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Messages By: poiple

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August 9, 2005, 7:08 pm CDT

Struggling w/ ocd child and finding right pschyatrist and meds

I've been taking my 12 yr. old daughter to therapy every week for over a year doing cbt 

therapy. Her therapist thinks my daughter needs meds and it has been one step forward three 

steps back. The house is getting more contaminated and the less places she can walk thru, touch 

and be free to just be. My heart aches for her and it is also hard for the family to cope. I believe 

in meds but am nervous. My now 24 yr. old was treated for depression when she was 14 and after 

taking prozac became manic and was diagnosed w/ bipolar. I have been looking for a psychiatrist 

and it seems like all the good ones don't take insurance and I'm worried that my husband will flip 

out if I pay a doctor not on our plan. The therapist I take her to isn't on our plan, but I really like 

her and I am seeing her as well w/ other of my issues past & present. Does anyone have any 

good feedback about ocd and meds for children? 

Thank you and God Bless 

  

 
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August 13, 2005, 8:52 pm CDT

Thank you for your insight

Quote From: joeyjoey

Bonnieflec, I am 41 and have a lighter case of ocd, i started feeling OCD when I was in my late 20's. I am not sure about children but I do know that some meds will aggrevate a patient if they have something else besides the OCD, say if someone is manic and they are being treated with an OCD medicine that can spark negative reactions. I did very well on Zoloft for years,OCD gone, but then it pooped out and it took a very long time to get a med to make me feel well again, so your child may just need to go thru the long process of finding the right medicine, the process can feel like forever but once you get the right meds it will be worth it. Good Luck, even OCD at a low level is miserable. I would recommend having the girls do regular exercise, there is something about running outdoors that helps alot, if they can get to that point. JoeyJoey

Thank you for your response. I want to be careful what meds she takes. Her therapist 

also wants her to be assessed for bipolar because she says her moods change so fast, 

faster than typical ocd.  You are right about exercise, it releases alot of stress built up 

in her body.  She takes gymnastics for 2 hrs. a week and is active.  Her ocd is mostly 

at home and in the car. I'm thankful it doesn't usually come up at friends houses or school. 

One thing I've learned is that ocd is not logical so trying to use logic and tell her we can 

disinfect what is dirty w/ cleaner doesn't work. 

Thanks again for your reply. 

Blessings, Bonnie 

 
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August 19, 2005, 11:33 pm CDT

Found a Psychiatrist

I am grateful that I found a psychiatrist that is on the list for Austin Center for ocd 

which is the group her therapist is in and also is listed on my insurance.  They won't have 

an appt. time until Oct., but I am willing to wait. I worried about meds so long but since 

school started last Tues. my daughter is getting worse.  She has been having more meltdowns 

and it is so hard for me to discern disciplining her for behavior that is really hard to be patient 

with and ride it out knowing it is the ocd. Tonight was really hard, she has outbursts of shrill 

screaming to just losing it and spitting at her brother and impulsive and sometimes destructive. 

Her normal personality is very sweet and carefree and creative and loving,but her mood changes 

so fast when she's triggered by even just accidently touching me or something, there are places 

in our house where airspace is contaminated and she can't walk through it or go near it. We are doing cbt therapy,but since school started she is just so stressed she hasn't been able to do her 

work. I hope and pray that we can find the right medicine and she can lead a happy normal life. 

The stress in our home doesn't help either. Her dad is obsessed w/ building his chopper motorcycle 

that both my kids have come to me and told me that they don't think their dad cares about them 

or loves them and when I try to communicate their feelings he reacts very rageful and defensive. 

I have been on the abuse message boards awhile back because of verbal abuse from my husband. 

I am also in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for things from my past and my presenst situation. 

I am feeling very overwhelmed with all that is going on but I have faith in God that whatever 

happens He will fill me with the grace that I need to do whatever I need to do. I'm probably 

talking too much so I should close this post. I am grateful that I have good friends, a good 

therapist, a caring psychiatrist and a support group of women at my church. I just want my family 

to be o.k. and to know the right things to do to make that happen. 

