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Messages By: iamdada

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July 23, 2005, 12:44 am CDT

Breaking Up

do you not trust your husband?...unless you think she is a serious threat to your daughter, I dont see the problem...and in fact, it is better that they meet than wait until their relationship is more serious and then meets her...and why are you listening to your husbands emails? He has found someone new, and as hard as that may be to accept, you have to learn to deal with. If I met someone new who I really loved, and it sounds like he may, the last thing I would want is for my ex to meet her after such a short time together. I would let your husband decide on when the daughter can meet new girls...I would definitely refrain from making the decision myself.

you need to give up on controlling him.  you probably couldn't control him when you where with him, so what makes you think you can control him now?  get a darn life.  it doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong to me.  he is moving on with life and you should try doing the same thing.  how did you hear his voicemail?  are you such a control freak that you hack his voicemail and email and ....?  no wonder he doesn't want you to meet her.

 
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August 25, 2005, 10:33 pm CDT

Time to vent!

I posted many messages on the old board, but here is a recap of my situation.  I caught my wife cheating on me in July of 2004 (that prepaid calling card just didn't make any sense - we had long distance service...).  So anyway, she said she would end it, but didn't.  I made her move out.  I got the house, custody of our son (4 atm) and child support.  

I recently started dating an awesome new woman (I am 35, she is 39).  My exwife took it hard (she thought that we would get back together??? yeah right).  I thought that I had the perfect revenge, but then....   

I first want to throw out a comment about dating someone new.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would ever be able to trust someone new.  I am very happy to say that I was wrong.  I am dating an awesome, highly trustworthy woman.  I almost want to thank my ex-wife for ruining our marriage and letting me find someone way better than she ever was....  but that isn't the point of this post...   

Here is the kicker..  Before I married my wife we both got tested for STIs (STDs).  We had nothing.  My girlfriend and I want to lose the comdoms, so we both got tests ran.  I just found out that I have genital herpes.  Apparently 22% of adults have it and a large percentage of them do not know they have it.  It is a blood test that is 99.99% accurate.  It is real, I have it.  My cheating ex-wife gave me genital herpes (HSV-2).  !$#&^%$%$#@%$#@   

My girlfriend came showed up at my house about 1.5 hours after I found out (she called from the driveway).  She knew something was wrong, so I just told her flat out.  She is going to do research about it before she decides what to do (she is a nurse).  

It isn't fair!  That cheating butt-head ruined our marriage by having an affair.  She made me cry like a little kid.  I am trying to move on with life and now I find out that I have genital herpes.  I can pass it on to others even if I don't have symptoms and I use condoms.  I wish that I could press charges against her and send her to prison for the things she did.  This sucks.  I might lose this person because of what my ex-wife did.  

Does the destruction caused by a cheating spouse ever end?  Isn't it bad enough that I will always have to question things I shouldn't ever have to question (emotionally)?  !#@%   

 
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August 26, 2005, 8:53 am CDT

A herpes primer for all

Quote From: juballl

That's a tough thing to learn, but I think it admirable that you were smart enough to do the test! Hopefully this new woman in your life will find it in her heart to deal with the situation. I had never heard one could contract it even using a condom. This is good news to pass on to the boards.  Where did you get your information about still being able to pass it on, even with a condom? Are you sure this is valid?  

  

I hope, as I am sure all reading does, that things work out with you and your new love. It would be a tough loss after all you have been through. The only consolation is that it is not a deadly disease, and there are medications to help suppress, as I am sure you have seen the commercials on television. That is truly a sad thing, and again I hope your new love will come around and with the use of condoms, I would think the chances of passing it along would be lessened. 

  

There may be the ability for you to bring a lawsuit against your ex-wife. Check with a lawyer, as after having to deal with her infidelity, she would deserve having to compensate you for it, and with your prior test showing you were clean at one point in time, maybe it would be possible. Check with a lawyer. I doubt you could send her to  prison, but it would be sweet to get a check from her each month for giving you this disease from an affair! If you do check with a lawyer, and are able to bring charges, let us know, as there may be others on the boards that have experienced the same situation, and what better way to make others think, before they go giving their bodies to whomever? 

 

Good luck, and I am sure there are lots of us not only rooting for you, but having a good thought for you as well. 

