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Messages By: ricschic
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November 25, 2006, 3:46 am PST
 Quote From: afraid as far as him knowing what drugs can do to you he already saw first hand with me and my addiction,im glad i didnt try to hide the fact that i was a addict to him when i got in trouble over it , being honest and real with your children are important factors , i dont try to say i had any reasons for drug use other than i loved my drugs, he asked me if i loved drugs more than him i said no it was what i caused to happen to him that made me hit rock bottom and get the help i needed, my habbit caused my child to go to foster care while i went in rehab just knowing i did that to him relly hurt but i had to put my feelings aside, and think about what he had to be feeling i mean just think his entire world was turned upside down he was made to go live with people he never saw in his life, that had to be scarry as hell for a 5 or 6 year old child to have to go through, and remembering what i put him through then keeps me clean even today, but the funny thjing about addiction well its not funny but addiction tells you your not hurting no one but your self, the addict dosent see the harm there causing every onethey love and every one that loves them to go through addiction has blinders i thank god i never lied to any one about my addiction from the get go, being honest and real has been a blessingmy child wont have anything to do with any kids that even smoke cigaretts, much less drugs, thank god, My son knew as well. The family (I say the family, b/c one person out of control affects *everyone*) dealt with their father being an intravenous drug addict. He didn't start out that way....12 years into our marriage was when he started abusing. I stayed 8 long years after that, before giving up...and realizing that *I* wasn't going to be the one to get him clean and sober. HE had to choose it, and did not. I believe my son started abusing himself b/c of the pain associated with dealing with a father who was a drug addict for so long. The reason I say that is so that someone else might not make the mistake in thinking that just b/c you've been real with your child, that they've seen everything that's gone on in your life...doesn't mean that they won't grow up to abuse themselves. All too often it happens. As they say "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". And in my case with my son, unfortunately it was only too true. I applaud you, though. No doubt you've been through a long road of your own hell, and emerged on the other side. You have experienced my worst nightmare...that of having your own child taken away from you. I am VERY glad that you both are together again, and I wish you much continued success...in everything you do.... |
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November 25, 2006, 4:17 am PST
Quote From: dani333 Good God, I'm literally in tears. Happy, happy, happy, for you. Consider this, print what you wrote, and send it into the Chicago Tribune, or any major news paper. See if they won't print it on Valentine's Day. Society needs to hear more of these beautiful true stories. Than possibly men ...and those evil minded women will get the picture. Love is not about money or materialistic items. Yes, we need money to survive, but not to but love. This is a story that the world needs to hear; I am dead serious!!!! Through these tears in my eyes I am so happy for you....honestly, I'm jealous, but in a good way. You have overcome obstacles, ones that gave you strength and courage. Many people would give up and choose detrimental solutions to solve their pain and feelings of hoplessness. My heart feels blessed that you shared your experience . May it be a tool that those who read it, either remember it, or print it. As I stated before, you should consider contacting Lifetime ( the cable network). It is truly a story in which society needs to watch or hear about. This would be an excellent story for Christmas. The True Meaning of Christmas. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!! as well as acceptance and sacrafices. As you know and he knows, there is no such thing as a "Brady Bunch" family. Funny how past experiences, as difficult and painful they may be have a tendency to make us choose who we want to be. Sure, for a while we go through a bitter stage, a stage of hopelessness and finally, we enter the stage where the lime-light is directly on us. Again I am so happy for you. If you were here, I'd give you a hug and personally thank you for a story of encouragement. You're finally receiving what you deserve!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY THANKS GIVING!!!!! Thank you for your sincere and very kind words. My story does read like something out of a cheap romance novel, lol! It was a long and most times difficult road...but here I am. Finally. Please don't feel jealousy, even in a good way. I really feel that anyone can have the kind of person they want/desire in life. Life is full of choices, and I made a conscious choice that I'd rather live alone the rest of my life than to life unhappily. You might know it was then that I found the man I CAN love with all my heart and have it reciprocated in every sense of the word. And no, he doesn't have a son...unless you want to count my two boys. He's taken them on and is the only father my 6yo has ever known. He's not overstepped boundaries with my 17yo...though he might have had good reason to. It's kind of a shame that he never had kids of his own, b/c he would have been an awesome father. He is to my boys, that's for sure. He thinks it was his destiny in life to meet me and assume a co-parenting role with my youngest son. I tend to agree with that. I'm happy that my little story (well, maybe not so little..lol) can give someone encouragement. I had people encourage me along the way, and I haven't forgotten their words. Thank you again for your kindness...... |
