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Messages By: renagade

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August 23, 2005, 9:03 pm CDT

To - Marcia52

Quote From: marcia52

Yesterday, I sat down with my check and wrote out my check for my 1 credit card and paid it off so I could transfer a higher finance rate balance to a 3.99%.  It doesn't feel right - and I really had a hard time sitting down to do it.  But I've spent 2-3 weeks going over my options and it makes sense.  I will have lowered my finance charge by $15 a month by doing this.  I won't ever use the paid off card again because they went from a 6.5% finance rate to 12.44% since March.  The card company made it a variable credit card but they offered me a 3.99% balance transfer for the life of the transfer. 

  

The hard thing was not paying a penny on the one credit card because it only asked for no payment.  But I plan on making the transfer by 8/21/05 when I have worked out the remaining WHAT IFs variables.   

  

I even put an application in yesterday to and had to deal with all the negative self-talk I have.  I know I'm an excellent employee and that I will enjoy working closer to home and having the energy when I come home to do other things around my home.  I'm really looking forward to becoming a home maker. 

Hi Marcia - finally got my computer up an running and back online.  I have been reading your logs.  I feel very strongly that you are still beating yourself up over this finance problem.  Stop it!  Don't you know that when you fight with yourself - you always loose!!! 

  

You have to calm down and take it one step at a time.  If you foul up - ok - deal with it - don't beat yourself up.  Some of the things you are doing I feel is ok, but others might be causing you mental anguish.  True - it took time to get you where you were, but it's not going to be solved overnite - and I think that's what your trying to do. 

  

Where is your biggest headache or problem - get that under control first - this seems to be your spending - do you REALLY know why you do it??? 

  

What are all the variables - list them.                Rog 

 
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August 25, 2005, 3:51 pm CDT

To - Lilywither

Quote From: lilywither

I recently got out of a bad relationship where I was emotionally spending all of my husband's paycheck and he was spending above and beyond that because he thought he could.  When I left him, I also lived off of my credit cards for a while.  Now, I have lots of credit cards and debt, and I haven't been able to pay off any of the bills in a few months.  Credit people call me over and over again every day, but I feel so stressed out, I never answer the phone.  In a few weeks, I'll be getting a financial aid check for college, and I'm hoping that will help me to get my debt in check.  Is it a good idea to wait for September 2 for this to happen?  Or should I take out a loan to cover the bills now and pay that off when it comes in?  I'm not sure I could even get a loan right now with my credit scores.  Sometimes, I get so depressed over this I don't even want to get out of bed, I just want to hide.

One of the worst things that you can do is Not talk to the bill collectors.  Talk to them and tell them your situation.  Some bill collectors really don't care and some do.  If you should have any problems wiith them and I have had some - just tell them that their not listening and that your going to hang up - then do - wait a few minutes - call again - ask for a supervisor - tell them who said what and exactly what happened - it has worked for me. 

  

If you spend this college money for debts - what about your school bills - lets be smart and use common sense.   

  

You do have debts - fine - so don't get stressed out over what has happened - concentrate on what you are going to do about paying off these debts.  Remember these debts are not going to multiply unless you keep spending.  Taking out a loan is shifting debt - not elimanting it - arn't you going to college to get more educated - your not sounding to financially educated.  After you get situated what about a part time job - this particular school must have those opportunities.  Your debt did not accumulate over nite - and it won't go away over nite. 

  

Sit down and start using your Grey Manner - not your emotions.    Ok - Rog 

 
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August 25, 2005, 7:02 pm CDT

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

I'm taking my finances really slow right now.  When I tracked my daily spending in July and reviewed them at the beginning of this month, I was a little shocked by what I saw.   

  1. Like the 4-6 hour shopping sprees are exhausting. 
  2. That I have 2 separate shopping lists (1 that I write down & the other that is written by my WHAT I'M DOING NOW.  So I made a list of everything my mind is working on ... I call them THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD list ...  after a couple of times, I saw a pattern emerge.  Now, I review the list when I go to Walmart or K-Mart or $ stores.   I have finally been able to behave myself at the grocery store!

