Messages By: hisjewel

i get anxiety attacks in the grocery store but i try really hard to make it not seen some how i manage to hide it no matter how hard a time i am having breathing or anything it is crazy......  don't you listen to those people who say get over it don't they realize you both have feelings and their's is just different then yours....... don't they realize they have stuggles to so where do they have room to tell you to get over it........  you can't just get over something like that.......  big hug!!!

I don't even know if i know what to say today....  yeah i don't have the money to go to the book store and get the book......  i have a few cent in my little piggy bank thing and that is all i have.... 

yes i do i wish i could just disappear!!!  but then again i don't want to......  i just want to scream and just hit something until i can't do it anymore........  i could go for the longest time i think

I want to stop I think i don't know i am so confused......  i mean i don't want to die i want to live to help others and to fullfill what God has puposed for me......  I wouldn't ever kill myself on purpose and i am so angry that i know if i don't stop that is what is going to happen.....  all i do is always tell myself ooo that's not going to happen to me i awill be just fine and well yeah i don't know...

my favorite thing to do is praise and worship i could do it forever and ever i may not always feel happy when i do it i may feel all kinds of ways but it isn't about that it is that i know i am lifting God up and bringing Him glory.

well i would keep writing but i have to do somethings so i will be back on later in the afternoon time

cya then sister

your friend

Hisjewel

yeah i have a therapist but i am about to leave for college........  i can't wait it is something i have wanted to do and it will get me out of this place......  i am going far away for college..

Thanks for sharing the book with me and well i just try to read that stuff but a lot of times and get so frustrated and want to throw it across the room....  if i get to a part and it's like no then i will be like ok just close the book for a while......  the thing is a lot of the time i never open it back up.....

i am sure i could say a lot more but i have to go i have to get get and do some things and will be back later this afternoon 

I know to do those things to ask myself those questions........  there is someone besides myself i feel that i will never please but you know it' just to bad i am already hard enough on me without that person adding to it.......  sure i will think aobut how they made me feel that way for a bit but i don't lthink that is what drives me to do it....  does that make since.......  there are just some people that are never happy with anything someone else does and well that's them not me......  sometimes just for a brief moment i think look at how far you've came in life, listen to all the good things people say, hear how they look up to you and are inspired by you, they think so much of you, why can't you just believe it why can't you just hold on to it........  the thing is that deep inside i know they are right but well i don't know......  i really just don't know........ 

anyway i really need to start getting ready so i can head out but i will be back later

morning, well at least it is for me anyway almost after noon....  i didn't get a good rest last night nope sure didn't and didn't wake up in a better mood at all......  i get so frustrated cause i can choose to stay in the mood or not to but i well i don't know something anyway just wanted to thank you for trying to incourage me last night!!  cya later

hey i had a few minutes in between the things i have to do to come home and cool off......  it is like super extreamly hot today and i can't use the AC in my car.....  i also have on jeans today so well yeah haaaa my next place i have to go takes like 45 min or so to get to ahhhhh

why not help me i don't know......  i guess i just can't i don't know........  where am i ummmm "i'm lost i've gone to look for myself if i should return before i get back please ask me to wait"  or "I think i'm here but i'm not sure"  those are two quotes i have heard is that a good answer to your question.......  ummmm sometimes i think i see me but i just well bury me somewhere in the middle of everything else

well i should get some drink haven't had a thing today and i have a hot ride ahead of me......  i'd where shorts but i get uncomfortable feeling in them sometimes i think just cause the only ones i can seem to get that fit me decent are shorter ones haaaaaaa

cya later

i guess that i will just come in here and talk to myself since no one else comes in her

so how are you today

ooo i don't know

why not

cause i don't

ooo i c why don't you know

cause i woke up this way

how'd you wake up

in a really bad mood

why

i don't know

do you want me to leave you alone

i thought you'd never ask!!!!

laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa