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July 30, 2005, 10:05 am CDT

i totally understand

Quote From: debrasatt

   

 

    Our school in washington starts in sept. I must have the thickest IEP ever seen.I can onlyhope what I have put into it works for my son.If not I will make sure I call for lots of formal iep meetings until I get it worked out.I was worned that the vp at this other middle school is very stricked with kids and does not like partents to interfer.Well I have news for him I do.I have my sons Iep wirttten up so he can't  keep him after school or supend or question him withoout me or my h with him.and is supose to be acompaned bvy an adult at all times.So if he does get beat up or has trouble they are the ones who I will be questioning about where was his adult assistant at that time.I am tiered of my son being bullied by other kids because he is defferent and them getting a way with if so lets see how this year goes.

i was bullied as a child from kindergarten to my junior year in high school. i chose to open enroll and that was the best decision i ever made. if the school is the way it sounds, i would suggest open-enrolling ur child so he has a chance for a new start. hint: check out the school before sending him there. also ask about a bully system or u can try to start one on ur own which is what i am trying to do. my oldest son is only in kindergarten, but i checked out the school before sending him there and he has many friends even though he has learning disabilities. i hope i helped u. (plus the school will not want u to open enroll him cuz they lose money. they have to pay the other school for u open enrolling him. they might even try to do more to prevent this from continuing.) there is something they can do, so if they say there isnt, that's BS!!! good luck and i will keep ur son in my prayers.
 
July 30, 2005, 10:17 am CDT

contracts

Quote From: qqqhhh

How about a day of TURNABOUT...

 

Where you turn into him for the day?  Start when he asks you for something.  Pitch a hissy and stomp around.  Drudge up all that old negative behavior and hold it AGAINST HIM! 

 

Spend the day stomping around, and being a royal pain.

 

Then when you think he's gotten the message -- explain to him that THAT is how people see him, that it is completely unacceptable and you wanted to give him a hefty dose of his OWN behavior so he can see how it feels to be on the receiving end.

 

I've done this once or twice with my kids and they got the picture.

 

Sometimes I have let my kids get away with having an attitude up to a point but there IS a line that I DO NOT let them cross.  I MAINTAIN that line.  It's why I am the parent/teacher/guider.  For us, yelling or any other kind of really disrespectful is simply not allowed or tolerated.  When they used to cross that line they got some very eye-opeing consequences.

 

Hope that helps.  Q

 

 

dr. phil has on his website a contract that u can use with ur kids. we have seven kids in our house and it used to get crazy before we used the contracts. now everything runs very smoothlyeven though four of the kids have adhd and three have oppositional defiant disorder. they do their chores on time and r to bed on time, plus they r all very respectful. their ages run from age 4-16. for the younger kids, i just put pictures of their favorite cartoon characters, but it works really well as long as ur consistent with it. one month i was not consistent and i could tell. u need to change it every month and have a family meeting to discuss the changes being made, but our house is very peaceful now, even though we have seven boys. hope u give it a try. just look under discipline advice on the website and look up contract on search. change it to how it fits ur family. there is also a copy of it in FAMILY FIRST. he will argue about it at first, but after the first month he will know what to expect and u will be absolutely amazed as long as u follow thru. i thank dr. phil every day!!!! GOOD LUCK!!
 
July 30, 2005, 10:23 am CDT

the dr. phil contract

Quote From: kakfitz

Hi there - Sounds pretty frustrating.

If he wont open up to you and tell you how he is feeling, he probably does not know how to articulate it.  He is, after all, 6 years old.  I think we have to learn to teach kids how to open up by confirming what they may be going though and giving them words to have the conversation.  For example "It must be frustrating for you", or "you seem angry", "You seem excited, happy, silly, etc"

 

Someone once suggested to me, that instead of asking how he (my son) is doing, to make statements that allow him to talk.  Here is an example:

 

"Mom has been pretty busy lately huh?"  (he probably will say yes)

 

"What do you think about that?" and then just wait.    (He may very well say I don't know, but at least you put it out there which, if done consistently, sends a subtle message that he can share with you)

 

"Well, pretty soon mom won't have to spend all this time studying and I will have more time to spend with you."

 

A really good book I recommend (If you are a reader) is Parenting with love and logic by Cline & Fay

dr. phil has on his website a contract that u can use with ur kids. first of all, i live with another single mother, so we help each other out. we have seven kids in our house and it used to get crazy before we used the contracts. now everything runs very smoothly even though four of the kids have adhd and three have oppositional defiant disorder. they do their chores on time and r to bed on time, plus they r all very respectful. their ages run from age 4-16. for the younger kids, i just put pictures of their favorite cartoon characters, but it works really well as long as ur consistent with it. one month i was not consistent and i could tell. u need to change it every month and have a family meeting to discuss the changes being made, but our house is very peaceful now, even though we have seven boys. hope u give it a try. just look under discipline advice on the website and look up contract on search. change it to how it fits ur family. there is also a copy of it in FAMILY FIRST. he will argue about it at first, but after the first month he will know what to expect and u will be absolutely amazed as long as u follow thru. also, i found out the hard way to not be a friend but a mother. trust me, i know it can make u feel guilty being a single mom, but after reading FAMILY FIRST i had to learn to get past that. i thank dr. phil every day!!!! GOOD LUCK!! JEN
 

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