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Messages By: bzbluiii

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confused
July 28, 2005, 9:23 pm CDT

Hi momisme2, oreo and everybody

How come all of you made it here and I am still having trouble with this new board?  This is golfallday but I can not get logged in so had to do a switch.  I have tried everything and didn't get it to work.  Did you all get an email to confirm your password or something?  Not me and I have done all I know to do.  Momisme2 I noticed you had some technical questions concerning this new way of doing things too.  Maybe we'll figure it out but until I do please be patient with me if I screw up a time or two.  lol

 

Did any of you see Primetime on ABC tonight about the polygamist girl named Lorree who went back to confront her father about his sexual abuse to her?  It made me sick.  The more I see about this group and their way of life the more offensive it becomes.  If I knew how to contact Lorree I would tell her what a great job she did and how brave she was.  Hooray for her.

 

 

 

 

 
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confused
July 29, 2005, 8:35 am CDT

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Quote From: momisme2

Hmmmm... now I cant seem to correct the title headers either.  I meant to say Not over it or big heart?  And I still cant figure out the paragraphs!(you have paragraphs.  Fill me in on how you do them?)  So far im not a fan of this new format.  LOL

Back to the subject... I personally think that when people suffer it makes them more aware of others feelings.  You often find those who have suffered greatly are incredibly compassionate and caring and quite in tune with others.  There are those who seem to harden because of it but I think they are the minority.  In my experiences, the more people suffer the more compassion they have towards others.  They have been hurt and do not wish the same on anyone. 

I am like you in feeling quite bad when I see or hear certain things on the news.  It really effects me.  Even to the point where I wont watch much news and make my husband fill me in on whats going on while he buffers for me.   Often times it effects me physically, not just emotionally.   More then a few times I have run to the bathroom literally sick over what I have just seen.  There are even a few Dr. Phil episodes I wont watch.  Course, then I feel like a coward for a bit, but always tell myself it isnt worth it to put myself through that.

So... hyper vigilant?  Could be.  But I lean more towards we just have stronger emotional reactions because of our pasts.  And I dont necesarily think that is a bad thing.  I would prefer stronger emotions then none at all.  :)

Ok, now I am frustrated.  That dang 20 minute rule screwed up the message I was writing and now I am starting over.  They will need to create a new board for all the members who feel like fools for having such a hard time with this new format.   Maybe my username should have been dumb blonde cause I have so much trouble.  I will keep trying to re register my old name, maybe with my DH help I can figure it out.  I'm all for learning new things but it would be nice if they got the kinks out before we fried our brains trying to figure out things that don't even work.  Momisme2 you had paragraphs in one of your posts, I just double space like before.

 

Now if I don't get bumped off cause I take too long to post I want to comment on why we are compassionate with others who have been put thru hell.  I find I have lots of compassion and empathy for people.  Is it because of things I went thru?  Probably but what about the people who get abused and then turn around and hurt someone else the same way?  I find it really weird that while some people learn from what happened to them and would never hurt another person other people turn out to  be the same as their abuser.  My father was an alcoholic and the things our fammily went thru because of it made me want to never put my family thru it.  I can not tolerate drunk people because of it.  So why is it some go completely opposite and stay away from anything related to their abuse while others go right the same direction and still others aren't really effected by it? 

 
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July 29, 2005, 8:51 am CDT

labelfree

Quote From: labelfree

I didn't see that woman but I am not sure if that is the same woman as the one on Donny' D BIG IDEA the other night who was talking about the LOST boy's.  That woman was also brave..  I give her alot of credit too if its not the same person...

 

 

Do any of you all experience this in your life...Please tell me what the heck its called because I was trying to explain this to my husband but really he just DOES NOT GET IT and I even REALLY encouraged him to READ DR. Phil's BOOK and he skimmed through THEN he THOUGHT after finding something he was just able to identify with instead of reading and grasping the WHOLE concept he was Dr. Phil's equal.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

>>Here it is  lets say we weren't sexually abused...we were all involved in an airplane crash..every time we see it on TV <an airplane crash>not because we didn't work out our feelings in TRAUMA therapy....or because.....We see dead bodies.....<an airplane crash>We feel....We feel for the new family's that are effected....We feel......We  see....the airplane devastation.....and for me inside not that I get "CRAZY" because I don't I get sickened...I get saddened...I get...alot of different things...

 

 

Am I not over my airplane crash?  Or do I just have a BIG HEART?  Is this residual effects of abuse...Will this ever go away?  I am speaking of Shasta and her Brother Dillon.  I wasn't Hyper vigilant at my T. V. Screen but I was saying prayers for those kids....And all kids that are abused or kidnapped or taken away!