The doing the credit card consolidation and then writing the check to start it off was really hard for me.  I kept looking to make mistakes and really make my finances ever worse.  Or worse, life events just pulling a test on me. 

  

But I did write the check to pay off the 1 credit card.  It took me 2 days to get the energy & determination to do it.  I still feel a little uneasy - isn't that crazy - but it's my mindset!  I've been out of control for years & years.  But I'm going to do it.  I'm still using Suze Orman's steps now. 

  

September is going to be really hard on me because REALITY is going to set in and I'm not going to be really happy about it.  I got side wiped because I couldn't say no and it's going to hurt big time.   


But I'm learning and that's the main key Rog - I'm going to tackle this fear and move on.  At least this fear isn't too bad.  It's not like I've really ever tried to tackle it so I don't have years of BEATING myself up because I'm a loser or something.  But it's difficult because I do feel stupid - I mean some of the steps are really common sense stuff and I don't know where mine went to. 

  

Marcia 

4-6 hour shopping sprees - what Dear Woman are you doing to Yourself!!!   

  

Do not take this wrong - but you might be suze orman yourself to much - slooooow down - let yourself and your thoughts catch up with yourself...Por Favor. 

  

You have a fear that is not natural - but one that was created for you and you took over and made it worse.  Let September come - and when it comes - let it happen - and when it happens - look at what has been done and take care of things one at a time. 

  

You are not Stupid and quit telling yourself you are - this is what keeps a lot of people from achieving.  Where did your common sense go - it's being held down by your fears. 

  

Keep in touch - Rog 

 
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August 27, 2005, 6:39 am CDT

Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

Now that I finally tackled that tape/script that surfaced last year that kept making me revert to old behaviors - I can now take a nice deep breath!  It was a fear script I wrote as a child (I even have memories of it) and when I began to learn how to listen to what I was saying to myself, I kept having it raise it's ugly head.  I have finally broken out of my old negative life style at long last. 

  

And you are right that I need time off.  I have to pick up the pieces from this month's NAMING (that's what I call it when I name a script/tape so that I can face it and then challenge it).  I screwed myself up financially but I will be okay there.  I have a special journal that I write in just for my finances.  I write down what I've done wrong - what my thoughts are - my computations for chosing how I was going to pay off my debt, etc.   Like Dr. Phil says, we have patterns and believe it or not, this FEAR was and is something I experienced every summer.  I really think it started when I was 8 years old and that over the year, I added more emotions/feelings to it.  Until 1 day, it became like words I was telling myself but was really an emotional/feeling script/tape.  Yep, it sounds crazy but I'm very right brained and think in pictures.  In fact, I've been doing nightly visualizations to help me understand what I'm feeling and to help me erase this old no longer needed script in my life. 

  

My financial goal now is to clean up my FICO score - it went to hell when I took the early retirement and figure out my checkbook register once again.  I lost the balance again --nothing new there - but at least I have a plan and on Sunday/Monday, I will once again spend the days working on figuring out where I am (ONCE AGAIN) and putting me back on track.   At least now, I'm not going to experience that emotion/feeling as strong as I did this time. It was the last time cause I had a plan and now, it's in motion and it's already beginning to work. 

  

Take care Rog and thanks for the advice. 

Do me a small flavor 

  

Since you got suze ormans book 9 steps to finanical freedom, would you please list them and tell briefly what each one is.     Thanks 

  

                                                        Rog 

 
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August 27, 2005, 2:34 pm CDT

Natalie

Quote From: bigred80

Hi

 

I know this is slightly off the topic of career goals, but it as close to my question as I could find.

 

For me to ask my question first I need to give a little background. When I left school I worked in a few casual jobs until I was employed Full time for about four and a half years. In that time I had my son and chose not to go back to work. After a few months of being an at home mum I realised that I am the type of person who needs to be busy or I go nuts and clean everything. So I went back to work. I left that job a few weeks ago because it was completely unsatisfying and my boss wasn't a nice person.

 

Anyway I have had arrange of jobs from cashier, to cleaner, to day care even the defence force and I still don't know what I want to do. I must add that I am only 25.

