guests were inflicting upon their kids. The man and two women should be shot and the kids adopted out. The young man who claims to be a new man better look up the definition because all I see is a rat, a dead one before long because he does not strike me as the type to shut up even if his life depends on it. All in all a sad state of affairs.  

I had a similar problem at a constuction company I worked at only it was a secretary in the office trying to make her boyfriend, oneof the mechanics i worked with, jealous and uptight. She told him I said that he was chasing women when he went to his hometown and invited myself over to "console" her. He threatened all sorts of bodily injury on me and I told himthat when my lawyer got through with him he would bebegging me for permission to use the bathroom. As you can imagine 

things were cool between us tosaythe least. The real end of my time at the company came when I 

had to spend an extended period of time with this person working on a piece of equipment out on a jobsite that was fairly remote and he drove off with the keys to my rig and sent them back with a friend of mine some three hours later. When I finally got back to the yard allof my uniforms were cut up and the repair records I had to keep were thrown all over the ground. I didn't even call in to quit I just got on a bus the next day and came back to Oregon. The wierd part I found out just recently though, my brother came up to visit at thanksgiving and he told me that those twopeople did get married. They enjoyed wedded bliss for as long as it took her to drain his savings and 401k then she went to get cigarettes one night and never showed up at home. He was in the process of filing a missing persons report when he was served with divorce papers. He just disappeared after that. 

I figure he treated her about as well as he treated me but she had a degree in accounting so she got him back for it before she jumped ship. That's how I like to think it went down anyway@};-  

When I was young my parents weren't all that uptight about sex. We knew that they weren't just going in to take a nap on sunday afternoon, but there were no graphic references and shouting encouragement was discouraged bluntly. There were a few wink winks and some subtle innuendo  

that were tolerated from time to time among family in private so there was never any  great stress 

about sex in my family. We were taught that while it was a good time (or should be if your doing it right) there was a serious responsibility attached to all the fun. I wouldn't say that my parents tried 

to discourage sexual activity but they definitely let it be known that we were expected to live with the consequences. As for foul language, we did hear our share of it from my parents but the only time 

I ever heard the f- word was when a friend at school (who was black,by the way) used a new word 

that I never heard before. I asked my mom what the n-word meant and she almost smacked me. 

She tells my dad and I get "We don't use that f-ing word in this house" bingo another new word. 

I read the interviews and saw myself in the parents and the kids. In my house it was a razor strop hanging on the wall. My dad found it at an auction or yard sale when I was 11 or so. He was so proud that he finally found something intimidating enough that he didn't have to waste a lot of energy keeping us scared. He didn't treat my mom like she was any better than us which meant that we would catch hell from her too. There was always the nervous wait on the weekends to see if dad felt like having something done and god help you if you relaxed the slightest bit and missed one of the cryptic signals he would put out when he was thinking about doing something. That is not to say we didn't have fun at times but even good times had to be paid for with some kind of reminder that we owed him for the fun we were having and if we made him feel too unappreciated there were going to be problems. Mostly we were just supposed to stay out of the way and not bother him because it was his castle and if we didn't like something, too bad. I took a healthy dose of that same loving spirit into my own marriage. I know I grew up hating all of the passive-aggressive bs that my dad inflicted on me, but it was also the only model for a relationship I had. 

I am now rebuilding a relationship with my ex (knew that was coming didn't  you) and for the most part I have overcome my power and control issues with one glaring exception, Childrearing. My daughters are 11 and 8 and I get into terrible fights with one or both at times and I just haven't gotten the hang of parenting yet. I do not trust my upbringingto guide me ,but I have little knowledge to fall back on and of course all of the prejudices that came with having a parent who thought his word was law and would not listen to any advice he didn't agree with. I have recently discovered a problem that my oldest has with being in crowded situations like restaurants and such which makes me feel like I am being held prisoner because she is obviously too young to leave alone in the house for more than just a few minutes to get the mail or something. I thought that she was just angling to make life so difficult that we would leave her home alone, but I think that it really is a social phobia starting to rear it's ugly head. That is what almost every fight is about and she is resistant to counseling. I wonder if I am doing something to cause this behaviour. I know I don't always make the best decisions and I hope I don't ruin her permanently. 

This is one of the most enlightening examples of what I would call blatant abuse I have seen in a while. I makes me just nauseous to hear all of the justifications the father is throwing out for his abusive behavior. There is absolutely no question that these two girls have been brainwashed as  

surely as a moonie or scientologist. In the act of separating his daughters from the world the father has destroyed their free will which, if I remember my bible lessons correctly, means that all of the time they spend living his dream of a proper life won't help them in the afterlife because they weren't living to please their creator they were living to please their father. The father, of course, is also in trouble with his beliefs because he is only worshipping himself by putting his daughters at his mercy and not giving them the choice to live a simple life or not. He is afraid of the choice because he does not think his daughters will choose his life and he will loose a small piece of his control over them. I never saw the first show so I don't know about what the mother's part in all of this was but from what I see of the dad I sense a lot of therapy in the future for these two.  

I have a few thoughts for the  husband,If you are not serious about changing your mind get out now. I was just like you, exactly, and the worst part is that I went to counseling to make my wife happy and maybe score some nookie points. That was the wrong attitude, I found much to my chagrin.  

The only thing that I accomplished by that whole ruse was to solidify my wifes resolve to leave.  

Back at the jackass ranch where my head was I was realizing that I would have to work alot harder  

to save my marriage than I was willing to work so I fell back on my trusty controlling behavior in an effort to reestablish my dominance and restore what I thought was natural order of things. The funniest thing happened though, my wife decided to stop being bullied. The threat of disobedience was looming large and I had to squash this rebellion aborning. I used more and heavier doses of every trick in the book including guilt,anger,fear,jealousy,and rage.All I managed to do was make things spin more and more out of my control. That is when I reached into the bag of tricks and pulled out the big bat, That's right I hit her. After that she left with the kids to go to some stupid childrearing class which I refused to go to because I already knew everything I needed to know.  

I figured that when she got home we would talk and everything would settle back into routine.HA!  

The cops knocked on my door and took me away to jail on Feb.2,2000. As of this writing I am finally  

Getting back to being a productive,energetic,normal person. Unlearning everything that i had held true and dear plus dealing with the root causes of all of my malformed ideas has been a real bitch.  

The mind is not easy to retrain and the recurrent guilt and embarrassment as you remember some of your baddest moments can be crippling at times. All this being said it will be a thousand times easier for you if you do all of this while you still have your wife there to apologise to. Mine would not talk to me for 3 years, not so much as a letter. I lost my best friend and then had to walk through hell. Don't make my mistake, take your lumps now while you have a support system.  

I have come across some of these "used to be gay" people in my life and they are, for the most part, the lonliest. saddest, and most lost people I have ever met. Almost all cling to religion like a heroin user clings to his kit. I have even met one who married just to shut out the pain and it all ended so badly. The time to ridicule gay people is long past. There is no honor in making everybody you think is icky change for your comfort. And all of those who point to scripture to decry 

gay people, don't forget to read the scriptures that say your not to pass judgement. It isn't your job to punish people on earth if they don't conform to god's laws they will be dealt with in the end of their time. I know this is true, it is in the bible, don't forget that.