Messages By: annanut

Oh, don't get me wrong. The case should be heard. But Roe vs. Wade is not the appropriate platform to ground such an appeal. It covers a woman's right to secure an abortion. It has absolutely no bearing on decisions which are made about childcare, support payments, and parental rights/responsibilities. Calling this case the Roe vs. Wade for men is absurd.

What worries me is that we seem to be conflating a woman's right to choose abortion with other legal issues. Abortion is legal under the law because it is a medical condition, and thus the same laws of consent that apply to the management of any medical condition (or question of bodily determination) are valid here. The decision to keep a child that hasn't been aborted or to give it up for adoption is not a medical question.

I just worry about what kind of values we will send to our young men if a judgment is found in this man's favor. Are we really saying that any parent's involvement in the creation of a child's life is less than 100%? Are we saying that people should not be held accountable for the possible results of their mistakes?

When she becomes pregnant, a woman has to take responsibility: she has a decision to make, and believe me there's no way to get out of making it. The fact that she chose to have sex means that she has a responsibility for dealing with the consequences. So does the man. Because a man has entrusted the decision as to whether his child lives or dies to the woman he had sex with, it is difficult to see how he would gain the right to back out of the responsibility he chose in making that decision. A man who has intercourse with a woman understands that, by definition, he is entrusting the course of any resulting pregnancy to her in knowing that she may (however implausibly) become pregnant with his child. I don't want to see any law minimize the consequences that such an implicit agreement entails.

On a personal note, I am Roman Catholic and fully promote Canada's abortion laws, even though I myself would never have an abortion. The fact is that this is a secular country and you don't have to be Catholic to live here. We have secular laws, and as abortion is a medical condition its status under the law is determined by biomedical ethics, with the appropriate reference to guarantees of equality under the law.

I don't see how any acceptable law in any country, secular or not, could count a child's life for less than it is: a child has a right to care and support from both parents who created her/him. The fact that a woman makes the decision as to whether or not that child will be born to demand that right is a question of biology and the rights/responsibilities which attend that biology as granted by the State. Giving the child up for adoption is a way of transferring those responsibilities to someone else, should all parties be willing. But potential parents know that this takes both partners, and each entrust to the other the ability to retain these rights as they are: the biological parents'. I wonder how many people know that a woman who wants to give her child up for adoption may not be able to find a placement. This often happens in the case of children with disabilities. It may be true that a woman wants to transfer her responsibilities and is unable to do so. That she may be distressed by such a turn of events is not a reason to claim that the child's rights to care have in any way been lessened.

I, personally, would not have an abortion, nor would I give my child up for adoption. A man who chooses to have sex with me entrusts me with that decision should I become pregnant. If he doesn't know that this is what I would choose, I question why he is having sex with me. And even if he doesn't know, or even if he believes he could somehow change my mind, he has still entrusted the decision to me and, in so doing, has accepted the consequences. Whether we are men or women, we have the right not to have children, but the way of exercising that right is in taking control of our reproductive choices, not in denying the rights of our children.

Oh yeah, and something bothers me about this whole thing. If Matt can afford such impressive legal council, why can't he pay his child support bills? Isn't there something Dr. Phil always says about instead of running around trying to BE right we should DO the right thing?

Kat in Montreal.

Factitious Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

"This category includes disorders with factitious symptoms that do not meet the criteria for Factitious Disorder [A. intentional production or feigning of symptoms. B. the motivation for the behavior is to assume the sick role. C. external incentives for the behavior, as in malingering (eg. economic gain) are absent. ] An example is factitious disorder by proxy: the intentional production or feigning of physical or psychological signs or symptoms in another person who is under the individual's care for the purpose of indirectly assuming the sick role."
(DSM-IV-TR, 517).

Typically the victim is a young child and the perpetrator is the child's mother. Usually a preschool child, although newborns, adolescents, and adults may be used as victims. Life stressors may be present. They are often unresponsive to their children when they are unaware of being observed. Somatoform disorders or personality disorders may be present. When confronted with the consequences of their behavior, perpetrators may become depressed or suicidal. (781-782).

Malingering may be considered to be adaptive under certain circumstances (eg. in hostage situations), but by definition a diagnosis of Factitious Disorder always implies psychopathology. (513)

This disorder is also known as Munchausen by Proxy. A fantastic memoir of by a daughter who lived through this (her mother faked evidence that the child had heart disease, to the point of requesting open-heart surgery to 'get to the bottom of it'), is "Sickened: the True Story of a Lost Childhood" by Julie Gregory. It is a truly inspiring story of what she went through and how she - miraculously - survived. It gives us hope that healing even in the face of such trauma is possible. It must be reputable, because it was on the reading list for and advanced Ab Psych course at McGill (which I didn't take: I just swiped their reading list so don't get all impressed or anything).