You can get genital herpes even if you use condoms.  I was referred to the westoverheights website by my doc.  I quickly discovered that (1) 22% of adults have herpes-2 (2) 70-90% don't know they have it, but can spread it (3) it is a virus that lives in the nerves and comes out in the general genital area (4) outbreaks can happen anywhere that would normally be covered by a pair of boxer shorts (5) outbreaks are extremely contageous (6) the skin area where a person normally has outbreaks is often contageous even if there are no symptoms - 5 to 10% of the time (7) the virus spreads thru the skin (8) even with condom use there is a chance to spread the virus when there are (or are not) symptoms because of shedding (skin cells containing active virus at surface of skin).    

    

In my particular case, I do not appear to have outbreaks at all.  The cold hard facts are that my girlfriend will have about a 10% chance of getting the virus from me if we are together for 1 year.  If we use condoms then the chance is reduced, but it isn't very clear as to how much it will be reduced because it depends on where my skin is contageous when I am shedding (which I do not know because I don't get symptoms)....  The medicine advertised on tv says that it will reduce the chance of spreading by 50%.  That still seems like a pretty big chance to take.    

    

If your spouse is cheating, odds are that 1 in 4 people the cheat with have genital herpes.  Since it is estimated that for every time a spouse is caught having an affair, there where actually 3 different affairs, ...  that gives you a 75% chance that your spouse has come in contact with the virus if you catch them having 1 affair.    

 
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September 2, 2005, 3:40 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: kuku4u2d

I have been married for 9 1/2 years and have never had and affair or even thought about it but lately their is this guy at work who has caught my eye. We talk and spend time together but that is as far as it has gone. I know for a fact that a few years ago my husband did have an affair. sometimes  i think if I do something with this guy my husband deserves it because he did it to me . Am I crazy or what. I just don't know . I trully feel that in my heart I would never do anything because I believe in my vows and I value my marriage and what it means. We have been together for 15 years. I just don't know if I should tell my husband that I am talking with this other man. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have a friend of the opposite sex that you are attracted to and that you have conversations with.  Sounds like you are already having an affair.  An affair isn't having sex with someone else, an affair is building up a relationship with someone.  The sex is just part of the process.  

   

Do not justify an affair by saying that "if he wouldn't have done x then this wouldn't have happened".  There is no real justification.  You can come up with reasons, but I am sure that your husband could do the same thing (if he didn't try to justify what he did several years ago).  It isn't real justification, it is just an attempt to make yourself feel better about what you did (or may do).  

   

You should never have a hidden friend.  Either tell your husband that you have a friend, or stop having the secret friend.    

   

Lastly, go to marriage builders dot com and start working thru the exercises there.  Spend time alone and with your husband working on improving your marriage.  

 
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September 2, 2005, 4:18 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: notthesame

  I have been married to my wife for 20 years and love her to death. We have a man and his wife and 4 kids as our family friends for about 3 years now. We always go over and cook out or just hang out and there kids hang with ours etc....taken vacations together as families etc. I noticed my wife being more friendly with this guy than i tough was normal. I asked her about it several times and she said i was crazy and I would have "nothing to worry about" with him. This went on for at least a year or so and i still pestered her about it and sometimes we would argue about there closeness. They chatted on line all the time, played games and left message all the time in a gaming website etc. I used some software a few times to see what they were typing to each other. It was just real personal stuff like "kids are at school now" and "i just woke up" and "hope you have a wonderful evening" and stuff like that. a few months ago i recorded my own phone line one day to see who was calling and what they were saying while i was at work. I listened that night to my wife telling her best friend about her being "his other woman" and "how i really should end it, but don't really want too"!! When confronted she admitted to the "love affair" and having sex several times secretly during the day with our family friend! I told his wife and she got mad but is right back with him (they have 4 kids!).  I am totally ruined by all this...my life is shot to me. My wife has done the worst thing to me she could have by doing this. We are still together (i have 2 girls) and we have been to a few marriage counseling sessions. She has cut it off  with him (she says) and we have not spoke to them in 3 months since i have found out. She says she was going to end it and i would have never know but i found out. I fell so terrible everyday thinking about my wife sneaking off and having sex and feelings for this other man. She acts like its no big deal, and just wants to never talk about it again. It consumes my every waking moment even 3 months later! I feel as if i have lost the love of my life, she has chosen another, and i am just wanting to go away forever but the pain will always be there no matter what happens. She blames me for being mean to her and the kids and it "pushed her away" so this is what happens. This is so terrible to me....I'm 45 and have never felt worse in my life because of this. She scours websites (including this one) to see if i post messages or profiles on dating websites to see if I am looking for another woman. That is the last thing in the world i want. I love her more than words cans say and always have, but with this event i don't know if i can go on anymore with this cancer consuming my brain everyday (bad thoughts of those 2 having sex) etc. They fell in love, i asked the other man on the phone and he said he loved her. It was a long time courting then they finally took action and where going off on meetings and lunches and dates and then finally many sexual encounters. This too much for me to forgive and think about everyday and it has been 3 months! What to do? Help me think straight...i have to girls to think about.

