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November 3, 2005, 6:07 pm CST

Some kids do better in a Board and Care homes

I think board and care home situation might be an alternative that should be looked into for this little girl.  Even short term to try out whether a more structure environment brings out better control of her behavior.  This would also give mom time center herself so she feels good about being a mom again.  This is not like a foster home where social workers are in charge Mom would be able to say how much time she spend and how she wants to spend that time.  She would still retain full custody but get some much needed help.   

  

  

  

There are some great board and care homes that provide ridged structure and if chosen correctly I think this little girl would thrive. 

  

  

  

Sometimes when it is not working it’s a good idea to let someone else help out for a while.
 
November 4, 2005, 10:26 am CST

Who are we to judge? Parenting can't be shown in 30 second clips

Step back and pick your 5 worst moments as a parent over the last year and think, if that is what people saw of you, how you would look as a parent?  

  

 

Consider what it feels like to have total strangers sit in judgment of you based on 30 second clips of your worst parenting moments. 

 
November 13, 2005, 12:06 pm CST

That photo is just plain strange

The photo is just plain strange.  Does not look like a human child.  Kind if looks like an alien if you believe in that sort of thing.  It does show good makeup technique but, clearly between the makeup and airbrushing this is not a photo of a human child.  They completely wiped out the contours of her face.  Does her mom not think she if pretty enough without warping her features or is this her moms warped idea of what a child should look like?   

 
November 13, 2005, 7:09 pm CST

Glamor Shots at the age of 5 your kidding right?

Quote From: mosmom

It is no Different than you going to a studio and having Glamour shots done!  They are just trying to enhance their natural beauty!  And look at actors media pictures they are touched up like this!

Well if your talking about taking 5 year olds to photo studios and spending $500 on glamor shots as being a normal thing to do your not living on the same planet as me.  I have never seen photos where they completely airbrush out the contours of the face like this one.   

  

This poor little girl must have a very odd sense of herself if this is considered to make her look pretty.  When she looks in a mirror with out the makeup and airbrushing what does she think of herself?   

  

If I dressed a 5 year old boy up with make up and heals would that be ok too?   

  

We are talking about apprentice human beings here.  How can we expect kids being taught that vanity is so important turn into caring compassionate human beings? 

  

 

I think if mom want to play with dolls then let them but they should not treat their children like fashion dolls. 

  

 
November 15, 2005, 5:14 pm CST

I don't buy it you are in control of your behavior

Quote From: alooha

Aloha, 

  

How do you know if you are that annoying family member? My husband's family is quite and doesn't like to be touched. My family is the opposite ... we laugh,  talk loud,  and hug a lot. Now I can not be like them and they can not be like me so how do I know if I get on their nerves?  

  

Aloha, 

  

Hula Girl Leilani 

"Now I can not be like them" 

  

 

 

  

 

Being loud and outgoing is a behavior that you can control.  Self control and being reserved is considered polite in some circles and when you are with them you should act accordingly.  Just because you act like you’re at a football game around your family does not mean you can't use self control elsewhere. 

  

 

 

  

 

It is a serious cop out just saying you have no self control.

  

 

  

 
November 19, 2005, 9:21 am CST

Spanking is not discipline or punishment

The only thing spanking or any negative physical contact does is get the kids attention.  This will lose its effectiveness if used too often and probably not necessary for most kids. 

  

 

 

  

 

Discipline always leaves kids empowered to do better next time otherwise it is just parents blowing off steam.  A parent has to approach the situation in a calm and composed manor or discipline does not happen.  Many parents forget the discipline all together as soon as they have the kid’s attention and have blown off steam they move on.  This is why so many kids are out of control these days.  There are lots of completely undisciplined kids that get hit and yelled at on a daily or weekly basis.

  

 

  

 

Do I ever hit or yell at my kids?  Yes. 

  

 

Do I do it weekly?  No

  

 

Do I do it monthly?  No

  

 

Do I do it yearly?  Probably but, hoping to do better.