Obviously, as someone who hasn't had to make this difficult choice - whether to live unhappily or risk everything to make my body conform to me - I can't understand what you feel. I do have a female friend who was born a man - her children and ex-wife have accepted her for who she is, and she kept her job teaching at a prestigious university. There is hope when going through and coming out of such a difficult process. I imagine what made it somewhat easier for her was the work environment she's in, which is very liberal, as well as the greater amount of resources for MTF transsexuals, who represent by far the largest part of the transgendered community. For anyone facing such a decision, it can be hard to explain to family members and friends how you feel, as well as that such a decision is not a choice but a necessity. A book written by Jennifer Finney Boylan, "She's Not There", I think does a good job and should be read by anyone who knows someone going through this situation, or who seeks better to understand. Kate Bornstein, herself transgendered, has written academic work on this subject, and is a brilliant public speaker and performer.

I hope that you have the strength and love for yourself to find your way through this, and that you can find a community to stand behind you. As a theology student, I also believe that G-d loves you for who you are and would not want you continuing a painful life in the wrong body. G-d does not make mistakes: there is a reason He/She wants you to go through this process of change and self-discovery, courage, hardship and conviction. You are a model for everyone struggling to be themselves in a culture that can be so unwelcoming and cruel. Thank you for your outstanding courage and inspiration, and I wish you all the best in your life.

 

Kat.

I just started graduate school in the Fall, and I think it might have been something of a mistake. I don't know what went wrong -- wring pills, wrong doctor, wrong church, wrong me -- but I can't focus or concentrate at all. Nothing gets done. I haven't started researching my term papers yet, and haven't even finalized my topic for one. I feel paralyzed, alternating between feeling numb, feeling on the verge of tears, and feeling like I'm about to have a panic attack.

 

I'm supossed to be excercising and eating healthy, but I don't have time; my mother thinks a sunlamp and vitamins will cure me. Because I don't have time, I feel more and more as if I'm slipping away.

 

I can't stop thinking about the reasons why I should never have started this program. I want to teach CEGEP, mostly because I can't be a priest, which is what I really want (Catholic). The program coordinator yelled at me because I didn't take Biblical Greek, even though I'm studying French Church History. My supervisor tells me everything I want to do is too broad and, in general, hates all my ideas. Everything makes me feel stupid. I can't help thinking back to the time when that annoying psychiatrist told me I'd never be able to go back to school, and that I shouldn't. Maybe he was right; who knows anymore. I don't know why I can't get anything done. Instead of working, I spend hours staring at a blank computer screen, visiting Webkinz world, looking up first aid principles and my symptoms online. I'm tired of not being able to focus for more than 5 minutes at a time.

 

I don't think I have very good stress-management skills. My main way to deal with rising panic right now is to go out and buy new Webkinz, which I then hide (some of them) in my room so that my parents won't know how much I'm obsessed with them. I know the reason that they make me feel better is because I have the thought in the back of my mind that I can't kill myself because I haven't adopted them all yet. This is very strange, because I don't actually want to die, though I have in the past. Nevertheless, I have this thought, and that very fact is profoundly disturbing. This is like a strange kind of insurance policy that's cute and fluffy but increasingly expensive (though less so than an ambulance bill).

 

I guess what I really need -- or part of what I need -- is just a place to vent about my life, what I'm feeling, what's been happening to me. I can't really talk to my psychiatrist about anything useful anymore: I love him, but he's kind of useless. I had to spend all summer convincing him that my meds are not adequate, and they're still not working. I am scared that it will all fall apart, that I'll break into a million little glass pieces. I haven't cut myself in two years, but now I find myself obsessing about it: whether it will help, whether I should go out now and buy clean blades so I'm ready...you know there's something wrong with you when you have extensive research on sterilization, first aid, blood loss parameters, and emergency knowledge of how to use a tourniquet (which should, of course, never be attempted by a non-professional like me since there is a high risk of tissue necrosis if not done or treated properly). Anyway, though this has worked in the past I don't really want to go there: I am tired of the horrible scars because I don't go get stiches, long sleeves in summer. The fact that I'm pretty much out of space that I'm absolutely certain does not cover a major vein or artery.

 

So. Here I stand. I suppose what I really want is just the ability to write these things, though any constructive advice would be much appreciated.

 

ps please forgive any typos that might be in here. 

I have a lot of, well, what I think are bad scars on my legs and left arm. Actually this is my own fault since they're all self-inflicted; also my fault because if I'd gotten stiches instead of, like, getting my psychiatrist to help me they probably wouldn't be so bad. Not that you could stich up a word and have it come out normal, but that's only one case.

 

So if I could make them go away that would be GREAT. But since they're pale I don't think it would actually be possible to make them go away with cosmetic curgery. I've been thinking about tattooing over the ones on my upper right leg for now, but since I would have to cover almost my entire thigh I'm a little hesitant. Ideas, anyone? I'm totally open to suggestions.

 

(and I don't do this anymore, it's been several years, the Virgin Mary cured me [long story] so it isn't like, I don't know, this is an ongoing problem that I want to somehow keep hiding. I just want to be able to go swimming)