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Messages By: freyler

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angry
July 23, 2005, 4:58 pm CDT

Controlling inlaws.

Hey everybody,

I've been with my partner since i was 16, i'm now 23 and we share a 20 month old son together.

My future inlaws, although live in the u.s.a and we are currently in Australia, are very controlling. I have never felt comfortable around them and they have always disaproved of me. They are very well off people, and their life revollves around spending money. They fund my 24 year old partners education and because of this they hold it over his head, and he das to do everything they say or they threaten to cut it off and he still has 2.5 years left to go.

On a recent trip to see them i put in 100 percent effort to get along wtih them, and on day 5 they totally cracked up because they felt i was disrespectfull for spending the nights with my father and not them. I am a compromising person and i despretly wanted to get along with them but telling me i'm disrespecful for going to my dads at night because he works all day and only gets home late at night, and i he wanted to see his grandchild, and i wanted to see him. This is not a compromise, it doesn't matter that i spend from 8am to 7pm with them, they always expect more.

They then started to use my partners education against ME!! Saying that i will benefit from his education and that i owe them!

this is all in a nut shell of course, so many things have been said aobut me, and i spend nearly every day crying on this holiday becuase they refuse to just be adults and get along.  THen i get stuck in the middle becuase my partners wants us to all get along and he expects me to break my back for them just so everybody will be happy, but i'm not wiling to do that when it invovles me sacrifising time with my dad, whom i only see every few years.

I was only letting them see my son,  because only two months ago they decideed to ackowlege him, before that they didn't accept my child, and never spoke about him. NOw they expect me to be greatful that they have decided to play some interest in him.

Gosh i could wrote a novel over all this.

This is all in a nut shell of course, there is soo much more between the lines.

Thanks for letting me get it all out, would love to hear about other inlaw problems.

Fiona

 
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Angry

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blank
July 26, 2005, 6:49 pm CDT

Thankyou for reply SB

Quote From: freyler

Hey everybody,

I've been with my partner since i was 16, i'm now 23 and we share a 20 month old son together.

My future inlaws, although live in the u.s.a and we are currently in Australia, are very controlling. I have never felt comfortable around them and they have always disaproved of me. They are very well off people, and their life revollves around spending money. They fund my 24 year old partners education and because of this they hold it over his head, and he das to do everything they say or they threaten to cut it off and he still has 2.5 years left to go.

On a recent trip to see them i put in 100 percent effort to get along wtih them, and on day 5 they totally cracked up because they felt i was disrespectfull for spending the nights with my father and not them. I am a compromising person and i despretly wanted to get along with them but telling me i'm disrespecful for going to my dads at night because he works all day and only gets home late at night, and i he wanted to see his grandchild, and i wanted to see him. This is not a compromise, it doesn't matter that i spend from 8am to 7pm with them, they always expect more.

They then started to use my partners education against ME!! Saying that i will benefit from his education and that i owe them!

this is all in a nut shell of course, so many things have been said aobut me, and i spend nearly every day crying on this holiday becuase they refuse to just be adults and get along. THen i get stuck in the middle becuase my partners wants us to all get along and he expects me to break my back for them just so everybody will be happy, but i'm not wiling to do that when it invovles me sacrifising time with my dad, whom i only see every few years.

I was only letting them see my son, because only two months ago they decideed to ackowlege him, before that they didn't accept my child, and never spoke about him. NOw they expect me to be greatful that they have decided to play some interest in him.

Gosh i could wrote a novel over all this.

This is all in a nut shell of course, there is soo much more between the lines.

Thanks for letting me get it all out, would love to hear about other inlaw problems.

Fiona

Dear Sb,

   Thankyou for your support, i suspect many people in this world are suffering from the same emotions when having to confront the inlaws. I think some people will think that you can just ignore them and the problem will go away but i beleive this is not the case. Yes i am advantaged (somedays i actully thank the lord for the distance) by living in a different country, but even so they make a huge impact on our lives, cause many disruptions, tension and arguments between my partner and myself. However, this is only temporarily, when my partner has graduated in 2.5 years we have the option to move back to his home country. He misses his siblings and is very close to them. The two older sister have cut their parents out of their lives becuase of similar problems, something they never wanted to do, but had no choice, i know it upsets them greatly. But i'm sure it can only be a complete disaster my moving there, but how could i keep my partner from his siblings?

I can't help but feel in the middle, they brainwash my partner into think ridiculious things, something my partner said the other day i feel was actully from his parents but i can't be sure. He said, if i really loved him then i would keep trying becuase it means so much to him. But how much can one person try? They don't seem to beleive in meeting half way or compromising, and they always thing they are RIGHT.

I know they have very bad communication, and my partner doesn't communicate well either,over the years of being with him i've tried to help him to communicate better but when he is with his parents this all goes down the drain.

When we do not have any involvment or input from his parents we get along very well. When we get a phone call, or they ask him to do  something, or say something about me, then we start fighting.

Can you throw a relationship away with a child invovled becuase of the inlaws??

That seems like such a huge thing to do, but it's definently crossed my mind.

 

Thankyou for your understanding and reply, it's great to let it all blurt out and have sombody listen.

Fiona

 

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