Messages By: sfg1257

My children are now grown and gone and even though I helped my husband get his business started and do some of the paperwork for him, he is putting me down for not doing enough since I don't have kids to take care of any more.  

I actually do work a commission job but for some reason, it's been extremely slow to the point I'm thinking I should change careers but the only jobs I can find without a degree are very low paying ones since I am starting "at the bottom."  

My husband is CONSTANTLY complaining about how hard he works and controls every thing he can with that he "earned the money" attitude and words.  

I'm almost 50 and I must "ask" his permission in order to even have people over to fish because he "made" the pond and paid for the fish... etc. If I drive "his" sportscar that he's paying for, I must tell him where I took it and make sure there aren't many miles on it - not to mention not drive it in the rain.  

Anyway, what is a "retired" mother worth anymore? Am I expected to pick up his dirty laundry no matter where he puts it becuase he doesn't want to put it in the laundry room and I'm not "working" like he said? Should I have to do "more" around the house  (which, to him seems to be cater to his wants and whims or do what he doesn't want to do when he gets home from "working like a dog" to pay "the bills around here" because I'm not making money?  

He's now saying that he "worked" and "raised the kids" etc and didn't just "quit" working like I did. (I didn't quit but I can't seem to get back to where I was -- I left this career to go to school full time but after two years, I failed a practicum and was out of the program. He knew I had a good gpa(3.4) and worked while going to school too but didn't understand why I didn't "try" harder and didn't understand why it upset me so hard to fail something I tried so hard to get through - so the fact that I now have school bills to pay has fueled his fire about having to pay for me.  

Again, what is a "retired" mom to do? I can understand justifying a stay at home mom when the kids are young but when they're gone, should I be expected to have a full time career AND do all the house stuff I did to make up for how hard he's worked?  

I find myself very depressed and have very low self esteem after the school failure and his expectations that never seem to be fulfilled.  

What makes it worse, is that he really doesn't budget well and is very impulsive in his purchases which have caused us considerable debt. He won't admit he isn't handling things well - just blames me for not working.