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Messages By: debruff

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frustrated
July 24, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

trying to lose

 I just turned 50 on July 12 & I weigh 225.I use to weight 255 but lost 20 pound exercising & watching what I ate.But that was 2 years ago when I lost that.I've been maintaining since.
I've been under alot of stress the past 2 years.From Nov.,2002 to Nov.2003 my husband had several surgeries to repair a herniated disc , which didn't help,it left him with permanent nerve damage & left him in constant pain.He's in so much pain he can't work.So he has been on disability for about a year now.
I find myself eatting due to stress & sometimes when I'm bored. I'm trying to get out of that cycle but find it hard. I do exercise about an hour aday 5-6 days aweek. I have a hard time getting my eatting under control.There are days when I find myself feeling  so depressed that I don't feel like working out.
I plan to force myself to workout no matter how I feel emotionlly
Hope it works.
 
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sad
July 27, 2005, 9:39 am CDT

thanks

Quote From: andimomof3

hiya hun. I like you eat when depressed/stressed and bored. Back in 2001 I weighed 215. My son was dx'd with cancer in August 2001 and was then put on anti depressants and gained ALOT of weight. I don't even dare step on a scale but I'm guessing I weigh 270. When my son was in the hospital each month I found that I could/would eat 3 times a day. Hey I liked the hospital food, lol! I'm still on anti depressants and trying to wean myself off of them. I've cut back on food intake the last couple weeks and I can tell I've lost a few pounds. Little things are easier to do after shedding a few pounds. I'm glad to hear that you force yourself to workout. I've been forcing myself to clean. That right now is about all I can handle. Like your husband I have back problems. I sweap my floors sitting in my chair that rolls. Pathetic I know.

well anyway, just wanted to say hi and i read your message. i've been a member here for some time but have never posted.

Take care,

 Thanks for your reply.
If I can remember to come in here to the boards I will.I keep forgetting  to come in here.I know there are others like me who need to lose weight.My problem is I feel I am alone  & don't want to turn to someone else for support if i need it.
I tend to feel guilty if I turn to someone for support.But that is my burden,which I need to let go of.I have no problem with supporting someelse who needs a shoulder to "cry"on.But I have a problem with letting someone help me.I feel I'm not worthy.
Sorry for being down.
Debbie
 
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September 19, 2005, 7:44 pm CDT

sad

 I rushed home from work to make sure I saw as much of this show as I could.
I feel that mother  should  have as little contact,if any,with the kids until she gets the help she needs.I feel that after she gets the help,she should have supervised visits for awhile.
I'm angry at the father for not stepping in & getting the kids out of the situation.
Those girls are going to need some counseling themselves to heal.
Debbie
 
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December 10, 2005, 5:09 pm CST

lost

 I relinguished my son in 1975.We met in Oct.2000.He said at the time he  felt a bond between the 2 of us,but he wasn't sure what he wanted yet.We did meet afew times for about ayear,He met my parents one of my brothers &family.Shortly after that my son broke up with his girlfriend & he seems to have broken contact with me.I continue to send emails,letters through the postalservice,even called him leaving messages on answering machine.None of which he answers.I've even asked if I said or done anything to stop him from responding back.I told him if I did or said anything wrong ,to forgive me.Still no response.At one time when he was still talking to me he said he gets busy & can't aswer every email.That's understandable,cause I get busy also.But during 3years of me sending emails,letters etc,he could find a minute or two to respond.
I'm wondering if any of you who have contact with the child you placed,if youhave run into this.I don't know if I should stop emailing ,writing letters or calling him,but if he doesn't respond I don't know what to do.
His birthfathers family wants to meet him,I even asked him to set some time up to meet them,but he doesn't respond.
I'm lost.I don't want to give up on him,but I feel I  may not have a choice.
Debbie
 
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surprised
April 4, 2006, 7:09 pm CDT

encouraging

 Well,I was so surprised when I checkied my email last Wednesday & saw I had an email from my son,whom I hadn't heard from in 3 years.
I had to do a double take at who it was from.When I opened it ,it had 3 pictures of him in it.No message,just the 3 pictures.
I hope this a preview of things to come.I'm not going to push him.Just let him go at his own pace.
I emailed him back thanking him for the pictures.I can't stop looking at them.
I've been emailing him about once a month,over the past 3 yrs,to let him know how we've been doing.
I'm not keeping my fingers crossed,but I hope I'll hear from him again.
Just wanted to share.
Debbie
 
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April 21, 2006, 3:23 pm CDT

keep it zipped

If the guy wasn't ready to have kids i feel he had a couple of options to prevent pregnancy.One is to to keep his pants on.Two,if he can't keep pants on,wear a condom.or number 3 option is to  have a vasectomy.
I don't think women have all the options.Men have options also.Men can get "fixed",they can wear condoms,or they can obstain from sex.If he choses not to use any of those options he runs the risk of getting his partner pregnant.
If pregnancy happens then he should take responsibilty for the choice he made for having unprotected sex.It's not all the womans fault that she got pregnant she didn't get that way by herself.
If a man or woman isn't ready to have kids,then each party is responsible to make sure "accidents" don't happen.
 