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November 25, 2006, 4:43 am PST
Quote From: dani333 My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs. He is 22 yrs. older than I and I am at the breaking point. We dated for 11/2 yrs before we married. I should have used my head instead of my heart. Pre-warning: This is lengthy, so if you do read this through it's entirety, I suggest you get coffe or your favorite drink to sip on. Before we got seriuos, he told me he had a female best-friend, which whom he would invite on trips that his work would offer. They also grew a tight bond by attending Nascar races together. He also expressed that he would never give her up. I was fine w/ that. For I couldn't be a hypocrite; for I have a male best-friend, and understand the importance of friends. I was also honest w/ my H and let him know that we had been intimate w/ each other. Well as time went by, and I got to know his BF, things started to unravel. Such as, when ever my H and I would go dancing at a place where he met the majority of his friends and mine too, his bf would be there always. Of course this is fine, for it's a local hang-out. The problems began, when she would call him by his nickname, and say "I love you...NN" then proceed to kiss him on the lips. It was a very quick kiss, one that you would give to your spouse when he/she would leave or return from work. I tried to not let it bother me at first, but as time went on it did. HIs bf is a hairstylist and cuts his hair. Living about 2 miles away from us it was "convenient" . Also, she would watch my cat when we were gone on a short trip. Always leaving HIM notes which ended with " I love you with all my heart!" I feel that was very disrespectful of her. I would never ever leave a note to my male BF stating I love him w/ all my heart, especially if his girlfriend was living with him. I confronted him about the kiss on the lips and the I love you remarks she makes; letting him know that it is rude, inconsiderate, and childish. I then asked if he would please make iit clear that I was uncomfortable with that situation. That there are other means of expressing a love towards a friend. It has been almost 2 yrs. since this next incident, although it feels like it was yesterday. I know I should let it go, and try to but I am having a difficult time releasing it. This is what happend. It was a week before Christmas, and her son had a B-day approaching. My H and her son had developed a strong bond, and he'd buy him expensive gifts and enclude a good sum ofmoney ( 100.00) with his card. I expressed to my H that his heart is in the right place, but he is not her sons father. In fact what he is doing is the fathers responsibility. As friends, it's his respons. to see he is being raised properly. Back to his BF and him. On that day, she opened her gift which I picked out. As we were leaving, she said "Oh NN I love you" and proceeded to kiss him on the lips. I was fuming, and stormed out of her house. We argued about that. A week later, he was going to visit her and I insisted on going with. I thought this is a "we" thing, that she has to get it through her head "we" are a couple, not he and she, but him and I. At her house, my H says to her " .... wants you to stop saying "I love you"and kissing me on the lips." She got mad and replied "why do you let this B control you" .... "NN I feel sorry for you if you have to go home to that every night."..... "Give this man his balls back for Christmas." I walked out in disbelief. That the man who supposedly loves me and wants to marry me would stand there and not defend me. As we left,he said to her "...I'm sorry." We got in the truck and I said " you're sorry to her !!" To this day, he never apologized, nor has she. But I did. that same night I went over ther by myself and apologized. DOES TRUE LOVE REALLY DO THIS? Throughout this marriage, I realize I made a huge,huge, mistake. When we argue , and I tell him the truth about what he said, or did, he denys it and calls be a B, F'n B, crazy, insecure. He is completley aware during and after his verbal abuse. Never has he approached me afterwards and said he was sorry. Last week we argued over, get this a kitchen towel. He finished drying dishes and left the towel on the counter. I asked him nicely to put it back in it' proper place. That I was tired of cleaning- up after him; being a mommy to a 58 yr. old. He stormed upstairs saying " You're unbelievable....you B.." I followed him and told him I heard what he said, "now say it to my face." HE was in the bathroom, I was in the hall and he came towards me, grabbed both my arms. PUtting enough pressure on them both to restrain me. I said "let go !" I was held there for a couple of minutes, he finally released. I told him to " NEVER TOUCH ME THAT WAY AGAIN !" I get Psychology Today, and they printed an article on narrcisstic personalities. If anyone who reads wants to relate or try to understand what my H is , go to that article ( Feb. 06) That describes him to the tee. Anyone who had the patients and time to read this completely, I thank you. I would enjoy reading comments. Thanks again D333 Sweetie, let me tell you something...if you don't mind listening to an old lady who's been around the block more than once. A man who truly loves and, more importantly, *respects* a woman doesn't call her names. Ever. Calling you "crazy" and so on and so on indicates that he's trying to push whatever issue back on YOU. Trying