I was crushed when after my wife admitted her affair.  I never got over it.  Our marriage was ruined.  I could never trust her again.  Sex didn't feel special with her anymore.  I used to like having sex with her, but after the affair, all I could think about was her having sex with him.  It consumed me.  The thought of her talking on the phone and emails to him consumed me.  It ruined us.  

   

I felt like life was over for many months.  I was very depressed.  I was trying very hard to deal with the issue and figure out why it happened.  She was trying very hard to make it dissapear and tell me that it was my fault.  It wasn't my fault.  I realized that it had very little to do with me.  I got sad, she got mad.  She said that our problem was that I 'just had to keep digging'.  She told me that she was going to end it (and that it was pretty much over when I found out).  She didn't think that the affair caused a problem, it was just me (because of the way I reacted to the affair).  

   

I asked her to move out a few times and she finally did.  I wanted my son, so I never left.  (side note here - the person that has the kids when you get seperated usually gets to keep the kids.  the judge assumes that the parents make an unconscious decision when they seperate and that the kids usually stay with the parent that should have custody anyway.)  I have custody of our son.  After she moved out, I realized that we would never be together again.  I accepted it.    

   

Several months after she moved out, she wanted back.  She thought that we would just be apart for  a while and then I would beg her to come back.  It didn't really start to sink in until she got served with the divorce petition.  It hit her like a ton of bricks and she wasn't mad anymore, she was suddenly devistated.    

   

My depression had ended and I was moving on with life.  I took care of the divorce and came to the decision that the best revenge would be to move on and be happy.  I put a personals ad on craigslist for my area and said just that.  I put a picture up, described myself and then wrote a short blurb about moving on with life (I even wrote that it was the best revenge I could think of) and wanting to meet new friends.  It was about 1am when I wrote that ad.  I got up the next morning (Saturday) and checked my email.  My email was flooded with responses.  I was a bit overwhelmed.  I actually had to remove my ad about 16 hours after posting it because I got so many responses.  I met several great women and I am dating 1 in particular that is 100 times the woman that my wife was.  

   

My life is much better than it was when I was with my ex-wife (and I thought it was good when I was with her).  The only negative thing is the subject that I posted a bit about on this board...  testing (+) for genital herpes because of her cheating behavior.  

   

Trust your gut here and do what it tells you to do.  If I could go back in time to the day I first discovered the affair, I would skip the entire process of trying to salvage our marriage.  I would just pack a couple of bags for my son and I and move out.  I feel like the months that I stayed and tried to make things work just made the pain of the whole thing last longer.  

   

Life will go on for you.  Life will be good again.  You will be happy again.  She isn't worthy of your love.  She knows it and that is why she scours the boards looking to see if you are looking for someone new.  

 
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September 2, 2005, 4:37 pm CDT

deleted posts?

Are they deleting posts from this board?  I read a response to a post and then it disappeared from the board.  I have also posted some that are not here...  Does anyone know?  

 
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September 6, 2005, 11:57 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: juliew1969

