Messages By: lidica

Quote From: psychwife2

I am very concerned that you continue to react so strongly to things that are beyond your control. You have enough on your plate without adding your sister in law's issues to your own. I urge you to do something soon. You need to get some help with your anxiety and depression and they aren't going to get better by themselves. You seem to be reaching some sort of crisis point and the longer it goes without treatment, the harder it will be for you to find happiness. And please don't be mad at me for suggesting this...it's just that you are worrying me a bit. Your posts continue to show you spiraling downward and while coming to this board is great for support, I'm afraid we can't do a whole lot to fix things for you. But don't stay away from the board...please continue to keep in touch. This message wasn't intended to suggest that you quit posting. I just really want to encourage you to get a handle on this before your son comes home. The last thing you need is for your ex to start saying you aren't emotionally capable of having your son...and if he plays as unfairly in the custody game as you say he does, he will certainly use it against you.

Please, focus on YOU right now and keep in touch.

Quote From: babszee

I tried 3 times to post this yesterday. Let me try ONE MORE TIME.

I have been batteling depression. There have been times in my life that i "felt" depressed. You know that sinking feeling probally more like the blues. But this time it is totally different.

Over the past 3 years I have been helping a lot of family members mostly with health issuses. I kind of lost myself in it all. I have looked after my mom and so gradually I didnt even realize how much, until I was maniging her total care. in and out of the hospital and finally in a nursing home. My DIL hadthe birht of hersecond child while she had meningitis. I stayed with her for about 2 months until she learned how to care for her children again. mom broke a hip. and had sundowners. Dementia set in and never quite went away. My husband lost his job. I totaled my car and had some back injuries.My sisters husband had a heart attack and stroke. and passed away. She has terribel migraine headaches. So I started h elping manage her meds and going to the Dr with her. My son went to war in Iraq only 3 days after his 3rd child was born by c section. I went back and forth 100 miles to help his family. then to deal with sons pts on returning home. and that was about the time we put mom in nursing home with parkensons and other problems. She was always mad at me, and didnt know where she was. We moved my son and his family in with us for a few weeks and during that time my DH did not speak to me. In December this year I knew I wasnt functioning well. I couldnt understand what people were saying unless they were talking about these issues. I didnt mind telling anyone i know about any of th is but if anyone started asking me questions, I felt sick and then got mad. thats not like me at all. I couoldnt understand written words on a page so reading anything was out of the question. Unless of corse it was moms medical or insurance papers. I am a quilter... I couldnt seem to get anythingdone. couldnt think past a first or second step. And I didnt want to be in my sewing room at all. Even getting myself dressed in the morning was very dificult. I was going through the motions of life, or trying to. I didnt remember to do the simplest of things like opening a curtain so the house wouldnt be dark. Or burshing my teeth, or making dinner. then one of my very close uncles died of a brain touomor. I had been helping my aunt with some things for h im to.

My Dr said she would have medicated me for any one of these issues. She diagnoised me with Grief Response Depression.two weeks after my uncle died, my mom died. two weeks later we got a phone call from my husbands family. His mom died. Twoweeks later another special uncle died. I helped my sister move into our moms house. she is closer to me now. and I am taking her to her Dr appts. I am begenning to treat her just like my mom. and I am trying not to. A month after that my neice was dianoised with Lymphoma Stage 3 it wasin her bone morrow. So my sister and I have been going with her to her chemo treatments.

my Dr said it would take from 6 month to a year for me to get over this. Believe it or not, i am leaving out a lot of stuff that happened... I have been on Lexa pro for a while but she changed me to Effexor and also on stratera. I am a 54 year old woman. I have been so glad I dont have to take any regular presreption drugs. I hope to be able to get off of the effexor some time but for now I will trust what my Dr says. She did send me to a Nuro Psychologist which helped me a lot. She gave me permission to start taking care of me. That has been a challenge. Through all of this I have gained about 30 lbs which i had lost about 2 years ago. Im sad that it is back but i know i will need to start that battle again soon.

Its been about 7 months now. I am just now starting to feel more like me. I finished a good book yesterday. I have been sewing. I have been cleaning again somewhat. lol I am still haviang trouble with memory of some little things. and cooking. i have become an awful cook.

Thats my story with Depression. My story is probally not completely over yet. I havnt cried since moms funeral. My Dr says in time I will be able to cry again. It feels so strange to NOT CRY even when I need to. I m almost afraid to because last time I cried it was for about 2 hours and I was so out of controll it frightened me. But I know i am improving every day. I laugh more and that is important.

Like i said in the begenning... I tried to send this 3 times.. and have wirtten it 4 times now. I am going to make sure i dont loose it this time. cut & Paste :-)

BabsZ

Quote From: psychwife2

Don't think my hubby hasn't called my a psycho wife a time or two, especially at that time of month! LOL! Isn't it great to have a hubby that you can clown around with. I started dating my husband when I was 16. We got married a month after I graduated from college. We celebrated our 25th anniversary in June. He is my best friend as well as my husband but he is also a lot of fun! So are my kids....we all have this dry, sarcastic wit that other don't always understand. Makes for interesting times at the dinner table.

As for telling someone my life story right back at them, you're right...they would probably go running for cover. But I would only subject a stranger to that mess. When we go my hubby's family functions, someone always asks, "How's your Mom?" and "How's your brother?"...since they are family and I love them, I usually say, "You don't want to know, nor do you have the time." LOL!

Quote From: sweets537

im so excited that the shuttle made it up without any complications. Maybe it will make the world a better place. HA...Thank you guys for listening to me. I went and sat in the breakroom and talked with a few people, and I feel good again. I have got a program to work on for work so that will keep me busy.

F.Y.I. If you spell a word wrong on the message title all you have to do is double click on it and you can correct it. Found a new trick...haha

Quote From: babszee

I am sory you feel that way. But there is an old saying that you have to be a friend to have a friend. It goes that way with a lot of things. sometimes the way we feel about ourselves determines how others respond to us. If you feel invisible maybe thats why sometimes you dont get a response. I knew a guy once that really thought he was invisible because no one talked to him. but he always wore a hat pulled down over his face and was not "open" to anyone talking to h im... One day i walked up to him and said hello, how are you. He looked at me so shocked and said, You can see me??? I said of corse i can. Everyone sees you. We all care for you but you dont seem to be able to see how we care. He didnt know what to do because he was hiding behind himself.

i hope you are just having a bad day. open up to yourself and others will open up to you