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Messages By: feng456

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August 31, 2005, 11:32 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: gardenbug2

Hi, 

I'm new to this board.  I'm married and have a 10 yr old son.  Both my son and husband are overweight.  I'm not attempting to ask my husband to lose weight...he will when he's ready, I hope.  I am very concerned about my son who weighs 109#(97 percentile on the weight charts at the doctor's office), and he is very self-concious about his weight.  My son seems to follow in his dad's footsteps when it comes to food.  They both sneak junk when I'm not around.  I don't keep junk in the house.  I constantly read food labels.  I make healthy meals.  Do we have pizza occasionally, sure we do.  I'm not a fanatic. 

  

My son is probably the most active kid on the block.  He's usually outside playing, even in the winter (we live in MN).  I've pretty much banned TV, movies, and computer games.   

  

We don't have weight discussions unless my son initiates them.  I focus on making healthy lifestyle choices, whether it be food, exercise, drugs, etc...so as not to make him feel any worse about his appearance than he already does.  Kids tease him sometimes. 

  

Unfortunately, my husband isn't on board with the "healthy" lifestyle and promoting/enforcing it with my son.  In fact, he often sabatoges any healthy habits that I've instilled (like sneaking out for ice cream before bed or eating when we aren't hungry).  Then, that only puts extra pressure on me to think of another way to help our son lose weight. 

  

I need HELP...does anyone have any advice??? 

  

gardenbug2 

hi, i think simply you need to talk with your husband and discuss how unhealthy and dangerous it is to be overweight at such a young age. you need to decide what is truly best for your son and i think that will be the key to gettin through to him.
 
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September 10, 2005, 5:48 pm CDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: shayne289

My whole life, I have been extremely shy. At school, I didn't start talking to anyone until 2nd grade. Even, then it wasn't much. In middle school, I started to get out of the shyness a little bit. I got more friends. In high school, I was a little less shy. This past summer, I got my 1st job working in the concession stand at the pool. That helped me a little bit. Right now, I don't have anyone I can really call my friend. I have a twin sister, who is my best friend. But I need more than that. I feel like everyone I thought was my friend in the past, was just pretending.  I can't make friends. I just can't do it. I'm 16 years old.. I can't talk to people. What's wrong with me?! I feel so much different than everyone else. I hate lunch time/group things at school because that means me and my sister sitting by ourselves, thinking everyone is staring, thinking bad things. In class, I'm afraid to ask questions. I'm afraid of what everyone will think. I don't talk loud at school. It's very low.I'm just rambling, but I needed to get this out. Without friends, I feel imcomplete. When I think about this, I just want to cry. I tell myself I'm not good enough for anyone, no one likes me and never will. I don't know what to do...
hey...i dont have any advice to give cuz im going through the same crap right now. do u wanna talk on msn or something?
 
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September 11, 2005, 9:54 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: dansmom

My ex-husband & I got divorced when my son  was 2 ( he is now 11) Over the last 9 years he has spent less & less time with him. My current husband & I have been married 5 years and he is very much a father to my son. I have always done everything I could to encourage a relationship between my son & his father but as my son gets older I am starting to wonder if I am doing the right thing. For example, here is the current situation: My Ex has not had any contact with my son for about 6 weeks. This morning my husband told me I should go ahead & call him to see what is going on & to encourage him to spend time with my son. I called him & he went on & on about himself & his problems (typical) and did set up a weekend at the end of this month to see him. He said he would call back this evening to talk to my son and never did (also typical). My son is a great kid & has a great relationship with my husband but he does enjoy the time he spends with his dad. Do I continue to encourage the relationship between my son & my ex or should I stop getting involved & put the resposibility in the hands of my ex ?

dont take my word for the last word...this is just what i think...i dunno if its right or wrong. 

  

personally, i think that ur ex is an ass and if he really loved his son he wud spend time with him and would actually want to. plus he needs to figure out his problems before he gets really involved with ur son...u dont want some of those problems to rub off onto ur son right? 

  

now ur husband seems like a very nice guy and is the real dad here...who cares if hes not biological? anyone can stick their dick in some chick and reproduce. the big and real job of being a dad is the time they put into the child for a healthy future. i dont think ur ex deserves a son. i mean he doesnt keep promises to call and that sorta thing. wat a jerk. 