 

I have this feeling of wanting to go somewhere, I just have no idea where that somewhere is.

 

Anyone have suggestions on finding/changing career?

 

Thanks

Natalie

I can relate to you to some degree.  My background is finance/accounting and after being fired from almost every job I have had because I tried to show them that the accounting needed cleaning up or they were week in this/that area - I finally went out on my own.  I then found out that business owners were a lot of the times afraid to know what was actually going on - so let sleeping dogs lie. 

  

I then heard about this book 'Rich Dad - Poor Dad' that was about the authors father who had an earned Phd in education, rose up to be Superintendent of schools and died broke - the other dad who was actually his best friend in schools dad never went past the 7th grade, owned a couple of businesses and when he died he left and estate of 10 million.  It was about the way these two men thought.  They only agreed that education was the best thing for you and Tuesday was the day that came after Monday!  They disagreed on everything else. 

  

Reading this book I found out where I was wrong, and have set out to change things which I am in the process of doing.  I found out that I didn't want to 'as the author says - be a slave to a paycheck and wait for a retirement that may not be there'.  The author says that most people do not use their brains to its fullest.  The other factor he says is to create wealth - and that is exactly what I am attempting to do. 

  

Rog 

 
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August 29, 2005, 5:01 pm CDT

Re: Arguing fu

Quote From: saphy2

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half.  Up to this point, we both made around the same amount of money.  Splitting the finances 50/50 was fair and was working.  He just took a job earning over 2x the amount as me. 

  

The problem is that he thinks we should still split the bills 50/50, whereas I htink we should do it by percentage earned.  If we continue to split the bills 50/50, I will not be an equal partner in this relationship.  I will always be worried abou money while he is rolling in it.  His protest is that he shouldn't be punished for making more money (??).  I don't get that at all.  I know if I was making the amount he is, I would feel as it I were contributing more to OUR household.  Not my own pocket.  For instance, when I buy items for our new apartment, it's not as if I feel he should pay half of the receipt.  It benefits both of us. 

  

I know he didn't grow up wealthy as a child, and that money is a big deal to him.  In my opinion, too big. 

  

Please help, this is starting to cause me a real problem. 

  

Saphy 

Dear Saphy 

  

I am in complete agreement with you - I am male 58 years young.  When the two of you earn about the same it is 50/50.  When one starts earning more - they should take more responsibility - this is fair - and if either of you have watched the show - he says marriage terms sometimes have to be renegoiated - this is one of those times. 

  

                                                            Rog 

 
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August 31, 2005, 6:44 pm CDT

Hi Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

Tomorrow is the 1st and I have to ask myself today if I made my goal or not.  It's really hard to say cause I did accomplish quite a bit.  I'm really amazed at how much I've tackled and how much fear/anxiety/worry I've been able to deal with.   

  

I have kept to logging in my spending every day this month.  I did forget but I kept my receipts which I'm saving for my 2005 taxes at the end of the year.  This year, the government is allowing us to take off sales taxes (and I live in an area where I pay 7.5%).  But it was because of me facing my PIG PEN emotion -- which is fear based - which was written when I was a kid.   

  

Today is the last day.  Tomorrow, I'll print it and it will be time to review it. 

  

I got zapped by a friend and I'm out of $60 - I knew better but she knows when I'm weak and hit me at that time.  Hey, buttons are buttons -- but now, I've faced that old ancient emotion/feeling and have named it PIG PEN so it won't be happening again. 

  

So far, I've stayed below my spending allocation for the month - by $111.00 -- that's something major for me.  I did find myself saying "DO I REALLY NEED THIS?"  and if I answered yes, then I asked  "CAN I PUT IT ON MY MONTHLY SHOPPING LIST?" and that seemed to keep my spending way down! 

  

I put in a plan for the next time my friend sees me in a weak moment - I can and will say no.  She's more of a sister now and family really don't get mad, they just let it go .... 

