Messages By: hisjewel

I am guessing someone said to you give everything to God and it will be ok.......  what if i say it this way Let God be God and he will be there for you no matter how hard things are.....  there are so many days i would just love to disappear but i know that God is there right by my side believing in me even though i don't believe in myself.  Yes, we are to give all things to God but in doing that we have to let him keep those things which can make someone think Oh I've done that before and it doesn't work.  It is about us really totally letting go of it all.  something that I have a hard time doing.  God can help us through all things He can do all thing but He is a gentleman and will force nothing on us......  He basically says here my love i am offering this to you but i give you the choice to take it or not........  I know that iti s soooooooooooooooooo hard to give things over to God there are things in my life that even though i know they don't belong to me that aren't of God I have a really hard time letting go of it I feel like an indian giver when it comes to me giving things to God a lot of times i say here and like seconds or minutes later it's like hey wait you can't have that........  well yeah i hope this makes since to you!!  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"  it is by His power that we can over come.....  sure we still have to face so many things but when we face them (the lies and all that junk) what do we do with them do we take them as truth and not let go or do we say God what do you think or does this aline with the Character and the word of God........  there are so manythings we can ask but well yeah!!  "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can say to the mountain move and it will be moved"  A lot of it isn't just in saying ok God here have it i don't want it but it is in steping out and proclaming at the same time......  stepping out on water

Yes i did graduate high school!!!  I am going to college I am going all the way to kansas!!!  Well, i dig, bite, beat and it has been about 4 mths since I have burned.........  i really want to burn a lot of times but they leave scars I have 16 and i did it more then that......  i just know i can't go to college with a bunch of those on me well new ones and i know that it isn't cool having to see those scars...  i just recently started digging until there is some blood all though it doesn't show right away but i do it where no one can see it....  so well yeah.......  it took me a second to get your are you a cutter question and then i remembered what i told you but man sometimes cuting does sound good but i have never cut for blood........  sometimes i think well digging is just as bad as cutting is hmmmmm well yeah soooooo....... 

Thanks i don't think i am smart though but i don't guess i really think i am stupid either......  I actually am just average in my opinion if even that.....  but hey i guess i will know soon!!!!  I am happy to hear that your oldest daughter graduated!!! 

yes your story about what it was like it is sad....  didn't you ever just wish that you were invisable?  I sure do sometimes.....  well i don't think that as much as i just want to disappear........ 

you bet God forgave you and that is just so awesome that He doesn't even she that when he looks at you!!!!

Yes, you know I have a lot of things that i soo do not give to God!!  I know i need to but well yeah haaa!!!  Look up toward Jesus and you will see the light........  Maybe your looking all around you when you really should be looking up to see the light..........  it is soooooo hard to believe there is a light at the end that there is a way out of all we face.......  I know i have a hard time thinking things in my life will be over........  like you i just wish it would all go away too!!!  Some much of the time i just wish i could disappear or be invisable or just go into my own little somewhere where none of it matters but if i did that well later those things would matter and be worse.......  It is very hard to give someone something you are so used to something you feel you have always known or even if it's something wrong it being something that you well you feel like it is all you have had.......  you begin to feel kind of bare or something and well that is one thing that makes it so hard because when you get rid of that you think what will i have then........  well the truth is God but well i will use me as an example I can know all of these things about God and know they are truth but what i need to do is step out in what i know.........  out of the comfort zone right off of the boat into the water and youknow if you keep your focus on Jesus then you will not sink............

Did youknow if you try to balance a broom and look straight forward you can't balance it but if you look up you can........  well we can't balance things on our own just looking ahead of us but if we look up to God he will help us find balance and so we can make the choice to walk in it

I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo alone!!!!!!!!  errggggggg i wish oooooo i don' tknow what i wish but i do know i feel sooooooo alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get so angry because i know that I am abusing the temple that God blessed me with.....  I have been doing these over the years but they just have grown and grown.......  Like for the longest time I just hit or bit myself.....  then about hmmm sometime just over a year ago i started to burn and dig.........  Before any of the self harm came the eating disorder.......  I this self harm when i am frustrated, angry, ignoring hurt or whatever like i just don't want to feel.......  wheni have anxiety attacks, to calm down, for sooooooo many reason........  like when there is a part in me that wants to cry but i say no........  sometimes i really don't know why i do it.........  even the other day food of the day (errrrggg i didn't want to eat) was a healthy choice meal (i kept it but i walked 2 miles which really wasn't enough)........  anyway i was getting up and some how knocked the thing over and it had just a little bit left in it so i went to the bathroom and started just digging and digging.....  like a punishment or something it seems like when i look back at it...  ahhhhhhhh I am sooo cofused and feel so alone!!!  Well, once again when i say that I do want to say i know that God is here with me but that doesn't keep me from feeling so alone..........  i just wish i could disappear right now...  but i know tha tisn't really what i want even though that is how i feel does that make since......  nothing i ever do seems good enough for me it can always be better and actually it gets quite frustrating.....  Even not to long ago i was upset with God because He loves me so much and because He has a purpose for me so i told Him all about it i just let Him know how i felt.........  i felt bad doing it but i think God can handle us telling him how we feel.......  if someone else was doing this i would want them to know there are other ways to cry and it is good to feel things.....  i would probley say other things but yeah.......  i would tell them it is ok to mess up and not to feel quilt or shame for what they do it will only make it worse..........  don't let anger and anger well yeah i don't know......  i just want to go somewhere and hide!!!!  I just want to curl up somewhere and cry!!!