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Messages By: lccnanny52

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July 23, 2005, 8:33 pm CDT

Photos of prior relationship

What to do with photos of prior relationship

My daughter was married at 22 and had a baby. The wedding party included many of her younger and distant cousins who loved being in the wedding and getting dressed up in their cute little dresses. Within a couple years, she had an affair with a man who was also married. They both split from their spouses and began cohabitating, and produced a child as well. She is now divorced, but he is not.

We have a family website on a commercial server that is private. All the members of the website are just those on our (and her) side of the family. We use it's message board, upload photos, recipes, etc. It's a great place for the grandparents, too, to keep in touch with all of their children and grandchildren.

When she was first married, I uploaded photos of the wedding to the website, especially since every single personon the website was at the wedding, and someone from each of the families was actually IN the wedding. There's one or two photos of her ex-husband and her with their child.

With her new relationship, we have also uploaded 'family' photos of her with her new boyfriend and their baby.

My problem is, she doesn't want her current boyfriend to see the wedding photos or any picture on the site that includes her ex-husband. She asked me to delete them all. I mulled it over for quite awhile, and had she had no children by her husband, I probably would've obliged. However, her ex-husband is always going to be a part of her life, and ours, because they have a child together. I don't think it's fair to their child -- our grandchild -- to delete or remove any photo just because her ex-husband is in it. I told her I would never display photos of her ex-husband on our walls (and I certainly wouldn't expect her to!), or carry them in our wallets, but to delete them out of our online website (and they are 'buried' way downbecause there's been 100 or so posted since then) or remove them from our personal photo albums at home seemswrong. Their relationship... from when they met, then married, then her affair... lasted about 4 years.

I explained to her that unlesswe marriedour childhood sweetheart, whateverfurther romantic relationship we have is always going to come with a bit of our past relationships, and sometimes a bit of baggage as well. "It was a part of your life. You loved him at one time and have a beautiful child together". She openly admits she's a very jealous individual, and says she hates seeing photos of her boyfriends wife, and says her boyfriend (in his mid-30s) would feel jealous, too, if he saw that we kept those photos on our family website, and that he would think we don't want him as part of the family. (I disagree ... in fact, he even gets along with her ex-husband and sees him frequently when they switch custody of her child) I also explained to her that I had several boyfriends before I met and married her dad, and they're still in my old photo albums. My husband's seen them many times and sees nothing wrong with it.

What does anyone out there think?

Yes I do agree with you. You need to tell your daughter that everyday her new partner sees & is reminded of her past when he looks at her child from that other relationship. So does that mean she is going to delete her child to spare this new guy any bad feelings, of course not so why should you or even her for that matter have to take out pictures that really belong in their just because of this child, that is the child's FATHER making his picture that child's family ALWAYS & FOREVER.

Leave those pictures alone they are part of the child's family.

 
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November 6, 2006, 6:52 pm CST

Key words: THEY and THEM

Quote From: vbreslow

Has anyone, besides me, picked up on the words that Kaylee said in the video, "They" touched my pee-pee, and "I don't want to go with "her": Does anyone beside me thing that the wife is involved somehow?

Yes I have caught those words also. They and Them are the main key words in this whole story. Someone some where, some how is for sure doing something to this sweet little girl.  Do I think this guys wife is involved, Yes I DO  " BIG TIME ". I do have to say that in the beginning I really did not think Jeromy was guilty & now I think he looks, acts and appears guilty but his silent wife who just stares in the air saying not much at all looks and acts just as guilty of something either touching this little girl her self or knowing & trying to protect her husband.  He still may really be not guilty but it sure does not look to good for him right now, so if he is innocent & I did say "IF" he is innocent his only hope is that Dr. Phil can get to the truth & he will. 

 

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