Message Boards
Messages By: ricschic
|
October 25, 2005, 2:55 pm PDT
 I am so sorry that there are those who would judge the actions of others. What Caitlin's mother did was to try to protect her family and herself to the best her her ability with what knowledge she possessed. She's stated that she didn't think he'd hurt the girls. We didn't know this man...she did. She must have felt SOME reason as to why she didn't think he'd hurt her daughters. My point? Until you're in a particular situation, you don't KNOW what you would do. You just think you do. It's too easy to be on the outside looking in, and personalizing an issue as explosive as this one is. What you say you would do is strictly a hypothetical statement until you're been there yourself. I hope they get this law passed. I have my own story and how many people do you know with similar ones? Too many of us have been threatened by demented exes. It's time to put a stop to the violence affecting women and children. My heart goes out to Caitlin's family and friends. Time will ease the hurt but right now the grief is fresh. I hope they find peace. As an Oklahoman, I've already contacted the Governor's office urging enaction of Caitin's Law. This is just the beginning, though. There need to be tougher laws across the board to protect women and children and their families from those would would seek to harm. Maybe some day that will happen. |
|
|
October 25, 2005, 3:30 pm PDT
Quote From: cewstepmom We live in Texas. In 2003 Amanda decided that she wanted to come to live with us for all the reasons you saw today. In some cases if both parents agree to that arrangement the parents work together to petetion the court to ammend the custody agreement. Eventually Donna did agree to this because she knew that Amanda wanted to move here.
But in the interim weeks and months we learned alot about the family court system in Oklahoma County. Basically kids of Caitlin and Amanda's age can choose where they want to live. The court system weighs heavily to the kids' wishes. Caitlin is in Color Guard and Amanda is a varsity cheerleader in 10th grade. Do you know any highschoolers that want to move away from all their friends and all their activities? No the kids don't want to do that. And it's not the kids job to be constantly worried for their safety. That is responsibility of the parents. Even if the girls didn't want to come here and we wanted to force the custody issue it would have taken 6 months to get on the docket. So Donna would have had to agree to force them to come here. She decided to leave them with her parents.
Trust me when I tell you I have spent many hours regretting all the decisions and choices. I made all the same arguments that you state in your post. I feel I should have fought harder. Only Donna can tell you why she made her choices. I think she was scared and didn't have time to think about everything. Since all her defenses were down and all her relationships damaged she couldn't draw on her own mental or emotional reserves because they did not exist at that moment.
It does boil down to the fact that the system protected Jerry. It didn't protect Caitlin or Amanda or Donna. In our society as the law abiding citizens you are at the mercy of the whims of the animals. The society and the legal system has to change. Caitlin's safety has to matter more than the predator's ability to get bail. He should not have been out on bail.
We will never be the same. There will be an empty place in our hearts and in our homes for Caitlin for the rest of our lives. We'll never get over this, not really. We just have to rely upon God and trust that he can work all things together for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. That's what Van and I are trying to do for Caitlin.
Cindy Caitlin's Step Mom Kudos to you for not throwing blame around. I have no doubt that you have wrestled with personal issues regarding the choices Donna made. Yet...you have chosen to take the high ground, and I applaud you for that. It serves NO purpose whatsoever to cast a shadow or to blame anyone other than Jerry Savage. Blame is not going to bring Caitlin back and will only serve to make matters worse. It sounds as though the family has come together in a common cause...to change the laws that protect criminals instead of the other way around. You're a rare breed indeed.....my heart goes out to you all as well and I lift up my prayers for you all. Rebecca |
|
|
October 25, 2005, 5:51 pm PDT
Something's missing from this story. I want to know about Jerry...mostly how in the world he was able to post bail on a $200,000 bond? We've heard nothing from his family. There's another story here, and I for one would like to hear it. Not that it matters, of course...Caitlin's gone and nothing will bring her back. My heart breaks at the blame tossed around in some of the posts. Every time something happens blame starts being tossed at the mother. Sometime's it's justified, sometimes not. I still say you don't know what you'd do in any given situation unless you've actually lived it. You just THINK you know. If those tossing around blame really want to understand how this is possible, go to your nearest battered woman's shelter. Talk to the women there, you'll see a common denominator. These men can be very charming, deceptive. They