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Messages By: beck12

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September 24, 2005, 3:28 am CDT

Light at the end of the tunnel

 My hubby & have had our share of frustrations with him not paying enough attention to me sexually.  I think it all could have been worked out faster had he been more willing to talk about it MUCH earlier on.....but it's water under the bridge now.  I think for some men, stress is a major factor in their sex drive.  When things so well, when her feels he's "got life by the horns" it's great.  When things get bumpy & he is struggling to figure out what to do - he pulls back in EVERY way.  It helps me immensely to be able to recognize this & do what I can to help him destress & it's a big indicator to me that even when he says everything is fine, when he shows less interest, I know he's dealing with some stuff that needs to be talked about - whether he wants to or not.  But after working very hard at all of this - we really have found our way back to a good & satisfying sex life for both of us.... (for those that remember my posts from wayyyyyyyyy back).

My NEW problem is this.....an ugly word to many: miscarriages.  I have had 2.  One in March & now another in August.  I have had my own emotional issues to deal with going through this, but something new is added to our sex life now too.  I am scared of getting pregnant again right now & can't really seem to let go completely now.  It's always in the back of my mind.  Because they are trying to run tests on me now & make sure that there isn't something wrong with me, etc, I cannot be on any form of birth control & we HATE condoms collectively (like I'd rather not have sex than use condoms-they leave me VERY irritated).  Not sure if anyone has any suggestions, but I thought I'd at least ask & see if there was any ideas out there I haven't thought of.  Have any of you tried a diaphragm & how easy are they?  I know what the Dr can tell me - but I know no one that has used one (or at least willing to tell me they have) - I can't think of any other things I could use.  And to be honest I'm not even sure if that is what would fix my preoccupation or if this is just normal after what we've been through & maybe this will take some time & is just part of the emotions.......anway - hope everyone is well & thanks for any input ~ Beck
 
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September 24, 2005, 3:39 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: joymomma

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?
 Have you thought of other options? Especially because you specifically want a boy - I would consider adoption if that is available at your age (sorry - but I'm not sure).  My sis & her hubby wanted a little girl so badly & they had some complications during her pregnancies, so they adopted from foster care a 1 yr old little girl & it's been great for our entire family.  She is awesome & they couldn't be happier with that choice.  She's now 3 & fantastic & we are all better for having her with us.  Just a thought - because as you well know - you could 3 more & still no girls.  I think it's great to have another if you just want another, but I also know from personal experience that it can be a bit hard at times to be the daughter your father wasn't hoping for.....
 

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