  

  

  

 
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September 23, 2005, 8:43 pm CDT

I can't find your post but you touched my heart

 This is for little girl lost. I hope you can believe that there is hope and what you are going thru can 

get better. I'm glad you found a counselor to help you free of charge. When I was 19 yrs. old I had 

a nervous breakdown, I was in the hospital for 3 months and a halfway house after that. I was hospitalized again at age 20 w/ hypomania. I was told I would never have a normal life, my psychiatrist at Stanford University tried to get me to ger social security for the rest of my life and I would never function in life. I had one more hospitalization when I had my first child at age 22, I 

had postpartum psychosis and was on prolixen and stuff for awhile.  After my brother got me to stop taking those meds I got better and have been dealing w/ alot, but I have functioned, had children, 

held jobs, got married.  Last May I started having panic attacks and ptsd from my past.  I finally trust 

a psychiatrist who treated my daughter for bipolar since she was 14.  I guess I'm going on and on about me to tell you there is hope and I pray you get the help you need. I just started college for the 

first time. I was scared , but I have been doing life afraid (a quote I got from Joyce Meyer) and the 

more I step out afraid and do things the more confident I have become.  I don't know if you believe 

in God or a Higher Power, but  just know that Love from Heaven is holding you in His hand and angels will watch over you and keep you. 

I hope I have helped at least a little, I'm not an expert.  There is light in the morning and light 

at the end of the tunnel - don't ever give up!  You are worthwhile and deserve a happy life. 

  

  

 
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October 19, 2005, 8:00 pm CDT

Stuck again - life challenges

I haven't been on for awhile. My h is verbally abusive and I got out of denial about a yr. ago. I 

stopped reacting to his rages and now he is being WORSE than ever. He built a custom chopper 

costing at least $50,000. It was suppose to be a father-son hobby. My son designed alot of it. 

My h went to So. Padre bike show last weekend. Showed up home Sunday drunker than I have 

ever witnessed. He was apologizing all night long,other issues about the trip I don't want to 

discuss also. I asked him to go to counseling - he said no. He aggreed to talk this Sat. 

My therapist wants us to talk then so it doesn't disrupt the kids schedule - esp my daughter 

who has OCD and the stress is making her worse. Tonight my h. exploded about the fridge 

and I told him we needed a new one - he said we don't have the money. I told him to sell the chopper. He said he would leave us before that would happen and turn off the heat and ac 

if  need be for his chopper. He said this in front of the kids in a rage. I need strength to make 

a stand to either get counseling or separate. My confidence is low now. I just started college and 

had a plan to get a degree in 6 yrs. so then if I had to be on my own I could. I feel sad and helpless. 

I am in a Celebrate Recovery Group at church and have support from them, from friends and 

this message board. I wrote Dr. Phil again if he could save my marriage, but  that probably won't  

happen. I just need to get thru tonight w/out breaking. 

Thanks for listening. 

 
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October 21, 2005, 11:18 am CDT

Thank you very much!

Thank you both for words of wisdom. Every insight I receive is good, it is keeping me going. 

I have an appt. to talk to my h. tommorow and my oldest daughter is going to watch the other 

2 while we talk. I am praying that God would give me the right words and also work on my husbands heart that he would come out of his denial for help that he needs to change his 

behavior and neuron loop pattern. I wrote my h. a note about what rage does to a child. I am reading 

a book called "The Developing Mind" and I read that a child feels terror when a parent rages. 

I gave that info to my h. in a note telling him I know he would not purposely hurt his kids but told him 

what rage does. My 12 yr. old daughter has been in cbt therapy for ocd for over a year and she's been getting worse.  The stress makes it worse. She already has terrifying thoughts w/ her illness 

and rage from her dad makes it worse. My oldest daughter moved back home for financial reasons 

and she doesn't feel peace when her dad is home. I want a peaceful home, but it doesn't feel peaceful. My h. wrote me back saying he hates his job, is worried about money and fixing stuff. That 

he loves me and the kids and we are the only people in his life that he cares about and he is sorry. 

I pray he will go to counseling, I have been asking him for years and he always says no and does 

not have good things to say about therapists. He has never in all this time ever even met the  

therapist that his daughter sees every week.  I can also speculate why my h. is the way he is, 

mabe he didn't get his emotional needs met when he was a child. He is not a good communicator 

and hates discussing problem solving for us, he just gets ancy and can't. I see his body tighten 

his face get red, his fists tighten and I don't know what I can do to help him.  I am trying to figure out 

boundaries and am co-dependent and am working on that. My oldest daughter is bipolar and 

an addict and she has been on and off sober.  I am now going on and on. Please God help my 

h change and if he won't show me how to do what I need to one day at a time. 

