Messages By: mclarke51

I am a mother of the two sons. 21 and 35  I am afraid what you say is so pitifully true.  My parents who are both deceased taught me well. My father could not fry an egg after she died.  I had to show him how to make coffee and just about everything.  He could grill a steak.   I make a joke that I am not sure he could wipe his behind with out her.  She was a control freak any way.  Unfortunately I did not figure this out until my older son was about 25 and my young son about 16. I love them both very much, but I hate to think how I have ruined them as good husbands.  Hopefully they will meet strong women who will set them straight.  I do try now..  I used to clean under the bed, until my mother in law said why?  My mother was a neat freak.    Now my motto is" Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine".  I still have a hard time doing and going since my husband retired. That old recording plays that a good wife is there for her husband.  Fortunately the recording is getting scratched and I cook when I want , clean when I want and wash when I want.  My house is cleaner than all of our friends , I keep it nice not for my family but because I want it clean and nice for me. Don't get me wrong I love them very much, but I love me more.   What I have learned is to put me first.  That is the secret.  It is soooo ok to be selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself.  We are not their maids. But life is wonderful. 

  My first marriage was to a man very similar to yours. I dated him all  thru high school.  He was very possessive and because I  had a very controlling mother, the possiveness was not something that I was even aware of until   much later.  I had to use the CB radio (this was long before cell phones) to call him even when I ran to the corner to the store.  I just thought he loved me so much.  We had a dream wedding.  Three weeks after the wedding he beat me up so bad I cleaned blood off the walls.  Any thing that is bad in a relationship will be magnified 1000 fold after the wedding.  Remember they are on their best  behavior .  When you are married you are not someones possession.  You should be able to have friends  of both  men and women.  You should be able to do or think or feel any way you want  with  in the limits of your commitment.  I am telling you this because I am 58 married for 24 years and living with a control freak is not fun.  I  turned around and found another one just like my mother.   If I do find myself  alone again in the future,  I now understand my mistakes and will not ever make them again.  Unfortunately we learn many of the things we need to learn before we get married long after.  Take your time.  If someone loves you they will wait .   Anyone can play a role for a year.  RUN RUN