Messages By: bear_ta

It is easy to be drawn into the scam.  I met a guy online and even considered leaving a life and family I love.  He made promises for a wonderful future and then just quit talking to me.  I cried for two days and lost 7 pounds in a week.  I thought I would die without him.  Then I realized he never loved me and I think it was a blessing in disguise.  I have a SUPER terrific husband who loves me and I don't know why I even considered leaving.  Yeah, I do get lonely and bored with my life and I think it is fun to chat on-line, but after this wake up call I will never let myself get sucked into the drama again.  This guy had real mental illness and was hospitalized and I caleed him every day, but he couldn't even be a friend enough to say "good-bye"....just had some woman call and tell me to leave him alone and then had his phone turned off.  I figure after talking daily and making plans for a future I deserved at least one last phone call from him. 

The point is that it is easy to let yourself believe things and people say things that make you feel special and it is exciting, but the grass isn't always greener and sometimes what you have is more precious than you realize.

I feel that the courts ARE VERY UNFAIR TO THE DADS. I never felt this way until I watched my husband go through it. I believe that the dads who choose not to be apart of their childs life should be penalized by paying through the nose, but what about those dad's who DO want to be part of their children's life, the one's who have 50/50 custody. Why should they have to pay for their ex-wife and their own household too? If the dad is providing a roof over their child's head, food, medical bills, school supplies, etc...in his 50% of the time with the children, then why should he have to pay for his ex-wifes 50% of the time too. I also was divorced with 2 children. I would NEVER have asked their father to pay for MY time with them. I believe when a woman does that she is asking for money for services rendered all those years!! She should have some dignity and not be paid for laying down with her husband and producing those children. A father has a right to know where that money is being spent, he has a right to know that the money he is FORCED to pay is being used for the welfare of those children. Does a father not have a right to protect his children? A father is shot down for wanting to assure that when they are not at his home that the money he is providing to the ex is being used to support his children when not in his presence. Shame on Dr. Phil for saying it is NONE of the father's business where the money is being spent!! How can you in one breath accuse someone of not caring about the welfare of his children, then get onto to him for wanting to assure that the money IS spent FOR his children? I agree that the man on yesterday's show was a deadbeat dad for doing nothing at all, Dr. Phil is right the dad CAN DO SOMETHING, no matter how small. My concern is for the dads who want to be involved. Why can these dads not be used as an example to the dead beat dads, instead of all of them being lumped together and penalized like the ones that are sorry dad's.

Congrats to you on your marriage and the fact that you beat the odds by falling in love with someone who was authentic online.  I hope y'all have a lifetime of happiness. 

I would offer you the opposite of congrats on this particular post though.  What does this accomplish?  Do you think women who have been scammed don't already feel badly enough about themselves?  Do they really need to hear they should be back in kindergarten etc?  I'm not trying to sugar coat anything, but to call them stupid and 'lacking in gray matter' is pretty cruel of you IMO.  The people they are being victimized by are master manipulators who are incredibly adept in picking their targets - much like pedophiles know which children they should target.  Victims aren't necessarily stupid or pathetic, but rather vulnerable.  They are probably also vulnerable to being very hurt by words as vituperative as yours. 

Count yourself lucky that you were skeptical enough to take every measure necessary to ensure your husband to be was legit.  Many have had life experiences which have left them without those kinds of self preservation skills.  Why do you feel disdain for them rather than empathy? 

Again, I have only best wishes for you in your marriage and have no personal animosity towards you.  I am only writing this in hopes you may rethink how very harsh you were.  Take care, Roxy

You are as wrong as the original poster!

Why do you think there are laws on the books about adults having sex with young teens? It's called RAPE and it's illegal!

Children, even if they BEG for a sexual relationship, are still emotionally and LEGALLY children. It's up to adults to act responsibly (and LEGALLY) and stay clear of young people who are easily swayed and manipulated. Sadly, so many young girls aren't getting affection and care at home that they believe everything these older, scummier men have to say!

Sorry, but that's not acceptable...and it's not LEGAL. PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY has to do with ADULTS, not kids. Kids will always be dumber, easily swayed and gullible; that's why they're called CHILDREN!!!!!

Generalized?   As a 1st wife also with 2 kids I am just thankful I had the dignity to not take HIS money so that my children could have provisions at both houses. I am talking about the fathers who DO want to be involved in their children's lives. Although my children are grown now it was hard to raise them with my income but had I required money from their father's household it would have taken from their provisions when in his care. I worried enough while they were not with me, were they warm , were they eating, were they being looked after etc... I did without to assure that they had all they needed in his care. I base my feelings on what I wittnessed first hand, not what I did. I am not so simple as to waste my time worrying over " my income going to another woman," I did however feel sorry for her for lacking the diginity and concern to say "don't worry about me, just make sure my kids are taken care of ." I am thankful to this day that my children ALWAYS came first, not how I could hurt or get back at their father. Can you and I not agree that there are SOME women that use this as a way to get back or hurt their ex-husbands?

I did not mean to come off as harch or judemental, if I did I am sorry. I do not know what you have gone through as you do not know what I have gone through. I have over the last 12 years gone out of my way to help my husbands ex-wife and would help her at this moment should she need me. I just feel that she should have done more with the money that was given to her over the years to provide for her children, as the money was meant for THEIR care, not hers. 

                                                           Thank You

I can't believe that anyone would be upset about a little cake on your face.  You said he shoved it up your nose but from the video it was barely on the tip.  At our wedding I made my husband promise not to smash the cake in my face all the while I was planning on getting some on his face.  When the big momment came I smashed and he smushed.  He got it so far up my nose that I was blowing frosting out for the next hour, but did I get mad????  NO, I knew he loved to joke and play when I met him.  We have been married 12 years and yes I do bring it up now and then but to laugh about it not punish him.  To this day every wedding we go to we wait to see if the cake gets smashed, if it does we feel that the couple knows how to play and have fun together.  I think it says a lot about  the health of a relationship if you can have fun and not be so uptight.  Stop being such a control freak and learn to have some fun.

If I told my husband something in a very serious manner, and he promised me he wouldn't do it, and then did it anyway, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband put other people's desires and agenda above my own, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband decided what is OK and what is not for me, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband humiliated me and then laughed his butt off about it, he wouldn't be my husband.

In some cultures it's "tradition" to have people present when you have sex the first time. If he made a promise that you wouldn't have to endure that, and then he brought in the local football team to keep score how would that be? In some cultures that's no big deal. Whatdaya think? The whole point is that he deliberately lied to his wife, and hurt her feelings with no real remorse. He did it because he wanted to. He didn't care what she wanted. It took him 13 years to come to the realisation that it wasn't the cake that hurt her, but lying to her and not considering her feelings as paramount to "tradition."  Thankfully my feelings mean everything thing to my husband. Thankfully my husband's idea of fun is different. I'm just thankful for my husband period.