 
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October 22, 2005, 4:58 pm CDT

I just know - one moment at a time

Quote From: qqqhhh

I've been where you are... I desperately tried EVERYTHING to get my hubby to change. 

  

I manipulated, cajoled, begged, pleaded, controlled, played games -- one day he FINALLY agreed to go to counseling with me.  I knew that a counselor could lead him to change. 

  

I was wrong.  He backed out at the last minute.  So I ended up going alone. 

  

It was the BEST THING I ever did.  After several visits I took my counselors suggestions and acted on them.  I read books, I started going to group, I continued counseling.   

  

Only when I had reached my breaking point and I left him, did he start going to counseling.  I was still so weak and full of doubt that I let him talk me into a reconciliation.  I was already done but I was still weak.  I told him that I would only reconcile if we both went to counseling and we both worked to repair the relationship.   

  

He didn't keep his promises.  But I was different.  I KEPT MINE.  I KEPT ON working on me. 

  

I learned that not matter how hard I tried, I COULD NOT change my Ex if HE didn't want to do the work of change.  All his actions pointed to the FACT that he didn't think there was anything wrong with him or what he did.  He excused away his behavior too -- just like your hubby is doing. 

  

One day he even admitted he didn't work as hard at the relationship.  That's when I KNEW I didn't have a partner I could work with.  It was like turning off a light switch. 

  

If you do not have a partner you can work with, you have NO MARRIAGE. 

  

Until you figure that out for yourself, YOU have to do EVERYTHING in your heart to fix it (and YOU). 

  

The best thing I ever did was divorce my Ex.  Not only was it the best thing for me and my children, but it really was the best thing for my Ex.  My Ex said he cared too -- but you know, bonnie, he didn't care ENOUGH to take a good hard look in the mirror at how he contributed to the demise of our relationship, he didn't care ENOUGH to DO something about it, he didn't care ENOUGH to stop being an abuser. 

  

But I DID CARE ENOUGH. 

  

I couldn't fix him.  BUT I DID FIX ME.  I did one-day-at-a-time just like you are doing. 

  

You are doing just FINE!  Q 

My h. didn't get back in time for our talk. He had taken my son to a planned event and was 

suppose to get back early afternoon. He decided to take my son to another place for another couple 

of hours. While my son was bike riding at a place my h listened to the football game in the car 

and the battery went dead. No jumper cables in my car (he took my car,I was stuck at home and 

so was my daughter) He had to buy jumper cables. I had thought they were in an accident and was 

praying that they weren't.  I called my h. to the fact that if he didn't go to the 2nd unplanned event, 

the battery would not have died, he drained it listening to the radio. He then yells at me and says 

"poke my eyes out right now and take me out of my misery"  He thought  I was mad that the battery 

died. I wasn't - I tried to get him to see that he had an appt. w/ me and shouldn't have gone to the 

2nd event and all he did was stonewall me and say it happened there isn't anything I can do about it. I really don't know what to make of this.  This morning he was all nice to me and also last night. 

I don't think I can talk to him while I feel this emotional right now and he is responding in anger. 

I have been looking forward to, praying about today all week - it was the most important thing for 

me. I don't   think he gets it. If things don't get better I will make a plan and when I am ready I 

will get out of this relationship. I hope we can get our marriage on a good ground, but I am not 

counting on it anymore and have also come to realize that I deserve to be treated better. 

I feel very sad right now and have just been crying. I had a really hard childhood and I thought I 

paid my dues and wouldn't have so much hard stuff to deal with. I have to get my thinking in  

being grateful for small things and not let him get to me.  I need to go up a notch in not being 

emotionally reactive. 

  

Thank you again for your time - you really have alot of wisdom and wish you the best. 

Bonnie 

 
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October 23, 2005, 11:33 pm CDT

I nww

Quote From: lemondrop

He gets it .......oh ya, he gets it alright. 

  

  

He knew the meeting that you wanted was important to you.   Why do you think that he went to the 2nd event.....controlling the situation. 

  

Also listening to the radio, without the car on.....hmm, the battery is drained.  (isn't that what usually happens) 

  

  

Doesn't take responsibility for either event.......turns it back onto you......trying to make out you're doing something wrong even mentioning either thing and  implying you're over reacting.     

  

  

He knows he missed the appt/with you.       He also knows that you were adamant to ask for the meeting.........hmm, foiled wasn't it?       Then he directs the conversation to the battery......not the missed meeting . 

  

  

Lets look at things............he pretty much controlled the whole day..........one way or another.....including your having to stay at home while he did. 

