Messages By: tiggerst67

I cannot believe the first thing people immediately jump up and talk about God.  God doesn't make mistakes, you can't have surgery because HE made you this way.  I don't blame God.  However, I would like to address the people who say this, and follow their line of thinking.  So according to your line of thinking when a child is born with its heart on the outside of its body, God did that too.  What happens next in this scenario?  The child goes to surgery and the defect is repaired.  Gender dysphoria is NO DIFFERENT people, it just is a defect that you cannot see at birth.  I wish there was a non surgical solution to this problem, but currently there is not.  It is funny how so many people are so offended by transgendered people who want nothing more than to be comfortable with who they are, on the inside and the outside, and be like everyone else.  People are afraid of transgendered people, and really there is no reason to be afraid.  Just take a moment and imagine yourself in their shoes.  Being transgendered is not a choice.  I do not advocate giving a child hormones prior to puberty, I do advocate to parents that if you think your child is transgendered, at the very least let them know you are there for them, and that you love them no matter what, even if you do not agree.

The child didn't have gender confusion.  SHE knows who SHE is.  So a child with a physical birth defect that is evident at birth, like cleft palate for example should just STAY that way because they were born that way?  The child should be doomed to a life of having trouble eating, speaking, being made fun of every day because they were born that way??? Of course not, you would probably take up a church collection to help the parents PAY for the corrective surgery, and be empathetic to the parents and child for what they are going through.  You would pray with them while the child was in surgery that God would grant a speedy recovery, you would probably hold the childs' hand, and say a little prayer before you left the hospital. I got news for you, gender dysphoria is no different, you just can't SEE it at birth!  A lot of these kids grow up feeling alone and scared, afraid to tell anyone, most die because they just cannot live in that level of stress daily anymore.  Those who do live and have surgery risk losing everything in their lives.  Many are no longer welcome at their church, or their family's home, and lose friends.  There are no fund raisers for money for surgery (which is needed since insurance DOES NOT cover any expenses), no one waiting in the waiting room, no clergy holding their hands, no prayers for health and a speedy recovery.  Some of us are lucky enough to have ONE person who loves us, and pray for us and hold our hand.  If you remember NOTHING else I've said, remember that NO ONE chooses this path.  It is not a choice.

What is normal?  Define normal.  Completely define it. I bet there are FEW who would fit into your category of normal.  I would like for you to explain all the cleft palates, limb deformity, congenital heart defects, are they spontaeous generation?  I have a feeling your reply might be that it is nature, not God.   What is the difference between all the birth defects I just listed and gender dysphoria? One thing....gender dysphoria is not immediately evident at birth, and is not recognized as a physical defect, but it should be. 

There is a test that can identify the male to female.  It has been around for twenty years.  There has been no identifier for the female to male found, but then there isnt much going on research-wise, because there is no money in it. 

You made it sound like being transgendered is a choice.  I'm tired of people saying or inferring that it is a choice.  No one chooses to risk losing everything in their life, family and friends, chooses to take pills that do damage to every internal organ and must be taken for life.  No one chooses to be strapped to a table multiple times and undergo dangerous surgical procedures which cause pain over and over.  No one chooses to face daily ridicule and teasing because they are different.  No one chooses to have to hide who they are for YEARS out of fear, knowing the hate they will face. 

Would it validate any of this for you if someone discovered that you could SEE this on a CT scan, or an MRI?  Would that make any difference at all?  I doubt it.  I went through living hell for 37 years, living with daily stress that you could not even begin to imagine.  I went through 6 surgeries, almost died after one, had complications, and spent months recovering.  What was I thinking all this time?  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I am now happily married, I have a great job, I am a happier person.  I am now complete.  It isnt just the physical changes that made me like I am today.  I was always this guy, but no one else knew me.  When  you made the remark about the fake penis and fake uterus that floored me.  You made it clear that you are missing the whole point.  Here's the point: I ALWAYS felt male, YEARS before I got the surgery.  As for hormones, they wouldn't change anyones mind, giving someone more hormones would not solve the problem, it would just make the person commit suicide sooner.  Puberty is the worst time for a transgendered person.  It is the time when the body REALLY starts betraying the mind, when the secondary sexual characteristics show up.  As for your quote at the bottom of the serenity prayer, Thank God for the surgeons and nurses who help us to change the things we can!

There was no offense taken in anything you asked.  I was very glad to see someone who was genuinely interested and I have always answered peoples' questions as honestly and completely as I can.  I believe most people are inherently good, and if they only understood more about this, the world would be just a little easier for transgendered people to live in.  I personally believe that gender dysphoria is like a birth defect, it is just one you cannot see at birth.  That is how I look at it anyway.  If you have any further questions, I would be glad to answer any that I can, as best I can.  There are some here I am sure someone else would be better to answer than me, I tried to explain all of them the best I could.