are able to convince you of almost anything, perhaps that's why Donna would reunite after a breakup. My niece was shot by her b/f when she attempted to leave him. She lived, thank you God. But she bears scars to this day. Still has bullets in her back. This was a boy who appeared to be every mom's dream come true for her daughter....good looking, faithful church goer, educated, excellent job, appeared to be a wonderful, caring and supportive human being. He was all of those things until my niece left him. Then he shot her through a plate glass window as she was bent over waxing the coffee table. So...you just never know. It does no good to blame anyone. Stuff happens. I hope that Donna isn't reading any of these insensitive, cruel posts that would lay the blame on her. It's almost akin to blaming Caitlin for being killed. Maybe she didn't do things the way someone else thinks that she should have. I'd advise to climb down off of the self-righteous, hypocritical high horse you've placed yourself on before you fall off....it's a long way down....... |
|
|
October 26, 2005, 8:03 am PDT
I can't wait to see this show, as I usually can't wait to see all of dr.phil's shows. Sex and sexuality are as individual as fingerprints. To each their own. I do resent the "shacking up" remark, however. I won't get into a debate over "christian" views...suffice to say that I live with a man ten years my junior (I'm 47) and it is the most loving, caring, fulfilling r-ship of my life. I was *married* for 20+ years...read what you like into the fact that I'm not eager to do it again. The vernacular used about people who co-habitate suggests that you're teaching your children intolerance. Like another poster stated, they're catching the liberal ideas every day at school, and past the doors or your home. They're old enough to be engaged in a discussion about sex and sexuality. Teach them what you like from there. Just don't be surprised if they turn it around some day. If that happens, I hope they find tolerance and acceptance. Because of views taught in the home when my own children (22,20,16 and 5) were younger, my daughter thought that I would "disown" her when she decided to live with her fiance before marriage. She discovered otherwise. I left my church when members boycotted a baby shower of a young girl b/c she wasn't married. IMHO, the baby did nothing wrong...and still was going to need things that married mothers babies' need. I think that people get too "torn up" over things that just aren't that important.....sex being one of them. Also b/c of what my daughter was taught, she is unable to enjoy making love with the man she's agreed to spend the rest of her life with. I regret that. It hinges on the fact that she's not married to him yet, and feels as though sex with him is wrong. I sure wish I had discussed things differently in my home back then. I still have a 4yo...and things are waaay different now. I'll get it right this time...... |
|
|
October 26, 2005, 8:14 am PDT
Quote From: geauxlsu If your guy has to look elsewhere to then be stimulated for you when you are right there, then the answer is for YOU to move on to another guy.
Would you tell your daughter (if you have one in the future) to settle for that in her relationship? I don't think you would. Well, neither should you.
One of the main reasons I started dating the guy I'm now very committed to (and he to me) is his philosophy on women. (we were just talking one night and asking each other "what is your philosophy on this.....questions)
His philosophy on women is this: give them what they need physically FIRST and then it's both of their time. Notice: he didn't say then it was HIS time.
I didn't think there was a man alive who thought a woman should get her satisfaction first much less meet the man. (and yes I know many of you have one of those guys).
I never realized how selfish my ex-husband was in bed until I had a conversation with this guy about sex. We weren't even sexual active and he was still able to keep me interested. l5 months later, he still fascinates me in some way every single day.
Maybe it is our age difference; he is 36 and I'm 49. I look very young (I'm very small and petite). He is over six feet and tall, dark and handsome with a moustache. I have blonde hair and green eyes so people always mention how opposite we are in looks. I was worried about the age thing after getting divorced, but, the only guys who ask me out are all between 35-39. And now I'm off the market, at least for the moment. I am the one afraid of committing too deeply.
But, back to YOU...sorry, I'm recovering from surgery and my medication makes me drone on a little bit....LOL
When you find the guy that just holding his hand gives you a thrill, then you will know what your body is trying to tell you: that you have sexual chemistry with him. Just thinking of my guy after l5 months still intrigues me. Look for a guy who makes you feel like that. You deserve it.
Unless you want to be on message boards this time next year writing about the same dull sex life, then think of moving on. OR show him your message on this board and have an open and frank conversation about your needs. If he truly loves you, then he will be anxious to "make it up to you" assuming you tell him what is missing in the bedroom.
