Messages By: bear_ta

I have been married for five years and we have been together a total of 10 years. We have two kids; a boy and our youngest is a girl. We have had our share of bad times. His biggest problem is his possesvie ways, jealousy, and his cheating. He has slept with two of my so called friends, and others. We stopped sleeping in the same room for about five months, but we still had sex from time to time. I remember him getting off work and coming home to take a shower then leave to the gym for at least 2-3 hours. We never talked or got in the same vehicle together.  I finally got the curage to leave, but I was hoping that he would basically kiss my ass so that I would stay. His idea of the seperation was going to be a good way to find out what he wanted, and made him happy. He also needed to change his atitude toward me and change the unstable comfort zone behavior as a husband. So, he basically  left me, even though I moved out on my own. My life have became empty, and I was really alone with no job, no money, no house, and no friends or family since he either scared them off or skrewed them. I moved out a week before our Anniversery which is the day of his Birthday too. My sister in law said my husband dropped off our kids because he was going out of town with a girl. So, I went to get my kids back, but first I stopped at our old house to get my kids clothes. I found a bra in my dresser next to my side of the bed, and a couple of "thinking about you" cards from "HILDA". Let me say that I turned that place inside out and burned every piece of clothing he owned. A few months pasted by and I was doing very good. I had my old job back and I was sane again. Happy to meet new friends and go out. My husband and I would argue, but only because he did not give me money for the kids day care, or food, and not even for their school clothes. He would pick them up with hicky's on his neck, but I got use to it. The three months have passed and he calls to leave a message to say that his friend had died, so he wants to be there for them, therefore he was unable to get the kids that weekend. So, I did not hear from him for almost a week and I called his job and talked to his friend. His friend told me about "HILDA" and that was whose funeral he went to. It turned out that her kids father shot her serveral times in the face and then turned it on him self. Well it has been about 8 months since then and he has kissed his way back in my life again. One catch, he wants me to take a lie detector test to see if I slepted with anyone during our seperation. Since he found my calender with guy's phone numbers on the back, he has called all of them and does not believe me. He said he can not live knowing that I have slept with any one else. Since I met him  I have never slepted with anyone. I have came close, but I need help with my decision and I have little time left to do so. Oh, also I will tell you that I had to take a drug test before we got married too. It was naturaly negative. At that time he was going to a drug program. So, see I think it is all in his head and I am paying double for his mistakes if I give him what he wants. I also feel like I should just take it to prove to him once again, and then walk away from him. What should I do? I either lose my husband or my beliefs and dignity and pride and self respect.

               I am 27 years old. HELP WITH SOME SUGGESTIONS OR YOUR OWN OPINION. PLEASE!!

                    Margaret Perez

I wonder who the 'they' is in this statement?  My husband went off with a girl at least 20 years his junior.  She thinks he's wealthy.  He does have a high profile job, and I think money and position were very attractive to this young lady.  My husband and his friends all seemed to have younger girlfriends lurking in the background, and he used to go away on 'business trips' to South East Asia, and I learned that he was taking her away on expensive holidays and spending big money on her.  When I found out what was going on, I walked away with our two sons.  I couldn't believe that, when I told my ex-husband I was filing for divorce, he actually had tears in his eyes.  I think, but I'm not sure, that he and she have a fairly volatile relationship and I don't think that she likes him being around our boys very much.  I pity her because if you want to mess about with a married man you have to accept what comes with that situation.  I don't really think that 'age is just a number' - I think a lot of younger women, at least in Australia, who hook up with older men are interested only in dollars and assets and prestige.  I think that the person in this forum who said that these types of relationships are based on a sexual exchange is correct.  Good luck to those who engage in these types of relationships, I say, and even if I sound resentful, I have to say that I pity these couples because their situations sound really empty to me.