to instill doubt in yourself. Asking you "what's the matter with you?" Well??? What's the matter with him? You know...it's easy for his "friend" (I certainly use THAT term lightly) to love him....she isn't the one living with him. I wonder how she'd feel about him if he were talking to her like he talks to you. Maybe she'd just accept it as part of life. I don't like advocating that someone leave their spouse. You take vows for a reason. I would ask your H to go to counseling with you, though I doubt he would. He'd have to see a problem within himself...and he's not going to do that. I know soooo many young women who accept being called some of the worst names....names I wouldn't call my enemy. It's an esteem issue, imho. You can't change how someone treats you....you taught him early on in the game what you will and won't accept, and the only CHANGE that can come about is within yourself. YOU are the one who has to change. Arguing with him isn't going to change one single thing. IF there is any change to occur, it will only come when he sees a change in you...if at all. YOU go for counseling....YOU get on with your life. YOU do things that you enjoy that he has no part of. Develop for yourself a very strong, secure life that sends the message to him that you don't *need* him. That he's there only b/c you want him to be. One day you might find that you don't want him there anymore. There is just something about us women...we will tolerate things from our spouses that we'd tolerate from NO ONE. And we'll spend years and years of our lives doing so. I know, b/c I did it myself. I'm almost 49yo...and I know a lot of women like myself. Women who, after 20-something years of marriage, woke up and realized that something was terribly, terribly wrong. I used to wonder why people would divorce after investing 25 years in a marriage. I found out why. You wake up...plain and simple. And realize that you've turned a blind eye to things you shouldn't have. If you come out on the other side with any self-esteem at all, it's a small miracle. I wish so much for you....but I think my biggest wish is that you will realize the person you TRULY are. A woman who deserves so much more than she's currently settling for. You don't have to settle for a man who's going to verbally abuse you, and borderline physically abuse you. There ARE men out there who will cherish the goodness that you are. You just can't settle for less than what you truly want and deserve as a woman. Dr.Phil said something once that stuck with me...he said something to the fact that if Robin were in a roomful of 10,000 women..he wanted her secure in the knowledge that she was the luckiest one there. Well...if *I* were in that room, she'd have a run for her money. I won't go into the long story here..I did it in another message elsewhere...but you CAN have the man that is good and treats you with respect. I hope the best for you. I hope that you will continue here and let us know how things go with you. There are people who care what you're going through, and I'm one of them. |
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November 25, 2006, 5:18 am PST
Quote From: colleen232 My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have two great teenage daughters. About three years ago my husband lost his job of 18 years, The job was not fufilling so it ended up heing a good thing. My husband is very bright but he dropped out of highschool. He then went into the Arts and dropped out of that too. As a result, he does not have many work opportunities. Currently he works nights part time and then another full time job. He was always a moddy type and he has had bouts of depression. When he is in a bad mood he verbally abuses the girls and I. Swears, degrades, etc. My eldest child ignores or rebels and says that she has no respect for her father. When he has been angry with her he will become physically violent so I have to ensure that I am present or close to intervene. To complicate matters I was diagnosed with a progressive eye disease and I am considered to be legally blind. I can no longer drive, but I manage to work at a demanding job, I am responsible for finances, housework, etc because my husband says that he is too tired. I have resorted to sending him emails at work so he is appraised of the finances and the girls activties. I am having more difficulty and I have asked for some help for him. He refuses to do so. He focues on the fact that he is working too much and no one cares. If I try to talk with him and explain that he needs to positively interact with the girls (or me) he quickly builds his anger and says "f you". He then berates me till I am exhaisted. Generally he tops it off with "see, no one appreciates me and you do not love me". I just do not know what to do anymore. Communication through unanswered emails is horrible, the girls need a father, and I need to get some physical and moral support Good grief. Your husband's job might have not been "fulfilling", but it paid the bills..right? And now he's working two jobs. Ok. He's stressed. Join the millions of other people who are stressed, but who do NOT verbally or physically abuse their family. I'm wondering here if you really have a *marriage*, or if you're stuck with the grown-up equivalent of a tantrum throwing two year old?? You're having to intervene to keep him from becoming physically violent...and towards his own daughter at that. Is there something very wrong with this picture? You bet there is. You can't change your husband. He's not going to change. The only change has to come from you. What you will and won't tolerate. You've established what he can get away with...and he's going to continue to push those boundaries. It so sounds as if