Message Boards

Messages By: annanut

User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 1:47 pm PDT

Fugue

I am an imperfect reflection of myself./ I am not the mask I have presented at the ball./ I am the masque that hides my image from the crowd./ I hold myself down to less than I am.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 1:47 pm PDT

Fugue

I am an imperfect reflection of myself./ In the mirror my reflection is fractured by turns of light./ In the mirror there are cracks where I have thrown my self-portrait./ In the mirror my image is backwards.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 1:48 pm PDT

Fugue

I am an imperfect reflection of myself./ Rollercoaster high I turn to fall./ Piercing my sad silence, I've grown too loud./ I hold myself up to more than I am.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 1:49 pm PDT

Fugue

I am an imperfect reflection of myself./ Someone who's burning out, consumed by night./ Someone submerged, flames drowning in thier light./ Someone who won't go forward.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 1:49 pm PDT

Fugue

I am an imperfect reflection of myself/ Addicted to an illness because it hides my truth.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 4:22 pm PDT

SEA

Quote From: beachsmile

I am a bit vocabulary challenged so I looked up fugue so first part to explore the word fugue and remove its mask to those of us who are just meeting this word. I think you are ready to meet the real you. Me too. Hi Kat... I'm SEA. Your fugue you posted looks like poetry from your soul. A composition, often for a keyboard instrument, in which several musical lines (or "voices" - usually three or four) enter in succession in different ranges with the same theme, which is then extensively developed in further entries of the theme. The most famous composer of fugues was Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750). A fugue state (also known as a 'psychogenic fugue' or 'dissociative fugue') is a term in psychology which describes a state of mind where a person experiences a dissociative break in identity and attempts to run away from some perceived threat, usually something abstract such as the person's identity. People who enter into a fugue state may disappear, running away to a completely different geographical region and assuming another identity. A bewildered facial expression is a common symptom of the fugue. (BY: SEA) SELF PORTRAIT ** As I tip toed quietly down the stair ** I saw a child who was not there ** It was the child that I used to be ** Still praying on bended knee ** As I stepped around this child my leg brushed her hair ** Bottoms of socks got wet as I walked past sun's glare ** I had not seen puddle of this child's fallen tears ** From fears that had held her captive for all these years ** Her sobbing still echoes in my ears ** Yet I am the only one who ever hears ** I quickly turned back to child to see ** Child was gone and in mirror I saw me ** I wish oh wish that this child who cries ** Could dry her tears and take my hand to rise ** So I think tomorrow when I see her in prayer ** I'll dry tears of my inner child still kneeling there
I love your poem: it's heartbreakingly beautiful. I love the way you use the turn with the mirror, as it really highlights the inner struggle (sorry, I'm still in English now so I talk like a lit. critic). All technical language aside, I really like it: can I keep a copy of it? I think I am ready to meet the real me, despite more than two years of skillfully evading the confrontation in bi-weekly psychotherapy (which I could never afford if the gov. didn't cover it). Like you, I find writing things out helps me see things I could never see otherwise, or would never have the courage to confront outside a metaphor. Thanks for liking my poem: I wrote it while I was comitted in winter 2002-2003 and it just kind of popped into my head today. Someday, I want to finish the autobiographical novel I started writing in there...so long ago...but since it won't be published I have no idea what to do with it if I do. Maybe I could give it to you and other people here, who knows...I'm soooo glad I met you! I just want to know everything about you; you seem so strong and empathetic....Kat.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2005, 4:27 pm PDT

good to see you!

Quote From: labelfree

 today......I worked for my brother today....I really love that kid....He is really smart.... 

  

Do you have alot of brothers or sisters? 

  

Well write back when you can and I hope you feel better soon......xoxox Your pal EG! 

