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Messages By: slayereve

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upset
July 22, 2005, 9:01 pm CDT

What is wrong with me?

I am 23 years-old, and recently found a job through a summer youth program. I work at a food bank. This is where I met a guy I will call "Joe." Joe and I have been flirting, but the last few days it kind of wound down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking about not starting a relationship with me. He told me to give it time several weeks ago, and so I figured that I was being paranoid about the look in his eyes, because I am self-conscious. I am upset because I have been very distrustful of relationships, and then I meet "Joe," who is good looking, intelligent, and nice. I have lost a lot of respect for him, as he had none for me. Instead of talking with me privately, he had a conversation with other co-workers behind my back, then had another guy "Ben" tell me that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Am I disappointed, yes; do I respect his wishes? Definately. My problem, is that either a guy flirts, but doesn't ask me out; other guys only make comments about my body, so I avoid relationships with them (most times). I haven't dated in 2 years; my last date broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day, and I have never had an actual boyfriend, though my younger sisters and brother have had long term relationships. I am wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to attract a good looking, intelligent, and nice man. What is wrong with me?

 
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July 23, 2005, 9:29 am CDT

Tired of Being Single

when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life. you won't even be looking for them.
Maybe, but I feel like guys will never like me, because I'm not good enough...and I don't know what to do or how to change, so that I can be who they want in a girlfriend.
 
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August 27, 2005, 3:16 pm CDT

Jerk

Here's the thing; I don't know if I mentioned anything about a guy in any of my other posts, but I have been under the impression that this guy was going to ask me out, cause he said that (not that guys don't lie!) he liked me and that he just got out of a bad marriage. He told me to "give it time." I have. Apparantly however, one of his buddies (and a co-worker) told me that he is seeing some hoochie in the alley. On top of that, apparently this hoochie (I will not say woman/lady/or any other related term, because anyone like that does not deserve to be called a woman or a lady), has full blown AIDS. I'm not 100% sure that the guy that told me that she has AIDS (I'm 95% sure she is---whoring--HELLO!), wasn't just saying it to get me to stay away from him no matter. But, that's not the point. I'm just pissed that I let myself be let on. I asked him a week ago if he liked me and he was like "yeah, yeah." And, at the same time I knew it. I mean he didn't pay attention to me at all when we were downstairs in the cafeteria for breakfast (I work at a food bank), and he'd avoid me during work. Also, I heard a statement toward him, regarding him in a car with a female. Now, the thing is we tend to joke around making lude remarks (I can take them, they know that when I say "that's borderline"--that means they've gone too far); however, I knew it. I was just lying to myself, hoping it was just my imagination, and that I was being too clingy (but how is 5min of hanging out clingy?). I mean he's intelligent (in a academic way), good looking, and I thought he was nice (lying to me by not telling me that he's not interested and leading me on. I mean we never went out or anything, so his decision to sleep with someone isn't cheating, obviously. What pisses me off is the lying and the leading me on. I hate myself that I'm not even worth a simple "Hey, I know I said I liked you, but I've decided to ask someone else out." I've had someone who actually had the dignity to say that, and I wasn't upset at all. Now granted I wasn't really interested in him as I was with this guy. I mean, do I really have a right to be angry, or am I just being too emotional? 

 
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August 28, 2005, 1:54 pm CDT

Communication

Quote From: jenoc99

Yes, you are being too emotional....of course it would have been 'nice' if this guy could have told you he was dating someone else, but, he didn't....you need to find a way to come to terms with that and get over your anger toward him and the girl he's going out with- because its not HER fault! Its not even his fault, after all when you asked him if he liked you- and he said yes, he could have meant as a friend, you know? Guys are so stupid anyway...don't waste your time or energy being so upset about this. Use this as an educational life experience...next time something like this happens, you'll know what NOT to do. Stop being so hard on yourself, you've learned a valuable life lesson.

  

 He meant as a potential girlfriend, as he has stated that he wants to date me, and yes I get what you are saying, but he was the one that brought for the ride purposefully indicating that he wanted time, and that he wanted to go out with me. Anyways, I told his friend to tell him to come up and tell me himself (he told him that he had--liar). And technically, he is not dating her, but sleeping with a hoochie in the alley. UGH! Anyways, I want to talk to him, not to try to force him to get with me or anything, but to tell him that he disrespected me by lying and taking me for a ride. Oh well, he could have had the full package, but he decided to go out and buy the one feature value package, on the clearance rack, at a condemned building of a store going out of business. His friend, the guy that told me, thought that I'd been sleeping w. him before, but I have never seen him anywhere except work (we are both volunteers--which is why I liked him---he seemed stable, intelligent, polite, and nice), and to not sleep with him because he says that he knows (as someone who knows that person) without a doubt that this lady has full blown AIDS. I have conflicted feelings toward him. First off anger, cause he messed w. me, second being fear because he's with someone he knows has a fatal disease (unless of course it's a ploy to keep me from wanting to date him at all--which is fine). I want him to know that we can be friends and that when I come around him, he doesn't have to run the other way. If I knew than I wouldn't be trying to get with him. Anyways, thanks for the comment. :) 

  

  

 
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October 24, 2006, 2:11 am CDT

Things that were highlighted to me.