You have posed some interesting questions.  Since not all people who were abused have sympathy for others I am wondering if it has to do with the level of hurt we experienced and  where we are in our fight to overcome it.  I wonder if people who turn around and abuse others have completely blocked out any feelings they have and so they never understand what they are doing to their victims.  I know I blocked out the feelings I had and never dealt with them until I was older and it makes you a cold person toward what anybody thinks or feels.  Once I started learning and dealing with what happened to me then I felt sad for myself and anybody else who has dealt with this. 

 

The expolygamist girl that I saw confronted her father.  He was really a piece of work, not sure if he is just uneducated or has mental problems.  He told her he didn't remember it being that bad for her and thast she was one of the few that he hadn't hardly done anything to at all.  Then he compared it to checking a herd of cattle to see if they were growing and ready for breeding.  I was very happy for her to face him and it was so easy to see what kind of man he is.

 
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chillin'
July 29, 2005, 9:28 am CDT

momisme2

Quote From: momisme2

  1. YAY!  Im glad you made it!  Was looking on the show boards for you but didnt see you.  Sorry to hear you are having difficulties as well.  I see others have figured out the paragraph spaces but im still not understanding how to do it.  I used to hit enter a couple times and then I had my paragraphs.  That doesent seem to be  working this time.  We will have to figure it out together as it seems the moderators arent answering my q.   Maybe they moderate the boards different as well now? 

Anyhows... is weird to see you with a different user name.   Im so used to Golfallday that bzbluii(now I know I got that wrong ;) is weird for me.  I bet it is because you dont have an email to confirm. 

  1. Its great to see Mj here too!  Glad everyone is slowly but surely finding their way back to the board.  Now we just need to get used to the new format.  Ive had company staying with me and have even more coming on the 5th so I have been busy and havent had much of a chance to read or respond to all the posts.  Sorry if I have overlooked some messages. 

Hope you all have a great day!  (p.s....  im messing with the thingys at top trying to figure the paragraphs so please forgive if this comes up all screwy)

Are you still working on your house?  What a big job you tackled.  I'm always happiest when I have projects to work on and then reach a goal.  Something about being focused on something with hubby makes us feel closer.  You must be so glad to be getting things done especially with guests coming.  I feel like I am running a Bed & Breakfast this summer; we have had lots of company too.  But it has been fun and we enjoy seeing everyone. 

 

My summer has been fun but hectic.  It is so hot there are lightening caused wild fires that caused power outages and our air conditioner fried because of it.  We had to stay in a motel overnight until we could get it fixed.  Then someone frauded our credit card acct. for $4000  That's pretty scary.  I used to think those tv commercials about the guy buying a leather bustiea and not paying for it were so funny but not any more.  Don't know if our acct. numbers were stolen while we were on a trip and using the card for hotels, restaraunts, gas, golf, everything, but they are trying to track it down.

 

Hope you have a nice weekend!

 

I just tried using the spell check and heard a gulp like my computer blocked a pop-up so maybe spell check won't be working for me.  Geez I thought that was a neat feature of this new board too.

 
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July 29, 2005, 1:59 pm CDT

mj

Quote From: mjkkas

     Golfallday! Great to see you here on the board. I found the boards before I got an email, they told me it would show up in the bulk so maybe it got put in your trash or maybe they haven't sent it to you. I got one a week after I had been on the boards.

     I hope all is going well for you! Still haven't seen Solo22, she had to evacuate because of hurricane Emily (I think that is the one) a while back and then the boards were down. I hope she and her family are ok.

     I start therapy on Monday so I am nervous and excited, tough to go through all the feelings I have stuffed inside, but excited because I can go forward.

Hi, thanks for your message. Woo-hoo, glad to hear from you. I was worried about you when you said you were taking a break cause things were getting to you.  Glad you are here and excited for your therapy.  I hope it will help.  They say you have to face the demons and recognize the problem before you can actually move on so good luck. 

 

That's too bad about Solo and the hurricane; compared to that  I feel guilty for fretting over my broken shade tree.  A couple months ago a micro burst wind went thru the neighborhood and busted my tree in half.  All that is left is a 5 ft trunk with no top.  Looks pretty funny.  Oh, well, hubby didn't like that tree anyway and wanted to replace it with something prettier, so maybe he will get his wish.