I have to say, getting messages here makes me feel happier, it's so strange...::bounce::I guess it makes me remember that not everyone has abandoned me in my life...What did you do with your brother today? Do you have lots of siblings? I only have one, my 'little' brother who's 18 months younger and 1 foot taller than me.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 16, 2005, 1:55 pm PDT

hey everyone

Hi, sorry I haven't been on, I'm going back to read the posts. Went to see my psychiatrist today: he's really great he gives me kleenex when I cry and hugs me...I get why he says it's okay for me to feel sad all the time b/c he wants me to express my feelings, but really it's NOT OKAY and I'm tired of feeling like this...anyway be back soon. Kat.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 16, 2005, 2:29 pm PDT

hi!

Hearing you talk about wanting to help that girl...you are just one the the greatest people I've ever met. I mean, you're so passionate about helping others and feeling with them; I hope you know how rare and truly special that really is. I read your bible post on the Depression board today, and it was so beautiful. I wish I really could carry you in my back pocket.
 
User Mood
Cranky

Message Emote
blank
August 16, 2005, 8:04 pm PDT

the book I'm reading

I've been reading Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn's "The First Circle", about the conditions of the USSR under Stalin's rule. Communism is, of course, supossed to be about the people, but it was really a culture of fear in which you couldn't say anything wrong about policies, unless you wanted to be branded as an enemy of state. I find these conditions just so depressing. You could be arrested under the POSSIBILITY that you were an enemy of the people, a SUSPICION you were a terrorist among them; not presented any evidence, not presented with formal charges, and YET HELD IN PRISON FOR YEARS, indefinitely, WITHOUT A DATE OF TRIAL EVER BEING SET, AND FORMAL CHARGES NEVER MADE, OR EVIDENCE EVER BEING BROUGHT FORWARD FOR INQUIRY. I mean, what kind of dictatorship is that? A culture of fear and suspicion of outsiders, people who are different in any way. Indoctrination and PROPAGANA to fear the outside and to attack and hate it, subdue them somehow, conquering the lands that can be taken and FORCING ON THEM OUR WAY OF GOVERNING because it is the best way. Using the extensive and rapidly-growing prison population, THEIR PRISONS AND THEIR SYSTEMS BECOME A VITAL PART OF THE ECONOMY, as do incursions into other countries, to bring THEIR WAY OF GOVERNING in. Zeks (prisoners) perform tasks at the sharashkas (special non-camp prisons) no one else would do for low wages. Watching the peasant or proletariate class STARVE -get poorer and poorer- while massive government funds were tunneled into ROOTING OUT THE SPIES, THE ENEMY, and trying to maintain homeland security by ROOTING OUT THE EVIL-DOER. A terrified public held in the grip of a man taking more and more power through his support from the military, and SUPPORTING THE MILITARY he gains even more power. Both leader and army grow in power and wealth, not noticing the poor at home. The Soviet Union is defined in it's existence as stopping TERRORISM by foreign nations against it, and TERRORISM FROM WITHIN, where our too-weak commrades have given in, the allies that have betrayed us and who must be punished. To build their EMPIRE they muct go out and conquer nations, to free them from their misguided path and bring them to COMMUNISM, which after decimating the entire population should come as a relief. But those who RESIST this takeover, who FIGHT against it, are obviously TERRORISTS and ENEMIES OF THE STATE, so they must be taken into custody and left there for years with no recourse to legal council, hearings on bail, or even formal charges. They could hold you in prison indefinitely without proof - but only rumor, conjecture, possibility - that you might even have been involved. G-d, the situation is so tragic, I mean Stalin, as a DICTATOR, even makes sure that people think the right thing and fall in line, innocent people, because in this game if you're not with us you're against us. It just makes me so glad that I don't live under that kind of dictatorship, where they could SEARCH YOUR HOME at will if they suspect you of anything, and have INFORMATION about you all on file you didn't even know existed, they could TAP your phone whenever they wanted, and all to secure HOMELAND SAFETY. I'm just so grateful I'm Canadian and never had to face such a thing. Everyone should read this book: it sheds a lot of light on things and was definitely an eye-opener for me. Though, as I must say, depressing.
 

First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board