Although I can't say much about the people right now, since I don't know enough, I do have a few points that I feel were highlighted to me in the brief time that I paid attention to the programs.

1. I feel that in many cases anger and ignorance is confused as hatred. By this I am referring to everyone in the group. Even the people themselves may say that hate someone, when really they are ignorant as to something such as weight, sexuality, color, religion, etc. By no means does this excuse the nature of their comments and behavior, but a look into why these people hate each other, I feel, will show widespread anger and ignorance.

2. As someone were marginally understands anthropology, B. was correct in her assertion that all life comes from Africa. I am not religious, but even for those who are it does not necessarily go against the ideals. I do believe that there is a better way to teach people that then yelling at them about it, but when it comes to ignorant people who are stuck to their ways, don't bother. It's like the door analogy that I was taught by my Argument and Persuasion teacher is that there are three doors: a) the open door--you are preaching to the choir; b) the door mildly open---this is the audience you want to go for, because they aren't completely on your side, but they are not totally closed to you either; and c) the closed door--unless you are very adept at arguing don't bother---this really hit home in this case as per the Africa statement by B. and how it is being taken by the others

3. I don't understand the idea of the gay woman (I am bi myself) hating all straight people. I can understand hating the bigotry of anti-gay straight people, but there are many straight people who are not anti-gay and this girl is pushing away many people that could be allies and/or friends of hers. In the end hatred just breeds more hatred. I do not act Bi/homosexual in any way, nor do I look it. That would mean that she would hate me from the start. That isn't fair.

4. As someone who prefers skinniness I do want to denounce the girl who puts fat people down. That is just mean. On the other hand, if he is stinking up the house, then he should take a shower, and also if he doesn't want to be seen as lazy, then he needs to get up and do stuff. I don't care why he's overweight, he can make himself healthier by working out. I understand that even overweight people can be healthy (in terms of those who eat right and exercise).

Okay, anyways, it's really late and I have several papers due tomorrow. Sorry about any grammar mistakes. :)
 
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November 10, 2006, 8:03 am CST

11/10 Dr. Phil Scam, Part 2: The Sting

Quote From: ramair

And, when would two such busy people have time to spend hours on the phone, "counselling" people? Not only do they spend a lot of time preparing for, and taping, his show, they're also in demand on the speaking circuit. Especially since Robin's book has been released. 
Exactly! I know there are ways to get to anyone, but desperate or not people need to get smart and realize that they have no time for over the phone counseling. No sympathy here either for these people of the Dr. Phil scam.
 
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December 8, 2006, 11:23 pm CST

What a girl wants. . .

Here is just a list to start off with. They are in no particular order:

1. Couples should balance time together with time apart. There is nothing wrong with having mutually exclusive groups of friends and spending time with them!

2. Talk nonsense. Not every discussion has to be noteworthy. Talking and especially listening (hard for me, too) is the cornerstone of a good relationship.

3. Spend time together without talking. Not every moment has to be filled with conversation.

4. Don't complain if you offer to do something. Now if the food and/or service was bad say something politely and don't go back to that establishment. If the place has a comments/complaints card, nonchalantly write your statement on that and avoid a "stand-off."

5. Don't just expect that a dinner date is what the girl wants. Some girls, like myself, feel too nervous in that setting. Try a myriad of other date possibilities:

a. Bowling
b. Going to the Beach
c. A Concert
d. Hanging out at a park
e. The Zoo
f. Rock Climbing (I don't like this, but many girls do)
g. A Play or a Musical
h. Any other activity you I haven't thought of that isn't a movie/dinner

6. Don't try to act suave, we know you're trying to put your hand over our shoulders (bad grammar, I know). Just do it.

7. Don't ask to do the above or to kiss us---it's not romantic and removes the mood.

8. If the girl moves your hand or moves away from the kiss repeatedly (unless she says "no" the first time) she is giving a non-vocal sign for "I'm not in the mood/""I'm not interested."

9. Not every girl likes flowers. I personally don't undersand giving something that's going to die, but I do like the thought. So, for Valentines, Christmas, her B-day, other special days, and especially those "I'm sorry gifts," it is important to pay attention to what she likes.

10. Every girl is different and each relationship works differently.

11. "No" means No, but it does not necessarilly mean she doesn't like you.


By no means am I a "relationship expert," but I did want to put me "two cents" in.
 

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