 

I can't figure out what went wrong with me logging on and no email.  I looked in the junk mail and even when I tried to register a new name I had trouble.  There is a help board; if you go to the top and click on 'need help' there is a list of stuff and at the bottom there is a link to more help.  I have been reading other people's trials too but still can't figure it out.  Oh, well I made it finally so will just keep trying to learn new stuff. 

 
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July 30, 2005, 9:32 am CDT

this sucks

Quote From: mussymel

This new format is really difficult. I've been away from the board for a few days so was trying to catch up and reading from the start is a pain coz the messages are backwards so you have to scroll to the end and then hit to go to the last page and then scroll again!! I know you'd think we all had enough stuff to complain about in our lives!! LOL. I do like that the way the messages are laid out though so that you see the order of things.

 

Anyway (hope that's a paragraph momisme :). I kind of lied just there when I said I was away from the board, I actually logged on a couple of times and started to read but couldn't continue. Sometimes it is too hard. Lablefree I think what you are talking about is the difference between sympathy and empathy. I think we will always empathise with others that go through this s***. This is probably a good thing but sometimes it is really difficult. We all have to learn to protect ourselves from that and know our cut off point. Like I said I couldn't read the board for the last few days coz I've been very depressed lately and sometimes it is just to hard to see other people's pain.

 

Oreo what your mum has done is definitely abuse there is no doubt about that. You might not categorise it as that because of the sexual abuse but she is abusing you physically, mentally and emotionally. She is also controlling you and as Momisme said we lose control to our abusers and that is the hardest thing to regain. This is why people who have been abused can have eating disorders, or self harm and also why we often end up in another bad situation because we just want the control back. I am glad that you met someone you like. You are old enough to date and you've been through enough to make you older then you are. However I would like to say please be careful. Keep your control in the relationship. You are very messed up now and sometimes we turn to someone else that we think will fill a void but it doesn't. Just make sure that everything you do you WANT to do. It has to make you happy. I know that I ended up having sex with my first real boyfriend because I wanted to feel 'normal'. It made me feel worse coz I had done it for the wrong reasons and it was another way that the abuse had effected my life. I also continually looked for someone to love me and if any guy showed me some affection I thought it was love. I was lucky in that this didn't lead me into a bad situation but it very easily could have. Take your time. Work out what you want, be honest with yourself and with him. Remember we are always here to listen. And don't be embarassed about what you said about your mom, she is in the wrong she is your mother and should protect you NOT abuse you. Take care.

Mussymel I just spent the last 21 minutes typing out a message to you and when I went to preview I got bumped off and had to sign in again and the whole message is out there in cyber space somewhere.  There needs to be some kind of warning that my time is up or a way to refresh so that I don't loose what I was posting.  One time I thought I was being smart and hit refresh so that I didn't get bumped and it lost my comment too so guess you can only do that if you aren't in the middle of a post. I wanted to tell you I like what you said to oreo about needing love and filling a void. I will have to come back later cause now I need to get busy in the house before the whole morning is gone.  TTYL
 
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frustrated
July 30, 2005, 10:43 am CDT

Thanks oreo

Quote From: oreo84

grrr. The same thing just happened to me.... My post is now gone, lost out in cyber space with your post. I'll write it again later I guess.

 

Oreo

I was thinking I was having a senior moment or something until you said it happened to you too.  Now I don't feel so bad. lol

 

Moderator, while I am on the subject, what do  I need to do?  Guess I will get a timer and place it next to the computer.  I tried the refresh but it made me lose the post in the middle of writing it.  Please don't tell me to write the post in Word Perfect and copy and paste it, that is nonsense IMO.

Do you guys think we are all computer geeks and can do this stuff easily?  Five yrs ago I didn't even know how to turn the computer on, so I have come a long ways, but this is becoming a test.  This is supposed to be a relaxing, good experience here not a timed race so we have to hurry.  My whole life seems to be hurry to do this or that and I don't like it here too.  Sometimes I like to think about what I am saying to someone and make sure it doesn't come across different than I mean it to.  Sometimes I have to sit back and sort my thoughts, and sometimes I have to look up a word in the dictionary (especially since my controls didn't allow spell check to download)  Well I'm not sure if this is really what I want to say to you on this subject, but I may be nearing the end of the 20 minutes so I will go ahead and post and worry later if I said the right thing.

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:03 pm CDT

mj

Quote From: mjkkas

    Sounds like you are having a heck of a time with the boards, I,m one that kind of goes with the flow and so it hasn't been that frustrating for me.