your self esteem has taken a real beating. I wish I could give that back to you. I woke up after over 20 years of a bad marriage and realized that it was in my best interests and that of my kids to get the hell out. And that's exactly what I did. I reclaimed my life and my self esteem. My whole life has honestly read like something out of a soap opera. Where I'm at today is remarkably different. It's a long story, and I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say that things CAN change...but usually the change comes from within the person desiring it. You can't change your spouse...all you can change is how you react to the situation. I wish you much luck with this. It's a long journey to self-realization and taking necessary steps for change. Change is frightening...but the end result is worth conquering your fears. You will find strengths you never knew you possessed. You already have tremendous strength, you're dealing with a very difficult situation. I hope you're able to expand on those strengths and continue forward. For the better............. |
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November 28, 2006, 6:11 am PST
Quote From: mmmdsm
I really need to see if I am crazy to be reacting this way. My husband said that I am making more out of what he said than need be. He also said that no reasonable person would react the way I did. Here's the story. I have been married for 28 years with one grown son. We have had a good marriage and do a lot of things together. There has never been an issue of distrust or infidelity. We have fun together and are very compatible. We discuss our hopes and dreams and always have. Here is where I got emotional and upset. My husband told me that if he would have had the opportunity in life to do something really great and spectacular, he would have left me and our son "in a heart beat" as he put it. I was really stunned and started crying. He said that since it never happened I should be grateful. This was and still is upsetting to me. I realize that this didn't happen, but just the thought of knowing that he would have been gone disturbs me. Am I over reacting to feel like I have been punched in the stomach? I don't know how to get past this. Any advice out there. I starting to wonder if I am crazy or not well. He said sometimes there are things in life that are even more important than your children. He said that he would have never looked back. Was I just around until something better came along? I just don't know how to handle this.
Thank you.
From Maryland HUH???? Excuse me???? You're supposed to be GRATEFUL that a man who would have rather left "in a heartbeat" stayed instead...and ROBBED you of the opportunity to bring someone into your life that would have walked through fire for not only you..but your children as well????? I guess since something "really great and spectacular" never came along in his opinion, he decided to just stay? YOU and your child SHOULD have been the something that was really great and spectacular. What is wrong with him??? I'm so sorry...I'd have felt punched in the stomach as well. I'd have felt slapped in the face. I'd have felt that everything that I had based my marriage on was all a lie. YOU aren't the crazy one here. It sounds like your husband is....crazy like a fox. I don't know how I would go forward from here. A woman has wants/needs/desires and finding out that you aren't the great and spectacular thing in your husband's life is just too defeating. It would be for me. I'm sending you a big big HUG...'cause you certainly do need one.... |
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November 28, 2006, 6:32 am PST
Quote From: geneva457 Apparently in the eyes of the law he is "Old enough " to decide where he choses to live. Other events have traspired since then; I am the mother of a 16yr old runaway teen. In short he went away in the begining of the summer to babysit for his cousin and never returned. The events that have occured have been relentless. She has manipulated and branwashed the child to the point that we are no longer on speaking terms. She has stolen corospondence from my grandmother regarding his biological father. To this point he only knew one man to be his dad. I'd hate myself too if I found out this way. She has taken me to court for custody ( a money grab ) The pair of them have accused me of being a drug addict, on the border line of being bankrupt, neglectful, abusive and the list goes on. They aren't discriminating on who they tell this false information to. The child has called me filthy names that I wouldn't even call my worst enemy. This woman he choses to live with resides in a three bedroom trailor with six other people including my son. She does not do housework and her home should litterally be condemned. There is animal feces on the floor, dirty mouldy dishes scattered around the home. Her eldest son is currently taking mood altering drugs to treat adhd however we have never seen the symptoms in him. He acts like a normal 12yr old boy when he is off his meds. Her middle child is absolutely not allowed to play with the girls in the neighbourhood as he makes lude sexual references to them. Her four year old daughter started wetting her pants a year ago after this woman refused visitation to the biological father. This woman has alienated all of her children from their fathers with the same rediculous claims she made against myself. At one point one of the children's fathers gave up parental rights due to the fact that her claims were getting out of control. This woman and now father #4 of her new baby often talk about their sexual exploits in front of their children. This woman laughed when her then three year old turned on the tv to watch