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Messages By: jazzz6

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July 24, 2005, 8:38 am CDT

Making you crazy?

Sorry, I didn't realize it wouldn't all read. My son is going to commit suicide and we don't know how to stop him. We can't call the authorities because he will kill himself immediately if he sees cops coming near him. (He carries a knife with him so he can do it) He has tried to commit suicide once before, and it landed him in jail, then the hospital and court. That brought 6 months of screwing around and losing a potentially lucrative job that had written letters of support to the judge (they refused jail diversion for his mental illness). He ended up in financial ruin, can't find a job due to his record now and sees no hope for the future. We are, in a nutshell trying to keep him alive on a day to day and sometimes hour to hour basis. He is totally sure of his decision, and even asked us to be there when he takes the poison he has chosen to ingest. He has researched to most painless an quickest way to kill himself, and is now working on his funeral plans and 'getting his affairs in order'. Please don't mistake his telling us this for a 'cry for help', as he is very sure of what he is doing and will certainly go through with the suicide if we call for police assistance. And he will not go voluntarilly. My husband and I discussed drugging him and duct taping him to get him to the hospital, but my husband thinks we might be charged with kidnapping if we do that and we have other children to take care of too. (This son lives in his own home)

Can anyone help us?? Has anyone been through this???? Going through the "system" doesn't work. What can we do?? And if he gets to the hospital he is so damned good at making them think he is okay, they release him before he should be out....and then he will finish the job and laugh at all of us anyway! How can we save his life and teach him to survive it????

Since I am new to the site I'm not sure what you've been through, tried, etc.  I was married to a fellow age 27 that threatened suicide if I left him for over three years.  It has to be much worse being your child. Is he on any kind of antidepressant? Is there a diaganosis? How long has he been in this state? Have you been treated for depression? WOW. I so much feel for you. The pressure on you must be trumendous. Feeling responsible for someone else's life is HUGE! 

I am somewhat reluctant to tell you what I finally did with the advice of his therapist. I told him to go ahead. Once I stopped letting this control me, his treats became less frequent and he never went through with it, even through our divorce.

More recently I went through my own bout of feeling suicidal, it's is the worst emotion I ever experienced. It is a dark, dark place. My greatest deterent was how it would have efected my only child.

I so much wish I knew more about your situation.

 

I have seen what suicide can do to families. Unfortunately it is so devastating and the guilt is so hard to overcome...  I hope you son does not follow through.

 
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July 24, 2005, 4:39 pm CDT

ME TOO

This has been a very difficult time for me ..... very difficult.... I just want the world to stop spinning long enough for me to get the heck off. Don't worry, I am not going to do anything harsh. I just can't stop crying. I am soooooo tired of feeling and being nothing more than a looser. I suffer from chronic back pain, depression and that might be getting in the way. I just want to stop crying and I want my life back. I feel like a failure to my husband and an embarassment to my son. In my heart, I feel he loves me...but, I hate myself. I don't want to be this looser anymore. I once was a success....now....I am nothing!! Sorry for the negative self pity crud. Was never ever ment to be that way. Thanks to you all.

I really missed all of you and the support that was always there. You guys are the best!!! That is from the bottom of my heart.

From: Nekocats.....now......Nekocats2

DEPRESSION WITH PAIN IS A DRAG. MY PAIN MAY IMPROVE BUT MY DEPRESSION CREEPS BACK. I AM LOST, I CAN'T BE WHAT I WAS, ENERGETIC, MOTIVATED, AND MOSTLY HAPPY AND THE REAL BIGIE WAS THAT I LIKE ME.  NOW I FEEL PATHETIC, GUILTY CAUSE I CAN'T PERFORM LIKE I DID. MY SELF CONFIDENCE IS AT A 20 YEAR LOW. DON'T KNOW THE PATH. WHERE IS THAT ROAD I WAS ON?  I AM TIRED TO MAKING EXCUSES TO MY CLIENTS ABOUT DOC APPTS, THEREAPIES, OR PAIN THAT FLATENS ME OUT. I JUST SICK AND TIRED OF MAKING THE SAME OLD COMPLAINTS TO MY FRIENDS..........  I KNOW PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER HAD THIS KIND OF DEPRESSION THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST THINK YOUR WAY OUT, OR LIKE JUST PULL UP THOSE BOOTS AND GET TO IT. I WAS LIKE THAT IN MY LACK OF UNDERSTANDING... NOW I KNOW ALL TO WELL THAT IT ISN'T SOMETHING TO JUST BE CONQUERED, BALANCING MEDS, REDUCING STRESS, REST, FOOD, YADYADYADADADA, WHEN I WANT TO HIDE, SHUT MYSELF AWAY, FEAR PEOPLE, JUST I AM SO SICK OF NO CHANGE. JUST ABOUT WHEN I DO THINK I'M MAKING MY OUT, SOMETHING SNEAKS UP BEHIND ME AND LANDS ME ON THE SOFA. PAIN IS THE USUAL TRIGGER. I'M GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE.........
 
