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Messages By: candacegil

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July 25, 2005, 7:38 am CDT

Divorce

I recently discovered that my husband of almost 11 years, hasa girlfriend. I think he wanted me to find out as he used his cell phone to call her 55 times and he knew that I would see the bill. I guess I have known that this day was coming for the past few years, we don't communicate well and neither of us is very happy with our sex life. Still that doesn't make it any easier to deal with especially since he still sleeps at our house and comes and goes with his new life as he pleases. For years I haven't been allowed to have friends, so at this point I have no one to talk to and so many things to say. I really want to try to end our marriage nicely and hopefully be friends in the future as we have a 10 year old daughter and I don't want her to suffer because of her father and I. I of course have all the usual worries, like, will my daugther like being with him and his girlfriend more because they will have money and go and do things, where as I won't have much money at all. Then I have the, I'm almost forty, will I spend the rest of my life alone worries, the how will I survive worries and at least a thousand other worries from health insurance to how to change a flat tire. What I really needare people who have or are currently facing the same issues to talk to, which is what I am hoping to find here. Please if you need a friend, like I do ... write and I will write back.

Wow--you just gave me chills!  My life is almost parallel to yours right now.  Just had our 11th anniversary this weekend.  My husband has just moved out and although he says he's trying to work on our marriage--I just got our cell phone bill and he's talking to this woman from work--almost every night.  I wonder as you do--does he want me to find out and get angry, each time I mention that obviously our marriage is over he gets angry with me and says that he's not ready to say that.  He's kept me from having friends too, so my life has been all about him for the past 15 years--now I don't know what to do without him.  I believe he has depression problems, but he would never admit to that.  I'm not sure which way to go--should I keep spending time with him on his terms and hope that he figures out that he wants our marriage or should I get angry and tell him to leave me alone until he figures this out.  I haven't told him that I know about the cell calls, I feel that if I do I then take away the one thing that gives me insite as to what he's doing.  What confuses me most is he will talk to her either right before or right after he talks to me.  He had told me once they were just friends from work, but with everything going on and him moving out, this "friendship" sure isn't helping us.  I would love to communicate more---how do we get in touch??
 
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November 9, 2006, 11:42 am CST

11/08 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: kimmib28

I am in a relationship with an older man myself. I am 32 been divorced and have 3 kids. He is 48 been divorced and has 2 kids. We have known each other for over 10 years and only been friends and nothing else. Only in the last 6 months did we actually start dating and move in together. We are so happy together. We are on the same level of things we do as a family share the same interests and we are planning on getting married. I think all this is completely ok!
I agree, I was very disappointed in what I thought the show was going to be about vs. what it was.  Dr. Phil made it seem like all relationships with a significant age difference are wrong.  I've been married to my husband for 12 years, together for 16 1/2.  I met him when I was 21 and he was 43 and we earned nearly the same wages.  It certainly hasn't been a cake walk, but we still love each other and more importantly he's my best friend.  We had a lot in common then and still do, we've never run out of things to say.  When we met I was a divorced mother of 1 1/2yr. old twins, he was divorced with a daughter my age and a son 16.  Fast forward 16 years, my girls just graduated with honors and both off to college and his kids have always treated me with kindness and respect as a stepmother--age was never a factor, except for others.  That's not to say that life doesn't change and new obstacles because of our age difference come all the time, but if you truly love someone their age, financial standing, or looks don't take that love away.   It would've been nice if Dr. Phil would've acknowleged that although it may be rare may-december relationships can work out.  These couples seemed to be in the relationship BECAUSE of the age difference not inspite of it.
 

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