I am 37, married 11 yrs, with 5 kids.  14, 11, 6, 4, 9mo.  My hubby and I have our own small construction company with about 5 or 6 workers.  I have always been around the workers even worked with them on many, many occasions.  I have a very strong wonderful marriage and can not understand what in the world is happening to me now.  After all these yrs and the trials that we’ve gone thru, and believe me there were a lot, I never was attracted to anyone but him.  Until now.  My hubby and I have been living in a 2 bedroom single wide trailer all these yrs and we are finally building a house on the same property we live on now.  We are hiring ourselves for a lot, most, of building this house, so our workers are out here a lot.  We hired a new guy earlier in the yr and he turns out to be the best worker we've got, dependable, responsible, early on the job, late leaving, and his workmanship and ingenuity is just what the company has needed for quite awhile. On the many days that they were working on our house the majority of the time he was the last one left working and we would find ourselves the only two there.  I would talk to him just like I would have talked to any one of the rest of the guys, but eventually I had to admit to myself that I was more attracted to him then I would just go around telling someone about, but I still wasn’t concerned about it because I never dreamed it would ever be anything more then just a casual attraction.   In addition to me being very happily married and gratified in every aspect of our marriage, the fact that he was also married and 10 yrs younger then me made me feel very secure in that assumption.  Over the last few months, however, he started saying more and more things that seemed to be leading until one day he out and told me how he felt.  By this time I felt very much the same way, but still just ignored everything about what was going on including blowing off what he had said as just joking.  I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that I still thought I could handle.  Keep in mind that to me I was thinking this was just a simple attraction as I am still madly in love with Hubby.  If I had made a big deal of it not only would we lose our best worker but he would lose his job.  And would hubby act irrational and maybe do something more then just fire him.  No, it was better to just keep it to myself.  The problem is that if you fast forward the picture to were I am at now, I have began talking with him secretively on the phone every chance I get, I think about him all the time, I’ve become deceptive about some of the reasons I have done things (something that I have never ever done before with hubby) and its recently created a situation that led to him kissing me, and me kissing back.  Only about a 10 second kiss before I pulled away and left immediately.  But still.  I can not understand how I can feel like this and still love my husband so much.  What in the world is wrong with me?  Could it be some mid life crisis or something?  And how in the heck do I handle it?  I know at this point I am just asking for trouble, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t know if I have the self discipline and will power enough to stop it from were it’s already went. 

It sounds like you have really let yourself get into a jam.  I think the biggest thought in my mind is...  Are you willing to give up everything you have with your husband over this?  Guys are wimps about this stuff.  We do not like to share.  A man is much more likely to leave his wife due to her having an affair than a woman is to leave her husband if he has an affair.   

    

Pretty much every person that has an affair thinks that they will never get caught.  You are having an affair (by my standards).  You better sit down and think about where you will be 1 year from today if your husband catches you having an affair.  A single mom with 5 kids hoping to get some childsupport and help from a small business owner....  You will have your hands full with the kids.  Imagine how your friends life will change after he gets fired, beat up and then his wife finds out why....  All of those great qualities that you listed about his work will seem very pointless.   

    

Your will power should be easy to get.  Just think about what it will be like when your husband leaves you and tells you that he hates you.  If you truely love your husband, stop what you are doing.  What you are doing behind your husbands back isn't love.   You should consider letting your friend go (his job).  He might be a great worker, but which is more important?  Your marriage or the construction company..  

    

I think that it is very normal to be attracted to others and it is nice to get attention from others, but you need to know where to draw the line.  Make an informed decision about this.  Get your priorities straight.  Stop spending time on the phone with the other guy.  Spend time talking to your husband instead.   

 
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September 7, 2005, 6:04 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: juliew1969

I don't think your full of it.  I think that is very good advice.  Advice I would have given somebody else if they had come to me with the same situation.  Only I feel like I've been tested and failed miserably.  I know, try, try again.  It's just that I can't understand why now, after all these yrs.  It's not like I haven't been hit on before and it's just not like me.  For sake of this conversation I am going to be direct and throw false modesty aside.  I guess I could be considered attractive and so this is not the first time that I have had a guy have a crush or lust after me.  It's just the first time that I started liking/lusting back.  WHY?????  The ironic part of this is that I am a religious person and this is killing me for knowing how bad I am.  LIke I said I feel like what if I am being tested?  It's easy to be good when there is no temptation.  I always thought of myself as a good, honest, loyal, wife because I acted that way.  But that was only because it had nothing to do with my own will power.  Man, I know I am rambleing now.  I think I'm completely losing it.  He just called as I write this and I can not believe that I sat and talked with him again.  All the time telling myself and him that I needed to hang up.  How seriously do I take my vows, how important is self respect and dignity, character and moral fiber to me?  I don't know anymore!!  Dose it sound to anybody else like its important to me?  I am miserable.  Why in the world is this happening? 

The devil doesn't change, people just become more accepting of him.  There have always been temptations in your life.  You have chosen to ignore them before.  Why are you choosing to allow this temptation now?    

   

You need to do something now.  You need to stop talking to him.  If you can't do it alone, then ask for help from a close friend (perhaps even your husband).  My mind is boggled here.  Why don't you just stop?  Why don't you just say no?  I don't care how tempted you are.  I don't care if the sound of his voice makes your toes tingle.  STOP.  

   

Where is your husband when all of this is going on?  If he works for your husband then is he calling you from a job?  Is your husband gone all of the time?  How do you have the time to talk to this guy on the phone alot if he works for your husband?  

   

Have you gone to marriage builders website and done the emotional needs exercise?  You should be spending your time trying to figure out how to get closer to your husband, not thinking about and talking to some other guy.  