Phyllis I am thrilled to see yet another woman happy with a younger man. I am 47...my SO is 37. I was in a 20+ year marriage. I'm not anxious to do it again. The only thing I'll say about my current situation is if I had a quarter for every time someone told me how lucky I am, I could pay off the house we just purchased together. He's been a dream come true...and the sex is phenomenal. But that isn't the biggest part...it's the fact that this just works. Period. It works. No drama, no hysterics, no histrionics...it works. We've had ONE argument in almost two years. We need a support group around here or something, lol....b/c the numbers of older women/younger men are growing.... |
|
|
October 26, 2005, 8:38 am PDT
Quote From: nwlife2005 Good Afternoon everyone,
I have spent the too many years trying to fight the anger and rensentment that I have had inside me because for so many reasons it's not even funny.
I don't know what to do or what not to do anymore and I thought I would start documentating my journey that I have had over the last 6 months and ask if there is anyone that would be my accountability person and let me explain why with my past history.
My childhood was a good one except for I could never understand why my biological mother would give away a 3rd child and keep the other two? The bottomline for me when I had to seek the answer to being angry at a woman who probably made a very hard decesion and had nothing to do with Me as a child or person. I was raised by two incrediable people who were not able to have children but as I grew into an adult I was basically your average teen but was reminded by other family members that I was not a true "smith" or if you don't behave we can take you back.
I met my husband and we were married within a year, we have been married for 20 years and have two children ages 16,13. I wanted out and wanted to spread my wings and My husband who came for a broken family wanted the same.
Our marriage wasn't easy, we were young and immature. We had nasty fights which would turned physical. The first four years were devastating and I kept it a secert after one night when I called my parents because I thought they would help to only hear, " You have to stay and work it out" Divorce isn't an option.
My husbands father came and got me because my dad called and told him that there was only one out....
I stayed and worked it out..I spent the next who knows how many years living without physical abuse to only be tormented with emotional, mental and spiritual abuse. I functioned and learned what not to say or do because I didn't want to upset him and argue because it never failed I would fight back just as nasty or if not worse because of the pain I woud experience verbally.
But the fact remained I was in love with this man, not because I had to but because my heart and soul didn't have a choice. He truly completes me when we are doing good.
I have been a stay at home mom a majority of our marriage, at one time we were apartment managers in order to support our family till his career reached the cap for his line of work. His line of work caused him to be away for long periods of time. The company left him no choice if he choose not to go out of town he was fired.
We are in the 3rd generation of welders/pipefitters I know the drill and I know how hard the work is.
I became so depressed after years of fighting, begging, pleading and wondering where I stood and why I was here and the lack of realtionship I had with my husband that I started popping pills vicoden,xanax, valium and getting high that I literally started destroy myself because I couldn't ever imagine that my realtionship would get better, that I would be somewhere on the list and that the man I loved more than anything just didn't seem to care anymore.
We had devastating news my grandmother/best friend only had 9 months left and this was the one person in my life I never had to questioned whether she loved me or not because her love flowed freely and the advice was real and she always understood.
After her death...I couldn't cope the depression got worse the pill poppin was drastic. I got to the point where ending my life was what I thought to be the answer. the reason i didn't was because of my kids and how could I do that to them...
I ended up cheating on my husband and there is no true justification for my betrayal and I had to learn the hard way the contribuating factors. My hubby found out thru an investagtor and only thru an email because at that time I had stopped the affair for close to two years.
I always wanted to tell him because i wanted our realtionship more, but feared he would either beat me or kill me because I knew how angry this would make him. To my surprise and my best friends he didn't and we were proud of him for not resorting to physica abuse.
We spent 6 months fighting and hating each other and living under the same roof, The verbal abuse was deadly. I would respond with just as much hate as he did. One day I couldn't take it anymore and demanded we see a local pastor and after spending 6 months degrading me and humilating me he comes to me with more truths...
He has cheated on me with one of my best friends and two one night stands and call girls/whores both locally and out of state.
