Messages By: bzbluiii

Hmmmm... now I cant seem to correct the title headers either.  I meant to say Not over it or big heart?  And I still cant figure out the paragraphs!(you have paragraphs.  Fill me in on how you do them?)  So far im not a fan of this new format.  LOL

Back to the subject... I personally think that when people suffer it makes them more aware of others feelings.  You often find those who have suffered greatly are incredibly compassionate and caring and quite in tune with others.  There are those who seem to harden because of it but I think they are the minority.  In my experiences, the more people suffer the more compassion they have towards others.  They have been hurt and do not wish the same on anyone. 

I am like you in feeling quite bad when I see or hear certain things on the news.  It really effects me.  Even to the point where I wont watch much news and make my husband fill me in on whats going on while he buffers for me.   Often times it effects me physically, not just emotionally.   More then a few times I have run to the bathroom literally sick over what I have just seen.  There are even a few Dr. Phil episodes I wont watch.  Course, then I feel like a coward for a bit, but always tell myself it isnt worth it to put myself through that.

So... hyper vigilant?  Could be.  But I lean more towards we just have stronger emotional reactions because of our pasts.  And I dont necesarily think that is a bad thing.  I would prefer stronger emotions then none at all.  :)

I didn't see that woman but I am not sure if that is the same woman as the one on Donny' D BIG IDEA the other night who was talking about the LOST boy's.  That woman was also brave..  I give her alot of credit too if its not the same person...

Do any of you all experience this in your life...Please tell me what the heck its called because I was trying to explain this to my husband but really he just DOES NOT GET IT and I even REALLY encouraged him to READ DR. Phil's BOOK and he skimmed through THEN he THOUGHT after finding something he was just able to identify with instead of reading and grasping the WHOLE concept he was Dr. Phil's equal.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>Here it is  lets say we weren't sexually abused...we were all involved in an airplane crash..every time we see it on TV <an airplane crash>not because we didn't work out our feelings in TRAUMA therapy....or because.....We see dead bodies.....<an airplane crash>We feel....We feel for the new family's that are effected....We feel......We  see....the airplane devastation.....and for me inside not that I get "CRAZY" because I don't I get sickened...I get saddened...I get...alot of different things...

Am I not over my airplane crash?  Or do I just have a BIG HEART?  Is this residual effects of abuse...Will this ever go away?  I am speaking of Shasta and her Brother Dillon.  I wasn't Hyper vigilant at my T. V. Screen but I was saying prayers for those kids....And all kids that are abused or kidnapped or taken away!

1. YAY!  Im glad you made it!  Was looking on the show boards for you but didnt see you.  Sorry to hear you are having difficulties as well.  I see others have figured out the paragraph spaces but im still not understanding how to do it.  I used to hit enter a couple times and then I had my paragraphs.  That doesent seem to be  working this time.  We will have to figure it out together as it seems the moderators arent answering my q.   Maybe they moderate the boards different as well now? 

Anyhows... is weird to see you with a different user name.   Im so used to Golfallday that bzbluii(now I know I got that wrong ;) is weird for me.  I bet it is because you dont have an email to confirm. 

1. Its great to see Mj here too!  Glad everyone is slowly but surely finding their way back to the board.  Now we just need to get used to the new format.  Ive had company staying with me and have even more coming on the 5th so I have been busy and havent had much of a chance to read or respond to all the posts.  Sorry if I have overlooked some messages. 

Hope you all have a great day!  (p.s....  im messing with the thingys at top trying to figure the paragraphs so please forgive if this comes up all screwy)

     Golfallday! Great to see you here on the board. I found the boards before I got an email, they told me it would show up in the bulk so maybe it got put in your trash or maybe they haven't sent it to you. I got one a week after I had been on the boards.

     I hope all is going well for you! Still haven't seen Solo22, she had to evacuate because of hurricane Emily (I think that is the one) a while back and then the boards were down. I hope she and her family are ok.

     I start therapy on Monday so I am nervous and excited, tough to go through all the feelings I have stuffed inside, but excited because I can go forward.

This new format is really difficult. I've been away from the board for a few days so was trying to catch up and reading from the start is a pain coz the messages are backwards so you have to scroll to the end and then hit to go to the last page and then scroll again!! I know you'd think we all had enough stuff to complain about in our lives!! LOL. I do like that the way the messages are laid out though so that you see the order of things.

