Messages By: verbek

"He is now living with his biological father and seems to be doing much better. He still has fits of rage and then turns to crying and saying he is sorry but it is not as bad as it used to be.

He thankfully has a huge heart for small children and for animals and never has hurt them."

How did he grow up?? What  has your son learned from you and the man you chose to father him with?  What has he learned from  his two role models? You're divorced right?  Could it be that your son has seen to much fighting and that he lives with a broken heart? 

Dear Groovy,

I am all with ya!!!

On the other hand, I feel like "lovingly" spanking some of the other here on the board.  ;-)

Ouch, am I schizophrenic??  LOL

-- Peggy.

Loved your writing, wise one!

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Thanks!!

Dear Poodlepink,

I didn't see the beginning of the show and missed what you described.

However, base on your first paragraph I have not a doubt in my mind that you are completely right.

Thanks for your sharing insights.

If nothing else, you made me feel good knowing that I am not alone in seeing these dynamics going on, seeing so much more incorrect behavior in the parents rather than in the child.

Sound like you're the salt on the earth type of woman!

Groovy,

I really like your comments on the board. -- Peggy.

I will admit that it did sound self righteous and would have liked to change it.  But once you hit that button ... not much you can do.

There is truth to what I say though, even though I wish I hadn't blurred it out the way I did.

I have seen parents that have 'troubled' children but all along, as they were raising them I didn't like the job they were doing with the kids.  Most of them had no real time for the kids or/and  were way too self-absorbed, couldn't do themselves what they expected from their kids,  had a very messy house and disorganized life and: waddayaknow the kids act up!

Then the kids are dragged to the doctors.  I have seen it!  The kids subsequently were put on meds!! 

I have personally called the pharmaceutical company to inquire about the meds.  They told me these meds were never tested on children!!!  Yet, they are given on massive scale.  Phil if you don't believe it, call up these companies. Before these meds were put on the market they were not tested on kids.  Basically, this is one big guinee pig experiment that we are subjecting US kids to.

I became emotionally involved because this one smart, very nice 8 year old boy was getting convulsions which he had never had before and almost died. 

He was in the hospital for days.  I talked to the pediatrician and showed her the instructions that come with the meds and other information that I pulled off the Internet.  I highlighted (!!) for her that it said that if the child gets convulsions, consult a physician, stop the medication. 

The child was in the hospital (being put on more meds for the convulsions etceteras) and noone bothered to really look into the situation of a child that is overmedicated, displays the side-effects of the medication and almost dies.  The doctor seemed to not understand I would even be bother with this, given that the kid was not my own.

This kid was so clearly a good kid and simply wrecked by bad parenting, divorce, chaos and on top of it all medications which then put him in the hospital.  To me it seemed that he got a bad deal in life, living sort of a nightmare.

I don't know where he is now as I decided that I have a family of my own to care for and have my hands full (in a good way) with my own child, our friends and their children.

I hope he's okay.  He was so super smart, that's what I really liked about him that he was so witty and fast in his thinking.  All of that had gone quickly too.  The last time he was sort of zombi-sh.

Sorry, but "lovecoach" is right.  The mother created the problems. 

Nobody is saying that the mother can't lock her self up in the bathroom for 10 minutes.  She should just ignore the child outside the bathroom if that's what she wants. 
But to punish the child's reaction of pulling its own hair out with HITTING the child and locking her up in the room is wrong. 

And:  obviously all the "lovely hitting" (hitting is a sign of love according to some on the show) didn't help because look where mom & daughter are now ...  yeah, really effective all that spanking.

The problem with the mom is NOT that she locks herself up in the bathroom to get a 10 minute break!! 

The problem is how she reacts to her child. 

Another problem is all the other signs that she shows of being selfish.  For example, she wants her husband to get over the death of his only son from a former marriage, that he loved dearly and she wants him to "move on"  (her words).  And why?  Because a year of feeling sad is enough now .. she wants attention from her husband.   

The mother displaying these signs of selfishness on the show makes me wonder how she has really has been treating her daughter during this child's life. 

Admittingly, the mother says that her daughter has seen "too much" ...  What is this, I wonder.  What has mommy exposed her daughter to? 

And her husband calls her daughter a "fatt b" as shown on the show and yet she defends her husband?? 

This mother has it totally wrong.  As a mother you don't go off on your child and get physical when you overhear (eavesdrop) it saying a bad name in reference to yourself either.  You keep your dignity. 

Instead you should do some soul searching ... 

Check out his poem I found on a pillow. 

The measure of real succes is the one you cannot spend ... 

It is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend. 

I'd say, based on this: mommy failed.  But even so, everything this woman said and did and even looked pointed to her as the culprit.  I advice this daughter (I don't what age she has) to move out of the house.  The mother is so selfish, it won't ever work.  In the daughter own words she didn't feel that her mother loved her, she sure didn't show it.  But wait she did do a lot of spanking.  Well, how come the child didn't feel loved.  Mmmmm.  I wonder .... 

Well, you have some points.  But your advice for everyone to be childless is not a good advice. 

I have learned a lot from having a child.  To have patience for example something which I really naturally didn't have before.  I had to learn how to have patience.  And I am finding I feel a lot better with it. 

Not having children is to lock yourself up in an ivory tower a bit.  You won't grow and develop as much just being really involved with yourself.  On the other hand I see parents with children such as the blond mother of the 'troubled' daughter who still is very self absorbed.  No wonder the daughter acts up.   

Also, since you don't have children I am not completely sure if you know what you were talking about. 

But maybe you could ask yourself what type of child you were ... 

Very good point.   Didn't think of that but now that you mention it:  Where were the children? 

I would like to see these children by themselves and let them speak. 

Possibly, that is an idea for another show? Say in a year when the whole family (Lord knows that some of these parents themselves needed counseling and soul searching) has had family advice. 

I would like to hear from the kids.   

Dr. Phil:

Thaaaank you!  I watched this show with my husband & child. 

For a change, about hoarding; I didn't do any talking (Alright, well: nagging).

You did all the talking for me and kept it light.

That lady with the hoarding issue, was a very nice lady - like my hubby - but with an invasive, overbearing problem.

Like the husband in your show, I have a considered divorce over this hoarding too. 

I think, soon, (I am not kidding you) we will be taking a vacation to where Dr. Charles lives.

If he can diagnose the cause of my husband's hoarding and fix it,  I will be eternally grateful.

A basement without tripping dangers and taxes filed properly and on time ... Oh, what a delight that will be!

PV