  

so my answer is:  YES!  I have conquered it - it still needs to be practiced but once I've practiced it for a while, it will become a habit/behavior in my life.  I won't even remember that I was doing this exercise a year from now cause I'll be working on a new goal! 

I just wanted to say how Proud of You I am. 

  

                                                         Rog 

 
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August 31, 2005, 9:37 pm CDT

Natalie, Natalie

Quote From: bigred80

Thank you for your advice. Are you saying, that instead of focusing on my insecurities and failures, I should be focusing on my abilities and goals?  

   

I have thought about stepping out on my own, starting a business, fear always holds me back. My husband and I have had great ideas for business, but as soon as the idea is out there we are talking ourselves out of it.  

   

My goal in life isn't to be super rich (however it would be nice!), but to be happy and be able to provide a future for my son, whatever he wants to do. All I want is to be is "comfortable". But along the way I want to being doing something that is right for me. I don't see the point of having money and being to depressed, overworked etc to enjoy it.  

   

Thank you   

Natalie  

Why on earth are you focusing on your insecurities and failures - this is one of the prime reasons people don't get ahead.  Insecurities and failures are not the same.  An insecurity is either real or imangined.   If it is real ok - deal with it and correct it if possible - if not - forgetaboutit.  A failure can and should be a learning tool.  Every time you fail at something - fine - learn from it. 

  

Yes - Natalie - you should be focusing on your abilities and goals.  I don't know why you arn't in the first place??? 

  

Is it fear of failure or fear of being successful, or fear of standing out from others that holds you back?    I further read about 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' that Rich Dad  had failures and made many mistakes - and he learned from each one.  I am doing the same.   I am waiting for one last ok to finish my website - and am waiting for another item to happen (lets say Part B). 

  

If your thinking of starting a business pick an area that you know a lot about, feel comfortable with, and can have fun with - yes have fun with. 

  

The other item that I employ and don't imploy is - I don't use a 'positive mental attitude' - I use a 'factual mental attitude' - this means that I deal with life as it comes.  Too many people that have a positive mental attutide get angry over negatives that happen - they say 'no I'm only going to be positive today - well how about being real. 

  

It is good that your goal is not to be superrich - making money should never, never be a goal.  Having a business that gives people what they want, and that belives in Customer Service Par Excellencant well get you there.  I read an article on customer service that said 4% of the people complain the other 96% go home angry - this is what will kill any business. 

  

Let me know your thoughts.              Rog 

 
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September 1, 2005, 5:34 pm CDT

Your Welcome Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

Can you tell me the author's name for the book you recommended?  I was at 1/2 Price Books and I couldn't remember his name.  I remembered RICH DAD/POOR DAD as the title.   

  

Suze's book is good at helping me face my fears - but even I know that later I will need to get a couple of different viewpoints so that I can experiment with what works for me when I finally get my debt paid off and I can start investing my savings.   

  

  

His name is Robert Kiyosaki - with the co-author Sharon Lechter.  Marcia - question pro favor - would you object to giving me your email, or I'll give you mine - which ever you prefer so I can go further in info - if not I'll do it here. 

  

                                                                 Rog 

 
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September 1, 2005, 5:43 pm CDT

To Sungloblue

Quote From: sungloblue

 I have a 20 yr SD that has no direction. She has been out of high school for 2yrs .We have spent thousands of $$$ for her to go to school ,she is a very smart girl that wants everything NOW. She has dropped out of 2 schools now and still has no clue . She says she is an adult but she is acting like 16 . How can you help guild a 20 yr old to a career and grow up ???

She sounds like a Brat that is now under your care.  Let's say one thing now - she is an adult - aint nonething you can do about that.  According to Doc Phil she has this disease that's called 'entitlement'.  She also could be fighting or hating herself and not knowing it, and when you fight with yourself - you always loose.  She also could hate the world and authority.  Can the two of you talk or do you come across as a Drill Sargent!  What about her Dad.  Does she treat you with respect - how does she treat her dad?  She may not have found her way and be struggling with that.  I am 58 and I remember how it was when I was only a little older than her.  I had to begin liking myself before I could see clearly. 

  

                                                       Rog 

 

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