  

Any of this clearer now?   

  

  

Remember, they manipulate, control........switch from charm to rage at the drop of a hat......any wonder why his behavior keeps you reeling and focused on him............not on you.....where it belongs. 

  

Take care. 

  

PS    I'd get that battery checked, if I were you......often times when its been drained......if its not fairly new........you may begin to have problems down the road.........you could get stranded.   Just  a short check on it would make me feel better.  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
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October 23, 2005, 11:46 pm CDT

I need discernment

Quote From: bonnieflec

It is funny you mentioned the battery -not really funny but thought provoking. 

I went to my support group tonight and on the way home my speedometor was going 

up and down and the car was not running right. I have a 1999 Town & Country. 

Anyway then my check engine soon light came on and all I wanted to do was get home safe 

because the car was not running well and I just prayed and was very easy on the car and driving 

slow. When I got home I asked my h to check the car. I told him I have school tommorow and 

appts. all week incl school activities for the kids.  He told me he had checked the battery this 

morning and sprayed it with something to fix whatever was wrong - I asked him if I needed a new 

battery  and he said no.  He said something was wrong with the connection w/ the battery.  

He came in an hour or so later and told me everything is fine - ofcourse I told him how grateful 

I was ect. The leader of my group is sure that God is in control and I have to watch what I say 

and keep my mouth shut and he will see a difference in me and he hopefully will change. 

I am so confused - I hear different things from my therapist to my friends. I mabe shouldn't tell 

too many people - I don't know. My older daughter thinks I should change my user name on 

this message board in case someone I know reads it.  I told her I would and so far havent', 

but I told her I have nothing to hide, but she said you never know who you might get upset and 

info on you ect.  I may change my user name the next time.  I am now rambling again when I 

should just go to bed and sleep at a decent hour for a change. 

Take care and God Bless all of you - I do believe there are angels watching over 

all of us and protecting us.  The Lord anoints my head with oil. 

 
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October 24, 2005, 10:51 pm CDT

I got the car in the cho

Quote From: qqqhhh

Support groups, therapists, friends, even family are going to pull you in MANY different ways. 

  

And you ARE searching for the answers to your problems.  When you search that hard, the answers will come -- maybe not this moment, or tonight or tomorrow, but they WILL COME. 

  

The important thing you have to remember is... that this is YOUR life.  And when it all really boils down to it, YOUR life is made up of YOUR decisions.  Those decisions need to come from WITHIN YOU.   

  

You can take others opinions, use what works for you, then toss the rest.  Explore ALL your options, look with in, ask your support people, therapists, friends, family, and then let it all sit inside you, then YOU decide what is best for YOU.   

  

If you are changing your life, to fit someone else's mold for how you should live it == then you are not living YOUR life.  and you won't be happy.  You can not turn yourself into a pretzel for ANYONE else and be happy. 

  

You have to take the focus off of hubby and put the focus of YOUR LIFE back on YOU.  Take the focus off of your group leader or your therapits or ME or anyone else, and put the fucs of YOUR LIFE back on YOU. 

  

What is it you want?  What is it you need?  How can you put your self in a position to get your needs met in healthy ways?  Ask your self those questions and then be patient, sit still and wait for the answers to come. 

  

TRUST YOUR SELF and your instincts.  You and God will tell you what you need to do. 

  

Regarding the car, if it still runs poorly tomorrow -- there are options so that you can assess what's wrong.  You can express your extreme worry and ask hubby to look at it again.  You can take it a repair shop and have them look at it and get an estimate.  You can ask hubby to take it to a repair shop.  You can keep a cell phone and $$ in case you have to call a cab.  There are many options about the car.  What can you do to take GOOD CARE of you (and your car)? 

  

While I do agree that stopping your reaction to hubby is a very good thing.  Abuse just begets abuse.  Learning to "let go with love" is essential to showing our partner how we want to be treated. 

  

But sometimes you also need to set boundaries.  A key to being codependent is that we have lost our own sense of healthy boundaries and there ARE ways we can OPEN OUR MOUTHS and speak about our boundary violations, how we feel and what we want to have happen.  If you don't do that, how can you expect him to learn how to treat you?   

  

I also think there is a fine line between knowing you have to set a boundary and knowing when it is better to choose a "battle" on another day.   

  

Continually "keeping your mouth shut" is not healthy for you if you REMAIN victimized.   

  

 

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