Messages By: ladyteal28

I really thought that when I reached that ripe old age of menopause it would be wonderful after many many many years of entense monthly pain that I would have for two weeks out of every month..  Well I was wrong.   It seem to all start after I quit smoking, which I don't miss one little bit.  It really was the best thing I ever did for myself.    I was feeling so great that year but by August of that same year,  the pain started.  It started with a numbness/ tingle in my big toe  moving up to my hips and legs, putting me being in so much mindnumbing pain, ( and I thought 36 hours of hard labor with my first son was bad).   I went to my P.C. P. and he said it was R.A.  without a single test.  After seeing an R.A. doctor I was told no it wasn't  R.A.  I went back to my P.C.P. and he said he never said I had R.A....(well my husband was right there when he said it Was R.A.)  He still continued to misdiagnosed me  a good year or so.  After having a few medcial  tests we still  found nothing, zip, nada.   The last straw was one very early Wednesday morning at 2:30 a.m.  The pain was so intense I got in the shower to try and get some relief.  I stood there until I emptied the entire hot water tank.   I stepped out of the shower crying uncontrollable..... and for a very very brief second I thought just jump out the window...the pain couldn't be any bad than what I was already in.  I knew I had to find  a new doctor or else.  I finally had enough with my P.C.P. and started looking for Someone to help me.  My wonderful daughter-in-law worked in the health field and made an appointment for me to seeone of the doctors she worked with.  After hearing my story she told me she didn't know what was wrong with me but we sure were going to find out.  She has made it possible for me to be out of some of the pain......it isn't half as bad as it was. We it has been a number of years....and we still don't know what it is or was.   The meds I went on..... well some worked, some didn't. 

Now I am learning to deal with depression,  some of it caused by the extreme weight I have gained through all this.  When I walked past a mirror one day, I didn't know who that person was.  We even sold our large home because I was unable to take care of it.  I don't see an end to any of this but I am pushing myself to keep going.   If we could afford it, I would have a face lift.  Not alot of work done.......just my nose so I can breathe normal again and my eye lids because they are over taking my eyes.    I even had to quit my job because of the pain.  One good thing is we took some of the money we got for our home and bought a little mobile home in Florida so I could get out of the snow and cold.   It has made a big difference for me.  I still have some pain...but I am trying to make myself work through it. 

We are also looking into getting my little love bug..... a Yorkshire Terrier.  But then they are very, very expensive to purchase.... so I am looking very hard to find one I can afford that isn't from a puppy mill. 

So as you can read.........and read......... and read.....(sorry I went on and on but I was never one who could shorten a story....lolol)  that is why I would like to have plastic surgery. 

I say a BIG NO to staying with a man who is a cheater.  I am watching my best friend go through hell.  She found out this summer that her husband of over 34 years has been cheating on her for years and years and years.  He used ALL his vacation time for the year to go and meet women he met online.   He is also a big time porn lover. 

For years I have ignored his remarks about a 3some.... now I actualy hate this man.  And the pain his wife and grown kids are going through breaks my heart.  He even had the nerve to tell my best friend that he never really loved her..... I see a women who had worked all her life for her husband and how broken he has made her.  I am always here for her and I tell her that all the time.  I listen and give her a shoulder to cry on and tell her she was the best wife ever, and she was.  He just lost the best thing in his life.  They are now getting a divorce and selling their home that they both worked soooo hard to have.  My B.F. has worked this one job for years and years and it is slowly taking everything out of her.  She hs worked and worked tons of overtime just to keep their head about water while he just continues to add more and more debt with his endless spending, all for himself.  He has opened more credit cards in his name and run them up too....now she is looking at going bankrupt...

To tell you the truth there isn't one man in the world worth giving up your heart too.  I have been married for almost 40 years to a very cold, unaffectionate man....who I have BEGGED for us 'both' to get help.  No he can't be bothered.  He only cares about the kids, and grandkids and spends his retirement in either front of a t.v. or a computer screen.  We retired to travel...and here we sit...day after day.  How sad! 

I would run the other way, if I knew then what I know now.  Life is hard enough....without these selfish men.