a movie and instead was watchingher mother's pornographic video's. The older children have been caught several times playing with their mothers sex toys. I would love to report this woman to the CAS however I do not ever wish for my name to be used. And Im not too sure if informant information is ever used. The latest ploy, she coached my 16yr old son to telephone the police and tell them that I was in posession of stolen property. Thank god the police proved them both wrong. Id like to know what rights I have and what I can do. So far there is no help available in this situation. I strongly believe she is neglectful, and fails to provide a nuturing loving home to her children. This woman has a history of alienating children from their parents and as a matter of fact she provided the paperwork to have her sisters children removed from the home. She often as a legal secratary fills out the necessary paper work in child custody cases. And I have been told by several people that she demanded they lie in their affidavits to sway the court system. Its hard to fight this woman legally as she knows family law. This woman has in the past the present and will in the future continue to "brainwash" this child. She has done everything and anything to manipulate this poor lost soul. She is a lier a thief and a manipulator. Unfortunately there is absolutely nothing I can do about her. What sane child in his right mind falsely accuses his own mother to the point he telephones the police. What "sane" adult woman coaches a child for hours to the point he feels this is what he should do. It has gone beyond "lost child" this has gone beyond "angry boy" Can I ask WHY you're so afraid to have your name associated with turning this woman in?? If EVER there was a case for having children removed from the home, this one is it. Does this woman have something on you..is that why you're afraid to turn her in? Those kids (ALL of them) need someone to be a "hero" in their lives. They need rescuing. You think this woman is insane...and yet you want to sit on your hands and not do something about it? Your son might be beyond "lost child" or "angry boy" in your estimation. He still NEEDS you. I don't know of a single state in the union that allows a 16yo to choose to live illegally with a non-custodial guardian. He is a runaway, and you can call the police and report him as such...and tell them where he's at so they can go over there and bring him home. She's not just neglectful, failing to provide a nurturing loving home, as you put it. These children are in danger. How do you know that your son is old enough in the eyes of the law to live where he chooses at 16?? You're going to have to adopt the attitude of "I don't care what happens to me...I'm going to save my son". My first call would be to CPS. You CAN call anonymously...and there will be an investigation. You can't drop the ball on this. Not just your son's..but other children's very way of life depend on it. |
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November 28, 2006, 6:43 am PST
Quote From: happyb4 THis is very hard for me to talk about, but I really could use some help on what to do. My daughter (23) found a 30 yr old boyfriend online. He came from the US every 2nd month for the last year and a half. We welcomed him into our family, although I never really trusted him, but he never did us any wrong, and treated her really good. He never took anything from her. He seemed to always have money for everything. His life was a too good to be true. Two weeks ago, my husband and daughter went to see him in usa for the first time. Guess what, he could not show them anything, his business that he owned was in the process of moving, the expensive vehicle he said he had, was sold. His grandma couldn't come to visit because of health reasons. I had stayed at home, because of other family matters, but about the third day, I had the funniest feeling, so I phoned the grma which I had got the phone number for. When I told her I was the mom of the girlfriend, she said he's married...... I also asked about his mom, which he told us she had died......she was very much alive. There is so much more to this story.... I got a hold of my husband and daughter and they flu home immediately. Then we found out she had moved a 38 yr old and his 3 kids into her 1 bedroom apartment, in Sept of this year.. The story just keeps getting thicker. She had beening lieing to everyone. Now we are trying to get her to see that maybe this new 38yr old with 3 kids, grade 11, 7, and 6, are maybe not what she really needs right now. She also met him online, he's been married twice before...AHHHHHHHH..I think he has told her that she is an adult, and she can do whatever she wants.. that we have no control over what she does ( I know this is true). How do we get our family back??? We love her to dealth, but she has hurt us so much with the lieing over and over..Now are we supposed to welcome this new one, to Xmas or can we ask her to come alone...Then I feel bad for his kids... But I really feel he is using her.... My gut feelings were right before... Se has a very low self worth and wants someone to love her, no matter who that person is. What to do..... I feel so betrayed, sad, hurt, embarrassed, worried. Thanks for listening. My story probably sounds jumbled and confusing.... it is. I have only highlighted a minimal amount of information so that you would get the jist of the situation.... She has lied to us previously, but only so that everything she does sound good... This is just the icing on the cake... Please help. I can't stop worrying about her, I cry all the time and am stressed to the max. Our family and extended family are a very close loving family. You are