I'm the reason he did this, I am the reason he turned out the way that he is when it comes to his anger. I didn't do the laundry, didn't cook and laid in bed all day and there are more reasons why he choose to cheat on me and through being told this I can only hear the one thing I have told myself since day one,
I have to be honest with myself and with him in order for us to heal from what I thought was my mistake and understanding why I would do this, as I have always had high morals when it came to my realtionship with my husband to find out that I was not the only "whore" and that if I expect to be forgiven I had to forgive him for his betrayal. I told him that and I also told him that it will not be easy to forgive when it came to the way I was treated and the lies that were told.
We are now past the year mark and our realtionship has gotten better to a point, but the moment something goes wrong or frustration from me is expressed it only takes a few before anger shows it's ugly head and the pain starts all over again.
I have spent the last 6 months trying to understand and trying to find a way to make him see or realize that the anger has always been there and the damage and heartache are still there because I haven't had chance to experience anything different.
I waited too long to find my authentic self and understand the past pain and heartache. to realize my own faults and acknowledge/accept them and make changes in order to be true to myself and to be true to my family.
I have an anger management problem but when I worked through the past/pain I started to become a different person and reacting different to situations and started laughing more, my feelings of what I wished for or dreamed of were and are clearer to me then ever before.
I can not say THANK YOU enough Dr. Phil for your books of wisdom and clarity in order to become the person I was hiding from because of hurt and pain and resentment and anger.
Its great to be free from all that. My husband today realizes that anger rules before anything else and he has thought/felt and still does that he can do it by himself, but also is taking the initative to pick up Family first but maybe thinks he needs to close that book and pick up another.
Right now, today...Im tired of wondering where our realtionship is going because of personal isolation and fear and doubts but yet don't want to give up as it's both of us, not just one that need help healing the pain and heartache we both caused.
I have struggled for years wodnering if I'll ever be worth it, or if I belong. for the first time in a long time I realize that it doesn't matter if I'm worth it in any others eyes/heart. I know I am worth it because of who, what and where I stand when it comes to my perception and feeling of MYSELF and for my family. If others don't like it or wish to accept what I have had to realize about myself in so many different areas and make changes for themself when it comes to what is wrong in our realtionship whether it be parents/friends/kids/hubby.. well then it's there lost but I'm done being my own personal whipping boy and everyone elses.
I have found myself and for the first time I know myself!!!!
First, let me say that I'm sorry for the hell that your life has apparently been. I was married for over 20years to a man who became an intravenous drug addict 12 years into the marriage. We separated for good, and I spent the next 3 years getting my head on straight. I never divorced him, b/c I didn't want him to have visitation with the kids..even supervised. He was too unhealthy emotionally, and my kids had some healing of their own to do. He died of a drug overdose. I never intended on reuniting with him. There is much much more to this story, I just kind of wanted to let you know that I understand unhappiness. And belief. Fast forward to now....I'm living with a man ten years my junior (I'm 47) and I am happier than I ever could have dreamed. I could gush on about this man, but I won't. I learned my lessons from the past well and I corrected the mistakes that I made in my choice of men. I went for the "good guy" this time. The one who didn't need "fixing". He had all of his eggs in the basket...his ducks in a row. And the kindest, gentlest heart you could imagine. Happiness is possible. Sometimes just letting go is the greatest happiness of all. I didn't turn to drugs when I was miserable...I turned to food. My top weight was 256lbs. I'm at 135 now. Things can and do get better but it's when you realize that you're in control of your life...God is there but He expects you to do your part. I finally realized that He doesn't expect or want us to be miserable, or abused. Your husband isn't doing his part as is his covenant with God when he agreed to take you as his wife. All bets are off then. How can you do your part as his wife when he isn't doing his part as your husband? I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this, or why I posted to begin with. Something about your post...I just want you to know that I've been where you're at, and there can be another side to the story. But it starts with YOU. If you need a friend...I'm here. I'm a big talker but a good listener, too. Feel free....... |
|
|
October 28, 2005, 11:36 pm PDT