  

 

  

 

It would be nice to go a whole year and approach every problem calm and composed and objectively.  This is my goal.  I have not reached it yet but I do better every year.  As my kids get older they give me a bit more personal space and it is just easier.  I can do it at work but at home it is much harder.  Probably because my relationships at work are not as intense.  I cannot just leave the house when I’m angry (single parent kids too young).  I do go on timeouts at least weekly.  It works better for me to go on timeout then my kids.  Of course it would help a get deal if my kids would not ignore me when I’m calm and composed.  I just have to get better at following through while in a calm composed state but then again when they know I'm angry they stop and stand at attention.  I guess I have to figure out how to make my kids understand I'm at the limit while in a calm composed state. 

 

I guess that is a question for the good DR.  How do you get your kids attention and have them understand they have pushed the limits while you are calm and composed? 

  

 

  

 
November 20, 2005, 12:38 pm CST

You are so right. Fondling is not a good terms for this.

Quote From: judyblue22

I HATE the use of the word "fondling" for sexual abuse of children.  The word arises from loving relationships between adults- defn: to show fondness or affection by caressing.   

  

What adults do when they sexually abuse children is NOT fondling! 

I agree.  Fondling is not a good word to use for this.  There is nothing loving about this. 
 
November 20, 2005, 1:17 pm CST

Statistics show it is pretty much almost always men.

Quote From: biscotti75

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil 

  

There is a lot of sexually abused young girls and boys that were abused by women. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault The truth in that is the women get off with lighter sentences then the men do. Read the statistics if you don't believe me. Abuse is abuse, no matter what gender is performing the disgusting act! 

It is a relatively rare instance where the molester is a woman and an even rarer instance where the victim has not passed through puberty and does not claim to be consenting to the relationship.  

  

  

 
November 21, 2005, 11:51 am CST

14 is very young to be dating

Quote From: pel_reg

My daughter is a very thoughtful, sensitive & well-adjusted 14 yr old teen. Unlike her older brother, I have had few issues with her. Now though, I find myself wondering what to do. I have allowed her to date, but told her my misgivings about it. One of my greatest concerns was that, while she dated, she continue to see old friends, do regular activities etc., and of course school cannot suffer.  

  

She began dated a very nice young man (also 14 yrs old) at the end of September, and my concerns are being validated. My husband and I have restricted their time together to the weekends only but they are together all weekend, go to the same school, and even have the same English class; so see a lot of each other. However, we recognize how teen hormones are raging, so never give them the opportunity to be alone, though we also know that there is nothing they can't get around. Everything is about her boyfriend and we are "treating her like a five yr old!"  

  

She and I are very open with each other and I take every opportunity to put her current experiences into context for her and to ensure that she learns from every experience.  

  

Of course, now they in love and plan to be together forever. I'm left struggling with the questions; do I have her go on birth control; do we continue to restrict their time alone & the amount of time together; is she missing out on critical life experiences; ??????? 

  

I'd love to hear some different perspectives and opinions........ 

14 seems very young to be dating even if it includes parental chaperone.  Your concerns are valid.  Kids this age have raging hormones awaking sex drive and tend to get overly obsessed with each other if given too much time alone.  I think requiring both group dating and parental chaperone does help along with planned activities.  There should be activities which she is both able to include her boyfriend and ones that are family only and others that are for her girl friends.  Keep her busy with things that don’t include boyfriends such as: Dance classes. Girl Scouts, 4H, Music Lessons, Church youth groups, Community Service groups, Baby Sitting, sports or volunteer work.   If all else fails get her a new puppy or a kitten(just kidding):).   

  

Now that you have let the genie out of the bottle you have a fight on your hands to pull it back without making it seem like a punishment. 

  

 

  

 

 

 

 
November 21, 2005, 3:05 pm CST

Its not the kids. The parents set the tone for the relationship.

You can’t blame the evil step kids; the bottom line is the parent sets the tone for the relationship.  If kids are walking all over the stepparent then the parent is 100% responsible.  Stepparents cannot enforce rules or enforce discipline that is the parent's responsibility.   A parent who will not ensure their kid's treat their stepparent with respect is doomed to repeat another failed marriage.  Any parent who brings in a stepparent in to their kids lives has to accept responsibility for ensuring that both the kids and stepparent are capable of handling the changes to their lives.  

  

I don't know why people remarry when they have teens anyway.  Why not wait until the kids move out? 

 

And who has time to date and fall in love if they are focused on raising kids anyway? 

 

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