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July 9, 2006, 9:13 pm CDT

Hi

 I live in west Plano.I have about 80 lbs to lose.I use to walk 2 miles a day until i had surgery on my shoulder about 3 yrs ago.,then I got out of the habit of getting out & walking.I have  been working out to videos or walking on treadmill or on stationery bike.I keep telling myself I want to get back walking outside,but keep making the  excuse that it's too darn hot.I need a swift kick in the pants to get out the door & walk.I feel so much better when I walk outside than I do when I walk on the treadmill.
I go back to work at the school on Aug.3.So then I will try to get up around 6or 6:30 to get a walk in.
I need to get my rear in gear.
Debbie
 
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angry
August 13, 2006, 10:46 pm CDT

worried,angry,upset

I don't know what to do.
I'm having some people from church over on Monday,& I've been spending the day doing some cleaning.
In the dining room my husband had some cans of paint,drop cloth,etc,that he was going to use to paint the dining room with.The problem was thay have been sitting there for 3 years & he has yet to do any painting.Since I'm having some people over,I decided to move those items out to the garage.When I told him what I did,he was upset.I explained to him I was tired of them setting there for so long,I didn't want them there when my friends came over.He said if I moved them,he would move my things that were in his way.I asked him what things of mine were in his way,he said all my knick-knacs & pictures I have through out the house on walls & in corners.I told him I'm trying to make the house look nice & livable.He said thats your opinion.He said I had taken over the house & the only room he had was the computer room & the garage( both of which look junky too me)in the garage there's hardly any room to move around in I'm afraid if i left it up to him the whole house would look the same way.He said since i moved his stuff --paint cans drop cloth,he even had a  thing that he used on th a/c unit outside with all the gauges attached to it in the entrance way(which I put in the garage after sitting by front door for 2 days)that he would move my stuff( knic knacs  & pictures, things I've decorated the house with) I'm afraid I'm going to come home from work & they'll be gone.He doesn't work so he's home all day.He hasn't worked in over 2 yrs due to a disability( he had several surgeries on his back which left him in constant pain)I know he's frustrated that he can't do a whole lot I think that he gets this way  is because he's frustrated that he can't do a whole lot & he sees me doing things he wishes he could still do.I think he's sort of jealous about that.
But I'm worried that he'll take all the things I have around the house & put them somewhere where I can't find them.I'm afraid to go to work,because that's when I think he'll take everything off the walls & hide them
Don't know what to do.
 
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August 21, 2006, 9:44 pm CDT

Thank You

Quote From: jenoc99

This is no way to live!
You need to go to work- someone has to support your household.
Is there any way you can talk to your husband, in a reasonable, rational way, and let him know that you want the two of you to work together, not against one another?
He is really being unreasonable. Having paint cans and drop cloths, etc., sitting in the dining room for 3 years is different than having knick-knacks and other decorative items in the home.
If you feel that you can reason with him, then ask him what he would like to have you do regarding decorative items. If he doesnt like the knick knacks, etc., then why didnt he tell you that before- after all it is his home, too, so he needs to speak up and be honest- let him know that you dont want to fight, you just want his honest opinion.
From what you describe, your husband is probably experiencing depression due to his disability. Has he ever had counseling to talk about his changed life? Because of these changes, your marriage would improve with therapy- if he isnt willing to go, then you need to go for YOU. You cant make him happy, he has to be willing to be happy. You can make YOU happy, and you shouldnt allow him to hold happiness away from you. I wish you well!
Thank you for your input.
I have sat down with him & explained to him where I was coming from.I've explained  to him about how frustrated I've been because of the repairs that need to be done that have been done,which should of been done  already.I said I can't have the house looking nice until the repairs are done.
He agreed that they should of been done by now.He agreed to let my Dad come & replace the tile in hall bathroom.
The next step will be to do the carpet.Which may have to wait till it gets cooler.
As far as therapy goes I'm afraid he won't go,due to the constant pain he's in keeps him in bed alot, he has to do what he can do in the mornings when the pain is less.But I know I need to speak to someone on how to deal with my frustrations & how to handle them better
 

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