Messages By: Ducky98

This sounds like a very simple case of jealousy to me. J may be creative, but you are better than she is with this medium and her jealousy is showing itself in several of her actions:

1. The fact that she didn't share a room with you even though it would have been comparable in cost to where she did stay.

2. The fact that she refused your offers to work with her.

3. The fact that she made an issue of you wanting to go home with a lot of product.

Perhaps J is uncomfortable with the fact that you have more money than she does and more than that, that you've got more talent. It's unfortunate that she is letting that come between your friendship. The same thing happened to me many years ago and it's never easy to deal with. Unfortunately, it's not likely that J is going to confess her jealousy to you, but you need to have a candid talk with her and let her know that her behavior is hurtful to you.

Be prepared for her to get very defensive and try to turn the situation around on you. Very few people are self-aware enough to admit to their poor and hurtful behavior. Almost always they try to justify it. You can decide your next move based on J's reaction to your discussion.

Dr. Phil lives in the real world because the real world isn't about what age or gender you are. It's about what boundaries you are willing to set. 

It doesn't matter if the issue is between a son and dad, a mom and her daughter, or friends. It all boils down to the same base: do you have appropriate boundaries? If not, you need to set those up. 

I'd also like to mention that for people who are being threatened by family members that they "won't come to the wedding if you don't <insert whatever they want here>" I suggest you call their bluff. These people are trying to be manipulative and the only way to set a boundary and not allow their manipulation is to call their bluff. In other words, if they say they won't come to the wedding, say "I'm sorry to hear that. You'll be missed" and then hang up the phone or walk away from the conversation. 

If you lay down, people will walk all over you. 

Farmerchik, 

The first step here is to acknowledge that you and he do not have a great relationship. If you did, there would be a lot more respect flowing from him to you in terms of dumping the "other woman." Make no mistake, she is the other woman regardless of whether he is doing anything physical with her. If nothing else, there's an unhealthy emotional relationship going on. 

You ask "Where do I go from here?" The answer is that you go forward either with him or alone. Those are the only options. If he refuses to get rid of her and it bothers you, then you need to get rid of him. If you don't want to get rid of him, you're going to have to live with his disrespect. 

Remember - you teach people how to treat you. You've taught him that it's ok for him to keep this woman in his life. If that's ok with you, so be it. Quit complaining. If it's not ok with you, you have to be willing to walk away from him. 

Best of luck. 

Farmerchik, 

You can be happy in this life. It's about the choices you make and what you're willing to accept in this life. Your boyfriend keeps the "other woman" simply because he can. If this bothers you, you have to be willing to walk away.  

You deserve to have all the emotional energy your boyfriend has to give. You deserve not to compete with someone else for his affections. If you are unhappy with this behavior and he's unwilling to negotiate a solution you can both be excited about, then it's time for you to walk. There's only so much you can do. If you let this continue, you will never be happy. 

I was in complete agreement with the woman regarding the discipline of children in public. It was quite obvious that there was some misunderstanding of her position by the other woman. What she was saying was that if the child was engaging her in some form (kicking the back of her seat, throwing things at her, etc.) then it was appropriate to tell the child to stop.  

What gets me about this topic is that people with children think they are entitled to have their child disrupt others in public places. I've heard every excuse in the book for this from "My child has a right to be here" to "He/she's just a babyeeee." 

A child has a right to be in SOME places, but not all places and if a child is being disruptive and disturbing others, he/she should be taken out of the place. An adult would not be allowed to scream, cry and disrupt others in a public place. It's called disturbing the peace and it's a crime. Yes, children are not adults, but the theme still stands - if they are being disruptive, they should leave.  

I thought it was outrageous for the women with three children (and pregnant with a fourth) to say she had trouble handling all three kids when they are out and about. Here's some novel concepts: 

1. Don't have more kids than you can handle. 

2. Understand that when you bring children into this world, you're going to have to miss a few things here and there if they are being disruptive because you have to properly discipline them by leaving a place where they aren't behaving. 

It seemed to me that woman just wanted to make excuses for why she couldn't possibly be expected to be a good parent. 

The story Robin told about taking her son out of a restaurant when he was noisy/throwing a fit was right on! She left with him and apologized to the other patrons to boot. Now that's good parenting. 

Ashlee's life is a sad example of what happens when a parent doesn't deal with their own emotional baggage. Ashlee is desperate to be a normal child and her mother is holding her back from experiencing all those things that children need to experience so they can learn to be good, strong managers of their own lives. 

This is the second time Teresa has been on the show (I saw her first appearance as well). I can only hope that this time, it "took" and she will be able to move forward. 

I am surprised her husband hasn't sat her down and told her to get some help. The children are miserable and he has to be miserable as well not being able to have the confidence of his wife in his abilities to be a good dad. If any men are reading these boards, DO NOT let your wife get away with being overprotective of the children and underenthusiastic about your parenting skills. It's a disservice to you and the children. 

I was shocked when Teresa said, in all seriousness, that Ashlee could go to college, but only if she lived at home while she was doing it. That's completely insane. I thought it was interesting that Dr. Phil was joking with Teresa about being in-between Ashlee and her future husband because it's not like Teresa would ever even let the girl date, let alone find a husband. After all, every man wanting to take her daughter out would be seen as a potential date rapist, drug addict, drinking driver, etc. 

Teresa is absolutely out of control and I cannot imagine having to live a life of total fear. It's crippling for her and for Ashlee. 

Teresa, please take the help Dr. Phil offered! If you don't, once your daughter is able to legally get free of you she will do so and she will resent you even more than she already does. You don't want that. 

Well said Mama Loeb! Your message speaks to the essence of the issue. It's the parents' job to control their children and teach them not to harass others in public. That is all the rest of us members of society are asking. We want parents to control their children in public places instead of making excuses for why harrasing/disruptive behavior is ok. It's never ok and things would be a lot more tolerable for all concerned if parents would just understand that. 

It appears that you do and that is appreciated. 

Teresa, 

Your daughter was having to comfort you on the show. You were crying, she hugged you and said "Mom don't cry." That's pretty much the definition of comforting.  

You are overprotective and you are burdening your daughter with your own issues. That's essientially what Dr. Phil said to you. I hope you get help before you do some real damage to your daughter. You can make all the excuses in the world about child molestors in the neighborhood and how people without children just don't understand and what have you, but in the end, this is about you and your fears. People who don't have some issue to work out don't appear on the Dr. Phil show TWICE.  

Own the problem here. Get some help for it so your daughter can have a real childhood. Children are not gifts TO their parents, they come through their parents meaning that their parents are the stewards of the children, teaching them to be their own person. Teach Ashlee what she needs to know to be a free-thinking adult. And while you're at it, give some respect to your husband for his parenting skills. If you don't even trust your own husband to watch the children, there's no hope.  

It seems to me that Anjela was defining her life by her sexuality. I find that sad because she is so much more! A good friend of mine who is gay once said that he doesn't define himself by being gay. He defines himself by his character and who he is as a person. That's what we all need to do, gay or straight.  

Also, it seems that Anjela's sister really just wanted Anjela to hear her and take into consideration her life and what is important to her. It seems that both Anjela and her sister have been totally inconsiderate of each other. Anjela's sister should let Anjela talk about what's important to her and respect that (respect doesn't equal agreement, it's just respect for what's important to Anjela) and Anjela needs to do the same. Calling her sister a breeder and not asking her how she's doing or what's important to her is contributing to the problems. 

This family just has an issue of not respecting one another all the way around. It's not about the sexual orientation, it's about loving one another and being concerned about each other. I hope they all accept the help Dr. Phil offered.