definitely in a rough situation..and my heart goes out to you. Can I say one thing though? If you say that the b/f and his kids can't come for Christmas, you're going to alienate your daughter. She's going to naturally side with him, and YOU ALL will be the "bad guys". Yes. She's in a horrible situation. She's likely being used. She obviously has tremendous issues that need to be dealt with. And yes..your hands are tied to a degree. You can make the decision to just love her through life. What you can't do is be her "enabler"...you can't bail her out financially if these low-life men trash her finances. She has to be the one to suffer whatever consequences come along with these alliances she's making. But it boils down to the fact that she's still your daughter and always will be. Her behavior likely isn't something new to you....you've known awhile what she's like. I don't know if counseling is an option...maybe you could suggest family counseling to her with the guise of trying to get closer as a family unit? Whatever you have to do. I have a 23yo daughter as well...they are very young and it would appear that your daughter is reaching out to someone..*anyone* to love her. She's making terrible choices, that is true. My only hope is that she can see what she's doing to herself and her life before she brings a child into one of these unholy unions. I wish you much luck with this situation. But please...don't turn away from her. She's going to need your love very much in the not-too-distant future.... |
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November 28, 2006, 6:49 am PST
Quote From: toridylan my son is now not only noticing things about other people, which he has been doing for awhile, but now is is asking questions that i can sometimes answer, but comments i cannot get him to stop, he will say people are fat, and i tell him that not a nice thing to say, he says hes sorry, and a few weeks will pass and he'll say it again. he told his cousin who is the same age as him that her hair is ugly because its curly, and she told him her mommy said she had beautiful hair and ignored him, and once again i talked with him, and he hasnt said it sence, but that was onyl a few days ago. in other ways, he is very well mannered, for example, a few days ago he heard someone ask" is she hot" and he spoke up and said no...shes beautiful. and he is always correcting people if they say something he considers mean, or is the use bad language, he'll tell them its not nice. or if someone calls someone a name..even a brat or something, he speaks up an says that it hurts their feeling so be good. so its like he knows, but he doesnt listen to himself at times, and im not sure how to get him to stop, because saying those things could really hurt a persons self esteem, especially if said to another child. any advice??? Your son is pretty young to be making these kinds of comments about other people. He's got to be picking up on this from somewhere. Is he in school, and hearing other kids talk about people? When he says something, you might want to ask him WHY he's saying that, instead of correcting him. It would open up the opportunity for you to TALK about the things he's saying and WHY..instead of just correcting the behavior. Maybe he needs to hear you speak more positively about people...when you're out together and you see someone with curly hair...say "oh, doesn't she have the prettiest curly hair? I know lots of people who pay a lot of money for hair like that". Even fat people...there is always something positive to be said about everyone. Maybe if he hears more positive remarks from you, he'll start to emulate your own behavior. Good luck! |
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November 29, 2006, 12:37 pm PST
Quote From: geneva457 Im actually not affraid of my name being used. However it would cause a split in the family on my husbands side. Actually I live in Ontario Canada and because of their messed up laws a 16yr old has every right to decide where he choses to live. I know I do not agree myself. I actually called the cas today and they are going through their checklist to see if this is a matter for them. When I called the CAS they told me that my son is old enough to chose to live where he wants and as a matter of fact they will not be removing him from the home. Its sad really because this woman has caused such emotional damage to the child just by showing him a 10yr old letter his grandmother wrote to his g-grandmother. Mind you she took this letter without knowledge or concent of our grandmother. She has a history of taking personal and sensitive material as she has bragged often about logging into her former employers email account and saving sensitive materials to use agaist him in court. This woman has made it her cause over the last 8 months not only to try to ruin my life but the life of my child as well. This woman has a long history of alienating children from their parents. She herself as I said has alienated her own children from their fathers with practically the same claim she made against myself. Sad really that there is not a damn thing legally I can do to remove my child from her home. If he choses not to live here I can live with that. Sadly but I can live with it. However I am terrified of the mental abuse he has suffered at the hands of this woman and if she has done this to me can you imagine what she has done to her own children. I apologize. I have a VERY good friend who lives in Canada, and it IS fact that a 16yo can choose where they want to live. BUT. This is your SON. I think when it comes down to your child that it doesn't matter who splits what. If it causes a split in your husband's family...that's too bad for them. Ultimately