  

ur son is at a very important age. watch for any negative reactions if u do decide to discourage a relationship between ur ex and him. kids his age usually can turn really bad in about a school year so watch out for that. of course communication is very important so before u do decide to do someting you could maybe try to talk to him although his understanding will be limited. but u probly already know this cuz ur a parent and well im not 

 
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September 11, 2005, 10:01 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: mmgapeach

If I have to wait until I'm 44 I'd rather not get married at all.  All your FUN days are over.  Death is knocking at your door by then. 
death knocking at 44? i dont think so
 
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September 13, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: cat172

Wondering if anybody can help - I recently met a guy at a week-long seminar, who told me he had a girlfriend. Ok, let's be friends, I thought - we get on great and you can never have too many friends! Then on the last night we both got drunk and one thing led to another...  

   

Since then he's come to see me every weekend, and calls me often.  

   

So why did he tell me he had a girlfriend when he didn't???  

   

Translation somebody?  

   

Confused Cat172  

why dont you ask him? maybe he does have a girlfriend but he's cheating.
 
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September 14, 2005, 2:44 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: brians38

I wasn't sure where to post this because there is not a board devoted to relationships in generalso here it goes....I have known this woman for 3 years, and we have always been attracted to each other, but only starting datin about six months ago...we fell in love and even started to make some plans.  I appolgize for this being so long but I needed to get it all out there....  

   

These are just some of the things she has said to me over the last 6 months , Some as recently as Saturday night September 3rd 2005  

   

(1) I love you with all of my heart, along with all the other ways you can tell someone you love them.  

   

(2) I hope you are willing to deal with the occasional problems that will arise with Mike.  

   

(3) I can’t think of anyone that would be a better role model for the children then you.  

   

(4) The first time we have sex I am wearing my Elvis shirt (She is a big Elvis fan I hate him so she jokes about him coming to bed with us)  

   

(5) She asked me if I liked her house, I sad I think it is beautiful then she replies “is it alright with you” of course I say yes.  

   

(6) refers to me as her “boyfriend” or “significant other” on more then one occasion.  

   

(7) her exact words here “remember I have 3 children and an ex-husband, if you chose to stay you also get them”  

   

(8) again her exact words “ I am so happy and content when I am with you, I love every thing about you I am falling in love with you”  

   

(9) “I love being with you I want to spend more and more time with you”  

   

(10) her words “can you commit” I say yes then she replies “good because I want at least fifty years”  

   

(11) her words “Mike is threatened by you, he says you are taking his family away and I told him he made his bed now he has to lay in it” I say to her, I don’t want to take his kids away, however if he chooses not to be a father figure I will gladly take on that role” her reply “I have no doubt that you will win there hearts, Brad already adores you”   

   

(12) her and I were hugging by my truck before she went home (on more then one occasion) and she would say “we should be married so we can do this at home in bed”  

   

(13) her words “we are perfect for each other we fit like pieces of a puzzle my head fits perfect on you shoulder just like 2 pieces of a puzzle”  

   

(14) the song by Lonestar “Amazed” in her words “I think of us when I hear this song”   

In case you don’t know the songs I happen to have some of the lyrics…   

   

(Every time our eyes meet this feeling inside me Is almost more than I can take baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away. I've never been this close to anyone or anything I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams. I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better. I want to spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby, I'm amazed by you, you touch every place in my heart. )  

The song goes on but you get the point.  

  

(15) her words during an in internet chat we had“ I am just reminding you I’m a package deal, have 3 kids and a ex-husband “ then I said thick or thin, hell or high water I am here you got me now” then she says “ really! I want at least 50 years…50 years is a very long time, most people don’t stay together for 5 years let alone 50” then I said “ then you and I will break that cycle” she says “ You really think so? I said yes and she said good. Of course it was late (2 am) so she needed to get to sleep, but before we logged off she said , “ good honey sweet dreams and I love you with all of my heart”  

   

(16) “I am so glad I found you I am so fortunate, I love you so much I am so happy to have you in my life” Of course I said the same thing to her.  

   

So a couple of days ago I mustered up the nerve to ask her to marry me, her response was that she all of a sudden felt smothered and she wasnt ready to go to that "level" yet.  She was married for 14 years and has 3 kids, and she is thinking of reconciling her marriage because she was raise to believe that the fisrt person you marry should be for a lifetime no matter what.    

   

Let me tell you what kind of man this is...he cheated on her 5 times over 14 years left her, she took him back every time...he calls his daughter a slut, calls his son a pussy boy..calls her the C word, sends her and the kids on a vacation and while she is gone he drains all the bank accounts, cleans out the house, and files for divorce.  When she returns he serves her papers.  he tells her she MADE him cheat because she wouldnt spread her legs as much as he wanted so its all her fault for what he did. Now all of a sudden I am in the picture he wants to get back with her....hmmmm  

   

I think she is being torn by her feelings for me and what her grandparents raised her to believe that the first person you awith you should be with for the rest of your life no matter what.  WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HER SEE THE LIGHT?  

