Messages By: gigilola

write such a thing....."get out. She's ruined".?  What is the matter with you?  He can have a perfectly loving relationship with this girl and have all his needs fulfilled in other ways.    As far as their sexual relationship is concerned, a good therapist could assist with that.  People come on this board to get advice in times of need, not to receive responses like the one you gave with such disregard for feelings.  You really should be ashamed of yourself.....

remember that that is just YOUR experience.....

I have had this disorder my whole life but was officially diagnosed one year ago.  I have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for 10 months now and have been on many medications.  My most recent "cocktail" being respirdal, wellbutrin, epivale, rameron and colanzepam.  I gained 30 pounds and was not at all happy about it.  I stopped taking the respirdal, wellbutrin and rameron as I thought I was doing better.  I have come to the realization that this was not a good idea.  I am spiralling back down again but am still on the fence about re-introducing those medications.  Logically I know I should but I am very confused about it.  My doctor's still think I am taking the meds as I haven't the spine to tell them I stopped.   

  

My whole life I knew there was something "different" about me but I never knew what.  I have the typical highs and lows of bipolar coupled with obsessive compulsive disorder and some characteristics of borderline personlity disorder.  I am so very tired of being this way.  All I want is to be normal and I don't want to have to take medication to achieve this.  I just want to be like the people around me and I don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this??  My sister is also bipolar and possibly my parents although they have never been officially diagnosed.  It seems as though I was doomed from the get go.  My relationship with my boyfriend of 12 years has been an extremely rocky one.  Since I have been receiving treatment though he has been right at my side and very supportive.  I just told him last night after watching Dr.Phil that I had stopped taking some of my medication.  He was not very pleased. 

  

I feel like I am at a fork in the road when it comes to medication.  I know I should take it but does it really help me?  Do I really want to continue being a guinea pig so to speak when it comes to meds?  I don't know I am confused.  Any thoughts?  I would appreciate it..... 

  

Confused in Canada 

I have been on the boards before in other areas but just found this one because of the show last night.  I have read all the posts and I feel like I have finally found people who really understand.  As I stated in another post my boyfriend of 12 years is really supportive of me since I have started receiving treatment and I really appreciate his patience and everything with me but it's really not the same as he truly doesn't understand what I go through on a daily basis.   I am so tired of constantly trying to be a different person, trying to portray a persona of being okay.  My mind doesn't stop, it continues like a merry-go-round.  Sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up, just make it all go away.  My mind is my worst enemy. 

  

These boards however, kind of put me at ease as I know I am not alone.  There are people out there who are going through the same things, feel the same things, think the same way.  It also makes me sad though to know someone else is living this hell.  I've read the posts of some who are doing very well on their meds but they still have days that are not good.  I guess I am expecting too much from the medication.  My thoughts were that the meds would make everything go away, make everything better but I guess that's just not the case.   

  

I don't know, anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shares on this board.  I may just become a regular.......  

I wasn't expecting that but I guess I deserve it.  You've made me teary eyed and I feel a little stupid but it's my fault.  Maybe that's my problem.....I am not ready to admit that I have a mental illness.  I so very much want to be normal but I guess I just am not.  I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.....

it is a mental illness is it not?  That is what they keep telling me.....

I appreciate your helpfulness and thank you for being so up front with me.  I read the post from vilatoe that read "In the end I know I have this disease...I look at it just like that...I have this disease...it doesn't have me."  Maybe that's how I should start looking at it because I am definitely not looking at it the right way.    

  

I just feel really confused right now.... 

that I was doing a lot of thinking yesterday and last night after my posts and the responses I recieved.  I am going to go back on my medication and give them a real try.  I wasn't feeling 100% better but I was feeling a heck a lot better than I do now, that's why I stopped.  I thought I didn't need them anymore but I've come to the realization, thanks to you all, that I do.  

  

I also wanted to say that I've read the posts from those of you who are living with someone with bipolar and it's given me a new insight to what my boyfriend must have been going through all these years (we've been together for 12 years).   

  

So, thanks everyone.  

And I will keep in touch.  This board has been a great help to me these past couple of days. 

May I ask when you take the resperdal?  I started to take mine again and I am suppose to take them before bed.  I have a really hard time falling asleep, feel very agitated.  I am wondering if maybe I should take them in the morning instead.