Anyway (hope that's a paragraph momisme :). I kind of lied just there when I said I was away from the board, I actually logged on a couple of times and started to read but couldn't continue. Sometimes it is too hard. Lablefree I think what you are talking about is the difference between sympathy and empathy. I think we will always empathise with others that go through this s***. This is probably a good thing but sometimes it is really difficult. We all have to learn to protect ourselves from that and know our cut off point. Like I said I couldn't read the board for the last few days coz I've been very depressed lately and sometimes it is just to hard to see other people's pain.

Oreo what your mum has done is definitely abuse there is no doubt about that. You might not categorise it as that because of the sexual abuse but she is abusing you physically, mentally and emotionally. She is also controlling you and as Momisme said we lose control to our abusers and that is the hardest thing to regain. This is why people who have been abused can have eating disorders, or self harm and also why we often end up in another bad situation because we just want the control back. I am glad that you met someone you like. You are old enough to date and you've been through enough to make you older then you are. However I would like to say please be careful. Keep your control in the relationship. You are very messed up now and sometimes we turn to someone else that we think will fill a void but it doesn't. Just make sure that everything you do you WANT to do. It has to make you happy. I know that I ended up having sex with my first real boyfriend because I wanted to feel 'normal'. It made me feel worse coz I had done it for the wrong reasons and it was another way that the abuse had effected my life. I also continually looked for someone to love me and if any guy showed me some affection I thought it was love. I was lucky in that this didn't lead me into a bad situation but it very easily could have. Take your time. Work out what you want, be honest with yourself and with him. Remember we are always here to listen. And don't be embarassed about what you said about your mom, she is in the wrong she is your mother and should protect you NOT abuse you. Take care.

grrr. The same thing just happened to me.... My post is now gone, lost out in cyber space with your post. I'll write it again later I guess.

Oreo

    Sounds like you are having a heck of a time with the boards, I,m one that kind of goes with the flow and so it hasn't been that frustrating for me.

    I don't understand the thing about the 20 min. security, I have heard others talking about it. I have been on the boards for about 1 1/2 hours and haven't had to log on at all during that time. If I leave and am not on it for a 1/2 hour or so I have to log on, so maybe it is if you have a life (that's making fun of me) and aren't sitting at the computer it shuts you off. Maybe not though where you were in the middle of a post, no sure (confused).

    My spell check works too,  I just have trouble putting double spaces in.

    Good luck to you!

I have been reading the new format posts and cant help but giggle.  ;)  I guess im just happy im not the only one whos having problems.  Though, losing posts in the middle of typing them would have me quite annoyed!  I never heard of that before.  Is that intentional too?  Did they add a 20 minute rule or is it just a glitch?  I certainly hope we dont have to type things out in word and then paste 'em.  That would be a pain, as bzbluii(golfallday) said.  Speaking of bzbluii/golfallday, what user name you prefer I use?  And what does bzbluii stand for?  How did you come up with that?  Golfallday was prettey easy to figure(speaks for itself if you ask me) but ive been racking my brain trying to figure out your new user name and keep coming up blank. 

Its good to see some more posts from Mussymel!  Even though I was giggling I am sorry youre having so much trouble with the new format.  About the only thing I can say positive about it is I like the faces(this lil naughty one is fun) I did like the font colors until I realized(only took 3 days  HAHA) that it was the problem for my lack of paragraphs,(though they did said they were gonna work on it  that so thats good) and being able to read the responses along with the original posts is pretty good.  Sorta like when you mail and you scroll down to read the orignal mail.  Im finding that a bit easier to keep up with.  On this kinda board anyways.  Im not liking it very much on the show boards though.  I liked when they had it set up that you just read the titles and then clicked if you wanted to read the posts.  That saved me alot of aggrivation cus some posts I have no desire to read.  tehe  But with this new format(speaking of the showboards only) I find that its much harder to scroll through everything. 

Just thought I would add my two cents in on the new format.  Oh!  One last thing.  It would be nice if you fixed the title headers so we are able to edit those too.  Thanks!

Good to see you back and posting Mussymel!  :)