    I don't understand the thing about the 20 min. security, I have heard others talking about it. I have been on the boards for about 1 1/2 hours and haven't had to log on at all during that time. If I leave and am not on it for a 1/2 hour or so I have to log on, so maybe it is if you have a life (that's making fun of me) and aren't sitting at the computer it shuts you off. Maybe not though where you were in the middle of a post, no sure (confused).

    My spell check works too,  I just have trouble putting double spaces in.

    Good luck to you!

I think this has something to do with standing still and not clicking on anything new.  If you are reading and moving to another page periodically or clicking on a different tab then the clock starts over but when we are creating a post we stay in one spot too long and there is a 20 min clock.  At least I think that's what it is.  I'll just have to pay attention to the clock when I begin a post so that I know if I am getting close.  I just don't like having to hurry or be on a schedule, seems like control to me.  So right now I am putting a disclaimer on future posts.  If they are short, to the point, can't follow what I mean, misspelled words, typos, etc. I will blame it on being timed and hurried, so don't get mad at me.
 
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July 31, 2005, 12:44 pm CDT

momisme2

Quote From: momisme2

I have been reading the new format posts and cant help but giggle.  ;)  I guess im just happy im not the only one whos having problems.  Though, losing posts in the middle of typing them would have me quite annoyed!  I never heard of that before.  Is that intentional too?  Did they add a 20 minute rule or is it just a glitch?  I certainly hope we dont have to type things out in word and then paste 'em.  That would be a pain, as bzbluii(golfallday) said.  Speaking of bzbluii/golfallday, what user name you prefer I use?  And what does bzbluii stand for?  How did you come up with that?  Golfallday was prettey easy to figure(speaks for itself if you ask me) but ive been racking my brain trying to figure out your new user name and keep coming up blank. 

 

Its good to see some more posts from Mussymel!  Even though I was giggling I am sorry youre having so much trouble with the new format.  About the only thing I can say positive about it is I like the faces(this lil naughty one is fun) I did like the font colors until I realized(only took 3 days  HAHA) that it was the problem for my lack of paragraphs,(though they did said they were gonna work on it  that so thats good) and being able to read the responses along with the original posts is pretty good.  Sorta like when you mail and you scroll down to read the orignal mail.  Im finding that a bit easier to keep up with.  On this kinda board anyways.  Im not liking it very much on the show boards though.  I liked when they had it set up that you just read the titles and then clicked if you wanted to read the posts.  That saved me alot of aggrivation cus some posts I have no desire to read.  tehe  But with this new format(speaking of the showboards only) I find that its much harder to scroll through everything. 

 

Just thought I would add my two cents in on the new format.  Oh!  One last thing.  It would be nice if you fixed the title headers so we are able to edit those too.  Thanks!

 

Good to see you back and posting Mussymel!  :)

Hey, I like the little faces too, about the only good thing.  No the 20 minute rule is real not a glitch.  And to edit your title, highlight and delete, that worked for me.  Ok, I am hurrying fast to get this in, I might be close to the end.  LOL  You can still call me golfallday if you want, that is easier I am sure.  I can't believe I stumped you on my user name, giggle, busy blue eyes.  giggle some more. Seems easy when you see it huh?  You can call me about anything you want and I usually answer. 

I really do have to hurry; we are almost ready to leave on a little road trip for a few days.  I am reading everyone's posts and interested in joining, so I will be back soon.  You made me laugh, thanks for that.

 
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August 1, 2005, 6:05 pm CDT

Mothers

Mothers~~~now there's a subject that can really get me going.  When I was a teenager I hated my mother, couldn't wait to get out of that house and out from under her constant "what are you doing, where are you going, you better not be pregnant" blah blah blah  NOt that my mother did any kind of abuse to me like some of you have experienced, unless it falls under emotional abuse, unintentional, but still has it's effects.  She is basically a sweet person but even now I have a difficult time dealing with her.  These days I am helping to take care of her, and some days I do what I have to do and get out of there as quick as I can.  I don't ever remember feeling loved or even hearing the words I love you.  On Mother's Day I have a difficult time buying a card cause I have to look for one that is pretty vanilla, no lovey 'You were the best Mom' kind of thing.  Sad, I know she did her best and sure she does love me and my sibs but we all have a difficult time. I was always so jealous of friends who could talk to their mothers about sex and life, and their mothers took them fun places.  I always got to tag along but my mom was never there.  I was the only girl in the sixth grade whose mother did not come to the Mother/daughter film about growing up.  Boy was I embarassed.  

Now that I am older I am starting to see she wasn't so bad compared to others.  I try my hardest to be there for her now that she needs help, but it aint easy.

 

 

 

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