it is YOUR son that matters. If you turned here in and they go in there and start removing children...maybe it'll be that they tell your son to go back home as well. I think I'd consider kidnapping him myself. As parents there are times when we've got to take drastic measures if it means saving our child. Lord knows I've had my share of problems with my own now 17yo son. Three years worth. And we're now on the other side of the nightmare to end all nightmares....and he's clean and sober and straight with his head squarely on his shoulders for the first time in 3 years. I have to admit....there was more than once when I wanted to just throw my hands up and give up. It certainly would have been easier. But I couldn't give up on my kid. I brought him in to this world, it was up to me to make sure he was able to live in it. Even my grown kids, who've never given me one ounce of problem...they know that I'm going to do whatever I have to do if it means rescuing them....sometimes from themselves. My youngest daughter was bulimic...and she was "grown" (over the age of 18, here in the US) when she started. I won't go through the whole story...but she's no longer actively battling bulimia. I wish strength for you. I wish perserverance. You're going to need all of that you can get. I hope that you find *something* somwhere that is going to enable you to get your son back on the right track. I think I'd look into admitting him to a behavioral center, if you have such a thing in Canada. IF you can do so, that is. Have them to intervene and just go grab him. I feel so badly for you. I remember the hopeless feeling when your child is out there and in destructive situations. Please don't think that I'm attacking you here....I'm not. I know how you feel. I wouldn't want to make you feel any worse than you already do. I just wish you'd realize that YOU are the only one to do something, and it doesn't matter what the outcome for someone else is. If whatever you do causes a split, so be it. At least you're giving your son every opportunity you can. He's not going to do it himself...it's going to take superhuman effort on your part. You're the ONLY person in this world who will be able to do anything. And you can't let anything get in your way or stop you. Good luck.....*hugs* |
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November 29, 2006, 12:47 pm PST
Quote From: indy1982 i am so confused on what to do with my 3 and 4 year old daughters. they are very destructive little girls. take this evening for example...i was gone running evening errands and my husband was watching them. well, while he was busy watching sports center, they got out the rocking horse, climbed up it and took all the ornaments off the tree and ended up breaking 6 of them. then i told the 3 year old to go in the kitchen and get a box of browies out of the grocery bag that my grandma had given me with socks and what not in there for them. well she didn't tell me there were scissors in there...so she cut her hair and we are to get family picutres done on the 10th of december! and then after all that, they got ahold of the baby powder and doused themselves from head to toe in it. i spanked them and gave them bathes and put them to bed....but i am at my wits end with them! i don't know how to get them to stop being so destructive and to make them respect me more. i need help...please let me know if you have any suggestions. it is greatly appreciated. Would you mind something from an old lady? I've raised 4 kids...the youngest is now 6, though his siblings are much older than he b/c I was 42 when he was born. The other three were the ones that all grew up together. It's been my experience that kids will take ANY kind of attention they can get....even if it's negative. Could be that you're the typically overworked, overstressed mother with too much on her plate...like so many of us are. Maybe your girls are clamoring for attention from you...just some time with MOM, you know? Kids are desperate for love and approval from their parents. And they'll go to any lengths to get it. I found through trial and error that positive works better than negative. Kind of head things off before they get to a boiling point, if that makes any sense. It's hard to spend the one-on-one time with your kids when you've got so much else to do. I made my mind up a LONG time ago that there were just some things that didn't rate as important as spending time with my kids was. Clean house? There's time for that when they're older and not so demanding time-wise. Supper? Make it quick and easy. Kids don't like fancy dinners anyway. Laundry? Get them to "help" you. Even very small children can learn to sort clothes, and they love to pour the soap in and pull clothes out of the dryer. It seems to take longer to do it that way, but in the end it's worth it. And is hubby like most and blissfully unaware of the role HE needs to take here? If so...good luck with that. I never did discover the magic cure for a husband who just wants to veg out at the end of a work day. He *should* turn off the sports channel and spend some real time with them. Watching them isn't interaction. I know how hard it is to do errands with small children...I wasn't *allowed* (boy, things have changed in my house I've come to realize, lol) to leave the kids when I had to go out. But maybe you could have taken ONE of the girls...that way you could spend the time interacting with them. It takes a wee bit longer to get something done...but the time spent is well worth it. Sorry...just some remembrances here of what I had to go through, and the mistakes I made myself. And the lessons learned from them...........Good luck... |
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