   


  

o.k. after thinking about ur fairytale for 5 minutes i think that you should tell her that you both need to take some time off so she can figure some things out. that way hopefully she will realise how much a part of her life you're and how much a jerk the ex is. whatever you do, never give up. this is like such a love filled relationship and she's just overwhelmed and most likely scared to get in another marriage cuz she got screwed over last time after soooo long. but one thing is 100% certain, she loves you and will marry you someday. so hang in there...do that time off thing if you think it's a good idea. i have no experience whatsover in these things so just beware. o.k. good luck! 

 
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September 15, 2005, 7:43 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

k first i wanna say to those ppl writing on here to dr. phil that (as far as i know from what ive heard) he doesnt check these boards! write to him via letter and you'll have better luck. 

  

k i need some advice please. i dont think i wanna get married cuz i dont think i will meet the right person at least until im like 40 or 50 or even older. i've always really wanted to have kids though so having chlidren is a higher priority than getting married. 

  

so um do u think im crazy? is this a realistic future? ive heard adoption takes years and costs a lot of money. so if thats true, even if i do finally get to adopt wud i have any money left to give the child a happy childhood??? 

  

background info: im under 20, im a guy, im bi, im in university/college studying engineering first year, im volunteering for Big Brothers Big Sisters... 

  

please any advice would be good. thanks 

 
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September 18, 2005, 12:35 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: lilacmess

I am posting today in hopes that some can learn from my experience. My 13-year-old step-daughter recently moved in with us. We have several computers in our household because my husband is a network administrator, including one in the basement which is for the kids' use. We have a content-filter installed on the computer which prevents the kids from visiting any site on the net that we have not previously approved. In other words, the default position is total lockdown to everything on the net. We have to hand enter specific web addresses in order for them to be allowed. So far, this is working. Our kids are not able to look at pornography or other objectionable materials. We have, however, allowed them to use chat services such as Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger. Anyway, the 13-year-old spend pretty much all her time on the computer chatting. She also has a boyfriend, and we suspected that the relationship had gone way too far. So my husband installed a spy tool on the computer that allows us to view and read every single thing that takes place on that computer, including chat and IM sessions. Boy did we get the shock of our lives. Not only has she been having unprotected sex for months, long before she moved in with us, but she's been having sex chats and cyber sex with a multitude of people, some friends some strangers. I could not even begin to repeat here the types of things she's been saying and allowing boys and men to say to her, but, trust me, these are things that would make a prostitute blush. Needless to say, she no longer has any internet access at all, and, when it returns, it will be without any chat, IM, or email capabilities. So my advice to parents regarding the internet is that if you are allowing your kids to use chat and IM services to talk with their friends, don't! Chat rooms are not suitable places for kids of any age and IM just brings out the worst in them. Here we thought we have done everything possible to keep our kids from seeing pornography. Little did we know we had one right here under our roof turning herself into pornography.
ya i just wanna add that webcams are always a no no cuz i know (dont ask how) that a lot of people will masturbate online together.
 
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September 18, 2005, 12:41 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: aghadrian

I am 14 years old, and I was wondering if its okay that I still don't feel really comfortable kissing girls on the lips. My girlfriend keeps telling me to start kissing her on the lips, but I feel more comfortable if I just kiss her on the cheek. I don't know why, but I get kinda nervous when it comes to kissing her and other girls on the cheek. Should I just kiss her on the lips, and forget about being nervous or shy or what? Thanks.
of course it's o.k. to not kiss her on the lips. there's no manual for these things. do what you feel comfortable or things will go wrong. when you feel that she is the right person and when the time is right, you will know. obviously now is not the time. a healthy relationship is two sided, dont just bow down to her pressure.
 
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September 19, 2005, 9:45 pm CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: mousey

   I feel so bad for you and for what happened to your poor goats.  When I was growing up in Iowa one of our neighbors had 2 goats, a bunch of chickens and some rabbits.  When he started working full time he let me take care of the animals.  I loved it and would go and milk the nanny goat every day.  I have always loved animals and to hear of such a senseless thing like what happened to your goats really makes me mad.  Just last Thursday i had to take my Mothers cat Sharp and have him put down.  She wanted me to do it for her while she is out of town because it's always hard for her to lose one of her pets.  I cried like a baby when I took him in.  I knew it was for the best because in cat years he was well over 100 and could hardly walk.  That didn't make it easy though because he has been a part of the family for such a long time.  I really feel for your pain and will pray for both you and the goats.  I believe God hears prayers for animals too.  Barb

you're that person with the boy who's afraid of death right? how did your son take it? 

 

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