Quote From: nicleeHi this is Nichole again from the show. My husband and I were the blue team. If you would have told me 6 years ago that Tom and I would have been married today I would have that you were lying to me. Tom and I overcame several obstacles before we got married. I know our relationship is not perfect and I can honestly say that I am 200% a mom. I forget to be a 28 year old woman, and I definitely forget to be a wife. Our life changed upside down when we had our son. I decided to stay home and be a homemaker. This has really changed me. Before, when it was just our daughter, it was easy to find a sitter. Grandma's, aunts, friends, but with two it get harder and more expensive if you have to pay for a sitter. This has slowed down the time that Tom and I spend together. We use to have so much fun, and we could laugh for hours. We had so much in common and I just loved him so much. After our son I feel EXHAUSTED! Being a stay at home mom is busier than any job I have EVER had in the past. It is however the most rewarding. But at the end of the day I'm tired and I'm ready to relax so I do push my husband away. It's not because I hate him, it's because I've had children on my all day long so I just want my own personal space. This has damaged our relationship severely. Dr. Phil told us after the show that we were the inspiration for the trips. I kept insisting that Tom and I do not take out enough time alone together. Tom and I get along very well when we do not have the children. Because, I can be just a wife, and not a mom at that second. Please realize that I believe we argue because of our added stresses, and not because we don't love each other. The trip to California gave us a great opportunity to have time alone, and reflect where our marriage has gone sour. This has also given us the strength to know that we do love each other, we are being selfish when it comes to our children and YES we do love each other. Our feelings for each other have changed over the years. I use to be the one who wanted to be with him so bad, and I would do anything for us to be married. He played me for 3 years, and when I finally picked myself up and realized I will live and be a good mom with or without him, he decided he wanted to be married. We do go through couseling together, obviously not enough. Since we've been married he has been the one who always wants to be with me and I feel like I'm playing with him. I guess you want so badly something you feel you can't get. I know I have told Tom that I regret marrying him, but that has been said out of bitter feelings and retaliation. I always regret it when I say something mean, and I don't even know why it comes out of my mouth. That is why I asked Dr. Phil to help, because we just need advice, counseling, and time to reconnect with each other again. Since this show I feel like I have been in a mourning stage. I am mourning for what I once thought our life was going to be like and now that we see what it is it saddens me. The first step was admitting our flaws, and I'm so proud of my husband to actually admit what he has done was wrong. Tom is a good person, he makes bad decisions and then he always redeems himself. I know our relationship is headed in the right direction because my husband cares enough to say "we need help". We are both in it for the long haul. I hope that we can be on Dr. Phil 10, 20, even 50 years from now thanking him for his help!!
I hope the two of you make a good decision and don't get married just for the children. I do feel that sometimes we made choices for the children instead of ourselves. I know you love your fiancee' and only God will make the right decision. Pray about this and give him your problem and walk away. He will make the right decision. I prayed about our marriage and told God, "there is nothing left I can do alone, please send my marriage in the right direction." Two days later the producers of the show called and asked us to be on the show. I was so shocked and stunned and I realized that God did not give up on our marriage so I couldn't either.
Good luck to you!!
Nichole
I have been happily married for 14 years and am a stay at home of mom of 3. I know what you mean about just needing time for yourself and maybe not wanting to put time into your relationship at the same time your spouse does because you are tired. However, sometimes it can end up being relaxing for you. For example, all of my children have been sick for over a week and my husband was travelling so I was doing everything. We have no family around us to help. My husband called me Friday night and said "Do you want to go out to eat"? He meant all of us because he missed the kids. I almost siad no and told him to take the kids out because I just wanted to sit and relax. But I knew he was trying to do something for me because he thought I would need to get out of the house so I said yes. I did it to not hurt his attempt to take care of me. We ended up having a great time and by the time we got home I was very relaxed. What I am saying is that sometimes we have to really put an effort in to do something for our relationship that at the time we think we don't want to do. Sometimes doing something for the other spouse can trigger a nice relaxed atmosphere that we did not expect. Giving up your time for your spouse can often come back to you as a reward. When I do extra things for my husband I notice that he does more for me.