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July 25, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

Hello all

I am so excited to have accessed this web site. I need the interaction with people on a search like mine. I've been self-employed for 21 years as a tax accountant.  I've endured inner conflict for years. My desire to please people coupled with my since of fairness and obeying our gov't laws.  I have recently decided to sell or close my business due to the stress reinforced by other personal problems. Depression and pain.   I am so encouraged by this message board. I do hope to establish some buddies that will help me sort through my life issues.  Thanks
 
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July 25, 2005, 8:57 am CDT

how is your morning?

Since I am new to the site I'm not sure what you've been through, tried, etc. I was married to a fellow age 27 that threatened suicide if I left him for over three years. It has to be much worse being your child. Is he on any kind of antidepressant? Is there a diaganosis? How long has he been in this state? Have you been treated for depression? WOW. I so much feel for you. The pressure on you must be trumendous. Feeling responsible for someone else's life is HUGE!

I am somewhat reluctant to tell you what I finally did with the advice of his therapist. I told him to go ahead. Once I stopped letting this control me, his treats became less frequent and he never went through with it, even through our divorce.

More recently I went through my own bout of feeling suicidal, it's is the worst emotion I ever experienced. It is a dark, dark place. My greatest deterent was how it would have efected my only child.

I so much wish I knew more about your situation.

I have seen what suicide can do to families. Unfortunately it is so devastating and the guilt is so hard to overcome... I hope you son does not follow through.

I was glad to read your response. Were you able to speak with your son's therapist?

Did she make any sort of recomendations other than counseling? I guess we all know that no matter how much we want to impact someone's life until they are ready our efforts may go by the wayside.  I can only guess how this is disrupting your life and your family's. I think the other person's response was insightful.  Truth being I don't know what I would do if my son seemed determined to kill himself. 

I have a girlfriend who's brother did kill himself, unfortunately he kept his depression under wrap. I don't believe he ever reached out for help. He left a lonely young wife behind that 3 years later took her life thinking that it would reunite them. 

The woman in your son's life must have really done a number on him. Does he have a job? Can he function? His pain is apparently very deep, it is such a curious thing that he makes plans and tells you about it. Life is a balancing act much of the time. I just wish I had some magic words to give you that would comfort you.  

 
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July 25, 2005, 9:10 am CDT

Sharing

I was glad to read your response. Were you able to speak with your son's therapist?

Did she make any sort of recomendations other than counseling? I guess we all know that no matter how much we want to impact someone's life until they are ready our efforts may go by the wayside. I can only guess how this is disrupting your life and your family's. I think the other person's response was insightful. Truth being I don't know what I would do if my son seemed determined to kill himself.

I have a girlfriend who's brother did kill himself, unfortunately he kept his depression under wrap. I don't believe he ever reached out for help. He left a lonely young wife behind that 3 years later took her life thinking that it would reunite them.

The woman in your son's life must have really donea number on him. Does he have a job?Can he function? His pain is apparently very deep, it is such a curious thing that he makes plans and tells you about it. Life is a balancing act much of the time. I just wish I had some magic words to give you that would comfort you.

I have a young man helping me around the house. His ex-wife ended up in a mental institution, a result from psychotic episode drug induced. He lost custody of his two children, which devastated him. I hasn't held a real job in three years. He is very bright and talented. He has been a God send to me. We share alot, and I hoping to become even closer. I know that he somehow accidentally killed a person in his teens. I don't know the details and he hasn't mentioned it yet. My son is the same age and he told me about this with very little detail.

His parents have adopted his kids, he will never have custody of them again. It pulled his legs out from under him.  He lives with his parents so his needs are minimal. His desire to start over is under a bed of depression. He doesn't own a car, so he has to get rides to and from my home (4 miles). I really feel for this man, but would love to see him find his legs and start a new life.