I understand addiction, truly I do. I was married to an addict. It would take more than I can post here to go into the whole history. I don't mean to belittle or demean anything that anyone who is suffering from addiction is going through. I'm the flip side of that. I've been on pain meds for 9 years. I have a disabling back condition. I tell someone to slam a hammer into your back and live with that, 24/7. Never lets up. I was on the verge of suicide until I found a doctor with the balls to prescribe pain meds. It gave me my life back, literally. As a mother of 3 children at the time, I sat in my car one night, a loaded .357 in my hand, one bullet. I figured if I were meant to live with this, the gun wouldn't discharge the ammo. If not..well it would. So I pulled the trigger and the gun didn't fire. I was at the worst time of my life. I lived on the couch, unable to take care of myself, much less my kids. I was worthless. I couldn't do anything. Things that others take for granted, like walking, was impossible for me. Literally, it hurt to live. When my doc prescibed the meds, and the first time I felt the relief, I literally started sobbing. I had been in pain since I was sixteen...and to finally have relief was something that I'll forever be grateful for. I don't have an addictive personality. I'm lucky there. I don't take the meds to get high, though now I'm on a med that I couldn't get high on if I tried. I take the med b/c it works VERY well, not b/c I'm afraid of addiction. My husband was the addict. He started with demerol and ended his life with oxycontin. Accidentally, I might add. We worked our tails off as self emplyed people..he was a television repairman and I lifted more weight in my life than most women should. It was nothing for me to lift a big screen television alongside of him. After my car accident at 16, that was the last thing I should have been doing. It took 12 years, but it finally took my back out. I don't take any other meds besides one type of pain pill. No anti depressants, sleeping pills, nothing. Just my pain med. Neither my husband nor myself had backs left by the time all was said and done. Even after his back surgery he was in so much pain...and we did other routes before the meds. We went to pain managment specialists, had the shots in the back, nothing worked. I was worse off than him just b/c of the accident I had in my teens. I was a wreck, and still am. But I have a life now. I'm able to do the things that other people take for granted. I can shop. I can cook dinner. Do a load of laundry. Go to a basketball game that my kid plays in. Go to school functions. Take my little boy to the park. Push him on the swing. I could go on and on and on.....suffice to say that I literally have my life back where I had none and was on the verge of ending it. I couldn't live with the pain anymore. I'm no wuss when it comes to pain, either. I have a very high threshold for it. Well, we all have our limits, and I reached mine. I tolerated it as long as I could. I see one doctor, and he watches me closely. This after sending me for the MRI's the Cat scans, myelograms, etc. He made sure that I had a problem severe enough to warrant prescription meds. He didn't just start writing presciptions. I owe him my life, literally. I take 2 pills three times daily. That might sound like a lot to some people, but after a lot of trial and error, this was what worked enough to give me back a life. Am I 100% pain free? Nope. But enough so that I don't want to die anymore. The only reason I'm posting this is b/c all you hear is the bad about pain meds. There is another side. There are people who literally can't have life without them, and don't abuse. I'm one of those people. My husband was not. I know both sides of this story, and just wanted to tell mine. There are some people who would be under the notion that I should just suffer. To those I would say that they should walk a block in my back before deciding. When you have a condition that's inoperable, and there is nothing that can be done even in today's modern medicinal society except prescribe a pill that's going to relieve the agony, what are you to do? Take the pill. You'd do whatever it took, believe me. Please believe that I sympathize completely with those battling drug addiction....I saw what it did to my husband's life and that of our children. We went to hell and back. I'm not medicating anything else except that pain that wracks my body. My head is fine. I'm a better mother b/c I am able to have the meds. I was worthless before. Imagine not being able to even take your kids trick or treating b/c you couldn't walk. Couldn't drive. Couldn't even bend to get in the car. I hope sincerely that those who are suffering from true addiction find the help that they need. And I hope that those who suffer from debilitating pain and aren't addicts don't feel guilty for having to take a pill every six hours or so just so that they can do the simple things and have some quality of life. There are always two sides to every story, I believe that with all of my heart. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. |
|
|
October 28, 2005, 11:55 pm PDT
Quote From: joyjoybink Oh, please don't do this! Your life is worth more than you can know! You'll get through this rough spot. I did! I did the same thing; I really did. I got involved with a man online--we met once; even though we didn't have intercourse, we kissed & petted. My husband found out about it; he STILL loved me & he DID forgive me! If your fiance loves you (& I bet he does!), he'll forgive you. Even if he doesn't, taking your life is NOT the answer! It NEVER is! You'd be murdering yourself! PLEASE DON'T! You already have several people online here who DO care, & we don't even know you personally. So your fiance & kids, no matter how much they see you (like someone else said), will be DEVASTATED! Do you REALLY want to hurt the people who love you like that?? It's SO MUCH WORSE to commit suicide than to make an error in judgment & make a mistake. We're ALL human; we make mistakes. It's part of being human. Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm so sorry your family isn't being supportive; are you sure there isn't ONE PERSON in your family or one of your friends who would be there for you? Have you given your friends a chance? Don't torture your fiance by taking your life! It's not right! It's angry & selfish! It's not the way out! You CAN & WILL get through this. If nothing else, you can have a wonderful relationship with Christ. He loved you enough to die for you & your sins--ALL of them, past, present, & future. IF you weren't meant to be here, you wouldn't be. YOU ARE SPECIAL! There is only ONE of you--don't deprive your fiance, your kids, & others who love you (& I know there must be others who love you) by leaving them! Don't break their hearts that way! PLEASE email me at joyjoybinks43 @yahoo.com (take out the space I put in); call a suicide hotline--here's the one on this site: National Suicide Hotline 888-SUICIDE (784-2433). PLEASE, PLEASE, special one, call them!
