Quote From: rhow176I've posted in the chronic pain boards a couple of times but thought this group was more appropriate today. Briefly, I was in the Marines for 9 years when they discharged me with disabilities in 1992.
At the end of 2003, I found out I had Rheumatoid arthritis and it has atatacked my lungs as well. Turns out, the military knew about it in 1991 and chose not to tell or treat me. The Veterans Administration also knew about the diagnosis in 1992 and also did not tell me. VA has since had 2 positive blood tests for Rheumatoid arthritis. Again, I was never informed nor treated.
Since the rheumatoid arthritis has been allowed to go untreated, it has caused a host of other medical problems. I currently take 23 prescriptions every day, sleep with 2 machines hooked up to me, have to walk with a cane on good days abd use a power wheelchair on not so good or bad days. Cannot drive because of problems with my neck and vision and so on.
Anyway, I am married and have 4 kids (2 from first marriage, I have custody) and 2 from present marriage. One of my children from first marriage decided he wanted to go live with his mother, so Iet him.
My remaining 3 kids are girl 15, girl 6 and boy 4. A lot of responsibility has been dumped on my 15 y/o daughter as well as my wife. Having not worked since 1998, the financial burdens have been on my wife. Each year with more and more medications, Dr. visits, tests, etc., it gets harder. It is now at the point that, emotionally, I feel like an unwanted guest in my own house. My daughter seems really inconvienced if I ask her to do any little think and my wife, well I don't ask her to do things for me unless I have no choice. My wife has gotten to the point that she snaps in ANGRY at every little thing. She also has gotten to the point where anyhing that happens occurred just to affect her, everything is "personal" to her. I mention anything about how I feel, even when she asks, she replies with a detailed list of how what I just said is going to affect her. Last couple of weeks she has barely talked to me and has looked at me only equally as much.
Bottom line, she is going to leave me soon. She didn't come out and say it direct, but said the only reason she doesn't leave me is because it will put such a big burden on my 15 year old daughter as she will have to take care of me. I listened to all of what she had to say that day and didn't try to defend or explain anything. I know she needed to vent some and get those comments off her chest. If she does decide to leave me, I will not fight it. I have no fight left in me. Plus, frankly I'd rather her leave me then her have to go through all this with me. She's not handling it all very well anymore and seems like she just can't handle it anymore.
I can understand if she did leave me. The medical and resulting problems are only going to get worse, not better, because of the level of progression.
And to think, most all of this, medical, financial, emotional and relationship..could have been prevented if the military had only told me about the rheumatoid arthritis instead of no treatment for over 12 years resulting in everyting else.
By the way, the VA denied granting me service connected disability for rheumatoid arthritis even though they state they recognize the diagnosis when I was still in the military. This has all destroyed my health, life, marriage and emotional well being......
I know this probably a question you are always asked, but have you guys sought counsling? There comes a point when a relationship is struggling that it just rolls into an out of control snowball. It seems everything turns into a constant reaction to everything that happens and it becomes so hard to step back stop for a minute. Even if she doesn't want to get help you really should. Nobody should face adversity without someone to talk too. Do you have any friends or family or a church family around to help out? You can always count on us here at the Dr. Phil board for a listening ear. Plus YesYouCan always post a wonderful list of resourses. I bet when she reads your post she will respond with some really helpful resourses to help you out.
You mentioned the only reason she hasn't left already was because she didn't want to leave your 15 y/o to take care of you. Why would your 15 y/o have to take care of you? Was your wife planning to leave you and the children?
I am sorry to hear that you are going through all this and from the sounds of it, without much support. It is very sad to see so many people go through this kind of treatment especially when they are the ones who put their life on the lines for us. Which by the way I thank you for.
Best of luck and please call on us for support any time. Like I posted earlier... we are just a bunch of sad people make each other happy !
Hi Heather glad you liked your dopey pic.I just don't posting alot of links with alot of names so i just take the pic and paste .I had this guy last night but some have trouble seeing it.Can you let me know if you see the pic? thanks good to see you.