I sure isn't hard to find people in trouble. I don't know why I'm sharing this with you.

Maybe just to tell someone I wish I had that magic "thing" to give him the will to pull up his boots and give it another try. 

 
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giddy
July 25, 2005, 9:41 am CDT

RETIREMENT????

Oh! Ritehere, Teri, Michelyn5 and Longstory, I have missed you all so MUCH!!!!

I was just browsing and reading to try and catch up with every one! Hope everyone is having a fabulous summer!!!

Only 3 more working days before I am officially retired-from this particular position, that is. RETIREMENT... sure hope I'm doing it correctly!

I just have no experience at retiring. Is it supposed to be one of those solemn, somber things or like a 'Yee-ha, it's party time, ya'll!' kinda thing? Hope it's NOT too serious. I don't have a single decent black outfit! And, that black hat and veil are just plain gone... lost the veiled black hat while racing down the road after a funeral!!!

So good to have the board back! I've missed you all!

Oh! I did return to the beach, have another M-O-T-H-E-R story, later!

Brenda :-)

DANG YOU SOUND HAPPY ABOUT THIS CHANGE....... HERE IS WAS MOUNING AND PITCHING ABOUT MY BUSINESS AS IF I WERE PUTTING A CHILD TO DEATH....  BUT AFTER READING YOUR ENTHUSIASM IT'S CATCHY.....

PUTTING THAT BUSINESS TO REST WILL BE MORE LIKE BURYING THE TWO HUNDRED POUND DRAG I BEEN LIVING WITH FOR YEARS... THE HAPPY DIVORCE... NOW I JUST WANT IT BEHIND ME.  MAYBE MY DREAD WAS ABOUT DOING IT... HE HEE HE HEEEEE & WHOPEEEE

 
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July 25, 2005, 12:28 pm CDT

I CAN RELATE

Quote From: turtleplus

Hello there,

I am new to message boards and don't often get to post/get on the net. I am 45yrs old, single professional counselor and just feeling really lost on my spirit's journey. I spend a lot of time just working with families and adolescents and trying to fit in time for myself. I like to jog, and do so 4miles per day, and swim for 2 miles, it helps to reduce stress, keeps me fit and trim and hopefully makes me attractive to a potential mate. I am Native American and participate to two different worlds. It's getting hard to keep it going... When I have my professional hat on, it feels so natural and I have such fun with it, despite all the problems I deal with with my families. Yet, when I come home and I am alone, I often wonder if I have walked my path in truth and made a difference. I have no children, and no partner except Spirit. I often find myself wondering why my Higher self would choose such a path for me, yet, I accept this path but, not sure anymore how to continue the walk/journey.

I welcome any feedback/ideas.

Spirit Bless,

Monica

I STARTED COLLEGE TO BECOME A LICENSED COUNSELOR... CAVED IN AND TOOK THE ROAD OF LEAST RESISTANCE, ACCOUNTING. IT'S DIFFENTLY NOT MY CALLING, ALTHOUGH I BELIEVE I HAVE EXCELLED IN THE AREA. THAT'S MY NATURE, NOT MY CALL. I TOO HAVE ENJOYED MY FAMILIES, AND HAVE DONE NEARLY EQUAL AMOUNTS OF MATH TO LISTENING. IT'S OFTEN BEEN A JOKE ABOUT PUTTING IN A RECLINER. WELL I ENJOYED THAT PART OF MY JOB MUCH MORE THAN THE TAX END. BEING THAT I HAVE $$$$ RESPONSIBLITIES I KEPT PUSHING FORWARD. LIKE YOU I AM SINGLE AND ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF FIT AND ATTRACTIVE. NOT SO OF LATE, SINCE MY TRACTOR ACCIDENT I CAME TO HATE MY BODY, ASHAMED OF IT, I LOST 20 POUNDS WHICH I DIDN'T NEED TO LOOSE, HANGING SKIN. YUK YUK. ALL THIS MERELY ADDED TO THE EXISTING STRESS. I HAVE SOME PROPERTY UP FOR SALE AND WILL BE ABLE TO PAY OFF MY MORTGAGE. THIS WILL GIVE ME TIME AND TH E ABILITY TO FIND MY TRUE LOVE WHAT EVER THAT IS. I'M ONLY SURE IT'S NOT DOING TAXES. AS FOR MY LOVE LIFE THERE ISN'T ONE...... I WAS ALWAYS PRETTY CONTENT WITH MY JOBS, HOME AND WORK. HORSES, DOGS, ETC.  MY RECOVERY HAS ENDED THE HORSEY THING AND I NEED SOMETHING. I WOULD LIKE A MALE BUDDY TO PLAY WITH, NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL, BUT THAT MIGHT BE OK?????  I AM GOING TO WORK THIS PROGRAM, TRY TO FIND MY OWN ROAD BLOCKS, AND HOPEFULLY THE SECOND HALF OF MY LIFE WILL PROVE TO BE MORE REWARDING...  ENJOYE D READING YOUR MESSAGE
 