Oh, I BEG you not to do this!!!! NOTHING is worth ending your life! NOTHING! God loves you so much more than you can imagine! You can get through this! You really can! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF--PLEASE! Email me, call the hotline, write Dr. Phil. There is an ANSWER to this; you CAN get through this! I'll be praying really hard for you, storming the throne of God for you to remain in this world & get help & be able to find your way out of depression & the tough times you've been having. Please hang in there! Don't give up! You are worth saving! So much! Joy You've got someone here literally begging you to not take your own life. You know there are people out there who care, if you'll just reach out. Please. Imagine the looks on your children's faces, staring down into the cold lifeless body in the casket. Your body. Imagine the tears streaming down their faces. The heartbreak they will suffer. You have to know that children of suicides are more likely to committ suicide themselves as adults. What you think you've done is not worth killing yourself over. Nothing is. There is nothing so horrible that you can't get past it. Two words. Hold on. I heard that on another show and I thought that those two words could possibly be the most powerful in the english language. Hold on. Please. If you can get through tonite...tomorrow. You might start to see something in the daylight that you don't see in the darkness. If you can't think of yourself, think of your kids. You don't have the right to kill yourself. You lost that right the moment your first child was born. Whether you see that child regularly or not, you're still those children's mother. What if they have something terrible in the future happen that they are going to need you for? And you're not there? I can't give you the will to live. All I'm asking you to do is to hold on. And pick up the phone, please. Call someone. Anyone. Talk to someone. I've been where you are...and I know how you're feeling. I really, truly know. I know the despair, the loneliness, the isolation..the fear. All of it. The giving up. The feeling that life just isn't worth living. I know. I can tell you that things change. They never stay the same. They change. If you can just HOLD ON. If someone told me back then that my life would be what it is today, I'd have thought they lost their mind. Things change....hold on...please. Reach out to someone...NOW.... |
|
|
October 29, 2005, 12:21 am PDT
Hi all...I'm new to this forum so I want to give a little background before I proceed. 47yo woman, 4 kids, two still at home. Had a baby at 42. Married over 20 years to husband who died of accidental drug overdose. He started using 12 years into the marriage, I spent 8 years mistakenly thinking I could help him get clean. My own mom died when I was 12, my dad sank to the bottom of a beer bottle and didn't emerge for years. I was living on my own at 15..went to school full time, two part time jobs to pay for my own place (you could do that back then). Married the first time at 17, partly b/c I was tired of taking care of myself. Divorced 3 years later. Married kids dad 3 years after that...had four kids with him. My 16yo son and 5yo son still at home. Two older daughters (22 and 20) live outside of the home. After taking 3 years to get my head back on straight, I finally reclaimed my life. Started going out again. Dating after over 20 years. Now living with my SO...who happens to be the love of my life and ten years younger than myself. I made my mind up to do things differently...I went for the "good guy"..the one who didn't need fixing, the one who had all of his faculties about him. He's truly a fantastic individual...and respects and loves me for who and what I am. To say that I'm fortunate is an understatement. My children really like and care about this man, and to my littlest one he's the only dad he's ever known. I really have a life that most would envy, and the kind I always wanted. At one point in my marriage, I weighed 256lbs. When I met my SO, I weighed 135 and most thought I looked anorexic. Ok. Whatever. I've gained weight however. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I hated being overweight. Something is wrong apparently, and I don't know what it is. I don't work, b/c of a back disability. I have sooo many limitations. I don't have friends, outside of the cyber variety. I think that is what is missing from my life....just plain old fashioned friendship. Someone to gab with over a cup of coffee. Talk on the phone with. I'd love to have a walking partner, or a workout partner. The weight gain is alarming me. I know it's b/c something is missing from my life, and I think that's what it is. I life in a rural area, and have reached out to people just to have them say "oh, yes..I'd love to get together" and then they never do. People are busy with their own lives, I understand that. They just don't have the time. Most people around here have family and friends that they went to school with to occupy their time. I don't have that. I'm not a "hobby" person. I guess I need to read "self matters" and find out what the hell is wrong with me and try to correct it. Everything seems to be perfect,and I truly am happy with the man I share my life with. That isn't the problem. I'm bored. You can only clean so much house. I've tried and tried to think of something that I can do with myself, that doesn't involve the computer. There is nothing. Too many physical limitations. I just need some friends....women friends. Who else to understand the problems particular to women or the good things for that matter, besides other women? I've talked about this with my SO, and he's brought up suggestion after suggestion...none any good for my particular circumstance. But he's a man...wants to "fix" things. Especially if it involves me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've lost my motivation. I've lost my drive. And I'm getting fatter, and fatter. I've gained 30 lbs. so far. It's got to go, but I don't know how to get back that motivation that I had before about the lifestyle changes. I never considered it dieting...it was a lifestyle change that I didn't stick to. Food is my comfort..my company. I eat when I'm stressed...I eat when I'm bored. Which is often. Bored, that is. Is there really any way out of this? Am I just doomed to eat my way back to over 250? Where do I go from here? What do I do? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Suggestions welcome. Anything..... |
|
|
October 31, 2005, 8:35 pm PST
My five yo is the youngest of four. He was born when I was 42, and my youngest at the time of his birth was 11. His siblings are a LOT older than he is. I'm able to afford more for him than I could when the others were young. Maybe b/c you had to times everything you bought by three. That's partially the reason. I'm in a better financial position than then, also. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I can pay my bills and have a few hundred left over. That's not counting what I set aside for groceries, emergencies, gas...etc. The few hundred is money to blow. I could save it, true...but I like to buy things. Maybe b/c I couldn't before and now I can. I tend to buy my little one something every time we go shopping. It doesn't matter that it might be a toy from the dollar store. He still gets something. My defense has always been that he's a good boy, and doesn't act like a spoiled brat. Well, I don't like what I saw today. I'm going to do things differently. I like what another poster suggested about giving an allowance and having them save towards something they want. My son asks for *everything* he sees on the commercials. Time to teach a different lesson. The only thing...in a small town, and even in not so small towns, kids DO have to wear certain brands of clothing..whatever the other kids are wearing. They are ostracized otherwise. I couldn't afford those name brand clothes for the other kids...the had to wear stuff from Wal Mart or KMart. For their birthdays I would buy more expensive clothing..but the generally I couldn't shop there for their clothes. They WERE looked down upon, and made fun of b/c of it. That doesn't speak much for their peers, it's just how things are though. Now that they're out of school, it's interesting to run ito those same kids who are now working at walmart. Things change. But when you're in school, you have to maintain a certain image or risk being cast out. I don't want that for my little boy. When he came home from PRESCHOOL and said that a little boy was making fun of his shoes b/c they weren't Nikes, we went to the shoe store the next day and bought a pair of Nikes. He's worn them twice...but they're there if he chooses to wear them. His favorite are a pair of hiking boots that were bought at Payless. And a light up pair of Arizonas from Penney's. Just goes to show...at this age, name is nothing. But let someone say so, and it becomes very important. Apparently this kids' parent told him that there was something special about Nikes, therefore something special about him for wearing them. I'm not about to let my little boy be made to feel inferior just b/c he isn't wearing the right brand of clothes. Wrong of me? Maybe. I don't know. I'm just going on past experience and what my other kids went through. I'm putting the brakes on the toys, though...tomorrow.....lol.. |
|