   

You are allowing this to happen because you are open to it.  You seem to want it.  You need to decide how bad you want it.  I can't really give you anymore advice about this.  What do you want to hear?    

 
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September 7, 2005, 7:19 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: juliew1969

I don't think your full of it.  I think that is very good advice.  Advice I would have given somebody else if they had come to me with the same situation.  Only I feel like I've been tested and failed miserably.  I know, try, try again.  It's just that I can't understand why now, after all these yrs.  It's not like I haven't been hit on before and it's just not like me.  For sake of this conversation I am going to be direct and throw false modesty aside.  I guess I could be considered attractive and so this is not the first time that I have had a guy have a crush or lust after me.  It's just the first time that I started liking/lusting back.  WHY?????  The ironic part of this is that I am a religious person and this is killing me for knowing how bad I am.  LIke I said I feel like what if I am being tested?  It's easy to be good when there is no temptation.  I always thought of myself as a good, honest, loyal, wife because I acted that way.  But that was only because it had nothing to do with my own will power.  Man, I know I am rambleing now.  I think I'm completely losing it.  He just called as I write this and I can not believe that I sat and talked with him again.  All the time telling myself and him that I needed to hang up.  How seriously do I take my vows, how important is self respect and dignity, character and moral fiber to me?  I don't know anymore!!  Dose it sound to anybody else like its important to me?  I am miserable.  Why in the world is this happening? 

I thought about it for a bit and came up with something different.  Whenever there is a situation that I do not like in my life, I make a plan and try to fix it.  If I need advice from someone else, I ask and then I work of fixing the problem....  

   

You are asking for advice, but you are not taking it.  You are saying that the advice you are getting on this board is good, but you are not using it.  What is the problem?  

   

You have hit one of my pet peeves in life.  I hate it when someone gets into a bind, asks for advice and then does nothing.  It actually makes me mad.  Why do people complain about the situation they are in (which is usually something that they created), then ask for advice and then do nothing.  Don't complain about a problem that you created unless you are going to do something about it.  Don't whine and say that you do not know what to do.  You know what to do.  You know that you are making bad decisions.    

   

What else is going on?  Are you doing drugs?  Are you drinking?  Are you addicted to drinking your bath water?  This whole situation makes no sense to me.  JUST DON'T DO IT.   It is that simple to me....   DON'T DO IT.  I wouldn't do it.  I never did it.  Your marriage will self destruct within 2 years (statistically backed statement).  Are you 2 or are you a responsible adult.  You have actually made statements similar to what my wife said about her affair.  Look where it got her.  She only hears from the guy that she was messing around with at about 10PM the nights that he comes to town.  "Hi, I am at the hotel tonight if you want to come and see me."  She has been reduced to a 10pm booty-call.  She told me that she "had feelings for him".  Now she has began to figure out that he is just after one simple thing and she was stupid enough to give it to him.  

   

Grow up.  Stop whining about the situation you are creating.  Deal with it.  Fix the problem.  Please do not ask for my advice again unless you stop talking to him.  

 
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September 8, 2005, 7:34 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: juliew1969