1. The clothing issue.  Part of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care REQUIRE those seeking gender reassignment surgery to dress in the gender they identify with.  In order to comply, most people pre-surgery dress in I guess what you would call extreme.  The male to female would have to wear a lot of makeup, a dress is more covering and less revealing of traits they currently have; the female to male would usually wear looser clothing, and very masculine.  This is an effort to "fit in" and be accepted by the general public.  The male to female is usually more concerned with hair and makeup, I think perhaps like other females, they want to look nice.  Imagine having to cover a 5 o'clock shadow (this is pre surgery, when the old hormones are still working) You have to keep in mind the basic premise of gender dysphoria.  Transsexuals are already male or already female in their minds all their lives, regardless of having surgery.  It is about body image.  Imagine how confusing it would be for you if you had your female mind and a male body.  Your brain is telling you one thing, the mirror tells you another.

2.  This goes back to my explanation of body image and the mind.   There is a difference between sexual preference and gender dysphoria.  The two are in no way connected.  Imagine by some crazy twilight zone episode you woke up tomorrow as a man, but you had the exact same mind you have now.  Your mind would have remained unchanged.  When you first woke up, you would feel the same, but imagine what would happen when you looked in the mirror!  You would know who you were in your mind, but the whole world would see a man.  Gender is so much a part of who we are, not just what is displayed to the world.

3.  I see a lot of kids having to play with certain toys, I don't think that is right.  All kids are curious, they may just pick up a toy to see what it is all about, why do the girls like this doll so much, why do the boys like this truck?  There may be something silly about the toy they like, maybe the color.  I don't think adults should yank the toy away and tel them not to play with it, its an opposite gender toy.   Talk about confusing a kid!  I don't think toy preferences have much to do with it on their own, it takes other behaviors along with it.  I knew a lot of girls who loved climbing trees and getting dirty.  There is nothing wrong with that.  If a boy takes an interest in cooking in the kitchen, there is nothing wrong with that either.  Kids, remember are just small adults, and they have a lot of different interests.

4.  I think the gender roles assigned by society have stayed around so much because it is what their parents did.  No other reason but that.  I am sure a lot of people would like to wear clothing different from what they wear, but society dictates what and how we do things.  Some people who are not secure in their sexuality usually complain the loudest.  That does not apply to everyone, for some it is simply their own upbringing.

5. That one I have trouble answering, I have no idea what it feels like to be a woman.  I bet if you asked ten women what it feels like to be a woman you'd get ten different answers.  The same for men.  It is difficult to articulate, for the transgendered it is more of a feeling of not belonging to the body you are in.  It is a difficult question, some peoples' first thought is "I don't know, I've just always been like this."

6.  I can only speak from personal experience on this one.  I was apprehensive to say the least.  I was even told that no one would EVER love me after surgery.   That turned out to not be true.  I am married, very happily, and have been for years.  It is a very scary thing to tell someone you like and risk being bashed, abandoned, or made to feel like you aren't a person at all.  I told the truth right after I met my wife.  At that point we were friends, not dating yet.  We had a very long talk, I answered a lot of questions, and in the end she accepted me for who I am.  I was still the same person sitting across the table from her I had been five minutes ago, and she realized that.  All I can say to the guys out there, if you find out you are interested in a girl and she has had the surgery, remember she is the same person she always has been, more so now.  You should feel just like you do when any woman shows interest in you, be flattered, take that ego boost.  It does not make you less of a man in any way, she is a woman.  The only difference between her and a female-born woman is she cannot have children, that is all.

7.  I agree with you on this one.  People don't think... "should I be gay or straight?"  You never sit down and think about it, you just ARE.  I think the exposure on tv will not cause confusion, I think it will hopefully help someone out there who think they are the ONLY one realize they are not.  I thought that for a long time, I had no idea what to do, I just KNEW I was different.  I was afraid to talk about it to anyone.  I didn't even know what it was called until I was in my early twenties.  I hope it will prevent suicides among transgender teens, and attacks on transgender teens by providing information to the public that is not something to fear or loathe.  It is a medical condition.

8.  I have never read any correlation between molestation or rape and gender dysphoria in any medical research.  Most people with gender dysphoria KNOW by the age of six or so.  It is something so ingrained in your mental process, I don't think traumatic events in childhood have any effect on it.  Most surgery centers that perform gender reassignment surgery follow the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, which includes many hours of psychiatric evaluation, living and dressing in the desired gender for at least a year, and passing a multitude of mental evaluation tests.  If the candidate passes all this, it then takes a letter of recommendation from two psychiatrists specially trained to evaluate gender dysphoria before surgery can be performed.  This is to insure that a candidate is not suffering from something else and causing these feelings falsely.  A lot of people are self-loathing without such a traumatic event.

I hope this helps clear the confusion, and like I said before, any more questions, just ask! 

Very well said!  I am very happy for you, and wish you all the best.  I hope you have a long, happy and content life.