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giddy
July 25, 2005, 12:54 pm CDT

HELLO ALL

HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER FELT AS THOUGH YOU DROVE YOURSELF TO YOUR END, WITHOUT KNOWING, NATURALLY, UNTIL YOU WERE FORCED TO FACE THE ISSUES? I LOOK BACK OVER MY YEAR AND IT SEEMS TO ME THAT SOMETHING, SOME PART OF MYSELF, PLAYED THE ROLL OF PUSHING ME PAST MY LIMITS. I AM ALSO WONDER IF IN THE DRIVE I SECRETLY WANTED TO GO ON OVER SO I WOULD HAVE A LEGIMATE REASON TO QUIT??? DO I EVEN NEED ANYONE'S PERMISSION TO SAY ENOUGH, STOP!!

I HAVE ALWAYS DRIVEN HARDER THAN MOST PEOPLE I KNOW. AT AGE 5 I WAS READ THE STORY ABOUT THE TRAIN (?) THAT SAID I KNOW I CAN, I KNOW I CAN. I'VE BEEN LIKE THAT, SOMEONE WOULD SAY YOU CAN'T AND I WOULD SAY WATCH. DANG, IT WAS SO GOOD AND SOOO BAD. MY MOM TOLD ME ONCE TO STOP PROVING THAT I DON'T NEED ANYONE.....

 

CALL ME JAZZ OR BECKY

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF SOMEONE HAS A CLUE ABOUT THIS KIND OF MADNESS....

 
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July 25, 2005, 1:29 pm CDT

I'M BECKY

I AM SO ENJOYING READING YOUR MESSAGES AND FEEDBACK. I SOFTENS MY HEART. GOSH GRIEF IS SUCH AN HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. WHEN I WAS 3 MY PARENTS SPLIT UP, I ADORED MY DADDY. THAT WAS MY FIRST AND GREATEST LOSS. MY MOM MARRIED 9 TIMES AND I'M NOT SURE I LEARNED MUCH MORE THAN HOW TO CAMOUFLAGE MY OWN FEELINGS.  AT 21 I WAS WIDOWED, HE WAS ONLY 24. I'M NOW 53 AND STILL WONDER HOW HE WOULD HAVE BEEN AND WHETHER OR NOT WE'D EVEN BE TOGETHER. IT SEEMS LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES. I HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MANY FORMS OF LOSS; MY HOME BURNED DOWN, I LOST MY LAND TO MY EX-HUSBAND, MY DAD DIED WHEN I WAS 4 MOS. PREGNANT. I'M NOT TRYING TO PLAY DOWN ANYONE'S LOSS, I JUST WANT TO COMMUNICATE THAT MY EXPERIENCE WITH GRIEF HAS BEEN BROAD AND WIDE. MY MOST RECENT LOSS WAS OF MY ABILITY TO BE INDEPENDENT. I INCURRED THREE FRACTURES IN MY LOWER EXTREMITIES. MY GRIEF WAS ABOUT LOOSING MY ABILITY TO DO MANY THINGS. BUT THROUGH ALL SUCH THINGS MY GREATEST ABSOLUTE GREATEST FEAR WAS LOOSING MY ONLY CHILD.  I STILL DON'T MEDITATE ON THAT. THE HEART IS STRONG AND USUALLY WON'T LET US QUITE EVEN WHEN WE WANT TO.  I'VE SURVIVED ALL MY PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS. I HOPE NOT TO SURVIVE MY SON OR MY GRANDSON.  MY WAY OF DEALING WITH LOSS IS TO SO MUCH APPRECIATE THE TIME I DID HAVE, TO THINK ON OUR HAPPY TIMES TOGETHER. TO REMEMBER THEM FOR THEIR PRESENCE IN MY  LIFE CAN NEVER BE TAKEN AWAY. LOVING IS SO WORTH IT.
 

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