Harsh, but well deserved and noted.  I’m going to respond to this quote and the previous, as well, in this post.  There are no drugs or drinking involved.  A high stress level, but that’s been a norm for many yrs now.  In fact I can’t help but realize that I have said these very same things to my brother in law who drinks entirely to much.  Just stop.  Just don’t do it.  Just Quit.  I believe I will never say those things to him again.  Things are always easier said than done, especially when your saying it to somebody else’s problem.  In answer to your question of Why?  I DON’T KNOW, that’s the problem.  Along with you, I also like to find the problem and then have a plan to fix it.  In a previous note that I posted that you may not have read I mentioned that I feel I’m filling up on something that I’m getting right now that I didn’t know I was missing.  Is that Selfish?  YES, undeniable.  But, I don’t just want to stop doing this, I want to know why I’m feeling this way so that I will stop wanting to do wrong.  Does that make sense?  With this I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming my husband for not giving me something. I most defiantly am not. I know he is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and that he dose everything a husband should do.  When I asked for advice I guess I was hoping for someone to come back with some psychological mumbo jumbo with some insight as to why I would want to do this to begin with.  That way I would have something to work with to try to change the root of the problem.  You were wrong in saying that I had been tempted before and just hadn’t acted on it before.  That was a little presumptuous of you, don’t you think?  How would you possibly have knowledge of something like that?  With all do respect, your advice “just stop” was a little lacking, not that it wasn’t good advice,  I was just expecting more due to what seemed such well thought out advice on your other entries.    I considered ritehere’s advise (thank you very much, by the way) about getting away.  Maybe visiting my mom who lives out of state.  I even talked to Hubby about it who said if I needed this he would handle it, but truthfully with everything that I would leave him with if I did that, seems almost as selfish.  I guess I’m still thinking that I can handle this situation, by that I mean by just going on with everything the same as before he(other) told me how he felt.  Maybe that’s were I’m making my mistake.   See, in answer to more of your questions like where is my husband.  We run more then one job at a time.  Usually 3 or 4.  He stays moving all the time, as do I.  I deliver materials and take care of payroll and books.  Other calls me with hrs and job updates so there is a lot of contact on a business level, which turns into casual conversation. (not so casual any more, I know)  As far as the time issue, your right,  I have very little time.  For anything.  And I believe that the fact that I do put my mom/wife duties in front is the reason this problem hadn’t advanced further and faster then it has.  I think I was fooling myself about it not being a big deal until “the kiss”.  Then it was obvious I had a problem.  I have read in other posts that you have written about how women blame the affair on the man not doing something in the marriage, and while I agree that most of the time that is not true, have any of you ever wondered WHAT IS IT that dose make people cheat.  Other then just calling them an assortment of well chosen names?  Is it truly that all the women are whores and all the men are just players?  I really want to know.  Even if I were to never ever utter another word to other, I would still want to know why this has happened and what is wrong with me?    Or is it that I just need to accept that I should start applying those names to myself?

  

 

I have this opinion....  The difference between a cheater and a faithful person is that when tempted one of them will say no and one will not.  Being attracted to someone else doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you.    

   

I had to call my GF and ask her about this issue.  She had the same response as I do.  I asked her if she was ever tempted while she was married.  She said yes.  She told me a story of a guy that pursued her.  She had to stop talking to him and avoid him.  She made a choice.  She admitted right up front that it was very intoxicating to have someone pursue her, but she steered clear of the situation.  

   

Several years ago I worked with a woman that I found incredibly attractive.  She was single and we talked a bit at work (but in a very casual work tone).  She started to make statements that made if obvious that she was fishing for more.  I told her that I was married.  She asked me out to lunch, I said no.  She asked me out to a movie, I said no.  Keep in mind that I thought that she was hot.  She worked out alot and she looked good.  One day she saw me walk into a storage room.  She followed me into the room and shut the door.  She then told me flat out that she wanted me right then and there.  I can remember being shocked that she was so forward.  All I did was look at her and chuckle.  It was very flattering and I liked the attention.  She then walked up in front of me, dropped onto her knees and started to unzip my pants.  Holy cow, talk about temptation.  It was very difficult to stop what was about to happen, but I did.  I reached down and pushed her hands away, fought my way past very aggressive hands and got out the door.  I clearly told her that it better never happen again (even though I was dying inside because I wanted to rip her clothes off).  The point is...  I said no even when my body was aching to say yes.  People do say no.  It isn't just that people cheat because they have opportunity.    

   

Temptation can strike at anytime.  It is completely normal to be attracted to others.  It is completely normal to want others.  It is completely normal to want to be around others.  It is very normal to crave the attention that we do not get in a long term relationship.  Do you think that your husband has never been tempted?  Do you think that he has never been attracted to others?  Have you gone to the marriage builders website yet?  It really does have some great things there.  

   

Is it just as tempting to a faithful person?  Yes.  Do faithful spouses get attracted to others?  Yes.  A faithful person just goes that extra million miles and says no.  Reading your responses (and I have read everything that you have written on these boards) actually makes me sad.  I can remember that for a time I sort of gave up on relationships and decided that people are just cheaters and that is all there is to it.  I pondered about it for a while and decided that if I say no, then there must be others that say no also.  Do you think that Dr. Phil would say no?  I would venture to say that he has probably had a fair number of women make moves on him.  I bet he always says no.  I say no.  My GF said no.  Others I know have said no.  I have to say that a large number of people appear to say yes though.  I still have faith and trust that some people will say no.  I have faith that my GF will say no.  

   

Marriage takes work.  Everyone has heard that statement again and again, but most people don't work at their marriage.  You have to decide if you want to work on your marriage or work on this other brewing relationship.  This is your wake up call.  Wake up now or choose to drift back into this dream.  Keep in mind that this dream is just a dream and that reality will be different when you awaken.  

 

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